Kurt could without hesitation say that he’d been in love with Blaine from the very second he first laid eyes on the boy, but he was so, so wickedly in love with him now that they'd been together for a while. What he found funny was that not many things had that drastically changed in that time. They’d gotten to know each other better, but they were still as comfortable with the other as they’d been from the very beginning.

It had been well over a month since Kurt and Blaine had officially become a couple but the four weeks felt like they’d been three times longer. The two had spent merely every second out of class together, whether it had been doing homework, having picnics by the lake way after the time they were supposed to be in sleeping or just walking around enjoying the perfectly comfortable silence between them, hand in hand, caring less and less what anyone might have thought or had to say about it every day.
This was at least until Kurt arrived to the Monday morning Transfiguration class that happened to be one of the few classes that they shared and Blaine was nowhere to be seen.

This didn’t worry Kurt so much at first (realistically maybe for the first five minutes). After the class was dismissed, the Slytherin independently decided to ditch the rest of his classes for the day and tried searching for Blaine around the castle instead. He even went as far as asking Sam if he knew where the boy was, but he got no answer from him whatsoever. He didn't seem to know anything at all. He then tried to be reasonable and figured the Hufflepuff was just having a sick day and would be back in shape shortly.

However, when he didn’t see him in History of Magic on Tuesday nor in Transfiguration again on Thursday, he became really worried. Really the feeling was more like a gut-wrenching dread rather than plain worry. Kurt had already managed to think of a dozen different horrifying scenarios because of which he hadn't seen or heard from Blaine in so long and was kind of driving himself crazy. It didn't help that his housemates too seemed to be nowhere to be found. How was it that all of the other god forsaken Hufflepuffs had disappeared into thin air the one time he needed them to be around?

When late Thursday afternoon the Slytherin quite literally walked into Rachel Berry on his way to the Slytherin common room he almost started jumping up and down in mixed joy and relief- Rachel Berry always knew everything about everything.

“Hey, Rachel!” He exclaimed, grabbing the petite girl by her arms to keep her from running away. He doubted she would do such a thing now that he was with Blaine and they’d met and talked several times (she’d even very much aloud announced that she ‘hadn’t expected to like him, but things turned out differently’ with a proud smile) but he wouldn’t take the risk. She certainly didn't look like she was about to run away. She just looked worried.

“I’m so sorry” He said first, smoothing over the wrinkles he’d created in the fabric of her robes around the shoulders. “Have you seen Blaine, at all, recently?”

Rachel just stared at him in the eyes for a moment before biting her lower lip, moving her gaze to be fixated on something behind him instead of his face. “No- I, uh- He hasn’t… You haven’t talked to him all week?” She asked, sounding very quiet and unsure compared to her usual very loud and confident self.

“No. I haven’t. I tried looking for him and even asked Sam but he didn’t seem to know anything” Kurt sighed deeply, feeling the unsettling feeling of excruciating dread seeping into his every bone again.

“Well, I- I know, but I don’t know if he wants me to-“ The girl said, audibly and visibly very uncomfortable, twisting the Gryffindor colored tie around her neck with her fingers.

“Rachel” Kurt found that he wasn’t above pleading right now, eyes attentive on Rachel with an expression he hoped came across desperate enough for her to tell him something – anything.

The girl sighed and looked Kurt in the eyes with her chocolate brown ones. “I don’t know if he’s told you-“ She started, very very hesitant. “About when he had depression, when he was smaller?”

Kurt swallowed thickly, nodding. “He did tell me.”

“And how he recovered, too?”

The boy nodded again.

“Well, see- I’ve known Blaine since we were both only ten years old and what I’ve learned from following his journey is that depression’s not quite that black and white. Mental health isn't, anyway. He doesn’t talk about it, chooses to not shine a light on it, but he still gets to these very low points, sometimes. Also, he’s had horrible, occasional anxiety for several years now.” With every word that she said Kurt found his throat closing up more. "Generalized anxiety, I think is what it's called."

