Being introduced to Cooper Anderson was the most awkward situation Adam had ever been in.

They weren't even supposed to be introduced. Adam was supposed to spend Thursday evening with Kurt, hanging out in a decidedly G-rated manner as Santana made snarky comments and Rachel talked about her audition. He'd then go home, fall asleep, and avoid Kurt until at least Sunday afternoon and never have to deal with Cooper who'd arrive on Friday and leave Sunday morning.

So he'd been innocently watching Kurt clean up his part of the room, both of them half listening to Rachel, while Santana picked up dinner. He wondered if Rachel would be offended if he tried to kick her out of the room so Kurt could take a break and maybe up their weekend rating before dinner arrived. If he got his way, he probably wouldn't mind too much if she was offended.

He was about to suggest at least Kurt taking a break and resting on his very nice and comfortable bed, when there was a knock at the door. Well. There goes that plan.

"Rachel, can you get that?" Kurt asked as he tried to unpin his calendar. "Santana's arms are probably full and I really don't want her dropping pizza boxes in our doorway."

"I'm still not sure why you're taking down your calendar."

Kurt muttered something about a school fundraiser and not letting Cooper see it, but most of his explanation was drowned out by Rachel letting out an excited squeal followed by a distinctly male voice.

"Kurt! Cooper's here!"

Oh. This would not end well. Judging by the look on his boyfriend's face, he wasn't the only one who thought so.

"Kurt!" the admittedly attractive man yelled when they exited the bedroom. "My favorite younger but not youngest brother!"

Was it too early in the day to leave? Or start drinking?

Cooper grabbed Kurt and pulled him in for a hug, that was decidedly too long to be friendly and verging on awkward, though he didn't seem to care.

"Cooper. I'm not your brother," Kurt reminded him as he freed himself from the embrace. The action caused their guest to see Adam and soon he, too, was being hugged. It was weird, to say the least.

"I thought your roommates were girls."

Was it really necessary to discuss Adam's presence in the loft while Cooper was still hugging him?

"That is my boyfriend, Adam, not a roommate, kindly let go of him, and we'll get your things out of the hallway, okay?"

Cooper seemed to agree to these terms, and he let go of Adam to help haul his luggage in (he even brought an air mattress, much to Adam's relief) as he and Rachel debated acting methods (he seemed to think theater was a joke, and despite this Rachel was still hanging on his every word), and giving out tips that were fairly ridiculous.

"But did you point?"

"Not exactly, but there was a lot of arm movement."

"Well it must have been good enough!"

Kurt had spent most of their conversation snickering to himself, so there must be a story there. Otherwise Cooper really was insane.

"Just remember, when you act with a scene partner, it's important to avoid eye contact."

Or possibly both.

"What about head shots? Do you need them for theater acting or is that only real actors?"

Adam turned to see how Rachel would react to this (offensive) comment, but she, for reasons unknown, seemed to not care and continued their conversation.

"I'm so sorry about him," Kurt whispered. "I really thought he wasn't going to be here until tomorrow."

"It's fine, he seems... mostly harmless."

There was sudden dead silence as Cooper stopped talking midsentence to stare at Adam. "You!" He pointed in his face, and was... suddenly speaking with an Irish accent? "Someone who finally understands!"

Not surprisingly, Adam really didn't understand what was going on.

"Understands what, exactly?"

"The accents! I usually only practice in restaurants but you've taken this to a whole new level. I approve."

"I'm... what?"

Kurt shook his head, "He's not practicing, that's his real accent."

Cooper instantly looked disappointed, but didn't have the chance to say so as Santana took that moment to walk in the door.

"Why's this left open? Are you trying to get us mugged?"

"Santana! Gorgeous as ever!"

"Kurt and Blaine's brother? I thought you weren't getting here until tomorrow!"

"For the love of... He's not my brother!"

"I got an earlier flight, it was cheaper that way and now I have an extra day to hang out with you guys! Family is so very important."

"Then why didn't you make a stop in Ohio and visit your actual family?" Kurt questioned.

Cooper sighed dramatically and took a slice of pizza from the box Santana offered him. "I remember the days when he hung onto every word I said in complete adoration. Now he acts like it's a chore to have a conversation."

"When did this start?" Santana asked with a grin. "I thought he worshiped you."

Kurt's face was now a rather lovely shade of pink, and this conversation was clearly going nowhere good.

