
April 8, 2012, 7:49 p.m.
April 8, 2012, 7:49 p.m.
A relationship is sort of like a circle: It always comes back to where it started, or where it ended. One way or another, it begins again where it ended.
It had been six years since they had graduated McKinley High; it had been six years since he’d seen his former fellow Glee club members; it had been six years since he’d returned to this town. This was the first time in six years that New Directions was to gather together as a whole; the first time in six years that he was going to lay eyes on him; the first time in six years that they’d talk since they split up.
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Kurt stepped out of the taxi, breathing in the chilly October air. Thanking the taxi driver as he closed the trunk, he turned around, taking in the view before his eyes. As he stood on the porch of his childhood home, he realised that nothing had changed. Everything was exactly where it should be: the wind chimes hung precariously from the ledge on a simple nylon thread, the rake stood propped up against the wall by the doorbell, the dusty red mat still placed in front of the door at an angle. The only thing that had really changed was the fact that the garage door was not open, and unlike how it used to be, there was no music and accompanied male soprano voice coming from inside the house.
He pressed the bell once, twice, then a third time, as he always did when he was a child – a habit that his father hated, but grew to love, and to learn that it was a signal that it was his son at the door. Sound of heavy footsteps, and his father was at the door, a smile beaming on his face.
Just like the house, nothing about Burt Hummel had changed. He still wore a duck-beaked cap, and his name tag was still pinned to his chest. The only difference that Kurt had noticed on his father’s face was the lines that were beginning to gather at the corners of his father’s eyes, and the slight sagging of the skin – signs that his father, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, was growing older, and older by the minute.
Welcoming him in with a hug that was slightly too tight, his father led him to the living room, where Carole welcomed him home with a smile, as she set out tea for the family.
“How’s New York been, Kurt?” Carole asked as she sipped on her tea. “We’re so glad you decided to come back and visit, we’ve missed you.”
“New York’s been… pleasant,” Kurt replied, struggling to find the words to describe New York.
New York, unlike Ohio, was exciting, big, and crowded. There were people everywhere he went, and not a single place (perhaps with the exception of his apartment) was quiet. People in the heart of America were always hustling and bustling, having people to meet, phone calls to be answered, and places to be. He loved New York, he loved his new life as a theatre student, and he loved being… Free. Burt and Carole had been out to New York to visit him a few times over the last six years, and they were too planning on visiting again this year… Until they received the news that Kurt would finally be returning home to attend the Glee club reunion, due to NYADA postponing their latest production over arguments of whether to perform Wicked or Les Miserables.
“Well, it’s nice to have you back, Kurt.” Burt addressed his son, smiling proudly at him. “I never thought I'd be telling people that my son is a performer and not something fancy like a lawyer, or a doctor… Or better even, a mechanic.” He laughed to himself a little. “Either way, I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks dad. It’s good to be back,” Kurt replied to his father, rubbing his neck tiredly, taking a sip of his coffee. “When are Finn and Rachel arriving?”
“Their flight was delayed. They should’ve arrived an hour before you did, but I’m afraid they won’t be back until three,” Carole replied, checking her watch. “Only two hours before my two boys will be once again under the same roof!” She said enthusiastically.
“You look tired, why don’t you go take a nap, and we’ll wake you a little before we go pick up Finn and Rachel?” Burt asked his son.
Nodding graciously in agreement, Kurt dragged himself and his luggage upstairs to his childhood bedroom, collapsing on the bed.
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Kurt woke one and a half hours later, to his phone having gone off from a text.
Heya! You’re back, right? Excited to see you tonight! Mercedes xx
Smiling, Kurt picked up his phone, punching in a reply.
Hey girlfriend! Hell yes! Kurt Hummel is back in town! See you tonight! x p.s. should I wear red, or blue?
A little less than a minute later, a text from Mercedes had his phone ringing again.
Obviously red! Fiyaah! Mercedes xx p.s., are you ready to see him again?
Kurt dropped his phone, groaning. Was he ready? He didn’t know. His thoughts were momentarily interrupted as the doorbell rang.
Finn and Rachel were home.
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As Kurt, Finn, and Rachel drove towards McKinley High, Kurt and Rachel were exchanging stories that the two friends had missed whilst busily living their own respective lives.
