Aug. 10, 2017, 7 p.m.
As Long as We're Together
Kurt and Blaine meet over summer vacation on the beach as children and start a relationship that grows during the three months a year they spend together. Eventually, they fall in love. But is that love enough to erase their differences and allow them to stay together?
T - Words: 3,407 - Last Updated: Aug 10, 2017 760 0 0 0 Categories: Angst, AU, Cotton Candy Fluff, Drama, Romance, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Tags: hurt/comfort,
“What’s your favorite color?” Blaine asks, jabbing the hard-packed sand with the edge of his shovel.
Kurt bites his lip, searching up and down the beach for help with his answer.
“Okay” - he points to where the ocean stretches into the horizon – “do you see that line of blue out there? Not exactly the water, but not exactly the sky? Kind of hovering in between?”
Blaine scooches closer to Kurt to see what he sees.
“Do you mean with the shimmery bits of silver in it?”
“Yup,” Kurt confirms, nodding his head. "That’s my favorite color. But it’s rare. You can only see it at sunrise and sunset."
Blaine giggles, returning his attention to his shovel as he continues to dig in the sand, hiding the flush rising to his cheeks.
“It’s the same color as your eyes,” Blaine remarks, careful not to look back at his new friend.
Kurt’s eyes pop open in surprise.
“Really?” He smiles bashfully. “I---I didn’t know that.”
Blaine nods. “Can you guess my favorite color?”
Kurt examines Blaine, from the sandy curls falling into his face to the soles of his shoes. He’s wearing red boat shoes. His socks are white with red stripes. His red denim shorts match his red windbreaker perfectly. He fidgets, shoveling wet sand with a red shovel into a red bucket.
“Um … red?” Kurt ventures.
Blaine’s jaw drops in awe. “Yeah! How’d you know?”
Kurt shrugs. “Lucky guess.”
“Blaine!” A tall, brunette woman walks onto the beach, scanning the shoreline with her hand shielding her eyes. Kurt flees behind the safety of some large rocks jutting up from the sand. The woman catches sight of her son sitting alone, building sand castles just out of the reach of the waves. “Blaine! It’s time to go!”
“Okay, mom!” Blaine calls as the woman walks away. “Come on, Kurt!” He beckons his friend with a wave of his hand. “Come meet my mom!”
“I … I can’t.” Kurt stays close to the rocks, trying to make himself smaller and unnoticeable. “My dad … he wouldn’t like it.”
“Oh.” Blaine’s bright smile slips. “Wh-when will I see you again? We’re leaving the beach house tonight.”
Kurt’s face falls. “I live not too far from here. I guess … will I see you next summer?”
“Yeah,” Blaine answers glumly. “But, that’s an awfully long time.”
“Yeah. It is.” Kurt doesn’t want to cry, but he’s never had a real friend before, and he feels like he’s losing the only one he will ever have. “You won’t forget me?”
Blaine holds up his pinkie and struggles to smile.
“Pinkie promise I won’t … if you don’t forget me?”
Kurt links their pinkies together and offers a sad smile back.
“I won’t forget you, Blaine. I promise.”
***
“So, there I was, running down the field, my ankle screaming in agony, when I saw my chance …” Blaine bounces on the balls of his feet, recreating his epic, game-winning goal while Kurt sits in the sand, fascinated by every word. “That fool of a goalie thought I was going to shoot to the left, but then I faked him out and shot to the right, and then …”
“Score!” Kurt cheers, laughing with his hands thrown triumphantly in the air. “Wow! I wish I’d been there to see it!”
“Yeah.” Blaine plops down on the sand beside his friend. He picks up a handful of stones and starts throwing them absently into the water. “Afterwards, there was this big party, with music, and dancing … a-and girls …”
“Girls?” Kurt’s eyes open wide. In the last six summers, Kurt has never heard Blaine mention girls. Kurt had secretly hoped that Blaine wasn’t interested in girls, but he knew that the chances of a handsome boy like Blaine - with his piercing hazel eyes, his increasingly muscular build, and his devil-may-care smile - being interested in someone like him was unrealistic.
“Yeah.” Blaine doesn’t look at Kurt while he speaks, following the trail of the stones as they skip across the water.
“Well … uh … was there anyone … you know … in particular … you liked?” Kurt asks, trying to sound unconcerned as he picks up his own handful of stones and starts tossing them in the water.