"That's a very good question! Let's see..." Cooper seemed to be in deep thought for a few moments before snapping his fingers and (once again) pointing. "Around the third time I saw him naked, sounds about right."

Kurt's face was now entirely red.

"Third time? Not the first?" Rachel asked.

So much for her being on their side.

"No, and I have a theory about that!"

"Please no," Kurt muttered, burying his face in his hands. Adam shared the sentiment.

"See, the first time he probably thought it was an accident and was willing to forgive me."

"It wasn't an accident?!"

"The second time, I think he was wondering if he could turn it into a threesome. He looks like he's kinky."

"I don't suppose we could end this conversation now?" Adam pleaded.

"I really don't think that's appropriate with you and Blaine being brothers," Rachel said. Maybe she was trying to be on their side?

"Probably why he didn't ask," Cooper allowed. "Now, the third time."

"We're not talking about this!" Kurt said loudly, his voice high in embarrassment.

"No, I'm curious. What happened the third time?" Santana asked, looking like Christmas had come early.

"Now, I wouldn't want to embarrass Kurt with giving you ladies and redcoats the details," Cooper said, his hands raised in surrender.

Adam let out a sigh of relief. He really didn't want to be hearing this.

Santana, as she often did, took the opposite view, "That ship has sailed, look at his face. Might as well go for broke, I'm dying to hear this."

Cooper didn't need much convincing. "Well, it was horrible for poor Kurt, that's why he's not as fond of me now," he started. Kurt grabbed Adam's hand and dragged him out of the room, singing loudly. Cooper was undeterred and simply spoke louder. "I'd come back from a grocery run when I noticed that my precious baby brother was nowhere to be found and a strange car was in the driveway. Naturally, I was concerned for his wellbeing and quickly went up to his room to make sure he was uninjured."

"You knew that was my car!" Kurt shouted from the other room. Wrong move, apparently, because it proved that he was actually listening to this and Cooper's smile resembled that of a Cheshire cat.

"Well. Long story short, when Blaine let out a very undignified yelp at the door opening it might have... caused Kurt injury, shall we say. He's never forgiven me."

Santana started laughing hysterically as Adam broke into another coughing fit. Rachel looked like she was trying not to laugh, and Kurt looked like he was trying to sink into the floor.

"That was a good summer," Cooper said wistfully. "I mean, it wasn't exactly fun seeing my baby brother naked more often than when he was being potty trained, but otherwise it was great."

"So! Cooper!" Kurt said clapping his hands together, his face still bright red. "Where are you sleeping? The living room? Hallway? Outside the building? The park, maybe?"

"You're not letting him stay in your room?" Rachel asked, frowning at him.

"Yeah, Lady Hummel. Don't you want to claim that you got to sleep with both Andersons?"

"Hey, don't call him that," Cooper said sternly. Kurt looked surprised and slightly pleased that someone else was standing up for him.

Maybe Cooper wasn't completely horrible.

"Trust me he's a guy. I've seen the evidence. Way more time then is really necessary."

Then again, maybe not.

"Isn't that right, Adam?"

Someone should not be able to look that innocent while they're trying to make you as uncomfortable as they possibly can. "I'm, well... I really don't think this is something we should be discussing."

"Did he try to tie you up?" Cooper asked, faux sympathetically. "It's really not that bad, Blainers was only stuck like that for an hour before we just cut the ropes."

"That never happened!" Kurt insisted.

"Kurt was tying up Blaine? I didn't see that coming," Santana said, looking impressed.

"I wish I could say the same," Cooper said, with a far off look of horror on his face. Santana cackled.

"Our dinner is getting cold!" Rachel announced, ending the discussion. Kurt sent her a grateful look. "We should eat and Cooper can tell us about his new commercial!"

Apparently this was the right thing to say, because for the next hour and a half Cooper spoke almost nonstop about character development for his character. Adam wasn't sure how that worked considering that the commercials were thirty seconds long and the character didn't do much besides sing a jingle, but anything that distracted him from talking about Kurt's sex life was a welcome topic change.

Afterwards they put on a movie where Cooper critiqued the acting and Rachel took notes. Adam was mostly confused and fell asleep halfway through it.

He was woke up much later judging by the pain in his neck, to the sounds of a motor. For one sleep induced moment of panic he was sure that a car had driven through the flat and was now going to run them all over.