Before graduation, Finn had asked Rachel to marry him, and Rachel had replied to him with a simple “I’ll have to think about it”. She never got around to giving him a proper reply, and instead, flew off to London to pursue her dreams of being an actress, studying at the London Academy of Performing Arts. Three years ago, she had returned to New York, where she had bumped into Finn (and Kurt on numerous occasions) and the high school sweethearts had begun talking again. Finn never stopped chasing after Rachel, no matter how many times she brought boys along to parties and hang-outs that Finn had invited her to. And three months ago, Finn had proposed again, and Rachel now donned a silver band on the ring finger of her left hand.
Kurt, on the other hand, had bid Ohio goodbye, and said hello to New York with a broken heart. He allowed time to slowly refill the empty gaps in his life – although never completely did his heart heal. He’d met many new gay men, with his flatmate Aiden being the first. He was contacted by an agent after his third production he had performed in at the New York Academy of the Dramatic Arts, and had begun small, as a fill-in and back up chorus-type characters in TV series, and was now playing roles in Broadway shows – the most recent being How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying alongside Daniel Radcliffe. He never forgot about Blaine and how he broke his heart; and for the first two semesters, many different things would stimulate thoughts of the two together in his mind, and more often than not, Kurt would cry himself to sleep, wishing that the hazel eyed boy hadn’t ended their almost perfect relationship. But after being introduced to new people and new things in New York, Kurt had pushed Blaine back into a corner of his head, even though the memories would still haunt him every now and then. He’d engaged in a few relationships, and even ventured a three week fling with Michael, the barista at his favourite coffee shop, who he’d had to break up with as it didn’t feel right. And now, here he was, sitting next to Rachel Berry – a girl who had once been his biggest competitor, and one of his closest friends.
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Finn pulled the car to a stop in front of the school, where the group had decided to meet, and would walk to the restaurant they were to be dining and catching up at. They were meeting at their former high-school first, thanks to Tina, who had the idea of recreating some of the photos which they had taken during their years wasted, and enjoyed at this school.
The three piled out of the car, rushing to the football field where the floodlights had been turned on, and where several voices were screaming from.
A small crowd gathered there, and Kurt was enveloped in hugs and screams. They all greeted each other and caught up quickly, as they snapped photos of each other on their phones and cameras, and sang songs at the top of their lungs, hopelessly trying to choreograph each other like they used to during their days of Glee club. Losing himself in the group, Kurt somehow, one way or another, managed to avoid Blaine.
They hadn’t spoken, or seen each other since their break up six years ago. But everything seemed to remain the same. Separate.
Blaine’s curly hair was still gelled up in a fashionable and sexy way that Kurt couldn’t help but feel butterflies in his stomach. His fashion sense was the same: he wore a striped shirt under a sweater that showed off his muscles in the subtlest way; he sported a cute red bowtie that made his jaw structure even more prominent; suspenders were clipped to the front and back of his pants which brought in a sense of cuteness into his sexy look; his beige pants, as always, were rolled up, revealing his ankles; and the yellow oxfords that he always wore still seemed to give him an extra spring in his step. Blaine looked perfect, as usual. Kurt’s eyes wandered up Blaine’s body, the curly-haired boy brought his eyes up, catching Kurt’s gaze awkwardly. And as awkward as that was, Kurt couldn’t help feel a fluttering in his stomach as he once again looked into those familiar, kind hazel eyes.
“Whatcha lookin’ at?” A voice whispered in his ear, causing him to jump and turn around. It was Mercedes, who was clutching her side in amusement as she laughed at Kurt’s shock. “Hey girlfriend! I’ve missed you!” She said excitedly, embracing her skinny friend after she had recovered from her laughing fit.
“Hey Mercedes, missed you too!” Kurt replied in his high voice.
“What were you looking at?” She asked once again, earning no reply. “You still miss him, don’t you?” She filled in the gaps for herself as she followed Kurt’s longing gaze towards Blaine who was belting out the chorus of Animal by Neon Trees at the top of his lungs with Santana, Brittany and Quinn. “Have you talked to him?”
