March 4, 2012, 1:43 a.m.
When You Love Someone
AU WIGYA. Jeremiah falls for Blaine after the song. "They seem to have an unspoken conversation with their eyes. Blaine asking Kurt if it's true. Kurt telling him that yes, it is. Blaine saying he's sorry. And Kurt replying that it's too late."
T - Words: 2,250 - Last Updated: Mar 04, 2012 1,244 0 0 1 Categories: Angst, AU, Drama, Romance, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel,
Kurt's standing there watching the love of his life serenade the Junior Gap Manager.
He feels so stupid for even thinking that someone like Blaine would be interested in him. He's Kurt – small, skinny, fragile, flamboyant Kurt. So why would strong, independent, proud Blaine ever fall for him?
Kurt feels ill as Blaine sings to Jeremiah. "You can keep your toys in the drawer tonight, all right." He thought Blaine was going to change that line.
He can feel the bile rising in his throat. The thought of Blaine being with anyone but him literally makes him feel sick to his stomach.
But he puts on a fake smile for Blaine. Blaine helped him through so much, and Kurt knows that he has to support Blaine in everything he does. That's what you do when you love someone, right?
And Kurt may not realize it to the full extent, but that's when the thought planted itself in Kurt's mind. I love Blaine.
But as he watches Blaine sing to another man, a man who is nearly the opposite of everything Kurt is, and he can't help but feel that maybe he lost his opportunity.
Kurt watches Jeremiah carefully, taking in his every action. Kurt had been hoping that he would be repulsed by this whole thing. But, much to Kurt's dismay, he appears to be turned on by the whole spectacle.
Well isn't that just dandy?
The song draws to a close, and Kurt is now practically hiding behind a mannequin. His head is poking around the side so that he can have a full view of where Blaine is standing, holding out a pair of socks to Jeremiah.
Jeremiah gets this huge, goofy, unattractive grin on his face and then Kurt knows, really knows now, that he's lost any possibility of him ever being with Blaine.
He quietly makes his way out of the store and goes to sit on a bench. He can feel his ears starting to burn from the cold, but he doesn't care. Everything about him feels numb now. Everything except his heart.
He can feel his heart throbbing in his chest; he feels it wanting to just break in half.
Kurt wants to let it. It would be so much easier to just let it break instead of having to deal with a broken heart.
The other Warblers are now shuffling out. Kurt knows that they are aware of his feelings for Blaine. He knows that practically everyone except the one person who matters is aware of that.
But Blaine doesn't know. And he never will unless Kurt tells him.
Kurt isn't sure how long he just sat there avoiding the Warbler's worried, sympathetic glances. But eventually Blaine comes out hand in hand with Jeremiah and Kurt can feel the bile rising in his throat again. He just needs Blaine to know how he feels, but than that would ruin everything. Blaine would no longer be his friend, and then Kurt would truly be alone.
And as Jeremiah leans in to give Blaine a small kiss on the forehead, Kurt runs. He doesn't know where he's going. But he needs to get away. Away from Jeremiah, away from the Warblers, away from the Gap.
Away from Blaine.
So he keeps on running. He didn't know that he could run for so long, but he assumes that people can do lots of things that they didn't know they could when they really put their heart to it.
Kurt scoffs to himself as he nears a large tree. His heart. He doesn't really have one now, he realizes. He unknowingly gave it to Blaine, and Blaine still has it. Blaine will always have it. Even if Blaine will never give his to Kurt.
Kurt collapses under the tree. He lies on his back and just stares up at the sky, thinking of all the things he's lost in his life. His mom died when he was eight. His dog died when he was twelve. His dad almost left him. He had to leave all of his friends at McKinley.
And as he sits there and stairs up at the sky, he realizes that he's probably lost Blaine now too. He probably won't be able to even look at him without his heart sobbing in his chest. Kurt understands that yes, Blaine won't be with Jeremiah forever. But the damage is done.
