It had been a year since the show had its series finale. He had been happy in New York with no major projects going on besides the occasional recording of music in his apartment. Well, their apartment. He loved knowing Mia was there for him, she was enthralled in him and there was no way of her falling out of love. When he felt cocky, he couldn’t blame her. But when he sat up at night there was only one person he was thinking of, and he didn’t know why.

Each night a new story would come into his head. Some of them were replays of things he would have done differently and some were plots he made up because they made his heart flutter. And he didn’t know why.

One night, he remembers Chris coming into his trailer. They sat casually and joked around about the script and pretended to rehearse. The entire time all Darren could focus on was the way Chris’ nose scrunched up when he laughed, the way his eyes seemed to shine brighter when he smiled, and the way he felt when Chris would look into his eyes for just a few seconds longer than he should have. But he didn’t do anything. And he didn’t know why.

In his dreams, he does something. Chris looked into his eyes for a few seconds longer and Darren sits up, leans towards him, touches his neck and kisses him. He kisses him over and over and loses himself in it. He couldn’t hold it in any longer. He kissed him like he’d kissed him a million times before. He imagined Chris throwing his arms around Darren’s neck and bringing him closer. Kissing until eventually they fell onto Darren’s bed. Kissing until they were taking each others clothes off. Kissing until they weren’t kissing anymore. Feeling so close to each other and getting the greatest sense of, “Why did we late so long for this?”

Then he wakes up. And remembers he’s in New York, with a girl who loves him, but not quite enough. Not enough for him. Darren missed his chance with the most beautiful boy he had ever seen because they were both afraid. When he thinks about it at night, he remembers how he never even let himself understand what he was afraid of. Maybe it was the idea of someone loving him who he actually loved back.

What a strange thing.