Spring 2014

Blaine was trying to decide whether he wanted to haul himself out of his wheelchair and on to the piano bench or shove the bench out of the way and play from the chair when his phone rang, Hummel Tire and Lube showing up on the screen.  Sam must have left his phone at home today, Blaine thought, answering the call.

"Hey Blaine," Sam greeted him, talking fast like he always did when he was excited.  "Its pretty quiet here today, so I can definitely hang with you tonight.  Want me to bring you anything?  That new frozen yogurt place is open..."  Sam suddenly stopped talking and Blaine could hear Burt saying something to him.  "Blaine?  Burt wants to know if youll come for dinner Friday night.  I can drive you over."  Sam paused, and Blaine knew he was waiting for him to say no.  Blaine said no to a lot of things these days.  But he knew he had to try harder, had to interact with more of the world than just his parents and Sam.  Especially if they were really going to New York soon.  "Come on, dude, itll be okay," Sam said in a softer voice.  "You dont have to stay long, Ill bring you back home whenever you want.  But Burt and Carole would really like it."

Blaine took a deep breath.  "Okay, Ill come."

"You will?  Sweet!  Ill tell Burt, hell be psyched."

Blaine wasnt sure why Burt had insisted on keeping in touch with him even after he and Kurt had called off their engagement in November, but he was glad that he had.  Although the visits and phone calls were sometimes awkward, Blaine truly liked Burt, and if some part of him relished the lingering connection Burt gave him to Kurt, well, that couldnt be helped.  Burt had mentioned that it would be nice to see him for a Friday night dinner when he "felt up to it," but had never extended a direct invitation until now.  Blaine thought that Burt had probably assumed that Blaine would just say no, and he wouldnt be at all surprised if Sam had something to do with this recent change in approach. 

Lately Sam seemed to have made it his mission to get him out of the house, ever since Blaine had caved and gone to see The Winter Soldier with him (after first refusing to go, then begging Sams forgiveness with a large popcorn and a box of chocolate covered raisins).  He had to admit it felt good to get out, but even when his leg wasnt throbbing in pain, it was still hard to endure the questioning looks and unwanted attention that came with navigating the world in a wheelchair.  Not to mention the sheer logistical difficulty of it all.  Although Sam did his best to smooth his path - including literally dragging him all over town - it was still exhausting, mentally and physically, to be so dependent on other people.

That Friday night, Sam showed up at Blaines house just after five oclock, as promised.  "Not going to tease me about the bowtie?" Blaine asked as Sam took hold of his chair and eased it out the front door.

"Nah.  Im actually more impressed that you have those pants on."

Blaine laughed.  It was true, he hadnt been his usual dapper self in a long time.   Given that his right leg was still stubbornly stiff and painful to move, his fashion choices had mostly devolved into sweatpants and t-shirts.  But Blaine wasnt about to show up at Burt and Carole's house looking like a slob.  Blaine thought his outfit of gold jeans, white polo, and light blue bow tie (with navy polka dots) was just the right way to say "thanks for inviting me to dinner, Im so sorry Finn is dead and Kurt and I screwed everything up, but Im glad we are still sort of friends."  Actually he knew no clothes in the world could say that, but at least he could look presentable during what was sure to be an uncomfortable evening.

"Your mom suggested we take your car," Sam said as he pushed Blaine down the driveway.  "Itll be easier for you to get into than my truck.  Hope thats okay."  Sam gave Blaine a hesitant look and Blaine nodded.

"Of course, Sam, its a good idea."  Blaine missed driving his Prius, but that wasnt in the cards at the moment.  At least this way the car got some use.

Sam opened the Prius' passenger side door and helped Blaine transfer in, then folded up the chair and deposited it into the trunk.  Sam was remarkably good at helping Blaine with his physical challenges.  It didnt hurt that Sam was so strong that it seemed like nothing for him to haul Blaine around.  But there was also something reassuring about the way Sam touched him, as if he understood how uncomfortable it was for Blaine to need help from anyone, and Sam was determined to make it all seem as normal as a friendly arm around his shoulders.  Blaine thought it helped that he and Sam had always been pretty touchy-feely with each other, Sam never hesitating to sling an arm around Blaine or slap him on the ass (which Blaine still thought was kind of weird, but he tried not to overthink it).  In fact, the last thing Blaine remembered before the bus crash that changed everything was Sam snuggled up next to him for the ride home, sleeping contentedly against his shoulder. 

When they reached the Hummel-Hudsons house, Sam turned off the car and turned to Blaine.   "You okay, B.?  Youve been awfully quiet."

Blaine had been worrying about this the whole drive over.  "Kurts not going to be here tonight, is he?"  Blaine didnt think he was, but he had been too nervous to ask.  He wasnt even sure what he wanted the answer to be.

"No, dude.  I wouldnt spring that on you." 

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath.  "Okay.  Thats what I thought."  He looked at Sams concerned expression and forced a smile on to his face.  "All right.  Lets do this."

