AN- This one-shot is part of the "Heteroflexible" 'verse. You're welcome to read separately, but it probably won't make a ton of sense ;) Warnings in case you do so, this 'verse is FULL of strong adult language and adult themes.

Set soon after the bar scene from chapter seventeen.

This is a belated birthday present for my heteroflexible inspiration and amazing bestest buddy :) Happy Birthday, P! I sure do love you to pieces :)

The inspiration for this story came from my husband. One day I came home from work to find my hubby (boyfriend at the time) and his best friend in a horrifying yet hilarious predicament quite similar to what you're about to read :) Enjoy!

PV

"Dude! Open up! My arms are about to fucking fall off!"

Blaine yanked open the door to Kurt's apartment and started in surprise when Luke plopped a half dozen overflowing grocery bags into his arms.

"What are you doing here, Luke?" He mumbled from behind the sudden load in his arms. He turned to deposit them on the floor and eyed Luke questioningly.

"I'm saving the fucking day, flexy-boo!" Luke grinned, bouncing into the room. He handed Blaine his phone to show a text conversation between himself and Jared.

Um so srrry, sweetes. Um so suck. Donut think I can be their ~J

What the fuck are you talking about? And who are you sucking? ~L

Oh gosh, um srrry Luke. Though I was testing B. Was meant to be suck not suck ~J

Crap. Suck ~J

Shit! Suck ~J

FUCKING DAMMIT ALL TO HELL FUCKING AUTOCORRECT! Sick ~J

Wow. You must be sick. A. I don't think I've ever seen such incoherent texts from you. B. You're cursing just like me or our little semi-gay mutual friend ~L

Fervor of 104. Um dyeing ~J

Dude! What were you supposed to do for Blainey? Can I help? ~L

Your rally are a sweetheart deep donw. Your not jusy an ass! ~J

You're too kind, P ;) ~L

Yes, you can help. B is turning to surprise Krut. Rmaonitc date. Needs help planning ~J

I'm on it! I'm romantic as shit! Don't die on me my dearest pooftah. Get some sleep. If all else fails maybe you SHOULD suck someone. I've heard that the come from the right man can have healing powers ~L

You're digusting. Thnk you for Blaine helping. I'm gonna pass out now ~J

I'll bring you soup later. Kisses ~L

Kisses dickhead ~J

Of course that word you spelled correctly :) ~L

Bited me ~J

Blaine planted his face in his hands and groaned with a laugh.

"Poor Jar! Is he okay do you think? Maybe I should check on him," he bit at his thumbnail nervously.

"Already done," Luke exclaimed, making himself at home as he plopped down onto a bar stool by Kurt's kitchen counter. "I dropped him some soup before I came over here and tucked him into bed with some sappy chick flick that had him crying like a baby. I'm gonna check in on him again when I'm done here."

Blaine's eyes softened and he smiled at Luke appreciatively.

"Thanks, man. That means a lot to me. I'm gonna have to be careful," he teased. "You're gonna be taking my place as the best friend!"

"I could never do that completely," Luke chuckled softly, "but it honestly makes sense for Jar and I to get closer. You and Kurt are kinda taking over a portion of the best friend roles to each other now, and that's as it should be," he quickly assured when he saw Blaine looking guilty. "It works out. Jar and I still have our best friends. It's not like you guys are going anywhere, but when you're busy being all gushy or having butt sex, J and I can hang and be buds until we meet the loves of our own lives! Everybody wins!"

They grinned at each other and laughed as they bumped fists.

"Solid deal, man," Blaine smiled. "Okay, I hope you shock me by being a secret, sappy romantic cuz I am so fucked in that department."

"Dude!" Luke grinned, dashing to grab the bags he had brought and dumping them on the counter. "I did the smartest thing ever! I got on this girly dating chat forum thing and said I wanted to surprise my boyfriend with a romantic night and asked them for ideas. They literally swooned! I've even gotta list! I went shopping for you and bought everything they suggested!"