Kurt isn't sure how long he just lies there in the grass, feeling miserable for himself. Eventually, he sees Wes standing over him with a worried expression on his face. He tells Kurt that they're leaving and offers his hand to help Kurt up.
Kurt accepts the hand and Wes pulls him up. As they're walking back to the bus, Kurt glances up at the sky one last time. It's huge, he notices. Who knows what could be up there? The world is full of so many possibilities.
But not for Kurt. At least not for now. The only option for Kurt right now is to just stay out of Blaine's way and to let him live his life with Jeremiah.
Blaine sits next to him on the bus and grins at Kurt. Kurt doesn't smile back. He doesn't meet Blaine's eyes. He doesn't even pretend to be paying attention when Blaine starts talking.
There's no need for him to pretend anymore. He doesn't need to pretend that he doesn't have feelings for Blaine.
Blaine eventually stops talking and looks at Kurt. He's giving Kurt the kind of look that Kurt knows is his 'I'm seeing your innermost thoughts and desires' look.
And Kurt puts all his feelings for Blaine on his face. He pushes them out the door they've been hiding behind and just lets Blaine see him.
And Blaine seems to understand. His face grows concerned, and Kurt internally scoffs. How could Blaine seriously not see that before? Yes, he had been trying to hide his feelings for the curly haired boy, but everyone else knew. So why didn't Blaine?
Blaine continues to just stare at him, and they seem to have an unspoken conversation with their eyes. Blaine asking Kurt if it's true. Kurt telling him that yes, it is. Blaine saying he's sorry. And Kurt replying that it's too late.
Blaine's eyes are pleading, and Kurt internally scoffs. Blaine has a boyfriend now. He shouldn't be pleading for Kurt to forgive him.
But Kurt almost gives in. Those hazel honey eyes always know how to get him.
But Kurt's not falling under Blaine's spell. Not again.
The weeks draw on, and Kurt distances himself from Blaine even more. He befriends other Warblers, such as Nick and Jeff, but it's just not the same. He misses Blaine, but he knows that he can't just have a friendship with Blaine now that he knows.
But strangely enough, Kurt doesn't regret showing his feelings for the short boy. It almost feels good to know that Blaine is aware of how he feels.
But then there's the fact that Blaine knows and he's still with Jeremiah.
A part of Kurt had been hoping that once Blaine knew, he would dump Jeremiah and run straight into Kurt's arms.
But not everyone gets their happy ever after. At least not Kurt. Kurt has never gotten a fairy tale ending, and he probably never will.
Days go by, and he finds himself actually starting to enjoy Nick and Jeff's company. They're good friends to him and they know not to bring the subject of Blaine up.
Kurt hasn't spoken to Blaine in days, the last time being when Blaine asked him if he had an extra pencil.
Then, about three weeks after Valentine's Day, Nick and Jeff get together. They'd apparently had feelings for each other for a long time now.
And just like that, the good little trio that they had going was gone. Kurt no longer feels like he fits in with them. He feels excluded, like a third wheel. They still try and hang out with him, but it's just not how it was before.
Nothing is how it was before.
He finds himself missing his New Directions friends more and more every day. Granted, he is extremely lonely now, but he still misses them.
Or maybe he just misses having friends.
Or maybe he just misses having a friend.
Or maybe he just misses Blaine.
But he can't miss Blaine. Blaine didn't choose him.
But Blaine didn't leave him either. Kurt left Blaine. Kurt cut Blaine out of his life. Not the other way around.
With that thought, Kurt slowly let's Blaine back into his life. They start out slow and cautious, not wanting to mess up their friendship-relationship thing anymore than it already was.
After a few weeks of small chatting and after a few coffee outings, things slowly start to slip back into their old pre-Valentine's day routine. But it's different, somehow.
Kurt knows it's because he's not hiding how he feels about Blaine. He's openly showing Blaine that he truly cares for him, and that he's still hurting on the inside.
