Blaine wrapped his hand tightly around the long-stemmed rose in his hand, pressing the pad of his thumb roughly against the sharp thorn. The almost unbearable pain of the thorn just this side of not breaking his skin along with frigid air that sliced Blaine’s lungs with each breath were the only things he could feel.

Even then it was only a shadow of pain, a shadow of what they truly felt like. Blaine stared at the ground. Small piles of snow were smattered across the cemetery and gray clouds hung low in the early spring sky.

It should have been me.

It had all happened so quickly. They were so busy singing a joyous song; deafeningly loud in the choir room that none of them heard the announcement. Blaine couldn’t remember what they had been singing; all he remembered was that when they finished, Kurt’s soft fingers had slipped into his, a simple touch that felt like nothing they had shared before.

Blaine knew in that moment that he was going to kiss Kurt. After too long spent dancing around their feelings, Blaine knew that this was it. Now or never. He twirled Kurt into his arms and Kurt gave him the most beautiful smile. He was so happy, for the first time in such a long time, Blaine saw that smile that could have lit up the entire state of Ohio with its brightness.

Blaine pulled Kurt closer and tilted his face up, almost closing the distance between their lips when he felt it moments before the sound hit his ears. Kurt jerked forward in his arms as though shoved and then Kurt’s smile fell along with his body.

Blaine collapsed on the ground with Kurt, his hand on the other boy’s back. Screams rang out through the room as three more shots were fired before a fourth took the shooter down.

Blood poured out of the wound in Kurt’s back over Blaine’s hand and he frantically searched Kurt’s face for any sign of life.

“Kurt!” Blaine screamed. “Kurt! Kurt! Kurt!” He shook the boy, trying to wake him up and pulled the boy’s lifeless body to his chest, tears streaming down his cheeks. Blaine’s whole world narrowed to a tiny point and the only thing in it was the body of the boy who loved him, the boy he loved, and who would never know it.

Puck was hit in the arm, Rachel had taken a bullet to her leg, and Tina’s shoulder was shattered, but they were all alive.

Ten other students had been shot; Kurt was the only one that hadn’t survived.

It should have been me.

Blaine couldn’t look up. He couldn’t face these people. People that loved and adored Kurt. People who barely knew Blaine, most of them, he was sure had no idea why the curly-headed boy was there.

Each member of the glee club had made a speech, though Blaine had blocked most of them out, and then there was a hand pulling on his arm. He tilted his head up to see Mercedes standing in front of him, teary-eyed and not at all her usual self.

“You’re up,” She managed to say before falling in line with the rest of New Directions.

Blaine took a few steadying breaths and stepped towards the casket. It was beautiful and simple, a lighter wood that shone slightly, even under the overcast sky—it would have gone beautifully with Kurt’s skin tone. Kurt would have appreciated that. He also would have liked the silver fastenings, Kurt always thought that gold looked gaudy and had a tendency to look cheap.

Blaine’s fingers slid along the wood as he moved to the head of the group, still clutching the rose in his hand.

He took a deep breath and gazed out over the gatherers before his eyes settled on the casket in front of him.

“Kurt was,” Blaine started, tears already sliding down his frozen cheeks, he didn’t wipe them away. “Kurt was the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. The two of us met under less than ideal circumstances, but we became fast friends.”

Blaine smiled sadly a little as he remembered the first coffee they shared.

“Best friends. We became best friends and Kurt was like fresh air. Being around him breathed new life into me. Though we met when he most needed help, it was he who ultimately helped me the most. He pushed me and challenged me and he wasn’t afraid to be honest with me. I always admired that about him, just how open he was. Beautiful. It was beautiful. He was beautiful.”

Blaine choked up a little as the image of that last smile flashed through his mind.

“I never got to tell him this, so this, this is for Kurt.” Blaine paused, his eyes sliding closed. “Kurt…I love you. I should have told you that from the moment that we met because if ever there were proof of love at first sight, it was with you. I was so scared though. I didn’t have the courage you had, but I should have told you.” Blaine wiped away the tears, rubbing his rough wool coat against his face.

“You were so amazing and understanding and I will never know what I did to deserve having you in my life. I hate that our times was cut so short. I hate that we never got to be together. I hate that I never got to tell you that I love you. I never got to hold you. I never got to kiss you…” Blaine trailed off.

“I was going to, you know. That day, in the choir room. I was going to kiss you and tell you that I loved you, but now….” Blaine let his tears wash over him for a few moments. “I love you Kurt, I always will.”

He stepped down from the small podium set up and stumbled over to the casket. He set his rose, red for love, on top of the pile of flowers already adorning the top. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the cold wood.

“I love you,” he whispered. When Blaine stood up, a strong hand pulled him back by the shoulder. Burt pulled Blaine into his arms and let Blaine sob into his chest. Burt rubbed Blaine’s back consolingly.

“He loved you too, Blaine. He loved you too,” Burt whispered, barely loud enough for Blaine to hear. Blaine buried his head further into Burt’s chest, letting his sobs take over him.

It should have been me.