“He- He’s alright though, right? Please tell me that he’s okay” He said, voice barely audible.

“Well, yeah. He’s not physically sick or hurt or anything, but he’s having a really tough time.”

He wasn’t sure if the conversation had ended or not, but for him it had. He simply nodded at Rachel and turned on his heels, determined to get into the Hufflepuff common room. He walked down several sets of stairs and not after long he was standing in the kitchen corridor, the stack of barrels that led to the room in front of him.

“Okay” He said under his breath, setting both of his hands on both sides of the barrel that he knew was the door, wishing that maybe he could magically get it to open with just willpower. He needed it to open.

“Honey, it’s not going to open that way” Came Rachel’s soft voice from behind him almost instantly after his hands touched the wooden surface. She’d known, and followed him down. Kurt didn’t know that he could feel so grateful towards Rachel Berry.

She swiftly moved in front of him and rhythmically tapped one of the middle barrels, revealing the entrance to the room.

“Thank you” The Slytherin smiled weakly at Rachel, going in through the door.

“You’re really good for him, you know. I’m glad it’s you he’s with” Rachel smiled back just before Kurt had disappeared into the room, turning to walk away with a tiny wave of her hand – much to Kurt’s relief. Such a comment made his head buzz and heart beat so fast he wasn’t even sure what to respond. Which was weird, because he’d never really been one to crave validation or need anyone’s acceptance. He guessed that was just another thing loving someone had changed about him.

He made sure to close the round door behind him and from there Kurt easily made his way across the surprisingly empty common room to the boys’ dormitory where he could only assume Blaine was at.

But when he pushed open the wooden door and went in, he did so only to see that the room also was empty - At least until the same door he’d come through just seconds ago opened and closed right after him, causing him to turn around and be faced with just the boy that he was looking for.

The Hufflepuff's reaction went from almost completely blank to such a sad one Kurt couldn’t help but surge forward and wrap the boy in his arms, gently pulling his head against his chest.

“God, Kurt, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say" Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist, squeezing his eyes shut. "Everything got so overwhelming and I- I think I told Rachel not to tell anyone about- and I just couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed and come talk to you and I definitely don’t deserve to have you in my life at all” He looked up right into Kurt’s eyes and his honey-caramel ones were so wet and miserable Kurt didn’t know which way he should be. His heart was breaking right in his chest.

“No, Blaine, honey- What are you talking about? Everything is okay, as long as you are” And although he clearly wasn’t okay, despite how much it hurt to feel the trembling of the boy’s hands around his waist he was so grateful to have him there – not dead or physically harmed as he'd been in all of his worst case scenarios.

Kurt moved his hands so that he was cupping Blaine’s face from both sides. He had to lean down just the slightest bit to be able to press a feather light kiss on his forehead, then on the top of his head. “Do you want to talk now?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Blaine squeezed at Kurt’s waist where his hands still were resting, nodding. He sniffled – which felt much more like another stab in the gut to Kurt, and released a deep and quivering breath. “Yeah, I guess.”

The taller boy guided them both on The Hufflepuff’s bed which he could identify by the fact that it was done the neatest and next to it was a bed that was flooded with papers and books and comics, very obviously being Sam’s. They both sat down simultaneously on the edge of the bed, over the light yellow bedspread. “You don’t need to if you don’t want to, you know. If it makes you uncomfortable at all-“

Blaine shook his head. “No” He said, moving his hand to grab Kurt’s, squeezing it gently with a soft, teary smile. “I want to. You deserve to know.”

Kurt nodded, giving him an attempt of a smile in return. “Okay.”

There was a moment where Kurt patiently sat there with Blaine in his arms, listening to him taking a quivering breath after another, waiting for him to be ready and prepared to open up his soul to him. The fact that he was even considering doing just that, trying to let him in to something that he was at times even ashamed of made Kurt somehow feel so trusted and grateful that the boy chose just him to share his best and worst with.

