� Daddy? � a soft voice called. I stood up from the sofa and shuffled to the room where I heard the voice. A kid turned to look at me. He had two enormous blue eyes and some dark curls that covered his forehead. His lips were curled and his hands were tightening a little book with a green cover where were written “Bambi”. He was sitting on his bed with his lamp switched on.

� What’s wrong, honey? � I asked approaching to him and sitting on the bed. The kid gave a long look and then asked:

� Bambi’s mom die? � and he pointed with his little hand a picture of some huntsman that were chasing a doe.
� Unfortunately yes. It’s sad, isn’t it? � I went nearer and I hold in on my chest, while he seemed to be still thinking about something that was bothering him.

� Daddy. � he repeated putting his thumb into his mouth.
� Tell me, Darren. � I encouraged him.

He nestled on me and took a deep breath before speaking.
� Is that man in all the photos in the house mom? � he demanded looking at me in the eyes with those enormous pupils. It took a lot of will not to look away.

I wondered what could people see into my eyes when I thought about Kurt. I smiled, kissing my son’s forehead, or better still, our son.

� Yes, he’s your mom. � I answered.

Darren seemed to reflect for a few instants.
� Then why is he a man? My friends’ mothers are all women. � he commented innocently, with a sorrowing tone as if he were hurt.

I looked down and blinked repeatedly, a bit to chase away the past ghosts and a bit not to bring them with me in the present.
� Because I fell in love with him. � I explained taking him in my arms and putting him on his pillow, and passing a hand on his cheek.

� Like in the movies? � he asked, without stopping to look at me with those eyes so absurdly similar to Kurt’s. So luminous, so big, so beautiful that they were the main characters of all my fantasies. Two eyes that had marked my past and were forced to mark also my present and that, now, would continue marking my future with Darren.
� Like in the movies. � I confirmed. I thought a few instants about me and Kurt. About our Sundays spent eating Chinese food in front of the TV, about our musical Wednesday and about the Harry Potter nights.

All the memories crumbled on me like a fall and I almost break under their weight.

Darren grabbed his white teddy bear and observed it, as if he was analyzing it for the first time. I felt as if I was hanging on a wire. I had always wanted to talk to Darren about Kurt but I had always had the sensation of not being able to do it and that words died on my lips.

� Dad, did mom die? � he asked, keeping his eyes on the teddy bear. I noted something sparkling forming in his eyes. I lifted his face to look at him, leaning a finger on his chin.
� He didn’t do it on purpose, you know that, right? And he’s watching us from up there. � I whispered at his hear, hugging him. The kid answered with strength, tightening his hands on my sweater and rolling up on me. We stayed in silence for a few minutes and I prayed to be strong enough to support him, to be his rock even if I was alone.

I knew he missed a mom and that I couldn’t be both. I wasn’t really good at being a father, either, but I was trying.

� How do you know? � he asked, sniffing. � That he is watching us, I mean. �
I took a deep breath. I thought at all the times we promised each other that we would have stayed together and now I had to go to bed alone, on an empty mattress that had – in the end – lost his smell.
� I know because he come to me every night and ask me about you. �

Darren lifted his face, with big tears falling on his cheeks and a red nose. He looked at me curiously and baffled, in that way that only children can do and that makes you want to smile. In fact, I smiled.

I cleaned his cheeks with a sleeve of my sweater and he passed his hand on his eyes.

� Really? He asks about me? � he demanded with a little voice and the eyes even bigger than before.

I kissed the tip of his nose.

� Sure he does. Always. He wants to know how’s school and if you’re fine. He always says that you don’t have to go out without your coat. Moreover he worries a lot, as usual. He was one who… worried a lot. � and I lifted my glance to the room’s door: there he was, half-transparent as every ghost . Kurt was looking at me. His eyes were identical to the ones of the kid who was hugging me, and they were looking at me. The corners of his mouth were curved up and he was leaning to the door’s jamb.

He actually came more often than every night: every second of my life.

He kept an eye on me, or even better, he kept an eye on us.

I smiled, tears streaming in my eyes, and he shrugged, smiling back. He spelled: “Tell him I love him.”
� He says he loves you. � I said to Darren, and he look at me confusedly.

� Is he here? � he asked looking around but not being able to see him. I nodded.
� Can I say something to him? � he demanded keeping looking for him. I kissed his soft and wet cheek and nodded again.
� Of course you can. He can hear you.. �

Darren thought for a second, as if he was trying to create the perfect sentence. As if he had to propose to him. He poked his tongue out of his mouth, too focused to care and wrinkling his forehead.

� I sure you would be the best mom in the world. � he said to the nothing. Kurt leaned a hand on his mouth and smiled, tears streaming in his eyes. I held Darren tighter. � And I’ll make you proud of me, just like Bambi did. � he continued.

� He’s already proud of you, and so am I. � I admitted. Kurt approached to us and leaned a hand on my cheek while tears were flowing on my face. I should have been the one comforting my son.
He smiled and spelled: “I love you.”

� Daddy? � Darren called me again silently and sniffing.
� Yeah, honey? � I answered, while Kurt was going back to the door, ready to go away from there, al least for a while.
� Can you ask him if he will be with me forever? � he muttered. Kurt glanced at me from his back. I knew what I had to answer.

� Even when you won’t believe he’s there. Always. Don’t forget about him, okay? � I said, standing up and leaving him lying while he was looking at the ceiling.

� Tell him I love him, too. � he said while I was going back to the living room. And I smiled.
I was missing Kurt more than I could stand but I wasn’t alone. I just had to go on, and be next to Darren while he was growing up. For him, for our son and for me.

From the corridor I heard his voice once more.
� Did you love him so much, daddy? �

I smiled, letting tears stream on my face again.
� More than any movie could ever show. � I whispered.