tchortique
July 7, 2012, 10:31 p.m.
All the AUs
The ultimate Crack!fic inspired by this drawing by (http://kendrawcandraw.tumblr.com/post/22453675679/i-uh) Kendra on tumblr Basically, dom/sub AU with angel!vampire!Kurt and werewolf!austronaut!Blaine with their soulmate's name written on their hands and a 20 year age gap.
T - Words: 293 - Last Updated: Apr 13, 2022 1,388 0 21 2 Categories: AU, Humor, Parody, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Tags: established relationship,
They were lying in bed together, basking in the afterglow. Blaine was caressing Kurt’s wings gently with his paw.
Suddenly, Kurt grabbed his arm and bit him, hard. He sucked the blood, and sighed, contented “I always feel weak after sex.”
Blaine reached to kiss him, only to bump into his lover’s nose with the glass shield of his space suit. Chuckling awkwardly, he took it off and finally pressed his hairy lips to Kurt’s. They kissed gently, and then Kurt spat out Blaine’s fur out of his mouth. They laid down and embraced.
“I’m so grateful that I found you, that day, on the stairway from heaven. I was banned by the other angels, everyone made fun of me because I am a vampire, and I was really sad.”
“You shouldn’t have been sad, Kurt, you were born this way” Blaine interfered.
Kurt smiled and continued “But then you appeared in your spaceship and even if my hand didn’t start to itch painfully, I knew I found you, my friend, my lover, my soulmate.”
Blaine grinned sheepishly, as Kurt rubbed his belly.
“Yeah, I knew it the instant I saw your hand. Boners always go with butts. A boner without a butt becomes sad and flaccid, a butt without a boner is empty and unfulfilled. Just like you and I, Kurt.”
Kurt’s hand became bolder and bolder, tracing patterns, reaching down.
“Although you were hesitant when you discovered I was so much younger than you, you know now that love has no obstacles.”
“I know. And I regret nothing.”
Kurt’s hand finally wrapped around Blaine, and he moaned with pleasure.
“Shh, Blaine. You’re in my possession now. I’m gonna spank you if you don’t stay quiet.”
“But… Kurt” Blaine whined “There’s something I need to tell you first.”
“What is it, my love?” asked Kurt.
“I’m pregnant.”
Comments
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This is perfect. I laughed so hard!
I'm glad you like this madness :)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH this is pure crack AHAHAHAHAHAHAHI'l still laughing madly!!
:D Thank you! Glad I made you cheer up!
Okay first - A boner without a butt becomes sad and flaccid - OMG hahahahahaha then second - I'm pregnant - HAHAHA I am sufficiently cheered up now, thanks.
I'm happy I made you laugh :3
OH MY GOD. THAT IS THE MOST HYSTERICALLY FUNNY THING I'VE EVER READ. I LOVE IT!!! XD
You're right! We've got enough angst in canon right now, and the only way to deal with it is to write MADNESS
I love madness!!! Madness is what keeps the world sane!! (ok, this sentence is crack in itself XD... but it's true!
Hahahahahaha! I'm laughing hysterically. Absolute madness. You made my day. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I can't stop. This is fantastic.
Yay! Thank you :3
It was amazingly hilarious. Blaine saying "I'm pregnant" at the end just clinched it for me. That and the butt thing just got me! XD
Thank you! :) what is a crack!fic without a little mpreg? :))
Yep! XD
:)
Yay! Glad you liked it :D
HAHAHAHA omg this is hilarious! "I'm pregnant" oh god...
this is hilarious, so they will have werewolf, vampire, angel and astronaut babies. haahah lol :P best thing EVER
Glad you enjoyed!!! Their babies will be beautifully weird :))
i love werewolfs and angels and a like you story :)
yay! thank you very much :)