One-hundred seventy-four.

That’s how many of Blaine’s boyish curls Kurt has tied to individual strings, the tail ends wound between Kurt’s fingers like reins.

It’s Kurt’s own variation on tying a sub down by their hair. It’s usually done to submissives with long ponytails, braids, or beards, which Blaine doesn’t have. Kurt could tell Blaine to grow his hair out, but for the moment, long hair would be extremely impractical, and facial hair isn’t allowed. It probably wouldn’t grow to the length Kurt needs anyway.

So he does this instead.

It’s actually kind of ridiculous. Kurt has to use embroidery floss, which is the only thing thin enough to knot in Blaine’s hair. Plus it takes Kurt close to an hour and a half to complete...not that Blaine minds. (He gets Kurt’s complete and total attention when he’s being tied. Even if he has to contort his body into all sorts of weird, awkward, and uncomfortable positions, why would he mind?)

Because Blaine’s hair is so silky, Kurt had to do some of the knots over, as they slipped right out. Even using Kurt’s best knots, Blaine could pull out of them with ease. They’re not really doing a job of keeping Blaine bound, except by his own discipline, since he has to remain completely still to keep the knots in.

But that’s not entirely the point.

The strings are symbolic.

Blaine is a man of many worries, anxieties, and triggers.

When Kurt and Blaine first met, at that audition so many months ago, Blaine exuded the confidence of a seasoned performer. And he is. Blaine has been performing much of his young life, so it’s an easy role for him to play. But Kurt learned that that confidence doesn’t extend too far past the stage. And in that, Blaine is an incredible actor. One of the finest that Kurt has ever seen.

If Kurt had to label every single one of those lines wrapped around Blaine’s curls with something that tortures Blaine on a daily basis, he could do it with no problem.

Blaine’s weight would be one.

His body proportions overall would be another.

His self-worth – as an actor, as a teacher, as a submissive, as a human being, as a son, as a lover…that list can go on almost infinitely.

Is he really as talented as he can make people believe he is? That would be one.

If he is that talented, will he end up being a flash in the pan? Another.

What if he gets seriously injured, and his understudy actually ends up being the next “big thing” on Broadway? That one is probably red.

What if he’s messing up the lives of the kids he teaches day after day? Black.

What if he’s sending his students off into a world that they’re not ready for, and their lack of preparation has something to do with him?

What if he never succeeds at anything?

What if his parents aren’t really proud of him?

His parents…they had him late in life. They’re getting older, and he hasn’t seen them face-to-face in a while. They don’t even live in the same city. What if something horrible happens to them, and he doesn’t get the chance to say good-bye?

And the most heartbreaking of them all (to Kurt, at least), the ones that Kurt only knows about because of texts he came across on Blaine’s phone, saved to a folder of “de-motivational” messages that Blaine sends to himself:

What if Kurt wakes up one day and decides he doesn’t love Blaine anymore?

What if he decides that Blaine is too much work?

What if he decides that Blaine is a waste of time?

In their loft, Blaine does his best to let go of all that, but he can only really do it with his Dom’s help. Many people recommend leaving their troubles “at the door” when they come home, outside of their place of safety. Blaine’s therapist told him something similar during one of their sessions: “Inviting your problems into your home means you’ll get comfortable living with them, and thus, never try to overcome them. Keep them on your doorstep, and pick them up in the morning like you would your briefcase or your lunchbox, and then deal with them in the morning when you start your day, when you’re refreshed and ready to tackle the world.”

Kurt thinks that’s bullshit advice, especially for Blaine, who struggles with leaving anything be. Like a scab, he’ll pick at it. Even if his problems are metaphorically “outside the door”, he’d still let them keep him up all night, knowing that they’re waiting for him, like a poltergeist, ready to grab him the second he walks out the door.

For himself, Kurt believes in facing his fears head on and conquering them (or devising a method to conquer them) before he goes to bed. That way he can wake up in the morning with either a clean slate or a plan of attack.

For Blaine, Kurt doesn’t let him just leave his problems at the door. He has Blaine hand those problems over to him. Blaine writes them down in his notebook, and while he does, he visualizes removing them from his mind, like throwing a crumpled up piece of paper in a waste basket. When he’s done, he turns the notebook over to Kurt. Then Kurt sets it aside, and fills Blaine up with other things – with structure, with schedules, with rules and commands, with his own body. Kurt takes control. He holds the reins, keeps them taut, doesn’t let them loose where they can weed their way back inside Blaine’s head and do damage. Kurt holds those one-hundred seventy-four tails of multicolored floss, and in doing so, he allows Blaine to let go. Kurt spanks him and scratches him, fucks him and bites him, calls him a whore and tells him he loves him. He marks Blaine with bruises that will turn purple, blue, green, yellow, and red, rivaling the colors of the floss in his grip. And slowly, kneeling on sandpaper and edged by his Master, his cock locked in a cage and leaking from the simple biological mechanics of prostate stimulation, Blaine’s mind starts to lift away. He has no worries. Kurt owns them all, the same way Kurt owns Blaine, wrapped around his fingers, clutched in his fists, and Blaine can finally find his place of peace.

Kurt does what he can to let Blaine hover there, pushes his body to strain, to limits, to exhaustion. And when they’re through, after Blaine comes back, Kurt holds him and rocks him, wipes him down and sings to him, dries him off and gives him ice-cream. If Blaine cries, Kurt lets him cry, but when Blaine is calm, they undo the knots and go over Blaine’s problems one by one. Kurt doesn’t allow a single one to slip through the cracks. Together, as a couple, a unified front, they come up with a way to keep Blaine from feeling trapped. And when Blaine can’t fathom even part of a solution, he trusts Kurt to think of an appropriate one.

Blaine hands his fears over to Kurt.

Kurt ties Blaine in knots, and sets him free.