"Oh my god," Blaine gasped happily, snatching the list from Luke's hand then glancing at the bags. With a happy yelp he jumped on top of Luke, almost knocking him to the ground. Luke gagged as Blaine's arms almost choked him, but laughed as he hugged him before punching him away.

"Thank you, man!" Blaine smiled, punching him back playfully. "You're the best!"

"No worries, my little flexy. Uncle Luke to the rescue. This is going the most romantic night ever!"

Blaine smiled in agreement.

An hour later he wasn't so sure.

"Do you think the dough is supposed to look like this?" Blaine eyed the biscuit mixture warily. It was turning an odd gray color and seemed extraordinarily stiff for the fact that it had yet to be cooked. He nervously turned to Luke who was just coming in from decorating the bedroom.

Blaine had initially insisted that getting the bedroom ready should be his job, but Luke had informed him that he was forbidden to bake anything in Kurt's apartment ever since "the incident", and that it might be wise for him to steer clear of preparing the meal. Blaine agreed, knowing how protective Kurt was of his kitchen. He didn't even bother asking what "the incident" was.

"Whoa! What did you do, flexorama?!"

Blaine blinked his eyes and looked around himself anxiously, not liking the tone of Luke's voice.

"What?" He asked in a weak voice, though he was fairly confident what Luke was referring to. There were baking supplies and utensils littering every inch of Kurt's counters and part of the floor. Literally every cupboard and drawer was at least partially open, and flour spatters and eggs shells were somehow covering every surface. He himself was just as much of a mess, the clothing under Kurt's borrowed apron the only place that wasn't spattered with some type of food.

Luke cleared his throat, trying not to break out into laughter.

"Um, don't worry about that right now, B. We'll get it cleaned up. What did you want to ask me?"

"The dough," Blaine sighed. "I don't think it's right."

Luke pursed his lips, poking the dough with a spoon. "You followed the directions, right?"

"Yeah," Blaine nodded quickly, snatching the recipe card from the counter. "I mean I had to substitute a couple things, but that's no biggie, right?"

"What'd you substitute?" Luke asked, eyeing the dough as if it was a toxic substance.

"Well, I used corn starch instead of baking powder. That's, like, the same thing, right? They're both white and powdery."

"Oh, yeah," Luke nodded seriously in agreement. "Same thing."

"And I couldn't find measuring spoons so I used measuring cups. It called for a teaspoon of salt. I figure that's close to a quarter cup, right?"

"Sounds right to me."

"And then we're out of milk so I used some of the french vanilla coffee creamer. You think that's okay?"

"Same dif," Luke shrugged. "They're both milkish type things."

They both stared at the lumpy, drying, grayish mess, then looked back at each other.

"You may have fucked this one up," Luke deadpanned.

Blaine snorted a laugh and went to dump the mixture in the trash with a sigh of frustration. He groaned and burst out laughing even harder.

"Luke! This shit is fucking stuck in the god damn bowl!"

"No fucking way!" Luke laughed and jumped over to Blaine's side. "You might need to just throw the bowl away, man."

"What?!" Blaine gasped, face suddenly turning pale. "This is one of his Rachael Ray bowls! He'd fucking kill me! He's gonna be pissed enough when he sees..."

He trailed off, peering around behind him.

"Dude," he whispered. "I am so fucked."

"No, you're not," Luke announced with vigor. "Come on! These are just a couple of little setbacks. We can salvage the night! You hold the bowl and I'll pry it out."

Blaine sighed resolutely and braced himself on one side of the trash can as he held the bowl tightly. They both started giggling madly when Luke actually grunted out loud as he worked to pry the gluey mess from the bowl. With a loud, sticky suction sound it finally fell free, but not without spraying little gooey pieces everywhere, specifically into the faces of both men.

"Oh my god," Blaine moaned in distaste as he spit in the trash. "Good thing I didn't try to feed this to Kurt! He'd have been positive that I was trying to poison him."

Luke chuckled as he wiped at his face.

