Kurt was trying really hard to understand how we’d gotten himself into this mess.

Thinking back on it, it was probably his fault for getting Rachel Berry drunk.

But, hell, how could Kurt have foreseen that bringing a bottle of champagne home to celebrate his promotion would result in that conversation?

“I miss sex.”

Kurt choked on his drink, looking down in shock to Rachel, who was lying on the couch, feet propped on his lap, skirt riding up her thighs, head supported on the armrest, red cheeks from the alcohol and a sad look on her face as she watched the liquid moving around in her glass.

“W-what?”, asked Kurt. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to hear Rachel talking about sex, even though he knew she had only done it with his step-brother (and, ew, not thinking about that), it was just that they usually didn’t talk about these things, and, well, Kurt’s unrelenting virgin status turned this into a sort of uncomfortable topic.

Rachel sighed, her inebriated state joining forces with her usual obliviousness to other people’s moods so she didn’t notice Kurt’s uncomfortable stance, “Even though me and Finn didn’t have that many chances to do it, it was always quite pleasant, especially since I’ve never been able to achieve great results while masturbating. And since I don’t think mine and Brody’s relationship is developed enough yet for us to be intimate… Yeah, I miss sex.”

Kurt’s mind was struggling to whether wonder how Rachel was still so eloquent while drunk or to find the fastest way out of this room and away from this conversation.

But, in the end, Kurt’s loyalty and curiosity (because, what?!) won.

“What do you mean with not being able to achieve great results while masturbating?”

Rachel covered her eyes with her forearm, more in frustration than embarrassment, “I require both clitoris and vaginal stimulation to reach orgasm, and I just can’t get it right by myself. I can only focus on one of my hands and –“, she made what sounded a lot like a growl and her arm dropped, looking at Kurt with such a sad expression that he couldn't believe this was what they were talking about.

Not even trying to understand Rachel’s problem (because he’d always been able to use both his hands, thank you very much), Kurt took another approach.

“Then why – hum – well, why don’t you buy a s-sex toy?”

His roommate looked at him like he’d grown an extra head.

“Buy a sex toy?! Are you insane Kurt!? How do you suggest I do that? Order it online using my fathers’ credit card? Go to a sex shop where they have cameras whose footage can be discovered once I become a Broadway star? I can already see the headlines: “Tony Award Winner Rachel Berry caught buying a vibrator”, are you out of your mind!?”

Kurt was looking open-mouthed at Rachel, who had gotten up during her speech and had then downed the rest of her champagne in one go.

“But I do understand your suggestion, It would indeed solve my problems.”, Rachel sighed, looking much calmer now, and bend down to kiss Kurt’s forehead before retreating to her side of the apartment, “Guess I’ll just have to wait until I can share this with Brody. Good night Kurt.”

So, yeah, probably his fault.

Since that conversation two weeks ago, Kurt just couldn’t stop thinking about Rachel’s problem – because, as much as he did not want to think about his best friend masturbating, well… Did this mean she hadn’t orgasmed since she was with Finn? That had been over a year ago and, suddenly, Kurt forgave all those times Rachel seemed to explode without a reason.

She seriously needed to come, that was the reason.

And then, when Rachel had come home the night before and told him she had fought with Brody, Kurt made a decision.

Rachel would keep being insufferable until she could take care of her problems, so Kurt argued with himself that the reason why he was, in that precise moment, standing inside a sex shop and looking at clitoris’ stimulators, was because he was ensuring his own sanity.

Kurt looked at all the different stimulators (and, seriously, why were they all animal shaped? What was wrong with girls?), picked one that looked like Rachel might like (aesthetically, of course) and decided that he should probably take a look at things that he might at least see the appeal of, to pick the best for Rachel (cause damn everything if he was ever doing this again or listening to her talking about masturbation).

But when Kurt took a turn onto the aisle with a huge sign saying “VIBRATORS/DILDOS” he immediately regretted his decision.

Kurt felt like running away in embarrassment and crying out in frustration because of course he would see the most gorgeous man alive inside a sex shop. Of fucking course.

He had dark curls that probably had been gelled down but now were sticking up everywhere as he ran his fingers through them, big hazel eyes, his seriously amazing arms were on display thanks to his fitted red polo shirt and Kurt almost swayed on the spot when he saw his perfect perfectperfect ass in those tight jeans, pushed out as he stood on his tiptoes.

Kurt fought his instinct to flee – you’re a grown man, for Christ’s sake! Suck it up! No, no, bad work choice – took a deep breath and walked up to the vibrators section, but didn’t get near Mr. Perfect Ass.