“There was this one girl …” The next stone that leaves Blaine’s hands doesn’t skip. It lands in the water with a plop and sinks straight to the bottom. “She’s pretty, I guess, blonde, all the boys like her. She developed really early …”
Kurt nods while he listens, gripping on to one of the stones in his hand until he thinks his skin will bleed.
“She wanted to kiss me.” Blaine takes in Kurt’s profile in the light of the setting sun and swallows hard, confused by how he feels for his beautiful, elegant friend, who seems like he would be as much at home in Blaine’s gated neighborhood, in some of the finest houses in Ohio, as he does sitting on this humble, private beach.
“Did you kiss her?” Kurt finally looks at Blaine, sighing in despair at the thought of Blaine’s plump, rosy lips kissing some over-developed pre-teen tart.
“No,” Blaine admits. “No, I---I didn’t.”
Kurt’s heart leaps in his chest, but he fights the urge to cheer, or let Blaine know how he feels. There are a dozen reasons why Blaine might not have kissed that particular girl.
Nothing in the world means it had anything to do with him.
“Why not?” Kurt asks, desperate to know whether or not he has anything to hope for. If he doesn’t, he wants his heart broken now so that it has an entire winter to mend before he sees Blaine again.
“Because … because I didn’t want to.” Blaine’s answer is simple, but Kurt can tell there’s so much behind it. So much he’s leaving unsaid.
Fear.
Confusion.
Pain, even.
“Oh.” Kurt’s short answer feels the same.
Blaine moves closer to Kurt, gazing out at the darkening water before he speaks again.
“Would it be weird,” Blaine starts, his voice quivering slightly, “if I wanted to kiss you instead?”
Kurt sucks in a quick breath and holds it, barely believing that this could be real.
“No,” he says, shaking his head for emphasis. “No, I … I don’t think it’s weird.”
Blaine and Kurt curl towards one another, but they don’t move for a long time. They stare into each other’s eyes, almost daring the other to lean in first. But a moment comes when kissing each other seems like the only option, and both boys move together. Blaine tilts his head to the right, his eyes locked on his friend, wondering if he’ll balk and turn away, but Kurt is filled with so much joy, he knows that the second Blaine’s lips touch his, his heart will explode. The sun is barely glowing gold over the calm waters of the Atlantic when Blaine’s lips finally meet Kurt’s. They slide together, Blaine’s parting just enough to accommodate Kurt’s trembling lower lip. Kurt’s cheeks burn red, and he wonders if Blaine has thought about this as much as he has.
Kurt doesn’t want Blaine to pull away. He doesn’t want this beautiful moment to end, like their summer together is swiftly ending. But all moments pass, good and bad. Blaine looks into Kurt’s face, his smile warm, his eyes shining in what’s left of the sunlight reflecting off the water.
“That was … nice,” he says, straightening and returning to his spot.
Kurt sighs. “It was.”
Blaine faces the water, watching the light creep away, but Kurt can’t turn away. He wants to remember every second of their time together until goodbye.
The months in between summers seem to be getting longer as they grow older.
“Blaine?”
“Yeah, Kurt?”
“I’m … I’m going to miss you.”
Blaine reaches an arm around Kurt’s torso and pulls him close, shifting to let Kurt rest his head on his shoulder.
“I’m going to miss you, too.”
***
“Blaine!” Kurt calls, waving when he sees Blaine crest the dune. He’s been wading waist deep in the swelling tide for over an hour, waiting for his best friend to join him. “You had me worried! I thought you weren’t going to show up this summer!”
“I couldn’t do that,” Blaine says, a nostalgic smile tugging his lips. “You’re too important to me.”
Kurt watches his friend, dressed in crisp blue jeans and a red polo, shift his weight nervously from foot to foot to stay out of reach of the water. Kurt didn’t expect this welcome. He’d expected Blaine to kick off his shoes and leap into the surf, throw his arms around him and kiss him - the same way he has every summer since he was thirteen. But Blaine has his hands shoved in his pockets, his eyes settled sadly on Kurt’s face, an expression deep within like he’s not saying hello.
He’s saying goodbye.
“Wh-what is it?” Kurt asks, fear climbing up his racing heart to claw at his throat. “What’s wrong?”
“I … I came here to see you, Kurt, but … I’m not staying this summer.” Blaine’s eyes fall to his bare feet, dusted with sand. “I just came down here to tell you that.”
“Wha—why?” Kurt asks, sinking into the rising water.
“I’m on my way to New York,” Blaine announces with a proud but sheepish smile. “I’ve been accepted to Julliard.”