"Well, the cornish hens smell fabulous and I got the cheesecake, which we both know Kurt would happily eat all on its own. I think you're gonna be good. Why don't you get cleaned up and I'll see if I can't make a dent in this mess."

Blaine sighed and shocked Luke by kissing him sloppily on the cheek.

"Luke, you perfect person! Remind me to buy you something special!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Luke blushed, smacking him away. "Just keep givin' up that sweet ass anytime Kurt wants it if you want to thank me. He's so much easier to work with now that he's getting laid on a regular basis."

Blaine purposely swayed his hips back and forth as he sauntered to the bedroom, turning around to wink at Luke, who snorted as he started to clean up some of the mess.

Blaine's jaw dropped, however, the moment he stepped into Kurt's bedroom. His knees grew weak and he leaned against the wall.

"Luke!" He called in distress.

"What?!" Luke answered as he hurried to follow him. He noted Blaine's defeated expression and glanced around the room in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"What did you do?" Blaine squeaked.

"I decorated for a night of hot, gay sex!" Luke rolled his eyes, as if he couldn't believe that Blaine wasn't grasping the concept.

"You put porno posters all over the walls!"

"Well, yeah," Luke stared at him as though this had been the most obvious choice in the world.

"You put a pile of condoms and a vibrator on the bed!"

"Absolutely! You've got ribbed for your pleasure and vibrations for his," Luke grinned. "Or vice versa. Whatever floats your cock loving boats."

"Romantic, Lucas!" Blaine burst out, practically crying in exasperated laughter. "This was supposed to be romantic! Not a scene from a cheap porno flick!"

"The girls online said this would be romantic!"

"They said vibrators and pornography would be romantic?" Blaine asked in disbelief.

"Yeah," Luke nodded weakly. Blaine rolled his eyes.

"Apparently they're spending all their time on Tumblr reading slash fanfiction, because those things are not romantic in real life."

Luke laughed sheepishly, looking around the room,

"Hey," he spoke up excitedly. "I lit candles though! That's gotta be romantic for real!"

"True," Blaine smiled, glancing around the room at the soft, flickering light. It did set the mood. He leaned over to sniff one appreciatively, but pulled back with a grimace.

"Um, Luke?"

"What?"

"What scent are these candles?"

"I dunno. I got them from the camping section."

Blaine closed his eyes, shoulders shaking as he sank his face into his hands.

"You got the smelly kind that keep mosquitoes away!" He wailed in a muffled voice.

"Ooops," Luke spoke slowly, realization settling in as he gazed at the candles in the little clay pots. "I thought they looked a little rustic."

"Oh my god," Blaine whimpered. "Now I'm beyond fucked!"

"No, you're not," Luke nodded confidently as he grasped Blaine by the shoulders and shook him roughly. "Pull it together, my straightish little pooftah. I'll blow the candles out. You jump in the shower. You said that Kurt won't be home for another hour, right?

"Yeah," Blaine nodded. "Not till six."

"Blaine," Luke stared at him. "It's six."

"No, it's not!" Blaine gasped, glancing at his watch. "It's only... six. It's six. Oh my god, it's six."

"You may be fucked now," Luke whispered.

They stared at each other in despair for a moment, trying to decide what the hell to do, when another distinct scent caught their senses.

"Blaine, is that..."

"Holy shit!"

They both dashed back into the kitchen, skidding and slipping on the stray bits of biscuit dough as they went. Blaine slid to a stop as he yanked open the oven door.

"Oh. My. God." He gasped.

Steady streams of grease were running down from where the hens were sitting on a flat sheet and falling directly onto the heating element. Clouds of black smoke immediately wafted up in the air, filling the room. They jumped as a shrill beeping from the smoke detector filled the air.

"You were supposed to put the hens in a pan!" Luke shouted

"I did!" Blaine shouted back, snatching pot holders from the counter and trying to snatch out the pan.

"A pan with sides, dillhole! Not a cookie sheet where the liquid can run right off! It's gonna start a grease... FIRE!"

