Hi Blainers!” Brittany cried cheerfully as she sidled up to Blaine in the corridor. “Santana says we have to go to the choir room now.”

“Okay...? Why?” Blaine asked. This was only his second day at McKinley and he had been warned about Santana by Kurt at least three times since he made his decision. “Do you think we should go get Kurt?”

“No, Santana said we weren’t allowed to bring Kurt.” Brittany seemed completely oblivious to Blaine’s suddenly sweaty palms and increased heart rate as she linked arms with him and dragged him down the corridor.

“What’s this about?” Blaine’s mind was racing - what could she want with him? Kurt had once made an offhand comment that she might try to turn him straight... but was she not a lesbian with Brittany these days? He should have checked this with Kurt before he came within fifty feet of the girl! Oh god, this couldn’t be good.

In all his stressing, he hadn’t realised they were already there. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

“Hi Hobbit.” Santana’s grin was definitely malicious. Oh god.

“Hello Santana... How are you?”

“Oh I’m dandy but not as good as you’re about to be.” Yep. He was being turned. At least she was prettier than Rachel. “We’ve got something to show you.” That was definitely a leer. Oh god. Well, at least it’ll probably only be boobs, he can take boobs - boobs are fine. Santana had turned around. Oh god what was about to happen. She was bent over the piano. Oh god, was he about to see... no!

She turned back around and advanced on him, her grin widening further (Blaine wasn’t sure that was possible) and brought a laptop with her. Was she going to make him watch porn? Maybe she was going to make him watch gay porn to try and get him ‘in the mood’. Every time he watches gay porn he always thinks of that conversation with Kurt about porn. Oh, well now he’s slightly more ‘in the mood’. Or maybe Brittany and Santana made a sex tape. Oh god. He was not ready to see that! Brittany was too innocent for him to even imagine like... that.

“Chill, Warbler, you look like one of those saw victims.” Oh god. Was she about to kill him? No, she couldn’t kill him in school... Could she? No... Probably not, anyway. He should focus on something more likely - like her and Brittany’s sex tape. He’ll just close his eyes. Yes, that’s what he’ll do: close his eyes.

Santana and Brittany were on either side of him and the laptop was placed on his lap but he had his eyes closed, avoiding the whole sex tape. Clever Anderson.

“Open your eyes or you’ll miss it!” Santana hissed at him.

“Not until you tell me what I’m about to miss!” he hissed back.

“Hummel’s gyrating hips.”

“Oh my god,” he moaned under his breath. Oh god. Santana had definitely heard that. He opened his eyes and her face was an inch away from his, a wicked smile spread across her face.

“He’ll hear about that later on in glee... just so you know.” Her grin somehow broadened. “Now, onto the show. Try to contain yourself.” Just before she hit play, she added, “Oh, and we put the laptop on YOUR lap specifically so that you can conceal any... urges... this may give you.” Oh god. What was he about to see? If it was this hot, well, he wasn’t sure he was ready. Seriously, what was he about to see? Had they snuck into Kurt’s room and filmed him doing... whatever... and were about to show him? That was so wrong. Still, there was a voice in the back of his head repeating to him, Get a copy! Get a copy! Get a copy! Okay, he was definitely interested.

Santana pressed play.

A familiar song filled his ears but he couldn’t remember who it was by or what it was. It wasn’t Katy Perry or P!nk for sure - he would recognise them anywhere. Probably not Gaga, either - Kurt ensured he listened to her often enough to recognise her. No, it was someone else.

The screen came to life.

It was all black and white and Brittany and Tina stood either side of... oh god... was that Kurt? His hair was different and he hadn’t hit his growth spurt yet but that was definitely Kurt. And then... oh god... Santana wasn’t lying when she said his hips would be gyrating. He could also see why she had placed the laptop there - he could definitely see the appeal. And oh god he just squatted and Blaine moaned. Moaned.

“Heard that,” Santana taunted but Blaine didn’t notice. Kurt was spanking himself. Spanking himself. Spanking. Himself. Blaine had no idea when that became a kink of his but he was suddenly very aware of it. And oh god that ass. He moaned again. “Horny hobbit.” And then he noticed what Kurt was wearing and how it clung to everything. Everything.

The video ended.

“Can I move this laptop or...?” Santana asked, that wicked smile plastered back on her face.

“Wow.” Blaine couldn’t think of anything else to say. That was hot! “I mean, he said he was a baby penguin and didn’t know the first thing about sex and so I didn’t want to push him but oh god what was tha-?”

“Did you just say ‘push him’?” Santana asked.

“Erm... Yeah. Why?”

“One moment.” She disappeared into Mr. Schue’s glee club office. Blaine would have wondered what was going on but he was still in shock over what he had just witnessed.

“Hi Blainers!” Brittany’s excited exclamation brought him out of his reverie.

“Oh... Hi Britts. Sorry, just sort of zoned out.”

“It’s okay. I do that when I see sexy things, too.” She smiled reassuringly at him. He looked back, his face covered in confusion.

“I’m ba-ack!” Santana declared as she came back into the room, holding a DVD case. “Now, I think you will definitely enjoy this - just ignore Berry gyrating in the background.”

“Santana, that’s my sister! What are you trying to show me?”

“Just you watch. You’ll enjoy it just as much as the last one.” And then she added in a whisper, “And so will Blaine Junior.” Oh god.

She placed the DVD into the laptop, her hand obscuring anything written on the disc and waited for it to load.

The disc auto-played.

Artie, Tina, Mercedes, Finn, Rachel and Kurt were all wearing blue and standing in the auditorium in... compromising positions... with one another. And then the girls all shouted at once, “GET UP ON THIS!”

Blaine knew this song.

Blaine loved this song.

Blaine was not ready to see Kurt perform this song.

He gulped.

Luckily, just as Kurt rubbed his hands down his body towards his crotch (the exact place all the blood in Blaine’s body was going, too), he was saved by the boy himself.

“Oh thank god, Blaine! I was so worried in case you got slushied or something so I went looking and... Why are you with Santana and what’s that noise?”

“Oh that? That’s nothing,” Santana replied, her voice innocent but that devillish smile on her face giving her away. “Just watching some glee performances.”

Kurt stopped and listened just as the club all shouted “PUSH IT!” at the same time. All the (admittedly scarce) colour fled from his face as he looked horrified.

“P-Push it? You’re showing him Push it?” Kurt looked gobsmacked.

“It’s okay; he likes it,” Santana replied with a smirk before licking her lips. Blaine just sat there absolutely speechless. He didn’t know what to do or say - he was not expecting any of this. Actually, now that he thought of it, he definitely preferred the sex tape. Anything but this situation.

Kurt looked at him, surprised. “Is this true?”

“Erm... Well... Your-your hips are... emm... yeah. Yes.”

Kurt smirked.

“Right, well I’ll leave you two homos to each other. Britts and I have to go fix our make-up in the girls’ bathrooms.”

Brittany squealed and ran after Santana, linking pinkies with her before leaving together.

“So you really liked it?”

Blaine had managed to recover some of his composure so was able to manage, “It was... enjoyable. Definitely. Your hips are very... shakeable.”

Kurt ignored the word ‘shakeable’ and replied, “Well, just you wait until later - that was 2 years ago; just wait until you see me now.”

Blaine gulped.

Oh god.