Kurt’s face lights up with genuine excitement, but it’s a mask, one that hides the shattering of his heart. “That’s … that’s wonderful, Blaine! Congratulations! That’s what you’ve always wanted!”
“Yeah, it is.”
Kurt’s excitement dims as a thought scrolls through his head. “But … school doesn’t start for another couple of months. Why can’t you stay the summer? I don’t … I don’t understand.”
“They have this program,” Blaine explains, his own excitement bubbling anew. It didn’t seem real to him when he found out. It didn’t even seem real when he told his parents and his grandparents about it. But telling his best friend suddenly makes it so, because Kurt has always made everything in Blaine’s life seem so wonderful, so alive. “It’s very exclusive – only twenty students total get to attend, and of those, only one new freshman. And I … I’m that freshman, Kurt! Can you believe it! I check in to the dorms tomorrow!”
“That’s amazing!” Kurt fights to keep his disappointment from his voice. Blaine looks so happy – happier than Kurt has ever seen him. He doesn’t want to take that away from him. He smiles again, and when he feels it tremble at the corners, he smiles harder. “You’ll have to tell me all about it next summer!”
And here Kurt succeeds in doing the one thing he’d been trying not to do. Blaine’s smile disappears, and his eyes return to his feet. “I … I don’t know that I’ll be back next summer. I’ve signed up to study abroad. If I get selected, I’ll be spending two years in Europe at least. To be honest, I … I don’t know when I’ll be back. I---I promise I’ll come back, it’s just …” Blaine’s eyes return to Kurt’s face when he hears his friend gasp. The pain in Kurt’s eyes finally registers, and Blaine’s heart aches from the conflict of positive and negative emotions surging through him. “B---but I can put that off a year. I’m only a freshman, after all. I have my whole life to …”
“Blaine, don’t be ridiculous,” Kurt cuts in. “We talked about this. Your freshman year of high school, you gave me fair warning. Your junior year, it was all you talked about when you were here. Don’t make any rash decisions on my account. I knew what to expect.”
Kurt knew what to expect, but he wasn’t ready. During the summer before Blaine’s senior year, when the thrill of enrolling at Julliard seemed to peter off, Kurt had fooled himself into believing that things had changed, that what Blaine wanted had changed. Blaine would often wax romantic about their beach and their summers together, and Kurt thought that Blaine might consider applying to a college a little more local, where they could still spend their summers together – maybe even more. But, realistically, Kurt knew that wasn’t going to happen. He and Blaine aren’t the same. They aren’t even remotely close. Like it or not, Kurt’s whole life is here. He doesn’t have Blaine’s education or his connections. He doesn’t have access to the opportunities Blaine has.
When their friendship started, on the second summer Blaine came to the beach, Kurt knew it was a blessing. But every year after that, he expected to come to the beach and end up alone. Now, it’s finally happening.
At least Blaine had the curtesy to say goodbye.
“I … I don’t know what to say, Kurt, except thank you. Thank you for understanding.” Blaine pulls his hands out of his pockets and takes a step towards the water. “I have to leave in a few minutes to catch my train. My mom’s waiting for me in the car with the motor running. But I was hoping maybe … would you give me a hug goodbye?”
“I … I can’t.” Kurt backs away, knowing that if he puts his arms around Blaine, he’ll never let him go. “I … I’m all wet and sandy. And I don’t want to get you messed up. That would make your train trip miserable.”
“Oh. Okay,” Blaine says, his hands returning to his pockets. “Goodbye, Kurt. I’ll … I’ll see you.”
“Goodbye, Blaine.” Kurt can’t summon a smile for Blaine this time, even though he wants to. He doesn’t want Blaine’s last memory of him to be of him staring after him like a long lost puppy. He doesn’t know how, or when, he will ever smile again, but he never will if he has to watch Blaine walk away. So he turns his back to Blaine and looks out towards the sunset, trying to figure out what he should do now.
Blaine starts up the beach, but something pulls at him, like the tide pulls the water, reeling it back into the ocean. It’s a feeling that one of the best things in his life is ending. And even though he promised Kurt, and himself, that they would see one another again, it feels too much like forever.
This chapter in his life is closing faster than he can stop it, and the ending kind of sucks.
Blaine turns back, hoping that when he sees Kurt, he’ll figure out something to say that will make everything all right, something that will give Kurt more reassurance. He’ll leap into the water the way he should have, wrap his arms around Kurt’s body, and kiss him, give him a proper goodbye.