With frantic shouts they both went into action, Blaine grabbing the box of baking soda, the one he had found only after substituting for corn starch with the biscuits, and Luke snatched the fire extinguisher from next to the door. A white puff of powder filled the air as Blaine tossed the contents on the fire, and Luke pulled the pin from the extinguisher, finishing off the small flames by coating the entire stove in white foam.

They stood in stunned silence, flecks of foam and white powder coating them from head to foot, staring at the disaster before them in shock.

Blaine woodenly picked up one of the foam covered hens with his potholder covered hands, and just kept staring in silence.

"What the... What the hell? What did you fucking do to my kitchen?!"

Luke and Blaine whipped around to find Kurt standing in the doorway, eyes wide and face pale. The sudden movement caused Blaine to lose his grip on the hen and it spurted out of his hands and into the air. He made a desperate gesture to grab it, but it slipped and bounced until it spun out of his control, flying through the air, only to land at Kurt's feet.

Kurt gazed down at the bird in shock, then slowly looked back up to his boyfriend and best friend.

Luke and Blaine broke at the exact same moment.

"I just wanted to give you a romantic dinner! I'm so sorry!"

"I was trying to help him! I swear!"

"The dough turned to glue! I don't even know how!"

"I swear I didn't know the candles were meant for bugs!"

"I couldn't find any of the stuff to cook!"

"The girls said porn would be romantic!"

"How was I supposed to know you aren't supposed to use that kinda pan?!"

"He was trying hard, P! I swear he was!"

"So was Luke! It all got out of control!"

"Don't be mad!"

"Please don't-"

They both stopped rambling when Kurt held a hand up in the air. He covered his mouth with his hand, looking around the room in disbelief. When he moved both hands over his face and started shaking they had no idea if he was laughing or crying.

He took a deep breath before slowly looking up and lowering his hands. Blaine felt a flicker of hope when he saw a tiny smile play at the corner of his boyfriend's mouth. The model gingerly stepped over the foam covered hen and made his way through bits of slimey, gray biscuit dough, then stood before Luke and Blaine silently. After letting out a deep sigh, he gave the deepest eye roll that either men had ever witnessed and leaned forward to kiss Luke on the cheek.

"God, I love you two assholes."

He moved on to kiss Blaine sweetly on the lips, then turned to observe the room once more.

"I don't even think I want to know how this happened."

Blaine swallowed.

"It was a series of unfortunate events."

Kurt's shoulders started shaking again and he turned to Blaine with an exasperated grin.

"You're lucky we're still in the honeymoon phase, Lemony Snicket, or you'd so be sleeping on the couch tonight."

He furrowed his eyebrows all of a sudden, sniffing curiously.

"Why does it smell like when my dad forces me to go camping every year?"

Luke shrugged apologetically.

"That one would be my fault."

Kurt opened his mouth, then shut it quickly as he closed his eyes.

"Nope. I don't even want to know."

With a deep sigh he pushed up his sleeves, as if he was preparing to go to work, but Blaine stopped him short with a hand on his arm.

"Stop. I can fix this."

"Blaine..."

"No, Kurt. I can fix this. I can still make this a romantic evening. Please?"

Kurt looked around his kitchen in despair.

"How-"

"Trust me," Blaine cut him off as he slipped and slid across the room to grab his wallet. Kurt huffed playfully and put his hands on his hips.

"You kind of have poor timing to ask me to trust you, sweetie."

Blaine winced, but saw that Kurt was still looking at him lovingly so he pushed forward. He reached into his wallet, pulling out a credit card, and handed it to Luke.

"Take my boyfriend anywhere he wants to go and buy him anything he wants."

He turned to Kurt and placed a pleading kiss on his lips.

"Meet me at my apartment in two hours."

Kurt looked around his apartment in concern.

"But what about..."

"I promise it will all be taken care of. Please?"

Kurt pursed his lips for a moment before snatching the card from Luke's hand.

"Come on foamy. We're going to your place so you can shower so you don't embarrass me in public. Then we're going to go spend my boyfriend's hard earned cash on something pretty."

Blaine chuckled as Kurt winked at him sassily before waltzing out the door.