Kurt shook his head in reply, dropping his gaze from Blaine’s dancing figure. “I can’t.” He whispered. “I can’t talk to him without wanting to ask all these questions. I want answers.”
“I know, I know,” Mercedes hushed Kurt, almost hearing his heart break as he talked about his former boyfriend.
“It’s okay, we’ll get you two talking by the end of tonight!” Rachel reassured Kurt, throwing an arm around his shoulder, squeezing supportively as she came across her two close friends.
“Hey guys! We’re going to head off to the restaurant now!” Sam’s voice boomed across the big field.
“LET’S GO!” Several voices ushered excitedly. Whooping and whistling, they walked out onto the road in pairs and threes, making their way towards the restaurant.
“Hey, I’ll catch up with you guys later, I need to grab my cardigan from the car,” the blue eyed boy yelled out, making his way to the black Range Rover.
He picked up his cardigan, and locking the door, headed back towards the group. As he made his way back towards the crowd, he paused by the spot where he and Blaine had parted ways six years ago.
“Kurt… I have to tell you something,” Blaine murmured, pulling away from Kurt’s lips. The latter quickly latched his lips back onto Blaine’s, nipping hungrily at the hazel eyed boy’s bottom lip. Kurt had his arms wrapped around Blaine’s neck, pulling him closer, one of his hands tangled at the base of the curly hair. The blue eyed boy darted his tongue out to lick the other boy’s lips, begging for entrance. Blaine gave in. One more time, he thought to himself as he opened his mouth, allowing Kurt’s tongue to sweep across his own, leaving no part unexplored. I can’t take this anymore, I can’t lead him on like this, Blaine thought, placing his hands firmly on Kurt’s chest, pushing him away.
“Oh, playing rough, now, are we?” Kurt growled hungrily, trying to grab hold of his boyfriend’s suspenders.
Blaine pushed his hand away, holding both of Kurt’s in his own. “I really don’t know how to tell you this… I love you. I do. But…” He hesitated as words failed him, tears building in his eyes. “I really can’t do this anymore… It’s too much. Remember how I told you I’d tell my parents about it yesterday?” Kurt nodded unsurely. “Well… They didn’t take it so well; my dad started yelling at me… And… he called me a faggot,” he said, choking back a sob. “He said… He said… If I wanted to be with you, I would have to… I would have to…” Blaine could no longer form coherent sentences, his words broken up by sobs accompanied by tears that were free falling down his face.
Kurt stood in shock, tears streaming silently down his face. He didn’t know whether to comfort the boy or not, or whether to turn around and leave. Had his boyfriend just broken up with him? He had, he thought to himself. There, he’s done it, Kurt thought. You knew that he was going to do it one day. You only have yourself to blame.
“I’m really, really sorry, Kurt. I love you, I really do. And I’d do anything to keep us together. But… I can’t lose my family, I really can’t.” The elder of the two boys sobbed, trying to gain a response from the stilled boy, his face stained with tears, frantically trying to grab onto any part of Kurt that was still there. But he failed; it was like he no longer existed. He was there, but he was just an empty shell: his eyes were no longer a bright cerulean blue, but cloudy and lifeless, staring at nothing. Tears were still trickling down his cheeks.
Kurt didn’t say anything, but the air was thick with guilt that radiated from Blaine. Kurt’s heartbreak could be heard from miles away. It was loud and clear; a high pitched note ringing like two glasses clinking together during a toast. He backed away from his former boyfriend slowly, turning around, and walking towards his car.
He drove home, and packed his bags, booking the first ticket to New York he could get, making several phone calls. Dragging his bags down the staircase, he found his father sitting on the sofa.
“Where you heading, son?” His father asked him.
“New York. I’m going to stay with Aunt El for a while, until the first semester of NYADA starts.”
His father nodded, closing his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Can I ask why?” Kurt only had to look up at his father, his eyes rimmed red, unable to produce any more tears and filled with hurt for Burt Hummel to understand. He pulled his son into a hug, and offered him a drive to the airport where the two sat in silence. “Come back soon, okay? I’d take a go at that jerk for you, but that’d break your heart – I know. You’re still my little boy, and you will always be. Chin up, you’re a Hummel!” And with that, Kurt Hummel left Ohio for New York, his heart still broken beyond repair.
