Kurt is a fidgeter.

He’s never been officially diagnosed with anything that has fidgeting as a symptom, he just does it. It doesn’t interfere with the natural flow of his everyday life, it’s just a habit. It makes him comfortable in stressful situations. It helps keep him calm when he hits mental roadblocks. Growing up, it’s not something he consciously noticed – twiddling a pencil in his fingers while he drew or practicing piano scales on the tabletop at breakfast were the norm - so he can’t say when it started. It’s just something that’s always been. He’s happier when he’s moving, when he’s working, when he’s doing. He likes to keep his hands busy. He didn’t recognize the extent of it until he reached high school. His choir teacher would mention it, constantly: “Kurt, we’re not doing jazz hands. Stop wiggling your fingers ... Kurt, pay more attention to what you’re doing with your hands ... Kurt, I need you to stop thrumming your fingers against your thigh ... Kurt, please don’t ball your hands into fists. This is an emotional number. You look stressed …”

It was then that he became conscious of it, but he never felt self-conscious about it. He just found ways to keep his hands occupied.

Usually he draws, sews, or crochets, which solves two problems at once – it keeps his hands working and his mind creatively active. But when that’s not practical, he plays.

He keeps fidget toys hidden all over, in his pockets and his bag, the loft, and all over his office. He finds that as long as his hands are occupied, it’s easier for him to focus.

He has interlocking links that he twists, and nylon mesh tubes he can stick his fingers in and tug on while he talks on the phone.

He wears a titanium ring on his right index finger that he spins with his thumb while he peruses through photographs.

He has a Jacob’s ladder he fiddles with when he needs a few minutes break between tasks.

He keeps bubble wrap in his top desk drawer to pop when he’s ironing out his trip itinerary.

He carries a color changing egg in his pocket at all times. It’s smooth to the touch, and soothing to rub and look at when he feels a headache coming on.

He has heat sensitive tape that he wraps around his fingers while he Skypes, curling his hands into fists from time to time to watch the colors change.

He even keeps a lollypop or two on hand for the rare emergency oral fixation.

But Blaine’s body is Kurt’s favorite fidget toy.

Anytime Kurt works at home that Blaine isn’t otherwise occupied, he keeps his sub beside him, naked in a chair within easy reach, where Kurt can toy with him when the need arises.

Practicing Shibari knots is one of Kurt’s favorite ways to fidget. He gets strange looks when he practices at the office, usually on his own leg, but at home, he has the full range of Blaine’s body to tie and manipulate, using whichever rope provides the stimulus he needs most – soft, pliable, yielding cotton for meditative thinking, or rough nylon, a rope that fights against itself, when he needs to overcome hurdles. Just like with his Jacob’s ladder, when Kurt needs a break between tasks, he’ll rig Blaine up over their bed and lie beneath him, turning his sub this way and that while he’s suspended above him. The rope creaks in a relaxing rhythm as Blaine swings, and Kurt watches the way Blaine’s curls flutter as he slowly spins, the way even his eyelashes wave with the breeze created by the movement.

When Kurt hits his stride and needs to keep his flow going, he’ll knock his spinner ring against Blaine’s metal cock cage, experimenting with tone from base to tip, or rolling it up and down the length, marking time with the motion.

Sometimes he abandons work for a few minutes to indulge his need for oral stimulation, getting on his knees and blowing his sub, concentrating on the change from soft to hard as Kurt sucks him in. Or he’ll sit in Blaine’s lap and toy with his nipples, licking them or flicking them until they become pebbly and hard, then sitting still and watching in fixated fascination as they smooth out and soften. He tries not to do either of those when he’s working on a deadline. He can become absolutely lost in making Blaine hard and then watching him go soft, making him hard again, then watching him go soft again, over and over for hours.

For quick oral fixes, he’ll chew on one of Blaine’s fingers, cover it in honey and take his time licking it off, counting how many licks it takes before the honey’s gone and the only flavor in his mouth is the salt from Blaine’s skin.

Instead of playing with his egg, Kurt will stroke Blaine’s shaft or fondle his balls, trading the soothing spectrum of colors the egg turns for Blaine’s pink to red flush and the melodic whimpers he makes. Kurt can time them, predict them, conduct them like a symphony. That reliable consistency brings him comfort. When his thoughts become scattered, it helps him feel more in control.

Sometimes he combines Blaine with one of his other favorite toys. He’ll cover Blaine’s rear in bubble wrap and then spank him wearing his vampire gloves, or wrap Blaine’s cock in color change tape and hold so Kurt can see the intricate details of his handprint on Blaine’s skin.

Kurt knows that, in the midst of all the ways that Blaine benefits from Kurt’s Domination, Blaine takes for granted just how much Kurt needs Blaine, how Blaine’s submission benefits him. Their relationship isn’t one-sided. It’s about give and take in so many ways. Blaine is so many things to Kurt beyond submissive, lover, and friend. He’s a comfort item, a coping mechanism. He’s a toy. He’s shelter, and a crutch.

He’s his muse, his inspiration.

Sometimes Kurt has to fidget alone. Blaine and his body can become too big a distraction – his warmth, the noises he makes, the reactions of his body. They make Kurt want for longer sessions, ones that require more rope and cuffs, a variety of toys, and a change in location.

When that happens, Blaine doesn’t get banished. He gets reassigned - either to ottoman duty, so Kurt can put his feet up; or table duty, standing beside his Dom to hold Kurt’s paperwork or his lamp.

But that’s a wonderful problem for Kurt to have, and he’s grateful for it.

He’s grateful for Blaine.