Dinner was delicious, and a lot less awkward than he had feared.  Carole and Burt knew all about his New York plans, and asked all the expected questions about where he thought he would live, what he wanted to major in, and whether he was excited about getting out of Lima.  No one asked him why he wasnt going to NYADA, or why he wasnt going to be studying musical performance - apparently Sam had prepped them well.  Carole did ask gently about how he was feeling, letting him give his regular canned answer about his leg and not pressing any further.

After dinner they all went into the family room to watch a movie, Sam lifting Blaine out of his chair and on to the couch before he had time to protest.  It did feel good to be able to lean back and stretch.  Sam pulled an ottoman over and, after a nod from Blaine, helped him prop his right leg up on it.  "You okay?" Sam asked softly. 

His leg was throbbing, but Blaine thought the change of position might help, so he just nodded.  "Im good for now."  He had his pills in his pocket, but if he took one now he wouldnt be able to take another until morning, and then he knew he'd have trouble sleeping.  He could wait.

Burt had just joined them, putting in a vote for watching baseball instead of a movie, when they heard a crash from the hallway.  "Im okay," Carole called out, "but I could use a hand."

Sam and Burt went to investigate, Sam popping back a moment later to fill Blaine in.  "The shelf over the washing machine fell down, and the detergent bottles kind of exploded everywhere.  You all right if I help them clean up?"

"Of course, Sam."  Blaine realized almost as soon as Sam left, however, that he was kind of trapped.  His chair was on the other side of the room, and the tv remote was nowhere to be seen.  Not wanting to bug Sam, but also getting increasingly bored, Blaine leaned over the side of the couch, ignoring the shooting pain in his leg.  On the side table under a few auto magazines he found a photo album titled adorably "Kurt Through The Years."  With a wistful sigh, Blaine opened it up.

The first few pages held pictures that Blaine had seen before, in frames in Kurts room - Kurt and his mother, and with both his parents, when he was very young.  There were school photos, Kurts sweetly freckled face smiling broadly through his first few elementary school years.  Then there were fewer pictures for a while, just a couple of Burt and Kurt at the shop, and on what had to be a fishing trip, Kurt at about ten years old looking entirely disgusted at the process of baiting a hook. 

The next pictures showed an entirely different Kurt.  Gone was the childish grin, and in its place an almost world weary acceptance paired with Kurts now stylish clothes.  There was a picture of Kurt in his Cheerios uniform (Blaine firmly suppressed the memory of the day he and Kurt had each put their respective Cheerios uniforms on and almost as quickly ripped them off each other), Kurt in his football uniform, and Kurt at his first Sectionals performance with the New Directions.  Blaine turned the page and sucked in a quick breath as he saw Kurt in his Dalton blazer, alone and then with the Warblers at Breadstix on Valentines Day, Blaines arm around his shoulder and Kurts face ablaze with happiness.  He turned the next page and his heart began to pound as he came face to face with pictures from their first prom together - not the picture with Kurt in his crown that Blaine knew so well, but a series of casual shots of them getting ready to go - Blaine pinning Kurts flower on, and Kurt reaching out to straighten Blaines tie.  Blaine knew he should put the album down and stop torturing himself, but instead he just turned the page.  Big mistake.

Blaine often thought that the summer of 2011, after his sophomore year of high school, was the best summer of his life.  He and Kurt were so innocently happy together, their love for each other newly declared and keenly felt, the specter of their upcoming separation still too far on the horizon to seem real.  The following summer would be tainted with Kurts disappointment at not getting into NYADA, and by the next, their lives had been completely torn apart.  But the summer of 2011 was like something out of a rom-com, and the pictures on these pages were the montage scene, telling the story of their easy delight in each other and everything around them:  Kurt with Rachel and Mercedes watching Blaine perform at Kings Island; Kurt in his coveralls at the shop, taking a break when Blaine brought him a mocha; Kurt, Finn and Burt making dinner while Blaine and Rachel looked in from the other room, trying to make them laugh; a bunch of Glee kids at a pool party at Brittany's house; an artsy looking picture of Kurt and Blaine on a porch swing that Blaine vaguely remembered Rachel taking.  Even a posed picture of the two of them on their way to see Rent, Kurt looking impatient as Carole insisted on the photograph. 

The next group of photos were all from the same day - a hot August Saturday when Burt decided that Kurt and Blaine owed him a day of yard work in exchange for missing their curfew the night before.  This coincided with Caroles recent acquisition of a new camera, and the result was a bunch of pictures that Blaine was sure Kurt would burn if he ever saw them - both of them in t-shirts and shorts, sweaty and sticky and covered in dirt and stray leaves.  At one point a snarky remark had turned into a wrestling match, Kurt pinning Blaine to the ground and looking like the victor until Blaine drew a line of dirt down Kurt's nose, causing him to sneeze uncontrollably.  Carole had captured the two of them in various states of disarray, including their inevitable make up kiss, peace having been made when Blaine let Kurt stripe his face with dirt as well.  Looking at these pictures Blaine could feel the dirt under his fingernails and hear Kurt's fond scolding because Blaine refused to wear gardening gloves.  He could smell the odor of sunscreen mixed with sweat that flooded his senses when he grabbed Kurt from behind and buried his nose in Kurt's warm neck.  He could see Kurt's smile, relaxed and open, carefree and safe.  Blaine couldnt believe that these pictures existed, let alone that they were here in an album put together by Kurts parents.  Here was proof of how very happy he and Kurt had been.  How had it gone so wrong?

