Blaine had never cried so much in his entire life. He was lying with his face buried in his pillow and that's basically what he had done for three days. He and Kurt had had the worst fight in their relationship so far. It had gone so far that Blaine couldn't even remember how it had started. After hours of arguing, screaming and swearing, Blaine's mind had been completely messed up.

"Why am I wasting my life on you anyway!"

The words burned in Blaine's mind. He had no idea why he had said them. He remembered the shocked expression on Kurt's face and the tears forming in his eyes. It had been silent for a moment, like the time froze. Kurt had turned around and just before he closed the door after him, he said.

"Maybe I should just make it easy for you then."

And then he was gone. Blaine had still been angry afterwards and it wasn't until now, three days later that he realized what he had said. He had said that he was wasting his life on Kurt. The boy he loved more than anything. And sure, they had had fights before. But not like this. Kurt had left and Blaine hadn't heard from him for three days. Maybe this is it, Blaine thought. What if I screwed up so bad that I can't fix this again? What if I lose the person I love more than I ever thought I was even capable of? The thoughts were spinning in Blaine's head. He stood up and noticed how hungry he was. He had barely eaten at all since Kurt left. Nothing seemed right anymore. He had just been lying on the couch, crying and screaming into the pillow. Blaine went into the kitchen. He felt gross. He hadn't changed clothes for 62 hours and his hair was a mess. But he couldn't even bring himself to care.

He ate and then went back to the couch to cry again, but changed his mind and went to the bathroom. Maybe a shower would make it a little better anyway. He showered long and warm and it did feel a bit better afterwards. He entered the bedroom to look for some new clothes. He really shouldn't have done that. It smelled so much of Kurt in there. The bed they had shared for five years now seemed so… empty. He couldn't even look at it. Blaine turned around and opened the wardrobe. He found a t-shirt and then he remembered that he only owned 2 pair of sweatpants. One pair was dirty and the other pair had been worn by Kurt the day before the fight. He couldn't wear those. He sighed loudly. Then he suddenly recalled the box he had brought from Lima… He had brought one big box of stuff from Lima when they had moved to New York. He had barely opened it ever since, but he had the feeling that a pair of Dalton sweatpants might be lying there. He went to get the box. He got down on his knees and started looking through it. He found lots of old stuff that he didn't even know he had kept. He found the note book that Kurt had written in during high school. There was a big drawing of a heart, and inside it stood "Kurt + Blaine". Blaine remembered the day he had found it so clearly.

"Kurt, what is this?" He picked up something from Kurt's desk and smiled. Kurt looked up at him, saw what he was holding and immediately snatched it away from Blaine's hands. His gaze shifted away and he blushed.

"Kurt, be honest with me now," said Blaine, gently sitting down next to his boyfriend. "When did you make this?" Kurt just blushed even harder and buried his face in Blaine's chest.

"Valentine's day…"

"Valentine's day as in 2 weeks ago or Valentine's day as in one year and two weeks ago?" asked Blaine, almost knowing the answer.

"One year ago," Kurt mumbled into Blaine's chest, almost too quiet to hear. Blaine chuckled and rested his chin on Kurt's head, pulling him close.

"You know what?" he said, tilting Kurt's chin up so that their eyes met. "I didn't think it was possible before, but I think I love you a little bit more now." Kurt smiled his gorgeous smile.

"Really?"

"Really," said Blaine and confirmed it with a kiss.

Blaine had started crying. He would never have that again, he was sure of it by now. He had lost Kurt forever. Kurt would come back to the house, get his stuff and break up with him. Then that would be it. Blaine would lose the best thing he had. He wasn't actually sure how to take it. What would he do? Who would be standing in the kitchen, cooking dinner for him when he got home from work every day? Who would kiss away all of his fears? Who would make sure he wasn't late for work in the morning? Who would comfort him when he was sad? Blaine cried freely into his hands, letting the tears take over. His whole body was shaking and a horrible feeling filled him up. Emptiness. It was so empty without Kurt. Blaine opened his eyes slowly, remembering why he was sitting on the floor in the first place. He finally found his Dalton sweatpants and put them on quickly. He was just about to go cry in the sofa again when something in the box caught his attention. It was a white, small envelope that was lying on top of another old note book. He took it up curiously and looked at it. It was completely blank. Blaine frowned and thought it must have been Kurt's. But then he remembered.

