Eighth Grade Detention (Retainer Wisdom)

"UGHF!" Rachel grumbled. "If is shtupid!"

"What's she rambling about this time?" Mercedes asked from her seat behind her BFFL, Kurt.

Kurt shrugged in response, not opening his eyes, from his position in his seat, where he was leaning his head back onto the next desk, where his sweater was rolled up for a headrest. "Who knows. If I listen to the drama queen too much my head begins to hurt and it completely reverses the calming effects of my nightly herbal tea facials."

"I hfate fish!" Rachel exclaimed.

"What'd she say?" Artie asked at nearly the same time Brittany asked,

"Why does she hate fish?"

Quinn looked up from her spot in the corner of the room near the door, where she was looking in a compact, fixing her makeup by dabbing powder on her face.

"That makeup's not gonna do anything for you." Mercedes commented.

Quinn rolled her eyes, "She said, 'This is stupid. I HATE this."

"What does she hate?" Brittany asked from her desk, which was to the right of Quinn's. A book on cheerleading was open to somewhere in the middle, but Quinn doubted that Brittany was reading it.

"I fust gofsta refainer!"

"A what?" Finn asked from his spot in the back of the classroom, looking up from his textbook that he was actually reading (but also doodling in).

Quinn looked back at Finn and gave him a small smile. "A retainer."

"Ew." Santana, who was sitting behind Brittany remarked.

Kurt nodded. "I don't usually talk to her," he signaled to Santana, "But I have to agree: I would rather die."

"If is snots gross!" Rachel pouted, crossing the floor of the classroom.

"Snot?" Santana laughed dryly. "My point."

Rachel huffed and reached into her mouth and pulled out her retainer. It was clear lavender with a sparkly gold star in the center. "This is STUPID! I'm the only person I know who has never had braces, yet needs a retainer. It limits my superior vocal abilities and I'm not sure if-"

"How many people do you know?" Puck scoffed, looking up from the paper airplane that he was folding, then looking back, and running his fingernail along the tip, making sure that it was pointy and sharp.

Rachel paced back towards her desk. "I'm choosing to ignore that. I have a natural- born talent for singing; my father's made sure of it when they were picking out a mom. I have been taking dance lessons since before I could walk and I was born to be a star!" she opened her mouth and put her retainer in, before pushing it up. Then, she (finally) sat down at her desk, crossed her arms, and huffed.

"Refrainers awre fupid." Rachel declared, before opening a book that looked a lot like the Spanish II workbook (but was really Le Mis sheet music).

"Finally," Kurt signed, lifting his head up. "Peace and-"

"Hey guys!" Mr. Schuster exclaimed loudly, walking into the classroom. "I'm back! I hope that you have all learned your lessons? Next time: no fights," he looked at Puck, "No talking back," he looked at Rachel and then Kurt, "and no cat fighting," he looked at the Cheerios. "So no trouble, no detentions… not so bad, eh?" he pretended to joke.

A series of "No", "No, sir", and "No, Mr. Schuster" were grumbled in response.

Through the responses, Puck tossed his airplane, but Mr. Schue caught it mid- air. He looked at Puck all- knowingly, but didn't chose to say anything. Instead, he responded by talking to the class as a whole. "I take it that you have all written your, apology and explanation essays?"

His question was responded to my silence.

"Sorry guys," Mr. Schue apologized. "Principle's orders. Once you hand yours in, you may go. Have a good weekend, guys. Be good kids like I know you are!"

Kids flocked to the front to hand in their essays.

Santana and Brittany handed in their essays, then stopped at Quinn's desk. "You coming, Q?" Santana asked. "We need to get to the dance room to practice, if we want to make the squad next year."

"Coach Sylvester eats people." Brittany informed Quinn, in her usual tiny, but fascinated voice.

"Be there in a sec." Quinn signaled to her notebook. "I'm finishing my essay."

"Hurry!" Santana called, as she and Brittany walked out the door that was near Quinn's desk.

Once everyone but Rachel and Mr. Schue had left the classroom (Quinn had checked four times), she walked over to Rachel, dropped a note on the loud- mouthed brunette's desk, then turned around, then walked out of the room without a word.

Curious about what a future Cheerio had handed her, Rachel carefully opened the note. It read: "They sell mouth- glue that help retainers stay in at the drug store. Or, if your parents will let you, they make built-in retainers for your mouth. Good teeth are worth it.

PS. Destroy this and don't tell anyone I gave it to you, or you are toast."