As we was starting to look at the vibrators – and, come on, an octopus? Vibrating tentacles? Really? – he started hearing little huffing noises from behind him, and, when he looked back, there was Mr. Perfect Ass as far on his tiptoes as possible, his arms stretched up trying to grab something, and a silver of tanned flesh visible where his shirt was rolling up on his lower back.

He clearly was too short to grab what he wanted, and before he went to call someone to get it for him or before Kurt could talk himself out of the idea, he gave two large steps until he was right by Mr. Perfect Ass side. “Do you need some help?”

Mr. Perfect Ass gave a tiny leap in surprise and looked up at him with those big eyes and shit were those eyelashes even legal? He looked pretty embarrassed and it made Kurt feel a little better about the way he knew his cheeks were flushing.

“I-I-“, he stuttered, before laughing self-consciously and shaking his head, “I can’t reach the upper shelf.”

Kurt smiled despite himself – this guy was adorable. “What do you want? I can get it for you.”

Mr. Perfect Ass looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him whole – and NO, Kurt, bad word choice again! – but with what Kurt considered some remarkable courage, looked up and said “The black one.”

It wasn’t a very specific instruction, but thankfully Kurt only saw one black stimulator on that particular shelf, so he easily reached up and got one, looking it over once instinctively and (happily) noticing it was specific for anal and prostatic stimulation, before he gave it to the shorter man.

“There you go.”

“I-Thank you”, said the man, still looking unbelievably embarrassed but now also…Nervous?, “I-I’m sorry, this is awkward, sorry if you’re n-not okay with it-“

Kurt furrowed his brow, not understanding what he meant. Not okay with what? Anal stimulators? Even if he didn’t scream “GAY GAY GAY” – which he knew he did – he was in a freakin’ sex shop in New York, how sensitive could he be?

But then he saw the man’s eyes timidly going to the object in his hands, and he understood.

What kind of gay men bought a clit stimulator?

Of course, that’s when Kurt’s filter flew out the window.

“I’m gay!”, he almost screamed, and the guy’s eyes jumped to his, surprised and – oh my god don’t jump to conclusions – …hopeful?, “This is a gift. For my roommate. My best friend. Just my best friend. She’s been having some…Issues.”, he finished lamely.

Mr. Perfect Ass laughed, seeming to have completely forgotten his embarrassment, and Kurt’s knees went weak.

“Well, that’s very nice of you…?”

“Kurt.”

“Kurt”, he smiled, “I’m sure she’ll enjoy it”, and then that bastard fucking winked. Learned Kurt was gay and went from embarrassed and bashful to confident and teasing in 0,1 seconds. Wow, bastard.

He turned around and headed to the register, and Kurt’s pretty sure it was the vision of his ass and his swinging hips that made him call out, “I’m sure so will you.”

* * *

Kurt took another look at the vibrators but ended up deciding to get that first stimulator, since it had already been good to him (and probably would be to Rachel). He headed to the register and finished paying when the pretty blonde girl on the counter (her nametag read Fabray) gave him another bag besides the one with Rachel’s gift.

“The guy who was here before left that for you.”

Deciding the girl looked way too entertained; Kurt thanked her and decided to wait to get home to see what was inside the bag.

He was fidgeting during the whole subway ride home, first because even thought the shop’s bags where black and discreet, Kurt just kept thinking that somehow everyone knew what was inside them, and second because he was dying to know what was on the mysterious bag.

Running up the stairs to their apartment, Kurt thanked a God he didn’t believe in for Rachel’s absence, closed the curtains to his “room” anyway and threw himself onto his bed.

Setting Rachel’s bag aside, he opened the one Mr. Perfect Ass had left him.

And almost fainted.

Inside, there was a hand-written note and a small package.

This is a thank you for being so sweet to me and for being an awesome friend to your roommate.

I believe you deserve some fun yourself.

-Blaine

(212) 482-7751

* * *

“What are you looking at?”

Blaine circled his arms around Kurt’s waist and hooked his chin over his shoulder, running his eyes over the same shelf as Kurt.

“Nothing, just waiting for you”, said Kurt, eyeing the bottle of eatable lube Blaine had gone to get.

“Hmm”, hummed Blaine, not taking his eyes off the shelf, and then he reached out to get something.

“B-Blaine!”, Kurt sputtered indignantly, trying to hide his blush.

Blaine laughed and kissed his neck, whispering in his ear, “What? Don’t act like you weren’t looking at them. So… How is it, am I going to go to work with this?”

Kurt shivered in his arms, nodding fervently, and Blaine laughed again, pecked him on the lips, and went to pay for their things.

Watching his husband walk away and turn back to wink at him, Kurt wanted to pick something really expensive to mail to Rachel and Brody’s house as a thank you.

The End