"Dude," Luke grinned. "I hope you know what you're doing."

Then he dashed out after Kurt.

Blaine took a deal breath as he looked around.

Right. Time to fix this.

"Honey?"

Kurt opened the door to Blaine's apartment and looked around curiously. He was surprised to find it completely dark, and set his bags aside as he flipped on a light. As he moved past the pile of bags he eyed his purchases guiltily.

He may have gone slightly overboard with Blaine's offer to "buy anything he wanted". In his defense, some of the purchases were actually for Blaine. The man's wardrobe was sadly lacking and Kurt had taken the opportunity to add what he felt were necessary pieces for any modern, fashionable man.

Also, in his defense, the man had literally wrecked his kitchen.

His annoyance and frustration over finding his apartment in a shambles had pretty much faded within half an hour of talking to Luke though. His best friend had explained everything, how one thing after another had gone just slightly wrong with their well-meaning plans, leading to the fiasco that Kurt had walked in on. By now he was pretty much just swooning over how desperately Blaine had wanted to surprise him with something romantic, no matter how epically he had failed.

"Blaine?" He called again, and then caught sight of a light flickering from inside Blaine's bedroom. He smiled, thinking candles were starting to become a signature thing for them, though, thankfully not typically the bug repellent kind.

He stepped cautiously into the bedroom and his jaw dropped. A discreet amount of candles were scattered across the room, soft music was playing, and the room seemed to be filled with red roses. Three different bouquets were sitting on the dresser and nightstands, and petals were strewn over the floor and across the bed. A little picnic blanket was also spread across the bed and a picnic basket was sitting in the middle. Blaine was on one knee, off to the side, nervously offering a single rose up to Kurt. He looked like he was fresh from the shower, with damp curls settling on his forehead, but he was dressed up in one of the nicer outfits that Kurt had specifically picked out for him.

"Does this make up for it at all?" He asked in a hopeful voice, sticking his bottom lip out adorably. Kurt strolled over to take the rose, biting his lip to keep from smiling like a fool. He happily pulled Blaine to his feet and into his arms. Closing his eyes and breathing in Blaine's fresh scent as he ran his fingers through the damp curls, he nodded into his neck.

"More than makes up for it."

Blaine sighed in relief, rubbing his cheek lightly against the softness of Kurt's. He realized that his boyfriend must have shaved again at work before coming home, because the skin was baby smooth and silky to the touch. Blaine wanted to melt into the softness, but knew it wasn't fair as he himself had more than a five o'clock shadow by now.

Kurt didn't seem to mind, what with the way he nuzzled against him, but he pulled back so that they were face to face. He gently placed his hands on either side of Blaine's face, careful to not let the thorns from the rose poke him.

"Thank you, Blaine," he whispered, surprising himself when his voice cracked slightly. "Thank you for trying so hard to do something romantic for me. Even if it turned out to be a bit of a fiasco," he giggled. "I just... no one's even tried to do something like that before."

Blaine let out an emotional little huff of air, his brow furrowing and his lips pouting. It made his heart ache to see how much it affected Kurt for him to do something as simple as plan a romantic evening, ignoring the fact that he had come close to burning his entire apartment building down instead. It made him want to romance Kurt every single day for the rest of their lives. He only hoped that he could manage to do so without killing either of them.

He started to speak but Kurt interrupted him.

"Just... let me finish. Okay?"

Blaine nodded in silence, smiling encouragingly.

"This, though?" Kurt nodded towards the rest of the room. "This is a complete and total win, baby. I don't even know what you have in the picnic basket over there, but I'm sure I'm gonna love it. Thank you. I feel so cared about, so special. I've... no one has ever made me feel this way before."

Blaine's smile grew all the while Kurt was talking, and with a quick shake of his head he rushed in to kiss him, sighing warmly against his lips.