"So, your homework for next week will be to write a letter to yourself when you're 25. Write what your dreams are now, what you want to have achieved when you're 25 and just whatever you want to say to yourself then." Then the bell rang. Blaine was first out of the classroom, as always. He rushed through the school towards his locker. He gathered his stuff and then hurried out to go home.

"What's your hurry, Anderson?" Blaine just kept walking. He knew better than stopping by now.

"Hey, don't be like that. We just wanna have a little chat with you." Oh, Blaine knew that if he stopped, there would be much more than just a chat. But he also knew that they'd probably beat him up even harder if he didn't stop. He took a long breath and then turned around to face the three boys.

"What do you want?" he snapped.

"Now, don't be like that, Anderson. We just want to talk to you," the tallest of them said. They were all three in Blaine's class, but they were a lot taller and stronger than him.

"We were just discussing what you are going to write in your letter to yourself and we have a suggestion. We think that 'I hope I have stopped being a fucking fag' would be very fitting to write." Blaine bit down hard on his lip to control himself.

"Or, you know 'Grow to average height so I don't look like a fucking hobbit'," said one of the others. The rest chuckled.

"Or maybe just hope you're already dead by 25 so you won't be able to read it anyway. The world does better without homos like you," said the tallest one and stepped closer. Blaine couldn't hold it in any longer.

"GO AHEAD ANG FUCKING HIT ME THEN! KILL ME IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT! SO WHAT IF I'M GAY! IT'S YOU WHO ARE THE FREAKS ANYWAY!" As soon as he finished, he knew it. He was going to die. Right now, only 15 years old, he was going to die. They stepped even closer.

"You have no right to speak to us like that," one of them said as the second one fisted his shirt and dragged him backwards into the forest.

It had happened several times, of course. But he remembered that one so clear that it was almost creepy. It had burned into his mind and he knew that that memory was going to haunt him for the rest of his life.

Blaine slowly woke up. He wondered for how long he had been unconscious. It didn't really matter, no one would be waiting for him at home anyway. His parents were almost always working late. He sat up slowly. The whole world was spinning and it hurt like hell in his chest. He brought his hand up to his face and noticed that it was covered in blood. He slowly worked his way home, a hiss of pain coming up with ever step. But he couldn't even bring himself to care. He actually hoped that they would kill him the next time. What did he have to live for anyway?

Blaine had written that letter the next day. The letter he was currently holding in his hands. He opened it with shaking fingers and started reading.

Dear future me,

I hope life is good. Or, I hope life is better than it is now at least. Because right now, life sucks. I can't even remember how being happy feels like. What does it feel like? I hope you can answer that.

I won't ask you for much and I won't hope for much. I just… I want you to work with something that you love. Something that makes you happy. That's what I wish for my future. But there is one thing that I hope for. I hope you have someone there. Someone to trust and someone who accepts you for who you are. It doesn't necessarily need to be a boyfriend (even though that would be nice), but just someone to rely on.

Someone like Kurt, Blaine thought.

If you do have a boyfriend, then good job, man! I hope he is someone special and that you really love him. Take care of him and treat him well. Just, don't ever hurt him, okay? And if you do, find a way to fix it. Other than that, I don't know what to say. I don't think I can ask for more. Just, be happy, okay?

/15 year old you

Blaine stared at the letter. It was like his 15 year old self knew what he was going through in this exact moment. He took up his phone and without another thought, he texted Kurt.

:)

Kurt wouldn't lie to himself and say he was okay, because he wasn't. As soon as Blaine had uttered those words, Kurt had ran off to the closest hotel he could find. Then he had been lying in the bed for three days. Just crying. He had expected a call or a text, or just something from Blaine. He wanted to know that Blaine was sorry. That he hadn't meant what he had said. But there was nothing. He lovedBlaine, of course he did. But he just couldn't go back to him without knowing that Blaine was sorry for what he had said. He sighed heavily and almost jumped off the bed when his phone buzzed. He opened it, his hands shaking and heart beating hard.