Blaine didnt even realize he was crying until a box of tissues was placed in his lap.  Burt sat down next to him on the couch and put an arm around his shoulder, as Blaine pressed at his eyes and swallowed hard, trying to get himself under control.

"I miss him," he said helplessly.  "I miss him so much."  He knew he shouldn't be saying this to Burt, but he couldn't stop himself. 

Burt just nodded calmly.  "You loved each other.  Its okay to miss him." 

<I>Loved,</I> past tense.  Did Burt say that on purpose?  Blaine felt Burt rubbing his back, and tried to relax.  He wondered if Burt comforted Kurt this way too.  Did Kurt need his dad to comfort him?  Or was Kurt too strong to need this?  Had he moved on?  Blaine wished he had a magic mirror that would tell him if Kurt missed him too, would let him know if Kurt ever thought about him anymore.  If he ever lay awake at night wishing he could turn back time, erase all the misery they had been through, and do it over again.  He wondered if he would ever know.

Blaine knew Burt probably wouldn't tell him how Kurt felt about him now, even if he asked.  But he might give him a hint.  Over dinner Blaine had invited Carole and Burt to the party his parents were giving to celebrate Blaine and Sam moving to New York.  Blaine hadnt planned on inviting Kurt, but right now he couldnt remember why.  Blaine took a deep breath and sat up straighter.  "Do you think I should invite Kurt to our party?"  Blaine asked, trying hard not to imagine a joyful reunion in front of his family and friends.  Of course, in his imagination, he wasn't stuck in a wheelchair.  That did put a damper on things.  Before he could revise the scenario in his mind (might as well imagine a miraculous recovery in the next month – it was about as likely as Kurt coming to his party), Burt put an end to it.

"I dont think he could come, Blaine.  NYADA usually has a big showcase that weekend."  Of course, thought Blaine.  Kurt had commitments.  And even if he didnt, it was kind of Burt to say that he did, instead of pointing out what was more likely - that Kurt wouldnt want to come.  Their break-up almost six months ago had been a mutual decision, and there was no reason to believe that Kurt was any more interested in his sorry self now than he had been back in November.  How had this happened to them, Blaine wondered.  They were supposed to be soulmates. 

Blaine thought back to a conversation with Burt more than a year ago, when he told Burt about his plans to propose to Kurt.  Blaine had been so confident then, so sure that he could find a way to show Kurt that he was serious about being with him.  Burt had been honest with him then, even when he thought Blaine's idea was nuts.

"Burt?" 

"Yeah, kid?"

"You told me once that when two people love each other, like Kurt and I, that everything works out.  Do you still believe that?"  Blaine shifted and actually looked at Burt, trying to read his expression.  Burt was silent, his face tight as he struggled for an answer, clearly not wanting to say something that would hurt Blaine.  "Its okay, you dont have to say anything," Blaine choked out, wishing he hadn't asked.  "I know I blew it.  I know its never going to happen."

"Hey, Blaine, give a guy a chance to answer, would you?"  Burt said firmly, waiting for Blaines acknowledging look before continuing.  "I do still believe it.  I dont know whats in your heart, or Kurts, right now.  I do know theres been a whole lot of sadness in all of our lives lately, and its made it hard to see a clear path.  Give yourself some time to heal, okay?"

Blaine nodded, his breath catching as he inhaled.  Burt stood up, wiping his hands on his pants.  "I think it's time for dessert.  I understand your mom sent over that caramel apple pie of hers, I never can resist that.”  Burt laid a warm hand on Blaine's shoulder and gave him a squeeze.  “Can I send your sidekick back in here to give you a hand getting into the kitchen?"

Blaine huffed out a laugh, earning an encouraging smile from Burt.  "Sure, thanks."

"And Blaine?"

"Yes, Burt?"

"Never say never."

Later that night, unable to fall asleep despite taking his pain meds, Blaine thought back on Burts words.  It was just as well that Kurt hadn't been at dinner tonight, and that he couldnt come to Blaines party.  Because Blaine <I>was</I> still healing, and he thought from what Burt said that the same might be true for Kurt.  The problems that had overwhelmed them were still there, although Blaine thought that he was beginning to see a clear path, as Burt had put it.  As for what was in his heart, well, that was easy.  And maybe someday, when they were ready, he could find out if he was still in Kurts heart too.