It wasn't hot or heavy. It was light, and sweet, and romantic and so full of emotion for them both. Their lips were soft and pliant, melding together as they met with soft kiss after kiss. They stayed there, in that simple yet profoundly intimate moment for a while. Sometimes Kurt would take the lead, brushing his nose into Blaine's cheek as he pushed him back just slightly, leaning into the kisses with the gentlest bit of force. Sometimes Blaine would take the lead and Kurt would sigh a sweet breath into his boyfriend's mouth, relaxing his body and letting himself be kissed.

Kurt felt Blaine open his lips, just the smallest bit, and followed suit. A shiver ran through him and he made a tiny noise of contentment as the tips of their tongues touched. It was almost shy and delicate, their tongues brushing together warmly for brief seconds at a time. They would momentarily lose their breath as things grew intense, tasting and breathing each other in, and then it would diminish as they pulled back with one soft, still kiss before starting again.

Blaine's fingers at Kurt's waist tightened after a bit, and he hummed intensely against Kurt's mouth, overwhelmed by the sheer intimacy and connection of it all. This was, by far, the most intense moment that they had shared as a couple, and it absolutely blew his mind. All of the sex- the mind blowing, earth-shattering, forget your own name kind of fucking they'd been doing- and this was the most intense moment they'd had.

That was because in this moment it was purely about experiencing each other on an innocent and chaste kind of level. There was no frantic rush to get the other's pants off and either suck them or fuck them to an orgasm. It was all about the connection, and they both felt the electricity that sparked between them, knowing they wanted more, knowing they could have more, but that they wouldn't, for now. For the moment they would just kiss and enjoy each other in the most pure way, soaking in the feeling of the slowly growing heat and intensity.

Then, later that night, when it was finally too much... then they would fuck.

Just the thought caused Blaine's breath to catch in his throat and he whimpered softly. Kurt pulled back, eyes sparkling. He didn't need to say a word, knowing precisely what Blaine was feeling. He was experiencing the exact same thing.

They both breathed heavily, leaning in against each other's foreheads for a moment.

"Wow," Blaine breathed, rubbing shaky hands over Kurt's arms.

"I know," Kurt laughed softly, running his own hands up Blaine's chest. With a happy sigh, Blaine took his hand, leading him to the bed where the little picnic was set up.

"Hey," Kurt asked hesitantly. "I don't want to ruin the mood, but I just need to know before I can really relax. Please tell me my apartment isn't still sitting in ruins right now."

"Not in the slightest," Blaine smiled, taking Kurt's hand and pressing a soft kiss to the palm. "I called a cleaning service the moment you left and told them that if someone could come over right then I'd pay them double. They were already hard at work when I left and Mrs. Moscowitz is supervising."

"God, you are the best!" Kurt sighed in relief, then bounced excitedly on the bed as he glanced at the basket. "So, what have you got in there?"

Blaine smirked as he pulled out the cheesecake, eliciting an excited yelp from Kurt. He then went on to pull out a couple of forks, some small plates and two chilled, imported beers.

"Perfect," Kurt groaned, eagerly digging into the cake, directly ignoring the plates. Blaine shook with laughter, unable to believe how adorable it was that his slim, fit boyfriend would just dig into a fattening cheesecake with abandon.

He took the bite that Kurt offered him silently, before taking a deep breath and digging into the basket again.

Kurt's eyebrows rose and a sexy smirk crossed his face when he saw what Blaine had pulled out.

"I thought I was meant to buy you the toy?"

"Luke bought it, actually," Blaine snorted, eyeing the vibrator in his hand with interest.

"Sounds like him," Kurt laughed. "What else ya got in there?"

Blaine grinned, pulling out the different selections of condoms, a large container of lube, and a can of whipped cream.

"Mmmm," Kurt eyed him hungrily. He hurriedly pushed the cheesecake and beers off to the side, pressing Blaine down on his back and kissing him eagerly.

"What do you want to do?" Kurt asked breathlessly as he pulled back just a bit, brushing his nose against Blaine's in a little eskimo kiss.

Blaine swallowed hard, chewing the inside of his lip. An embarrassed flush spread across his face.

A smile spread across Kurt's.

