Kurt practically stopped breathing when he saw him. He still had slicked-back hair and wore short pants with no socks. He still looked gorgeous to Kurt.
 
“Blaine?” Kurt whispered.
 
“Yeah.” He looked sad, his eyes duller than Kurt remembered, as if he wished he’d never come.
 
It had been almost a year since Blaine and Kurt had parted ways. Kurt doesn’t remember much; just that Blaine had broken his heart. He’d broken his heart and he still didn’t blame him for it, he blamed himself. Of course Blaine would leave him. What did he offer that anybody else couldn’t? Kurt wasn’t anything unique or special, he was just a boy. Eventually he’d come to learn that, that he couldn’t have anything in this world. It would all be taken from him.
 
It would suffice to say it had been a tough year for Kurt.
 
“You can’t just turn up here.” Kurt said, the emotion was raw in his eyes, although his voice was steady. He couldn’t bear to show any more emotion to people who don’t care. He couldn’t stand it. “You’ve been gone for a year, Blaine. People will ask questions. Hell, I want to know why you’re here because it’s certainly not for me!” Kurt’s voice quivered his anger and betrayal bubbling to the surface.
 
He’d left him with no explanation. He’s abandoned him, leaving him to face the world with no excuse. Kurt knew deep down it was his fault. Who else’s would it be?
 
“You left me.” He gasped, the tears finally escaping and trailing down his face. He didn’t even attempt to wipe them away, Blaine should see how much hurt he’d caused.
 
“Kurt, you know I never wanted to leave you, you must know. I’d never want to hurt you.” Blaine took a step towards Kurt, his shoes clicking on the floor of the stage in the auditorium. “I would die rather than see you hurt. You must know that. You must. I love you Ku-“
 
“No!” Kurt shouted. “How could you? You left me. You abandoned me. When you left, do you know what happened? Do you care?”
 
“Of course I care. How could I not, I always care when it’s concerning you, Kurt.” Blaine’s eyes were swimming, his teeth biting down on his lip to keep from crying. “You changed my life, Kurt. You helped me. You saved me and you have to believe me. I love you. I always will. You changed me, Kurt, for the better. I-I love you.”
 
Kurt broke.
 
Falling to his knees, he gasped and sobbed, unable to see through the flood of tears.
 
“But you left me! You left me and then everything went wrong. You left me and I stopped talking to people. I shut myself in my room and Mercedes and Rachel stopped trying to help. My dad stopped trying to force me to talk. And then you weren’t there when my dad got ill again. I bet you don’t even care. He’s in hospital again, he had a stroke, and you weren’t there like you said you would be. You said you’d be there for me, Blaine, whenever I needed you but you weren’t.”
 
Blaine rushed to Kurt’s side, not quite daring to touch him, afraid he’d recoil from his touch.
 
“Kurt, I’m so sorry. I-“
 
“And he’s in hospital and the doctors don’t think he’ll make it this time and Carol is at her sisters with Finn and I’m alone Blaine. I’m alone!” Kurt shouted at Blaine, his tears flowing freely down his face and neck as he continued to shout. “You started a chain reaction of devastation in my life. First you leave, then slowly everyone else does one by one and soon it’s just going to be me and I can’t stand that, Blaine.”
 
Kurt looked up at him, daring him to speak. He said nothing but the tear said it all.
 
“You need to go. I’ve already said goodbye, you shouldn’t be here and causing more hurt. Leave… again.”
 
“Kurt,” Blaine sniffed, trying to keep from becoming a blubbering mess. He had to get Kurt to understand. “I can’t help it. You haven’t said goodbye, not properly. I’m not going anywhere until you understand, until you remember. You need to remember, Kurt. You need to move on, just like I do.”
 
Kurt’s red-rimmed eyes looked at the floor.
 
“I don’t want to.” He murmured.
 
 But it was too late.
 
He saw them advancing, heard their homophobic slurs, saw the flash of a knife that was intending for him, saw Blaine jump in front of him, saw them running away.
 
So much blood.
 
He remembered everything and he cried even harder, his chest heaving, his shoulders heavy with the guilt of indirectly killing his boyfriend, his best friend. His soulmate.
 
The guilt of pushing everybody away.
 
“How are you here?” He whispered, not trusting his voice.
 
“I’m here until you let me go, Kurt. I can’t go on when I know you’re suffering. I need you to know that I don’t blame you for my death. I would do it again and again if it meant you’re alive and able to give your talent and kindness and amazingness to this world. I would be a crime for the world to be starved of the great Kurt Hummel.” Blaine smiled as he kneeled down beside Kurt showing his want for closeness, even if he couldn’t physically touch him.
 
“Kurt, I love you.”
 
“I love you too, Blaine.” He cried, all of the hurt had hit him with full force and Kurt was finding it hard to breath. He wasn’t ready to let Blaine go.
 
Kurt needed Blaine. He needed his dad. He needed his friends.
 
But Blaine was dead. His father was dying and his friends weren’t to be found. It had been almost a year. Kurt knew in this moment that he couldn’t just erase the memory of when Blaine died. He had to learn to live, he needed to learn to be without him, and he needed to let Blaine go.
 
It was just so hard when you love someone to let them go.
 
Kurt wasn’t quite ready and Blaine understood. He wasn’t exactly going anywhere, so he told Kurt he’d be here until he was ready to say goodbye. Until then, he wouldn’t leave him again and let Kurt block out a memory, because memories were all they had.