Nick and Jeff laid side by side on Nick’s bed, Nick’s lips swollen from a hundred kisses – each one a message, an apology, or a promise – sorry for not telling you how I felt sooner…I promise to make you happy from this day forward…I’m so happy we’re here together. Jeff held Nick’s hand, twining their fingers together, enjoying the feeling of Nick’s soft palm sliding against his rough, calloused skin.

Nick ran gentle fingertips down Jeff’s cheek, needing a reminder that this was real. Jeff turned his face and kissed Nick’s fingers, smiling when Nick gasped at the touch of his lips against his skin. Jeff had been Nick’s best friend for as long as he could remember. Nick thought a lot about the day they met. It was one of his favorite memories. They were just children, but Nick, in his own way, had fallen in love with Jeff, without understanding or reservation.

Nick’s feelings for Jeff had always been complicated. Jeff was such an easy going guy. Everybody got along with Jeff, even the so-called super cool, popular kids, and yet Jeff picked Nick, first and foremost, over everyone else. Nick loved Jeff, admired Jeff, was often extremely jealous of Jeff. It never dawned on Nick that Jeff might actually like him as more than a friend. He had seen Jeff with girlfriends before, endured watching them hold each other, watching them whisper sweetly and privately…watching them kiss.

It killed Nick to watch Jeff kiss someone else, but Nick thought Jeff had to be an incredible kisser.

Nick bit his lip, thinking that yes, Jeff was an incredible kisser.

“What are you thinking, Nicky?” Jeff asked, taking Nick’s hand in his and pressing tender kisses into his palm, onto his wrist. Nick trembled at the light contact. No one had ever touched him that way. He had been saving himself for Jeff. Even when he thought holding on to that dream was foolish, he held out hope.

“I…I don’t understand, Jeff,” Nick said. “If you felt this way, why didn’t you ask me out before?”

Jeff sighed, closing his eyes in thought as he breathed against Nick’s skin.

“I wish things were different,” Jeff confessed. “I wish I had more than just myself to give you.”

“You know things like that don’t matter to me,” Nick said, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and holding him closer. “This is all I want…just you and me together. Besides, if that’s the case, then I don’t actually have anything to give you, either. If my parents ever find out about us, they’d probably pull my trust fund…or worse.”

Jeff swallowed hard. He knew exactly what ‘worse’ meant. It was no secret that Nick’s parents were extremely homophobic. They had always been suspicious of Nick and Jeff’s enduring friendship, and regardless of Nick’s constant reassurances that they were only friends, Nick had been threatened on numerous occasions.

Nick knew exactly what was waiting for him if his parents ever found out about Jeff.

The Christian gay-to-straight conversion camp they had picked out was one of the strictest in the country.

“You did get my first kiss, though,” Nick said, placing a bashful peck to the hollow of Jeff’s throat.

“I’m sorry I didn’t have that to give you,” Jeff said with a regretful sigh.

“Don’t,” Nick said. “Don’t be sorry. You’re here with me now. That’s all that matters to me.”

Jeff toyed with the piercing in his tongue as he considered Nick’s words. His fingers traced little circles around Nick’s shoulder as he fought for the courage to continue.

“I really only have one thing that’s mine to give.” Jeff looked deep into Nick’s whiskey-colored eyes. “I kind of think of it as a gift…and I’m hoping you’ll accept it.”

Nick stared into Jeff’s open and honest face, his brow furrowed in confusion. Jeff’s warm, innocent eyes suddenly looked sinful and wanting, and Nick immediately understood.

“You…you mean…” he stammered. “But, I thought…with Victoria, at least.”

A mental image of the girl considered the belle of Crawford Country Day sprang vividly to mind. Even by Nick’s exacting standards, Victoria LaFontaine was the epitome of a classic, Renaissance beauty – silky, honey blonde hair, a bow shaped mouth, perfectly plump lips, and blessedly developed for a girl of sixteen. But Victoria wasn’t only beautiful. The thing that had struck Nick most was how enamored she had been with Jeff, how close they seemed, how they complimented one another. They made an undeniable match. Nick had been certain that for the year Jeff dated her, he had lost his beloved Jeff to his true soul mate.

