When Blaine first started going to McKenley he heard Rachel teased by the New Directions about her posting daily videos of her singing on youtube. Rachel was use to the teasing and confident in herself, so she just tossed her hair back and told everyone they wouldn't be laughing when she was famous and her old videos went viral.

Blaine had spoken up for Rachel, saying it was good practice, but not mentioning that it was something he often did as well. 

Of course Blaine posted songs more for fun, and as a way to work out whatever he was feeling. He wasn't trying to get famous from them. He just enjoyed the music. 

Months latter when Blaine admitted to Kurt that he had cheated, and Kurt had broken up with him Blaine was devastated. He didn't feel like he could talk about it with most of the New Direction kids because they'd been Kurt's friend first. And even though his friendship with Sam was strong and Sam was willing to listen Blaine couldn't find the words to express what he felt. 

As time when on Blaine grew more and more depressed. He had trouble eating and sleeping. He even stopped geling his hair. He had screwed things up with the love of his life and it looked like he was never going to get Kurt back.

Blaine sat in his room, fingers sliding over the keys of his piano's keyboard. Music had always been how he expressed himself and this wasn't any different. He pressed the 'record' button on the camera he'd set up in front of his keybaord.

“This is for... well, it's for the love of my life. I am so sorry. And I love you so much.”

Blaine's fingers danced over the keys as he sang,

“When a heart breaks it don't break even.”
“His best days will be some of my worst. He'll finally meet a man that gonna put him first.”

When the song was over Blaine posted it on his youtube. Not really expecting anyone to see it. It was just a way for him to put how he felt out there in the universe. Especially since Kurt wasn't even talking to him at this point.

------

The weekends were particularly hard on Blaine. Without school and Glee club and his friends to distract him it was hard to think of anything other than how he lost Kurt and how it was all his fault.

Memories of his time with Eli would crawl treacherously into his mind and he'd shutter. He was such an idiot. How could he ever doubt what he and Kurt had? Why did he ever even respond to Eli online? 

Blaine laid in bad most of the day going back and forth between beating himself up and crying remembering all the little things he loved about Kurt.

After a while Blaine told himself to snap out of it. He got up and went to his piano. Pressing record and then letting the first song that came to mind flow through his fingers. 

“In another life I would be your guy. We'd keep all our promises.”
“Be us against the world. In another life, I would make you stay, So I don't have to say. 'You were the one that got away.”

Blaine ended the song and rubbed to tears from his face. He added it to the others he'd posted about “the love of his life” never mentioning Kurt's name, not noticing that many of his videos had started getting hits. 

As the holidays approached Kurt was still avoiding Blaine. For his part Blaine was trying to respect the distance Kurt was asking for and had stopped calling and texting him.

How could he prove to Kurt that he loved him if he didn't listen to what Kurt wanted? But how could he prove to Kurt that he still loved him if he couldn't even talk to him?

Blaine felt sick. Everyone in Glee club seemed to act like Blaine should just get over it already. There had been so many hook-ups and break-ups within the group that they couldn't understand why Blaine seemed to still be holding on. 

Blaine knew it was because for him this wasn't just a highschool hook-up or romance. He loved Kurt and he'd hurt him, and that felt even worse than losing him. He'd do anything to take back what he'd done.

“Hey Blaine,” Sam said after Glee club one day. “Can we talk?”

Blaine shrugged and leaned up against the wall.

“Is something wrong?” he said taking in Sams' concerned face. 

“It just that I'm worried about you. You aren't acting like yourself, you aren't dressing like yourself. I mean your kind of a small guy to start with, and I'm pretty sure you've lost weight. You hardly participate in Glee club anymore. I just... it isn't good Blaine. It isn't healthy what you are doing to yourself.”

“What? And I should just get over it? I should just let Kurt go? Pretend that what we had wasn't that important and move on?”

“No, Blaine no. I'm just saying, let people in. Let me in. How can I help?”

Blaine felt guilty for snapping at him and he hung his head, pressing his palms to his eyes, “I don't know Sam, I just don't know.” 

After he got home from school Blaine went straight to his camera and his keyboad and played from his heart.

“Leave some morphine at my door. Cause it would take a whole lot of medication. To realize what we used to have, We don't have it anymore.”

----

Kurt sat down at the kitchen table popping his neck and sighing as he dug into his bowl of Rooster O's. It had been a long week at Vogue and the weekend didn't seem to be getting a better start as Brody and Rachel strutted around the apartment like no one else lived there.

He was so looking forward to getting away from them for a little while since he was going home for Thanksgiving soon.

He was just finishing off his breakfast when Rachel plopped down into the chair next to him.

“Oh my gosh Kurt have you seen?”

Kurt rolled his eyes, he really wasn't in the mood. “Seen what Rachel?”

“I can't believe it. I mean it is so dramatic and romantic and if anyone ever did that for me I just don't know what I'd do.”

