Blaine doesn't know why he did it.

Bulllshit.

That's a lie.

If he's going to lie to everyone else, he should at least be honest with himself.

He did it because he was hurt.

He did it because he thought they were over.

He did it because he thought he didn't matter to Kurt anymore.

He did it because he was being stupid, and childish, and if he was thinking straight and trusted his boyfriend, trusted what they had, then he would have driven by the hotel entirely and gone straight to the airport.

When Blaine realized what he had done, just how badly he'd fucked up, he got dressed and left.

But he only got as far as his car in the parking lot.

Sitting in the driver's seat with his head in his hand, feeling lube he couldn't towel off fast enough drying on his skin, and wearing this shirt that smells like another man's aftershave, Blaine knows what he should do. And it can't wait until the next time he goes to New York for a visit. Kurt deserves to know.

Blaine has to tell him the truth.

He has to do it now.

With shaking hands, Blaine pulls his phone from his pocket and dials Kurt's number. He sits quietly, breath held, listening, practicing lines and playing out scenarios in his head – about a dozen with each ring. If Kurt doesn't pick up, then Blaine might be right, and what he did, as heinous and despicable and unforgivable as it was, won't matter anyway.

If Kurt does pick up, then Blaine will have ruined one of the best things he had going in his life.

Frankly, he has no idea which outcome he wants, which action on Kurt's part will make this situation better.

Three rings go by. Blaine glances at his watch. It's only nine o'clock. Kurt can't be in bed yet. One more ring. Blaine's about to hang up. What does it matter if Kurt picks up? Either way, Blaine's lost him.

Blaine pulls the phone away from his ear just as, “Hey!” comes over the line. Kurt answered – he answered and he sounds excited to hear from him. Fuck! “Long time no hear from, stranger!”

Which Blaine realizes isn't true because they just spoke that morning.

“Yeah,” Blaine says. He clears his throat of the tears and words and emotions lodging themselves there. “Well, I have something I really need to tell you, and it…it can't wait.”

“What a coincidence,” Kurt says, happy and flirty and perfect, “because I have something I really need to tell you, too.”

“Oh…r-really?” Blaine says, unable to keep his throat from closing, his voice from catching.

“Yeah…” The bubbly quality fizzles from Kurt's voice the way it always does when he's about to say something serious. This is it, Blaine thinks. This is the part where Kurt tells him that they're over, actually says it out loud. “I just wanted to say that…I'm sorry.”

Blaine swallows. “S-sorry? Sorry for what?”

“For not being more supportive.” Kurt sighs. “For not paying more attention. Coming out here and living in New York - it's such an amazing opportunity. But, everything moves so fast here, it's such a huge change of pace, and I'm overwhelmed. But, it's also everything I ever dreamed it would be.”

“Well…that's good. I'm glad,” Blaine says. He bites hard on his knuckle, waiting for the shoe to drop, the part where Kurt tells him that, with everything he has going for him, he doesn't need Blaine hanging on. He doesn't have time for a high school senior from Lima, Ohio, when he's got all of New York within his reach.

“But, I know that I probably wouldn't have come out here right now if you hadn't pushed me to go,” Kurt says. “You wanted what's best for me, and, Blaine, you're so important to me.” Kurt pauses when his voice starts to break from tears he's holding back, too. “And I know that the long distance relationship thing is hard, and that it's going to take some juggling to work, but I believe in us. I know we can do it. As long as I love you, and you love me, we can do anything together. Right?”

Half a minute goes by before Blaine can answer, before he can make his lips move, before he can even blink his eyes. Thirty-two scenarios must have flashed through his head while he was waiting to see if Kurt would answer his phone, but of all of them, this one never popped up.

Oh, God. It's worse than Kurt breaking up with him.

He apologized.

“Blaine? Blaine, are you still there?”

“Yes,” Blaine chokes out. “Yes, I am. I…I'm just…you're right. Right. As long as we love each other, we can do anything.”

“Yeah,” Kurt agrees, nervously chuckling his tears away. “Besides, this is your senior year. Once, it gets into full swing and you guys start competing, and Mr. Schue forces you to participate in Booty Camp every weekend even though you definitely don't need it, like he did to me," Kurt adds with a touch of bitterness, “you'll be so busy, you won't even miss me. I promise. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'll be the one on a plane down there every weekend begging for your attention.”

Kurt laughs again, the flirty and bubbly returning to his voice, and Blaine bites his knuckle again, leaving teeth marks, drawing blood.

“Now your turn,” Kurt says, sounding immensely relieved. “What did you want to tell me?”

“I…” Blaine starts, but the words don't come. They don't come because they're not there anymore. They've disappeared because he's an idiot and a coward…and he knows it. “I just…called to say I love you.”

“Oh,” Kurt says. Blaine closes his eyes and sees Kurt in his mind, putting a hand to his chest and smiling, eyes watery, lips trembling, still as completely in love with him as ever. “I love you, too. From the bottom of my heart. And the next time you want to say it, call me any time, and I promise, I'll pick up. And if I can't, I'll text you back. And if I can't do that for some reason, like I'm tied up at work, or my arms have been chopped off, or I'm being eaten alive by zombies” – Kurt chuckles at his attempt at levity – “please, please, please just remember that I love you. I'll always love you. Okay?”

“I will,” Blaine says, blinking the tears burning his eyes and hating his life, hating himself. “I will.”