Jeff chuckled.

“I know that’s what you thought, but no…and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.” Jeff turned fully on his side to face Nick. “So, how about it, Nicky?” Jeff’s voice dropped a bit, his whisper a velvet caress over Nick’s suddenly heated skin. “Do you want to be with me?”

Nick, overwhelmed in the face of what Jeff was offering, tried to diffuse the tension through humor.

“Would it be tacky to say I bought you the same gift?” Nick asked.

Jeff laughed, inching closer, bringing Nick’s body in tighter with the pull of his arm around Nick’s waist.

“No, Nick,” he said, lips hovering just out of Nick’s reach. “In fact, I think it’s beautiful. I think you’re beautiful…and I want to remember tonight for the rest of my life…”

Nick waited, the moment suspended between them as Jeff’s deep chocolate-brown eyes gazed into his, locking them intimately together. Every breath from Jeff’s mouth tickled Nick’s lips, fanning the fire that had started to grow in Nick’s body. He wanted Jeff, but he didn’t know how to tell him. Nick’s mind worked around words he didn’t speak. His restless hands flexed in the air, reaching for Jeff but grabbing hold of nothing.

Jeff watched Nick, making no move toward him. Nick couldn’t imagine what Jeff wanted, what he was waiting for. Jeff’s eyes flicked down to Nick’s lips, and then back up to his eyes.

“You have to decide, Nicky,” Jeff whispered. “You have to come to me.”

Nick didn’t wait any longer. He closed the distance of barely a breath, claiming Jeff’s lips, crashing into him with the momentum of time, of years spent pining and waiting and dreaming of this exact moment. This time when he kissed Jeff, knowing what would most likely come next sent an incredible rush through him. It started from the point where Jeff’s tongue piercing brushed against Nick’s tongue and shot out like a firework in all directions, lighting Nick up from the inside, sending sparks racing throughout every nerve.

That touch of Jeff’s lips against Nick’s was the catalyst that crumbled every barrier in Nick’s head. Nick pulled Jeff on top of him, quickly stripping off Jeff’s denim jacket and tossing it to the floor. His fingers grabbed for the hem of Jeff’s Henley, pulling it up his torso and trying to force it over his head without breaking their kiss.

Jeff chuckled as he broke away from his eager boyfriend.                        

“Hold on, Nicky,” Jeff said with a laugh. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Jeff slipped the shirt over his head while Nick watched, and when the light from the moon outside washed over Jeff’s kneeling form, Nick’s heart stopped.

Nick had seen Jeff shirtless tons of times, but this was different. This was Jeff - his boyfriend Jeff - straddling his hips, looking down on him with his disarming boyish grin and lust-filled eyes. Nick took this opportunity to truly appreciate the flat planes and sculpted muscles of Jeff’s chest and stomach, and Jeff let him – let him take in his fill, preening a bit at Nick’s open-mouthed expression of awe, feeling himself get harder with every sweep of Nick’s eyes.

Nick reached out a trembling hand to run his fingertips over Jeff’s skin, but stopped himself an inch away from Jeff’s abs. There was still a part of Nick that thought this might all be a vivid dream, and if he tried to make contact with Jeff, tried to feel him, the spell would break and he would find himself in bed alone, still clutching his phone, waiting for Jeff to return from wherever he had run off to.

Jeff seemed to understand Nick’s hesitation. He always seemed to know what strange thoughts ran through Nick’s mind. He grabbed Nick’s wrist and pulled it forward, resting Nick’s hand on his stomach. Nick sucked in a sharp breath. Jeff moved Nick’s hand slowly over his body, using his fingertips to outline his muscles, to trace the definition of his chest. He leaned over Nick’s body to accommodate the reach of his arm. Finally, he brought his boyfriend’s hand to settle over the aching bulge in his jeans. He pressed against it, palming his own cock with Nick’s hand.

“See, Nicky,” Jeff said, his voice cracking as Nick became bolder and wrapped his fingers around him. “You can touch me. I want you to touch me…all you want. I’m yours. Every part of me belongs to you.”

