“Tell me how you’re feeling about yourself today, pet.”

“Uh …” Blaine stops washing the dishes. He’s unprepared to give an answer, this simple question catching him off guard. “I’m sorry, Sir. Can you please repeat the question?”

“How are you feeling about yourself today? Right this second?”

“Fine, I guess, Sir,” Blaine replies, fiddling with the soapy bowl in his hands. Blaine feels that’s a sufficient answer. It has been kind of a rough day, but he’s not really in the mood to discuss it. Though he shouldn’t make the decision not to talk about it without his Dom. He’s supposed to tell Kurt everything that’s bothering him, and then Kurt decides what they work on and when. But a few things happened today that were a little too embarrassing to own up to, like the fact that one of the wardrobe manager’s assistants mentioned that they would need to size Blaine’s costume up from the pattern that they had created a few days back. Not that she said it in a cruel, or even criticizing way. Further conversation indicated that they had taken his measurements incorrectly to begin with. The difference was only about an inch, but that still bothered him. He worked so hard on maintaining his physique, and the last choreographer he worked with on Kinky Boots was often less than complimentary.

But everyone working behind the scenes of Hedwig have been nothing but supportive. He’s thankful for that because this new costume will be a lot more revealing than any other costume he’s worn before.

And that was another thing bothering him. He isn’t the kind of person who shows off his body too often. But not only would he be showing it off, he would be sitting in people’s laps, thrusting in their faces … kissing them. How could he do all of that and not disrespect Kurt?

Kurt and Blaine had had a long talk about the difference between acting and cheating. It had to do with intent, Kurt said. Kurt had told Blaine that he would be respecting Kurt in this instance by doing his very best on stage while privately acknowledging his intent. He wasn’t cheating on his Dom; he was playing a part. Doing his job, a job he got payment and recognition for. In fact, he would be serving his Dom by performing well and enjoying himself – making Kurt proud. And Blaine agreed. Kurt had resolved the argument quicker than Blaine had thought they could, and Blaine was relieved that Kurt saw things that way. That should have made Blaine feel better.

But it hasn’t.

That is an issue Blaine needs to iron out, an issue he should be asking his Dom to help him with … only he hasn’t. He’s too ashamed to admit that the conversations they’ve had haven’t solved it for him.

Yes, all of these things were on his head, and maybe they were affecting the way he felt about himself, but how did Kurt know? Blaine does have a tendency to get lost in thought when he’s doing his chores. Did it show on his face? Was he mumbling? Arguing with himself? He knew that if he asked Kurt, Kurt wouldn’t tell him. These things that Blaine does when he’s not paying attention are his tells. They clue Kurt in when something is wrong. Kurt wouldn’t give away those secrets, especially not to Blaine so he can learn how to hide them.

Kurt stands from his seat and walks over to him, taking the dish out of his hands and putting it in the sink. He waits only a second longer for an answer to his question, then says, “Tell me you’re handsome.”

“I’m …” Blaine leaps to obey, but his mouth pinches shut around the words, and he subconsciously shakes his head.

“Do it, pet, or accept punishment. And this time, it won’t be a spanking. I’ll wash your mouth out with soap until you learn to repeat what I tell you.”

“Yes, Sir. I … I’m sorry, Sir … I …”

“Tell me you’re handsome.”

Blaine swallows, forces his mouth open, and makes himself speak without thinking too hard about the words. “I’m handsome, Sir.”

“Tell me you’re talented.”

“I’m talented, Sir.”

“Tell me that you deserve all of the wonderful things that are coming your way.”

Blaine sniffs in, works his tongue inside his mouth to clear away the last two statements in preparation for this one. “I deserve all of the wonderful things that are coming my way, Sir.”

Kurt looks in his sub’s eyes as Blaine’s gaze returns, by default, to the floor. “You know, pet, most of the time you are an amazing actor. One of the best I’ve ever seen.” He sighs. “But not this time.”

“I’m sorry, Sir,” Blaine says with a crack in his words, assuming punishment will follow. And that punishment promises to be extremely unpleasant if Kurt is planning on washing his mouth out with soap. Blaine understands why he would – to clean away the lies Kurt feels that Blaine tells himself so he can replace them with these words that are so damned difficult for Blaine to say.

“No, I’m sorry,” Kurt says, drying Blaine’s hands on a dish towel, then wrapping his arms around him, “because you don’t see what I see. You don’t seem to believe the things that are so obvious to everyone else – your agent, your vocal coach, your dance instructor, me.”

“I’m sorry, Sir,” Blaine repeats because what else is there for him to say? It would be so easy to just recite what Kurt tells him to, like a parrot. But Blaine knows that when they perform this exercise that Kurt expects Blaine to believe the things he’s saying. And he doesn’t. Not yet. “I don’t know how to fix it, Sir.”

“We’ll fix it together, the way we fix everything,” Kurt reassures him. “I will teach … and you will learn. And you will do fabulously, the way you always do.”