About three weeks into their rekindled friendship, they hit their first bump in the road. Kurt invites Blaine to his dad's birthday party. It's his 45th birthday, and seeing as he almost didn't make it this year, Kurt's going to make it his best birthday yet.
But Blaine declines the offer. He's already made plans with Jeremiah. Kurt tries to act calmly. He tries to think rationally. But he just can't. His dad almost died early that year, and Blaine's choosing his boyfriend of two months over Kurt and his father?
So he yells at Blaine. He tells Blaine to get out of his room and not to come back until he gets his priorities in order.
Kurt knows he won't. Blaine's too much of a gentleman to back out of a date with his boyfriend.
So he isn't surprised when Blaine doesn't show at the party. He tries to put on a happy face for his dad, and it seems to work because his dad looks elated.
But Finn sees right through him and wants to give Blaine a piece of his mind.
Kurt laughs when Finn tells him this. But he tells Finn that no, he shouldn't beat up Blaine. They just had a little fight, it wasn't a big deal.
But it was a big deal. At least it was to Kurt.
They continue to try to make their friendship work, but something always seems to get in their way. Well, not something. Someone. And that someone's name is Jeremiah.
After about a month and a half of Blaine talking again, Jeremiah gives Blaine and ultimatum. Choose him, or choose Kurt.
Kurt wants Blaine to choose him, obviously. But he can't help but know that Blaine won't. Why would he choose a friendship with Kurt over a romance with Jeremiah?
When Blaine tells him about the ultimatum, Kurt makes his decision right on the spot. He isn't even really sure how it came to him, but he knows that it's the right thing to do.
"Choose him," Kurt whispers to Blaine. "I just want you to be happy. So I want you to choose him."
Blaine looks like he's about to argue, so Kurt continues on.
"Don't choose me," Kurt whispers even softer. "I don't want you to regret losing him. I don't want to be a mistake."
Kurt closes the distance between them and places a small, chaste kiss on Blaine's cheek. He feels Blaine's breathe shuddering, but he doesn't think much about it.
"You'll always be my friend," Kurt says as he walks away. "Just it's now a one way friendship."
And as Kurt continues walking down the hall, he realizes that it's always been one way. Not a one way friendship, but a one way romance.
That night, Kurt cries. It's the first time he's ever cried over Blaine. He isn't sure how he lasted this long, but he did.
But now that he's started, it seems as if he'll never be able to stop.
The next morning, Kurt opens his door and finds Blaine slumped against the wall next to his door. He goes to shut it, not wanting another round of tears to come in front of Blaine.
But Blaine's hand catches the door and stops it from closing. Kurt watches as the short boy stands up and looks Kurt in the eyes.
"I couldn't do it," he tells Kurt. Kurt hopes that he and Blaine are thinking of the same thing, because if they aren't, Kurt will be crushed all over again. "I went to tell Jeremiah that I chose him, and then I realized that I was wrong."
Kurt blinks. He isn't sure what Blaine is saying.
"You didn't make me choose, Kurt," Blaine whispers, his voice cracking around Kurt's name. "And that – that's a sign that you really care about someone. That's the person that really cares about you."
Kurt swallows, and he sees Blaine doing the same.
"You really care about me, Kurt," Blaine's voice is hoarse now, and his eyes are watering. "And I'm sorry it took me so long to see this."
Kurt wants to say something – anything – but he can't find his voice.
"I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that I love you, and that you're the one for me."
Kurt can't handle it anymore. He closes the distance between them and crashes his lips against Blaine's. As Blaine's lips begin to move against his, Kurt thinks that this is what he's been wanting for the past few months. This is where he belongs.
Blaine pulls away just enough so that Kurt can look into his beautiful honey hazel eyes. And Kurt finally has Blaine's heart. Blaine's always had his, and now he has Blaine's.
"Oh," Blaine whispers, his breath blowing across Kurt's face. "There you are. I've been looking for you forever."