Nick swallowed hard, the sound loud in the quiet room, but he didn’t have time to feel self-conscious when he had Jeff in his hands, and those darkening eyes still locked on his.

Jeff gently kissed away the look of shock on Nick’s face, humming against Nick’s lips, moaning into his mouth at the feeling of Nick’s hand touching him.

Jeff reached for the hem of Nick’s shirt, dragging the fabric over his skin. When Jeff started pulling away, sliding the shirt over Nick’s shoulders, Nick startled, grabbing for Jeff’s hands to stop him.

“Why not, Nick?” Jeff asked, frowning slightly. “I want to see my beautiful boyfriend.”

Nick sighed.

“I’m not beautiful,” he said, turning his face away, hoping Jeff didn’t see him blush with embarrassment. Jeff captured Nick’s chin with his fingers and turned his head, leaning down to kiss the tip of Nick’s nose.

“Of course you are, Nick,” Jeff said softly. “You’re the most beautiful human being I’ve ever seen.”

Nick’s hands shook as he dropped them to his sides, his eyes giving Jeff permission to continue. He did, pulling the shirt up Nick’s shoulders, slipping it over his head, and then tossing it carelessly to the floor. Nick watched Jeff closely for any clues, any evidence that he might change his mind and reject him, but Jeff smiled as he gazed down on Nick’s smooth, pale skin, running his fingers appreciatively over his exposed chest.

“There’s my Nicky,” Jeff said. “My handsome boyfriend.”

Nick’s breath hitched in his throat as Jeff’s fingers danced along his sternum, moving lower, lower, reaching for the waist band of his pants. It was almost too much, the feeling of Jeff’s fingers trailing down his skin, the look of love with a hint of lust shining down on him from Jeff’s eyes. Jeff took his time exploring his boyfriend’s body, but also waiting for any possible objections, indications that Nick wanted to stop.

Nick fought hard to stamp down his self-doubt and his trepidation at the thought of Jeff seeing him completely naked. Jeff had an athletic body – hard from constant training and tan from working on his car shirtless in the sun. He danced like Fred Astaire, and no power in the universe could keep the boy still, so he had an extraordinary physique. Nick was an athlete, too, but his body was a little softer than Jeff’s. Not from lack of trying – it’s just the way Nick was.

Nick hated genetics for giving him the body he had, especially when bodies like Jeff’s existed in the world to make him feel insignificant.

Nick was actually terrified of Jeff seeing him naked, but not only because of his physical flaws. He didn’t know what Jeff would think of seeing his obvious desire, of knowing how much Nick wanted him.

Jeff saw the flash of apprehension on Nick’s face.

“Why don’t I go first?”

Jeff lifted off Nick’s body, stepping off the bed and onto the floor. Nick sat up, mesmerized as Jeff undid the button of his jeans and pulled them down swiftly, kicking them away. Without any shame, he pulled down his briefs.

Nick’s jaw dropped, staring at Jeff’s erect cock, flushed a deep pink and standing against his taut abs. Nick had never seen anything so amazing in his life. Seeing Jeff like this, naked, aroused, his eyes full of unchecked fire, took Nick’s breath away.

“Are you okay?” Jeff asked as he approached the bed.

“Uh…” First, it took a moment for Nick to realize Jeff had asked him a question. Then, he had to remember how to speak. “Uh…I…”

“Yeah?” Jeff’s smile curled his lips, lifting the edges almost completely to his eyes.

Jeff sat beside him, folding his leg casually beneath his body as if he wasn’t hard as a rock and gloriously naked.

“Uh…you’re…I mean…” Nick blushed, stammering like an idiot.

“I think I should maybe say thank you?” Jeff asked, biting his lip, a rosy blush coloring his cheeks.

Nick nodded. Jeff cocked his head, looking Nick up and down.

“Can I undress you now?” Jeff asked, climbing back over Nick’s body.

Nick nodded, his eyes locked on Jeff’s, hoping he wouldn’t chicken out if he had Jeff’s eyes to focus on and didn’t have to watch Jeff pulling down his lounge pants.