Make things the way they were again.
But Kurt, who’d been watching the sun set with tears in his eyes, is gone.
***
“Blaine! No! I … I can’t! This will never work! You know it won’t!”
Kurt buries his head in his hands so he won’t have to see the beautiful ring Blaine holds beneath his nose, or the look of love and hope glowing in his eyes. Blaine is asking for the impossible, and Kurt wishes he could give it to him. But he can’t. There’s no way.
And it’s driving swords through his body, tearing apart his heart for a second time in his life.
Blaine hears Kurt’s words, but he refuses to accept them, not when he knows how much Kurt loves him. He takes one of Kurt’s hands and pries it from his face, longing for a glimpse of those silver-blue eyes that captured his imagination so long ago, when Blaine was six and Kurt was seven, and everything seemed simple – life and friendship, happiness and love. It’s out there for them; Blaine knows it. Even if it doesn’t exist anywhere else in the world, it’s there for them on that beach. It blossomed every summer, even after that one horrible day when Blaine left and didn’t come back … not for four long years. It wasn’t an easy four years. It was filled with loneliness, heartsickness; every day felt like a knife stabbing him in the foot with every step he took that didn’t bring him back to Kurt.
But now that he’s there, the pain is gone, and all he feels is immense and undying love for the man before him, shaking his head and begging for Blaine to let him go.
“Tell me you don’t love me,” Blaine says, holding Kurt’s hand over his heart. “Tell me you haven’t thought about me every day that we’ve been apart. Tell me you didn’t come up to this beach every summer in the hopes that I’d be here, and I’ll leave now. I’ll leave and never come back.”
Kurt wants to say it. It would be for Blaine’s own good if he could. But he can’t while he’s looking in Blaine’s eyes. He tries to focus past them, but when he does, his gaze falls on the platinum engagement ring Blaine is holding, its three perfect diamonds winking at Kurt in the setting sun.
“B--but … but we’re so different,” he says with regret. “So much more now than we used to be.”
“I don’t think so,” Blaine counters. “I don’t believe that at all.”
“You have dreams, Blaine. Big dreams. Dreams you deserve. Dreams I can’t be a part of. That’s why you left, right?”
“The biggest dream I have, Kurt, has you in it,” Blaine says, kissing Kurt gently on the lips before he has a chance to turn away. “And I don’t want to give that dream up. It’s the only one I’m afraid I’ll never get back if I do.”
Kurt drops his other hand from his face, staring at Blaine with the full force of both prismatic eyes. He needs to come up with some way to object, to push Blaine away for good. But the more Blaine presses his lips to Kurt’s, the more he runs his fingertips lightly over Kurt’s shoulders and up the nape of his neck, the more he whispers, “Kurt, I love you. Marry me”, the more Kurt’s resolve starts to dissolve. It turns into foam on the waves and retreats into the sea. In the touch of Blaine’s fingertips and the gentle caress of his lips around the contours of Kurt’s cheeks, Kurt begins to believe what Blaine thinks possible – a life for the two of them. And whatever the future holds, they’ll figure it out together. As long as they love each other, the rest is just details.
Blaine raises a questioning eyebrow, and Kurt nods, this time letting Blaine slip the ring onto his finger. Kurt gazes at the metal band as Blaine wraps his arms around his fiancé and holds him tight.
“Do you really think this will work?” Kurt asks, doubtful for a little while longer.
“Kurt, I finally have my trust fund. We’ll want for nothing. There are tons of places in the world where we can go where no one will ever see us. Or we can stay here, on this beach. I’ll buy us a house with private access to the water. Or we can live on a yacht in the middle of the ocean. Whatever you want. As long as we’re together, nothing else matters, Kurt.”
Kurt laughs uncomfortably. He wants to be as optimistic as Blaine, but he doesn’t see how he can. They’re two very different people. Worlds apart, one might say.
Is love enough to render those differences meaningless?
Kurt shakes his head, but Blaine puts a hand to Kurt’s cheek, and their eyes meet.
“As long as we’re together,” Blaine repeats. “Nothing is impossible.”
And with the intensity of faith in Blaine’s golden eyes, Kurt finally knows for sure. He fans his tail out in front of him, shimmering blue scales catching the last of the late afternoon sun. The rising tide surrounds them, offering his skin relief from the harsh grit of the sand. The wide ocean sings to him, but he won’t be returning home to it tonight.
Kurt sighs, watching his new life write itself within the depths of Blaine’s eyes. “As long as we’re together.”