He then realized it was a hair dryer that Kurt was using to blow up the air mattress.

"I just don't understand why you didn't talk to him about this," Kurt was saying. "I thought you two worked out your problems. You even sang to each other. Given it was a break up song, which was kind of awkward, but weirder things have happened in glee club so I'm not going to judge you."

"Ah 'uess i' 'ewer ca'e u'," came the ridiculous reply. Adam forced his eyes open enough to see what was going on. Santana had curled up on the couch and was fast asleep, Rachel was nowhere to be seen, Kurt was on the floor holding the hair dryer steady and Cooper had a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

"Luckily for you I understood that, mostly because Finn has the table manners of a caveman. How had our break up never come up in conversation? Did he really not care and didn't mention it or did you not listen?"

Adam watched as Cooper went back into the bathroom where he could hear running water. Should he wake up and leave? It was probably late and he really wasn't looking forward to moving, but there was no way in hell he was spending the night here. He was sure Cooper would have all kinds of comments if he spent the night in Kurt's room.

"I guess it wasn't that big of a deal to him," Cooper said when he finally exited the bathroom.

Adam quickly closed his eyes. There was no point in drawing attention to himself, and it might be nice to hear an entire conversation for once.

"Bullshit," Kurt said viciously. "He wouldn't stop calling me."

"Okay, I'm lying. He called me all the time bawling. I couldn't even get him to breathe he was crying so hard. I had to talk him out of flying to New York to try and get you to talk to him again in fear of him jumping out of the plane if you told him no."

Kurt was silent for a few seconds before, "You're still lying to me."

Cooper laughed, "Yup. But now you have no idea what is going on."

"You knew we broke up and you still showed up here," Kurt pointed out, not seeming to find the joke amusing. "You acted like you had no idea what I was talking about and invited yourself over so you could audition for some show you won't talk abo—there's no audition, is there?"

"Are you kidding me? Broadway is dead, why would I come here for a job?"

"Then why are you here?!"

Adam would like to second that question.

"Quietly now, you don't want to wake them," Cooper replied. "And I came here to check on you. Believe it or not, I do actually like you. I wanted to see how my future brother-in-law was handling this since my actual brother sounds like a crazy person when I talk to him."

"I'm not your future brother-in-law," Kurt muttered. And unlike every other time he'd said the same thing today, this one was actually painful to hear. Kurt didn't sound annoyed or embarrassed by the comment, he sounded sad.

Don't react, don't react, they'll realize you're listening in. Don't react.

"You're being ridiculous and stubborn. I've been planning this wedding since he called me to tell me about a spy he'd caught at Dalton. And let's face it; I'm not the only one."

Okay, oww. Really? They're not only first boyfriends but it was a stupid love-at-first-sight thing? This competition is insanely unfair.

"Don't be stupid," Kurt said with a snort. "He didn't see me like that for months."

Well. That's a relief.

"Of course not, he's hopelessly oblivious," Cooper said seriously. "I was talking about you."

"I didn't start planning our wedding the same day we met," Kurt said sharply.

The word you're looking for but not admitting is defensively, Adam told himself.

"I don't believe that and neither do you."

"It's true. I was a mess. I really wasn't in the proper mindset to be considering it."

"But you did consider it?"

"Last Christmas," Kurt finally admitted; his voice small.

"Then why are you two not together?! If you were willing to consider marrying the guy, you should at least be dating him!"

"It was different then."

"It was not," Cooper said with a snort.

"He hadn't cheated on me then."

"You cheated on Adam and he's still here."

Wow. That was... that was the first time someone had actually said it. Even when Santana kept pointing out what had happened at the wedding, nobody had actually called it cheating.

Kurt, apparently, had just come to the same realization and was having trouble forming words.

"Do you remember when Blaine made out with Rachel and then agreed to go on a date with her?" Cooper asked suddenly.

"How do you know about that?"

Adam usually felt guilty about how much he loved that story. It was nice to hear that Blaine wasn't as perfect as he usually sounded.

"Trust me, I wish I didn't. It was a long phone call. I actually put it the phone down for awhile when he wouldn't shut up, but don't tell him that."

"You were blatantly ignoring your brother while he was trying to reach out to you?"

"You'll have to forgive me, twenty minutes into a rant about how you were being an ass for saying bisexuality didn't exist, I got bored. Though, really, that was bullshit and I'm shocked you said that."