Jeff, however, didn’t get the memo. His eyes followed his hands as they tugged Nick’s pants down, gaze fixated on Nick’s growing erection. Jeff didn’t touch, he just looked, observing Nick from every angle like he was investigating something new and fantastic. Nick had to ball his hands into fists to keep from turning his hips away. Then, Jeff pressed a kiss to the head of Nick’s swollen cock, and Nick’s heart raced painfully in his tight ribcage. Nick looked down and saw Jeff’s tongue slip out from between his lips, bathing his shaft with delicate licks. Nick moaned, shoving his fist into his mouth to keep himself quiet.

When Jeff slipped Nick completely into his mouth, Nick was sure he had died and gone to heaven. Jeff gave Nick a few hard sucks, moving from base to head. He pulled off when he felt Nick’s hips buck up.

“Sorry,” Jeff said with a satisfied grin. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while.”

Nick wanted to say something witty, wanted to grant him permission to do that anytime he wanted, but Jeff’s lips were on his and he couldn’t think straight. Jeff’s hands traveled over every inch of bare skin he could reach. Touch and heat consumed Nick’s thoughts. When Jeff wrapped his hand around both their cocks together, stroked, and then moaned in his throat, Nick had to pull away.

Jeff jerked back, his wide brown eyes looking wounded.

“Jeff, baby,” Nick panted, “if you keep doing that, I won’t last long enough for you to make love to me.”

Jeff’s face lit up.

“Baby?” he asked, putting a hand on Nick’s chest.

“Yeah…I’m…”

“I like it,” Jeff admitted. “A lot.” He kissed Nick again, trying to sweep the onset of embarrassment away. “So, you want me to make love to you?”

Nick didn’t want to stutter this answer, so he tried to siphon strength from the passion in Jeff’s eyes.

“Yes, Jeff,” Nick said, sounding sure. “Make love to me?”

“Of course, Nicky. Did…do you want me to finger you?”

Nick did want it, but the idea of Jeff putting his fingers there mortified him. He shook his head.

“Not this time,” Nick said. “Just…go slow, okay?”

Jeff ran to his desk to get a condom and a bottle of lube. He fished through the bottom drawer, beneath several books and papers, a stapler, rulers, erasers, pencils, and what looked like every school supply he owned.

Nick laughed nervously when Jeff bounded back onto the bed, his cock bobbing between his legs as he straddled Nick again, but that laughter turned to awe as Jeff rolled the condom over his own length and covered himself with a generous dollop of lube.

Jeff noticed Nick’s impressed stare and smiled shyly.

“I…may have practiced…once or twice,” Jeff admitted. His gaze flicked up to meet Nick’s rapidly dilating eyes. “Do you want to be on your back or your stomach?”

“Uh…”

Nick turned over without answering. He wanted to make love to Jeff, looking into his eyes, but not this time. He didn’t have the nerve. It didn’t matter so much as long as he was with Jeff – touched by Jeff’s hands, kissed by Jeff’s lips, with Jeff’s voice in his ear, were all he needed.

Jeff entered Nick gradually, but Nick couldn’t help his reaction. As soon as the blunt head of Jeff’s cock breached the ring of muscle at his entrance, Nick’s body went cold as a sheet of ice before the burn set in. He hissed with the pain. He squeezed his eyes shut, grabbing at the blankets, balling them in his fists.

“I’m sorry, Nicky,” Jeff said, running his hands over Nick’s back, trying his best to go slow, to soothe the sting. “I’m so sorry.”

Nick didn’t know how to tell Jeff not to be sorry, that he wanted it, he wanted the pain and the burn and everything that went with it, if it meant he got to have Jeff as well, but Nick couldn’t string any words together that made sense. His body went rigid, his mouth bone dry.

“Oh, Nicky.”

He felt Jeff panic, felt him pull out. Nick reached an arm back, grabbing at Jeff’s hip, stilling his movement. He didn’t want Jeff to stop. Yes, it hurt - it hurt like hell, actually - but after the pain came an intense, relaxing pleasure.

“Please,” Nick gasped. “Don’t stop.”

“Are…are you sure?” Jeff’s voice shook with worry.

Nick took a steadying breath and nodded.

