Blaine writes letters to Kurt.
Author's Notes: Please prepare yourself and have tissues handy.
My dearest Kurt, 11/03/2019
Today you were in an accident. No one is sure how it happened, but the doctors say the car did enough damage to your internal organs and brain that your chance of survival is 10% at best.
I feel numb, Kurt. I don’t want to believe this has happened; your heart is beating really slowly and you can’t breathe on your own. I’m holding your hand, Kurt, can you feel it? Please don’t leave me baby; please don’t leave Liam and I. I need you; he needs you. Kurt? Can you feel my hand in yours?
I can’t live without you, Kurt. I need you. You’re the love of my life; you’re the only one who understands me without having to try. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me; you’re the one who has given us Liam. Please, Kurt, please don’t leave. Your heart rate is slowing still; Kurt, please don’t leave.
Can I trade places with you? My life doesn’t mean as much as yours; you have family and friends that love you, Kurt. Liam needs you to show him how to dress and sing and dance, and Kurt…Please? Please switch me places. I would give anything to trade places.
The doctor’s just told me that your systems are failing and you’ll be gone before morning. Kurt, I feel so cold. I feel empty, Kurt. I need you to hold on for me; I need to see you smile one more time. I’m holding your hand, Kurt. Can you feel it?
It’s been two hours, and I understand you have to leave now. I love you, Kurt Hummel-Anderson. As much as it kills me to say this, go be in peace; just don’t forget to remember me, okay? I love you Kurt.
The last of the warmth has left your body and your heart has stopped. I love you, Kurt.
All my love forever and always,
Blaine
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My dearest Kurt, 11/03/2020
It has been one year since the accident. I still feel guilty about letting you leave the house; I know you wouldn’t want that, but darling, it’s just how I feel. I love you and I miss you every minute of every single day.
I had a dream about you last night, Kurt. Remember when we took our walk through central park three years ago, just after we’d found out our surrogate was truly pregnant? We were there, Kurt. The fallen leaves crunching beneath our feet as we walked side by side, holding hands; the smell of cinnamon almonds drifting by on a lazy autumn breeze, your hand warm in mine, your body solid and close to me. We were there, Kurt, and there was no more hurt, no more anger, no more loneliness; just you and me, and the thoughts of our baby.
When I woke up, I cried, because I couldn’t feel your hand in mine; the warmth was gone. Your pillow next to mine was cold and empty; it doesn’t smell like you anymore, Kurt. That’s one of the things I miss most; I miss waking up with you by my side, the smell of you greeting me every morning with the sunlight. I miss you waking up before me and bringing in Liam; I miss you laying our son on my chest and waking me up with a kiss. I miss you, Kurt.
Liam is three now, and some days he still asks me when you’re coming home. Every day when I pick him up from daycare after work, he has a new picture for you to hang on the fridge. As I write this, Liam is very seriously picking out a piece of artwork to bring to your grave today. He really wants you to have one; the other day he asked me how much it would cost to send a letter to heaven.
Liam is so beautiful, Kurt. He has your eyes and your love of Broadway. He dances around the house all the time belting out lines from “Wicked” and his favorite song to sing before bed each night is “For Good.” I remember you used to sing him that every night as you would rock him to sleep, especially when he first came home; he was so small and you were so gentle with him, holding him firm and telling him how much you loved him. Every day I am grateful for Liam; he’s my piece of you that I still have left.
Speaking of Liam, he came running in my office and has chosen his picture for you. It’s a picture of both of his daddies holding his hands and saying “I love you.” You’re wearing black pants and a red shirt with a scarf; I’m wearing blue pants and a black shirt. Liam is wearing black pants and a blue shirt so that he “can match both his daddies.” Liam is so smart, Kurt; he reads me “Dr. Seuss” books every night and he tells me how to spell new words he learned in school.
He asked what I was doing, and I told him I was writing you a letter. He says, “Hi papa Kurt! I love you and I miss you. Is heaven pretty? Are you with grandma right now? Tell her I say hello. I love you papa Kurt!” Then he kissed the paper and ran out of the room. I can’t stop my tears now, Kurt. I miss you so much; every day is a challenge just to survive. If it weren’t for Liam, I would have joined you a long time ago; but I can’t go, Kurt, I can’t join you yet. Liam has already lost one of his daddies; he needs me, and I need him. I hope you’re not disappointed with me in any way.
I have to go and get Liam and I dressed now, Kurt, so I will end this letter by saying I love you, and someday I will see you again. I love you, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel-Anderson.
All my love forever and always,
Blaine
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My dearest Kurt, 11/03/2029
It’s been 10 years since the accident. I don’t cry as much anymore, because I know you’re still here with me. It took me a long time to realize, but you never fully left. You’re a part of me; you’re a part of Liam. I know you’re still here because sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I can smell your cologne.
I had a dream about you last night, Kurt. We were sitting on a bench in central park, and you laced your fingers with mine; you told me you were proud of me. You told me you loved me, and you missed me too. You told me to lighten up on Liam a little bit; you told me to let him live. You told me to show him our letters.
Liam cried when he read them. I’m glad we kept our letters to each other that year we were apart; I’m glad we told each other in every paragraph how much we loved one another. I showed him a picture of us back then and he laughed at the cheesy expressions on our faces; I told him that’s how you look when you’re so in love with someone. Liam cried when he read our letters, and every Friday night we have dinner together and talk about you.
I gave him a picture from when we first brought him home; he remembers your face, he remembers your voice singing to him at night. He remembers your hand, gentle and protective of his. He remembers your laugh, your smile. He remembers the day when we had to say goodbye.
He’s getting so big, Kurt. He definitely got your height and build, and a voice better than both of ours combined. He is thirteen now, and he is in all kinds of advanced placement classes and clubs, but his favorites are French, and Glee Club. Your dad stops by all the time and Liam just loves hearing stories from Grandpa Burt and Grandma Carole. He truly is your son; he wears scarves with every outfit, even in the dead of summer.
I haven’t started dating yet, Kurt; I don’t think I ever will. You were the love of my life; my one and only. I will never find a love like yours again; your dad says I’m crazy and that I need to start seeing people, but you are the only person I could ever want to see. No one compares to you; at least being single has given me the chance to focus on Liam and I, and we’re the happiest family you could ever imagine.
I don’t know if I ever told you, but we buried you back in Lima, right next to your mom. Liam and I live in a small house that is always full. Everyone in Glee club comes by; Rachel and Finn are always stopping in for a visit, even Quinn comes by to visit at times. We all sit around and watch videos of you and reminisce; Liam laughs along with all of us, and he cries when Finn or Rachel or Mercedes tell stories about you from before we met. Liam laughs just like you, Kurt.
I’m honestly thinking of sending him to Dalton, where we first met. He would be a great addition to the Warblers; with the legacy we both left there, I’m fairly sure he would get top spot in a heartbeat. I guess I’m secretly hoping that he can meet the love of his life on the staircase, just like us (Yeah, Liam is gay. He told me a couple of weeks ago, completely lost in tears.).
I love you so much, Kurt. I miss you every day, but the ache in my chest has gone away. I know you’re still here; I get to see you every day when I look at Liam. Have I mentioned yet how much I love you, Kurt? Someday we’ll be together again, and I can tell you every minute of every day how much you mean to me, just like I used to do.
I love you, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel-Anderson.
All my love forever and always,
Blaine.
End Notes: OMG I think I ruined my shirt from crying so much. Hope you enjoyed!