sandymg
March 16, 2012, 1:05 p.m.
Courage
As Kurt leaves for NYC, Blaine has to figure out how to say goodbye.
K - Words: 619 - Last Updated: Mar 16, 2012 777 0 0 1 Categories: Angst, Romance, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Tags: established relationship, futurefic,
Author's Notes: Spoilers through the end of Season 2.
“You said you couldn’t ever say goodbye to me.” Before Kurt can reply Blaine is taking it back. “No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m so happy for you. It’s your dream. And you deserve it so much.”
Blaine’s crying before he can stop himself and sinks his face deep into Kurt’s shoulder. Downstairs, Blaine hears the door open and shut. Burt and Finn are putting Kurt’s luggage in the car. Burt will be driving Kurt to the airport.
“I meant it,” Kurt whispers. “I can’t say it.”
Blaine looks up and Kurt looks like a water color through his glazed eyes. Pale complexion shimmering like wet marble, eyes pooling like a rippling lake. He’s so beautiful. The most beautiful soul he’s ever known.
Every clich� about letting love go and waiting for its return runs through his mind. They all feel like bullshit.
Ever since Kurt’s graduation they’ve run their separation around in circles until the words barely had meaning. Texting and emails and Skype. Holidays and school breaks.
It’s still 500 miles.
And separate lives.
The truth is, goodbye is all that’s left.
“I’ll say it … “
“Blaine … “ Kurt’s voice is higher than usual, which is saying a lot. He sounds like he’s strangling.
“We have to,” Blaine explains. “I owe it to you. Neither of us knows what the future will bring. So let’s not promise what we can’t. I know what I know. I love you and this … “ Blaine motions between them. “Will always be something I treasure. Because you are amazing and I’ve been so lucky to have—“
He can’t go on because his throat is shut as if he’s swallowed a basketball. He holds on tight and fights for air.
A quiet cough sounds behind them. Burt stands in the doorway. “Time to head out.”
Blaine isn’t going to the airport. He told Kurt yesterday he couldn’t and Kurt had understood. “I’ll be down in a minute,” Kurt replies. It’s hardly above a whisper but Burt hears him.
Kurt pulls back and looks into Blaine’s eyes. “I love you, too. And I still can’t say it.”
It’s so easy to want to read into that. To believe that the miles might really not matter. Except it’s more than distance, it’s New York City. It’s new people. New experiences. A new life. He pulls Kurt down for a kiss. Soft because if he dares let it be more he’ll break down. With a final surge of strength he holds Kurt’s face in his palms one last time. “Goodbye, Kurt. Be fabulous. Be you.”
The words surround Kurt and Blaine sees the moment Kurt swallows them down. Sees them stiffen his limbs and lengthen his spine. “Anything I ever will be, couldn’t have happened without you.”
Blaine’s lips curl into a small smile hearing that. Nothing was ever going to stop Kurt Hummel. But the sentiment is sweet. Kurt’s eyes darken as if he’s reading Blaine’s mind. It takes him by surprise when Kurt’s lips are upon him again. Hard and possessive. It doesn’t last long … yet for all the kisses they’ve shared this one feels unique. Blaine trembles as Kurt pulls away equally quick.
Kurt takes a step back and Blaine feels the chill of the sudden separation. “I’m not saying it,” Kurt repeats, eyes clear and bright and so sure that something unexpected curls around Blaine’s heart.
Staring at Kurt’s retreating back, Blaine realizes he’s no longer crying. Yet he can’t bring himself to leave Kurt’s room. In fact, he doesn’t move at all. An indeterminate amount of time later his phone buzzes with one new text.
Courage.
The new thing around Blaine’s heart tightens, pulses warm and safe, enabling his legs to move again, and leave this room with a spring he’d never dreamt possible.
fin
Blaine’s crying before he can stop himself and sinks his face deep into Kurt’s shoulder. Downstairs, Blaine hears the door open and shut. Burt and Finn are putting Kurt’s luggage in the car. Burt will be driving Kurt to the airport.
“I meant it,” Kurt whispers. “I can’t say it.”
Blaine looks up and Kurt looks like a water color through his glazed eyes. Pale complexion shimmering like wet marble, eyes pooling like a rippling lake. He’s so beautiful. The most beautiful soul he’s ever known.
Every clich� about letting love go and waiting for its return runs through his mind. They all feel like bullshit.
Ever since Kurt’s graduation they’ve run their separation around in circles until the words barely had meaning. Texting and emails and Skype. Holidays and school breaks.
It’s still 500 miles.
And separate lives.
The truth is, goodbye is all that’s left.
“I’ll say it … “
“Blaine … “ Kurt’s voice is higher than usual, which is saying a lot. He sounds like he’s strangling.
“We have to,” Blaine explains. “I owe it to you. Neither of us knows what the future will bring. So let’s not promise what we can’t. I know what I know. I love you and this … “ Blaine motions between them. “Will always be something I treasure. Because you are amazing and I’ve been so lucky to have—“
He can’t go on because his throat is shut as if he’s swallowed a basketball. He holds on tight and fights for air.
A quiet cough sounds behind them. Burt stands in the doorway. “Time to head out.”
Blaine isn’t going to the airport. He told Kurt yesterday he couldn’t and Kurt had understood. “I’ll be down in a minute,” Kurt replies. It’s hardly above a whisper but Burt hears him.
Kurt pulls back and looks into Blaine’s eyes. “I love you, too. And I still can’t say it.”
It’s so easy to want to read into that. To believe that the miles might really not matter. Except it’s more than distance, it’s New York City. It’s new people. New experiences. A new life. He pulls Kurt down for a kiss. Soft because if he dares let it be more he’ll break down. With a final surge of strength he holds Kurt’s face in his palms one last time. “Goodbye, Kurt. Be fabulous. Be you.”
The words surround Kurt and Blaine sees the moment Kurt swallows them down. Sees them stiffen his limbs and lengthen his spine. “Anything I ever will be, couldn’t have happened without you.”
Blaine’s lips curl into a small smile hearing that. Nothing was ever going to stop Kurt Hummel. But the sentiment is sweet. Kurt’s eyes darken as if he’s reading Blaine’s mind. It takes him by surprise when Kurt’s lips are upon him again. Hard and possessive. It doesn’t last long … yet for all the kisses they’ve shared this one feels unique. Blaine trembles as Kurt pulls away equally quick.
Kurt takes a step back and Blaine feels the chill of the sudden separation. “I’m not saying it,” Kurt repeats, eyes clear and bright and so sure that something unexpected curls around Blaine’s heart.
Staring at Kurt’s retreating back, Blaine realizes he’s no longer crying. Yet he can’t bring himself to leave Kurt’s room. In fact, he doesn’t move at all. An indeterminate amount of time later his phone buzzes with one new text.
Courage.
The new thing around Blaine’s heart tightens, pulses warm and safe, enabling his legs to move again, and leave this room with a spring he’d never dreamt possible.
fin
End Notes: Beta tmn1966 on LiveJournal