“So-“ Blaine started, adjusting his seating position on the bed slightly. “I assume Rachel already told you something. About the anxiety…”

“She did” Kurt simply said, softly rubbing his boyfriend’s cheek with his thumb.

“Uh, so that’s something that I’ve dealt with for as long as I can remember, really” He said, reaching to rub the back of his neck. “And at first I thought that it was just a gift that depression granted me after it left, but it isn’t. I’ve heard that I was a really anxious kid and actually I can even remember some situations I was weirdly uncomfortable and anxious in for no apparent reason when I was little.”

Kurt nodded as he listened to the Hufflepuff talk, knowing that just that and holding his hands as tight against him as he could was all he could do. “What happened this week, then?”

The frustration on Blaine’s face, in his frown and knitted-together eyebrows spoke volumes – loud and clear. “Nothing. Nothing happened” He swallowed thickly “That’s the thing with generalized anxiety - The thing that makes it- so hard to deal with. There is always this certain level of anxiety I feel at all times. It’s like I’m kind of freaking out about 90% of the time. And it doesn’t necessarily show because I try not to let it, but it’s there. Then there are times like now when I just can’t get anything done because the anxiety is so intense, so persistent, like some sort of animal pouncing on me continuously”
“It’s exhausting” He said with his voice just barely above a whisper.

“I woke up on Monday and there was this horrible, familiar tightness in my chest that I couldn’t look past and go on with my day with. There was nothing that could’ve got me out of bed. I couldn’t bring myself to get up and face the world although what I would’ve faced would’ve been these castle walls – the same ones that were completely fine just a day ago” A humorless chuckle escaped his mouth and the Slytherin pulled the boy even closer to himself. “And although I wanted to there was nothing I couldn’t do about it that day. Or the next. Or the next two after that” A sudden, small tear rolled down his cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Don’t apologize. There is nothing you should be sorry for. None of that is your fault, honey” Kurt assured in whispers, other hand rising back up to hold the side of Blaine’s face.

“Except that it kind of is. I get so stuck inside of my head. The things that I used to feel so long ago come rushing back to me at times like these and I feel perfectly incapable of doing anything. Still I want to sort that all out on myself even though I know I can’t. That's all me" He exhaled, so scared that he wouldn't be able to properly explain this all to his boyfriend. "And I wanted to talk to you, I really did, but I was so ashamed and afraid.”

“Why?” Kurt asked, his voice cracking completely against his will.

“I was convinced that you would hate me and never want to talk to me again” The tears that had been pooling in Blaine’s eyes from the start flooded over, making their way down his face. “And I- I knew and I know that it’s completely irrational, but anxiety makes it really easy for me to get convinced that these irrational thoughts are real. Kurt, If I ever lose you I’m afraid I will never be okay again. I can’t even remember a time when I was as happy as I am now with you and I was sure if you found out about all this baggage that I have I-“ Blaine knew that he was rambling. He was rambling so much. “I feel so stupid.”

“Hey, shh” The Slytherin’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest, the held back tears of his were burning a hole in the back of his throat. “Blaine. All those thoughts that you had are truly so, very irrational. But you shouldn’t feel stupid cause you’re not stupid. So far from. The fact that you have to feel these things is stupid. And you should know that I could never hate you. Ever. As your boyfriend my absolute honor is to stand by you in every moment and mood, whatever you’re dealing with, always without exception”
“You’re going to be fine, Blaine. We will be fine. Your life will be fine.”

There was a long moment during which neither one of them said anything, just sat there holding each other in comfortable but still somewhat a pressing silence. Then Blaine slowly lifted his head up with the smallest smile on his face.

“I know. I know now. I don't know- Well I do, why I thought otherwise but now I know” He said quietly, looking up at Kurt with his previously such sad, terrified eyes full of so much love and trust and certainty. “My life’s going to be fine because you’re in it.”

Kurt smiled down on him, his heart expanding to about twice its normal size in his chest. “And you can be sure I’ll stay in it.”