Kurt said that? Kurt? That was absurd.

"I didn't mean it," Kurt said, sounding horribly guilty. "I just... I was so mad and..."

"You were upset that a person you put onto an unreasonably high pedestal turned out to be a mere human," Cooper supplied.

"I... kind of, yeah. How'd you know? We hadn't even met then."

There was a shifting noise and Adam opened his eye enough to peek and see that Cooper had thrown his arm around Kurt's shoulders, giving him a one armed hug.

"Because, my dear little Other Squirt, it's the same thing that's happening now."

"It's really not the same."

"Oh, but it is. Blaine has something stupid and you're feeling shocked and betrayed because it's something he really shouldn't be doing. Like cheating or making out with Rachel, as lovely as she is. Next you're feeling horribly inadequate because he's once again picked someone over you, first a girl and now a complete stranger. Which brings out the jealousy because even if you don't want to think about it you're still pissed that he was with someone who wasn't you.

"The only difference is that this time the stakes were higher."

"I... never thought about it that way."

Please stop thinking about it at all.

"Of course not, you're not as wise as I am."

This man spent an hour earlier talking about how pointing was the key to drama. Wise was a bit of a stretch.

"But don't worry; the ending will be the same. You'll talk out the problem, figure it out, get together, and have really loud and kinky sex that I will inevitably walk in on."

"And if we don't?"

Please don't.

"Then I'll kill a bird and make you two look at its poor little corpse. You'll be making out in no time."

Adam had to forcibly remind himself once again not to react, because he was pretty sure his jaw dropped. What?!

"I—we didn't—why would you say that? It was a traumatic event. I loved that bird!"

"And yet you two got off on it and had sex right on top of his poor little body."

Now that he thought about it, this relationship was pretty complicated and used up a lot of effort and time that he really didn't have, not to mention—

"We did not! You're terrible!"

Oh. Never mind then. Kurt was awesome.

"I'm about 90% sure that that's how the story went."

"You're a filthy liar. The only reason we kissed in front of the coffin, not body, was because that's where I happened to be when he found me. Pavarotti wasn't even in the room."

Oh thank god. He was going to have to get the whole story eventually because even with Kurt's corrections it sounded creepy at the very least.

Cooper laughed and the two were quiet for awhile. Eventually the air mattress was filled and Kurt turned the hair dryer off.

"Thanks for the talk," he said quietly.

"I know you don't believe me, but I am actually really good at the whole being a big brother thing," Cooper said with a laugh.

"I do know that. Blaine told me what his goodbye video said."

"Goodbye video?"

"When the gun went off in school and they were all afraid they were going to die? Everyone in the room filmed themselves saying their last message just in case. Blaine's was for you."

"It wasn't for you?"

"No, it said that he was glad you two finally started getting along again, that he always looked up to you even when you were being an idiot, and that even if you weren't the brother he always wanted, you're the best he could've asked for."

"He... wow," Cooper's voice sounded choked. Adam made a mental note to call his sister.

"I-I didn't even know they made those. And I would've thought he'd send his to you. You're the center of his universe."

"I was just the guy he used to date. You're his big brother."

Cooper let out a watery laugh, "You can deny it all you want, but we both know that I'm going to be yours eventually."

"Hypothetically speaking, I could do worse."

"Awwww! You do love me! Let's just forget Squirt and the two of us can run off into the sunset together. It'll be a great plot twist! Nobody will have seen it coming!"

"I'm going to wake up Adam and see if he's spending the night."

"Kurt, you can't ignore this! We're meant to be, don't you see it?"

Adam felt Kurt shaking his shoulder gently and made a show of blinking several times before focusing on his face. "What's going on?"

"It's late and I'm going to bed, are you staying here or going home?"

"Make him stay, we can stay up late and do each other's nails! Talk about boys!"

"You're straight," Kurt deadpanned.

"I'm willing to ignore that if we discuss Robert Downey Jr.'s entire filmography."

"I'll head home," Adam said sitting up and stretching. His neck let out a loud crack and Kurt winced in sympathy.

"No, stay! We can compare your accent to his Sherlock Holmes!"

"I'll walk you out," Kurt said with a smile as they continued to ignore Cooper's objections.

He was still avoiding the flat for the rest of the weekend.