“Please, baby,” Nick sighed, regaining his cool. “Please, don’t stop.”

Jeff moved again, full strokes in and out of Nick’s body, but so slowly that the build-up of anticipation became worse than the pain.

“Jeff?” Nick turned his head to look at his boyfriend. Jeff’s hair was plastered to his head with sweat, face red from the effort of hovering above Nick and moving so slow. Jeff’s eyes met Nick’s, and Nick tried his hardest to smile nonchalantly, considering the position he was in.

“What, Nicky?” Jeff asked. “What do you want me to do?”

“It doesn’t hurt now,” Nick reassured him. “Maybe…you could go faster?”

Jeff’s entire body relaxed as he rested more of his weight on Nick, moving faster in and out of his body. The change in speed opened a gate inside Nick. All of his apprehension and doubt slipped away, replaced by heat, pleasure, fullness, and the titillating brush within him that sent shockwaves to every nerve, courtesy of the incredible body of his boyfriend.

Nick moaned, suddenly unashamed of anyone hearing or of what Jeff might think. It simply had to happen. There was no way to stop it.

“Oh, Jeff…” Nick writhed, fists relaxing, hips lifting to meet Jeff’s thrusts. “Oh, Jeff, that’s…that feels so good…”

“Really?” Jeff asked. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, Jeff,” Nick whined. “Yes, yes, yes…”

Jeff chuckled, a thrill of excitement shooting through him at hearing his boyfriend whimper with ecstasy. Jeff held on to Nick’s hips to still his enthusiastic bucks backward and pounded harder, doing his best to give Nick what he wanted. Jeff shifted, trying to get better leverage, and Nick arched his back, losing nearly all his breath.

“There, Jeff!” Nick pleaded. “Just…there…please!”

Jeff wanted to please Nick, wanted Nick to melt at his touch, cum so hard he couldn’t remember his own name. Nick meant so much to him. Every time he thought of Nick, his world felt complete, and anything seemed possible. He had spent so much time loving his best friend from afar that this moment, the two of them together, no matter how spectacular or awkward, awesome or awful, was the culmination of an entire life spent dreaming of the day he would have the confidence to make Nick his.

“Oh, Nicky,” Jeff panted, back sweating, hips stuttering, fingernails digging into Nick’s skin, “my incredible Nicky…”

Jeff’s words slid over Nick, sewing together every fissure in his heart – every time he had to watch Jeff kiss someone else, every time he saw Jeff gaze meaningfully into his girlfriend’s eyes, every whisper, every hug, every touch… The more Jeff moved, the smaller Nick’s world became, until all that existed, all that mattered, started with a single touch – the point of contact where their bodies met - and consumed his everything.

Jeff came hard inside his boyfriend, stars spiraling behind his eyes, and at that exact moment he got his dream come true – Nick coming completely undone and moaning his name. Jeff wrapped an arm beneath Nick’s waist, catching him before he fell completely to the mattress, helping him down on wobbly knees.

Swiftly and discreetly, Jeff tied off the condom and pitched it. He laid beside an exhausted Nick, their naked bodies lying unashamedly side by side, arms tangled, fingers laced together, listening to their ragged breaths fading in the moonlit room.

“Nicky?” Jeff turned to look at Nick’s profile in the silver light.

“Hmm?” Nick asked, floating back to earth from the euphoria of his high.

“Do you love me?” Jeff asked.

Nick met Jeff’s gaze. He answered - not a breath, not a thought wasted.

“I’ve always loved you, Jeff,” Nick admitted.

“Always?” Jeff asked.

“Always always,” Nick chuckled.

Jeff nodded.

“I’ve always been in love with you, Nicky,” Jeff confessed. “From the moment I first saw you…and for the rest of my life, I’ll always be yours.”

Nick smiled, pressing a kiss to Jeff’s lips, sighing happily. He turned on his side, and Jeff wrapped his arms around him.

“Jeff?” Nick whispered, eyes falling closed. “Would you sleep here with me?”

Jeff kissed Nick’s shoulder.

“Whenever you want, Nicky,” Jeff whispered against Nick’s skin. “Whenever you want.”