Kurt stood with his fists balled up, tears welling in his eyes as he glanced at the spot where Kurt and Blaine shared their last kiss, last words, and last glances. Here he was again; the one spot he never thought he’d visit. He gave it one last look, and made his way towards the rest of the group.
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Dinner was pleasant. Kurt had been returned to his youth again being surrounded by his friends.
“Let’s go, guys! Let’s go to a bar!” A giggling Brittany squeaked as she clutched Santana’s arm, leading her towards the glowing neon sign, comically named “Scandals”.
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After several rounds and a few beers, they were all starting to feel tipsy; Santana and Brittany stood on the stage together with Mercedes, performing to a crowd of dancing people who were enjoying the three girls’ songs. Rachel and Finn were sat in a corner, staring into each other’s eyes passionately. The rest of the group were mingled in the crowd, one sweaty body rubbing against another.
“Hey, I’m going outside for a bit of air,” Kurt whispered in Puck’s ear, trying to avoid Puck’s drunk dancing which involved grinding into a pretty blonde girl whom he was dancing with. “And… You don’t really care… But if there’s a fire, I’m outside!” He continued as he walked away from the intoxicated man.
It was nearly midnight, and as the blue eyed boy stepped out of the bar, the frosty autumn air swept across his thin frame, causing the hairs on his body to shake involuntarily. He began to tread slowly along the pavement, thankful to be away from the heat of the bar.
But a figure in the shadows soon stopped him in his tracks. A lean figure was standing at the same spot he stood no more than four hours ago. Hearing his footsteps approach, the figure turned around, and once again, hazel met blue.
“Hey…” Blaine said quietly.
“Hey,” the other replied, the greeting almost robotic and forced. “How are you?” He attempted at a casual conversation.
“Good… How’s New York been?”
“Fine, a lot of fun,” the younger boy replied, his eyes finding sudden interest on his shoelaces. I’ve missed you; the words rang in his head, unspoken.
“It’s great to be back… All… Together,” Blaine murmured his voice dropping to a whisper.
“Yeah, together,” Kurt echoed – the hurt in his voice undeniable.
“You never called after you got to New York.”
Kurt was lost for words, his heart was constricting uncomfortably in his chest, and breathing somehow became more difficult. How could Blaine stand in the same spot we stood – six years ago – and not feel a single thing? Why didn’t I call? Why didn’t I call!? Well maybe the question is why you didn’t call. Because I was hurt. You were the only thing that really existed that was complete. You made me complete. I needed something to rely on, and you left me. You left me when I needed you. You left me with nothing.
“I… Didn’t know whether it was appropriate,” Kurt replied quietly, tears forming in his eyes as he tried to push away the long rants he had in his head; the millions of questions. “I didn’t know if you still wanted to talk to me,” he added.
“I missed you,” his former boyfriend stated bluntly. “I wanted to call, but I was afraid you didn’t want to hear my voice, or talk to me, or see me again after… That,” Blaine whispered, answering the questions in Kurt’s head, his voice laden with guilt and hurt.
Kurt looked up, prepared for a snappy comeback; but stopped with his mouth hanging open as he found Blaine no longer standing a lawn away, but a few inches away from him.
“I missed you too,” was all that Kurt could manage, his eyes transfixed in Blaine’s liquid gold ones. He swallowed hard as Blaine’s face slowly got closer and closer to his.
“I’m not afraid anymore, you know,” Blaine whispered, placing his hands on either side of Kurt’s waist. “I’m so sorry that I caved in. I’m sorry I let you go,” he breathed, his breath smelling of vodka and strawberry, touching his forehead against the younger boy’s. “Can we go back to where we started?” Blaine mumbled.
Kurt’s body zinged with electricity everywhere that Blaine touched his. From head to toe, it was like he was on fire. He could only respond with a small nod, his body shaking slightly from the intimacy he shared with Blaine.
The hazel eyed boy closed the distance between their lips, catching Kurt’s lips in a kiss. It wasn’t a tangled mess; it wasn’t a battle between the two; it wasn’t the start of something new.
It was something that had never left. It was only returning to somewhere only we know, Kurt thought, leaning into the kiss, wrapping his slender arms around Blaine’s neck.