"Spill! I can see you've thought about this! Come on, sweetie. I swear I won't judge."

"I was thinking," Blaine swallowed, looking nervous. "I was thinking that I could cover you in the whipped cream and suck you for a while. Then..." he squinted one eye, as if unsure how Kurt would respond to what he had to say next. "Um, then maybe I could fuck myself on you while you use... while you use the vibrator on yourself."

Kurt's eyes grew wide and he looked at Blaine in shock. Blaine paled, shaking his head frantically.

"I'm sorry! God, I should never have... it was too much, right? Too weird for me to suggest you use it on yourself! Just forget-"

He never had a chance to finish because Kurt shoving him back again, attacking his face and neck with kisses, moaning hotly as he sucked on his neck and palmed Blaine over his pants.

"Are you kidding me?" Kurt groaned. "That is so fucking hot!"

Blaine grinned as they both scrambled into a sitting position, yanking off their clothing and tossing it to the floor. He grabbed the whipped cream before settling on his knees next to the bed, yanking Kurt toward him. He sighed contentedly as Kurt propped one foot on the edge of the bed and rested his other leg over Blaine's shoulder, opening himself up in a vulnerable yet confident way. Blaine sprayed a thick line of the cream over Kurt's already firm cock as he kissed up his inner thigh lovingly.

Kurt hummed as Blaine playfully licked around the head of his cock for a moment, taking his time. As an afterthought, while he watched Blaine work, Kurt squirted a bit of lube on his own finger, massaging gently around his hole.

Blaine eyed Kurt's finger as it purposely circled and played with his hole, swallowing roughly. He closed his eyes, thinking distinctly about his great Aunt Mildred's nasty face mole in order to calm down his aching erection. It worked as always.

"Remind me to thank Luke for buying the vibrator," Blaine grinned as he licked once again at the head of Kurt's cock.

"Can we not talk about Luke right now?" Kurt muttered, his brow furrowing.

"Sure thing," Blaine smirked.

Kurt's eyes rolled back into his head as Blaine relaxed his throat, sinking in on his dick in one smooth move.

Neither of them thought about Luke for the rest of the night.

You feeling better? ~L

Yes! So much. I can think straight now ~J

Awww, don't think straight. I like you as a cock sucker! ~L

I'm bitch slapping you via text, you douche ~J

:) ~L

Hey, thank you so much for filling in for me with B. How was it? ~J

Ummm, interesting ~L

Oh, lord. Do I even want to know? ~J

Probably not. You might cry in your weakened, feverish state. I'll tell you later. Or he will ~L

Omg, should I call him? ~J

Um, no. I have a feeling they're knee deep in screaming out each other's names by now ~L

Lol, it must not have gone that badly then ~J

Oh, it did. Flexy just pulled it together tho, like a good man does ~L

*sniff sniff* Our little baby's all grown up! ~J

Oh, sweetheart! Don't cry! We can have another. You know I love you preggers ~L

Excuse me, sir. If we were a heterosexual couple YOU would be the one having the baby. I am not maternal, despite how loving I am with Blainey ~J

Dude! I'd be the fucking bomb as a pregnant woman! My big round belly would kick ass! ~L

Just tell me you'd still love me when I got fat though ~L

Of course I would, honey. Now I'm gonna go lie down again because my fever addled brain is convincing me that we're actually having a conversation about you being pregnant ~J

K. Night, my sick little pooftah. Want me to bring you soup again tomorrow? ~L

*Sigh*, you're the best. I'm gonna tell the world that you're actually just a big softie with the most loving heart in the world ~J

The world won't believe you. I've given it too much evidence to the contrary ~L

Whatever :) Night. See you tomorrow ~J

Night, pumpkin butt! Dream sweat dreams of a thick, delicious cock! ~L

You know it ;) ~J

Oh my god, I'm rubbing off on you! ~L

What? No! It's the fever talking! ~J

Love you :) ~L

You're not rubbing off on me, Luke! ~J

You're not! ~J

YOU'RE NOT! ~J

*sigh* love you, too ~J

:) ~L