“Seen what Rachel?”

“Blaine's youtube channel.”

Kurt stiffened at the mention of his... of Blaine. “Of course not Rachel. We broke up, why would I troll his youtube?”

“To keep tabs on him of course.”

“Not my style.” Kurt sighed, but curiosity was getting the better of him. “What... what is it?”

“He has a whole series of video's dedicated to you Kurt. To you! He sits at his keyboard and sings songs. And it is so beautiful and brilliant I'm not sure why I didn't start a post-break up youtube channel.”

“Wait, wait. He has videos up? About me?”

“Yes...” Rachel answered slowly seeing the heat rise to Kurt's face.

“How dare he. How dare he! He cheats on me and then thinks he can just... just talk about me online?”

“Kurt, it isn't like that. Really.” 

“No Rachel. Don't defend him just because you appreciate the drama of it. This is completely inexcusable.”

Kurt stood up quickly almost knocking his chair down backwards. Then he turned away from Rachel as she started another protest and marched to his bedroom. He grabbed his laptop and immediately logged on to Blaine's youtube channel.

Video after video was dedicated to the “Love of My Life”. Kurt felt his blood boil as he clicked on one of the video. He grabbed his phone and started tapping up a text at the same time.

"What the hell Blaine? I asked you to give me space and you post youtube video about our breakup? In what world is that appropriate!?” 
Kurt fumed as hie hit send. 

The video started playing. Kurt watched the whole thing, his pulse pounding before clicking on the next link. 

A hour latter Kurt had watched almost all the videos. He clicked on one last video not hearing the message alert from him phone.

“This is for the love of my life” Blaine said in a shaky voice before he started to play.

“Maybe I didn't treat you quite as good as I should have. Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could have.” 

“Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died. Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied.” 

“You were always on my mind. You were always on my mind. You were always on my mind. You are always on my mind.”

Kurt shut his laptop and closed his eyes.

----

Blaine was panicking. When he first saw he'd revived a text from Kurt his heart leapt with excitement, but then he read the message.

Damn it. Blaine had messed up again. Why did everything he did turn out so wrong? He hadn't meant for anyone to really pay attention to his videos.

He certainly didn't mean to hurt Kurt even more with them. And now Kurt wasn't replying to his text. Why, why did Blaine always make such a mess of everything? 

------

It was the day after Thanksgiving and Blaine hadn't heard anything from Kurt outside of that one angry text message. 

He'd spent the Holiday plastering on fake smiles for his relatives and helping his mom cook and clean up. But now the house was empty and Blaine was on his computer deleting each of the videos he'd posted since he and Kurt's break up. 

There was a ring at the door, so Blaine stopped what he was doing a jogged downstairs to answer it. When he opened the door Kurt was standing there.

Kurt, sweet beautiful Kurt was standing in his doorway,his hands in his pockets and his feet shuffling.

“We need to talk.” He said with an expression Blaine couldn't read. 

Blaine took a step back and let him in.

“Anyone else home?” Kurt asked.

“No. They are out shopping. I didn't feel like it.”

“I saw the videos.” Kurt jumped right in. 

Blaine glanced down to his bare feet, “Yeah. I know.” he looked back up at Kurt with bright wide eyes, “I am so sorry Kurt. I didn't mean to upset you. I didn't mean to... god, I don't know what I was doing. It just... You know sometimes I have a hard time talking about things? And songs help me process and it was just a way to-”

“Stop.” Kurt said holding up his hands. “Just stop.”

Blaine snapped his mouth closed.

Kurt sighed. 

“Blaine I was so angry. I felt like you were going behind my back and talking about me. And playing the victim.”

"No Kurt, I wouldn't.”

“Let me get this out.” Kurt pleaded. “But then as I started watching the dang videos I... I couldn't be angry about them. Don't get me wrong. I am still mad at you for... for cheating. But the videos. They...” Kurt took a deep breath, “They were lovely Blaine.”

“They were?” Blaine said in awe. 

“Yes. They were sweet and sincere. An so very you. Thank you. For them. Just... I don't know where this leaves us. Not back together. We aren't back together. But just, thank you.”

“You're welcome.” Blaine breathed.

Kurt stepped forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Blaine's lips.

“Happy Holidays” Kurt said. “I'll talk to you latter. Alright?”

Blaine just nodded dumbly as Kurt turned and walked out of the house closing the door softly behind him. 

Blaine walked slowly upstairs to his room in a daze. Before he threw himself down on his bed with a laugh.

It wasn't perfect, but Kurt was back in his life. Kurt was back in his life!

Blaine got up quickly and recorded another song, not posting it online this time, but sending it directly to Kurt. 

“There was a time I was everything and nothing all in one.
When you found me I was feeling like a cloud across the sun.
I need to tell you, how you light up every second of the day,
But in the moonlight you just shine like a beacon on the bay.

And I can't explain but it's something about the way you look tonight,
takes my breath away.”

****