Where are you? Please let me see you. –Blaine

Kurt let out a shaky breath. Did he want to see Blaine? Yes. Of course he did. But why did Blaine want to see him?

Why? –Kurt

Because I love you. Because I can't live without you. Because I'm sorry. –Blaine

Kurt let out a sob of relief and then typed down the address and room number. Then he waited.

:)

Blaine ran. He knocked over a few people on the street, but he didn't care. He was going to see Kurt again. He reached the hotel and got into the elevator. He looked like absolute crap. His gray t-shirt was covered with sweat stains, his sweatpants were dirty, his eyes were red from all the crying and his hair was a mess. He tried to steady his breathing after the run. The elevator reached floor 5 and he wandered down the corridor until he found the right door. He knocked gently and waited. The door opened exactly 4 seconds later.

"Blaine," Kurt breathed. Blaine just stood there and stared at him. Kurt looked like absolute crap. He hadn't changed his clothes from the day they had had the fight, his eyes were red and his hair was greasy.

"Come in," he said quietly. Blaine nodded and stepped inside. He sat down on the bed and Kurt sat too, still leaving a distance between them. It was silent for a few minutes, until Blaine spoke up.

"Kurt, I…" Kurt looked from his hands and met Blaine's eyes. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into me. I just… I don't know. I was an idiot and you don't know how sorry I am. I love you, Kurt and I could never waste my life on you. I want to spend every minute of every day with you. I know it's not nearly enough to say I'm sorry, but it's all I can do," said Blaine and started tearing up.

"Thank you," whispered Kurt. Blaine nodded.

"Feel free to walk away from me now. I know I don't deserve you anymore." Blaine sobbed. Kurt reached up, cupped Blaine's cheek and wiped away a tear.

"Hey, don't say that. I love you, Blaine." Blaine looked at him with big, tear filled eyes.

"How can you? What I said to you, Kurt… It's just not okay. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself and-" Kurt cut him off by pressing his lips to Blaine's fiercely. Blaine let out a gasp, but then kissed Kurt back with everything he had. Kurt pulled back way too soon for Blaine's liking. He pressed their foreheads together.

"What I was trying to say with that was that I love you. And yes, you made a mistake, but it's normal. You're only human, Blaine. We all make mistakes. And you apologized. I want to spend my whole life with you. I have all intentions in the world to marry you some day and start a family with you. I love every part of you. Just… believe me when I say that, please?" Blaine wrapped his arms around his boyfriend in a tight hug and they both started crying, this time of relief.

"Shit, Kurt. I missed you so much," Blaine managed to get out through the sobs. Kurt just whispered 'I love you' over and over again. Blaine pulled back slightly from the embrace so he could kiss Kurt. They kept kissing until their lips were sore and it actually hurt to keep going. It must have been hours until they got back to the apartment. Kurt entered their bedroom after a long shower. He found a piece of paper lying on the bed. He picked it up and read.

:)

"Blaine.." said Kurt softly, his voice filled with tears.

"What's wrong, babe?" said Blaine, turning around in the kitchen. Kurt stood there with a towel draped around his hips. Blaine would have thought that it was totally hot if Kurt hadn't been crying. Then he noticed something in Kurt's hand. The letter. Oh. He walked up to Kurt and pulled him in for a warm hug.

"Don't cry, baby. Please don't cry," he whispered. Kurt shook his head where it rested on Blaine's shoulder so Blaine let his boyfriend cry. When Kurt's breath steadied, Blaine looked into his eyes.

"That letter was what made me realize that I can't lose you. Ever. You are the most precious thing I have."
"That person you described in the letter… Is that me?" Blaine smiled.

"Yes. Quite literally actually." Kurt kissed him again and Blaine held him close. He had that boy he had always dreamed of. There was no way he was ever letting him go.