No one is waiting up for Blaine when he gets home several minutes past his curfew. He heads straight to the shower and then to bed. In the dark he gropes for the end of his phone charger, to plug his phone in for the night. It blinks with a new text notification. Ten minutes old, its from Kurt. Blaine hesitates before opening it.

"Are you awake?" it reads.

Blaine takes a deep, painless breath and then exhales all of it. He types back, "Yes."

=

"Hi. :)"

Thats Kurts reply.

"Okay," Blaine says to the room. He stares at the text smiley; tries to discern its subtext. Its too simple to take at face value given its been Kurts first date with Adam. That Kurts come home alone seems a reasonable assumption. The smiley, though—did it go well? Is he calling to gush over the wonderful perfect New York dream date he had with Adam? Doubtful Kurt would be so insensitive—or even comfortable—doing so.

Which means what? He wants to talk to Blaine because hes been in a romantic disposition tonight and feels nostalgic? Or does he just want to tell Blaine about the show he saw? Or? Is this how they work now, as friends?

Hes overthinking it. A simple overture of friendliness shouldnt be this fraught between them, even tonight. Blaine keeps his reply as simple. He wont pretend to know things he doesnt. Thats got him into enough trouble. "Hi. :) Did you want to call & talk?"

"I dont want to wake Rachel. Is texting OK?"

"Ofc," Blaine types, sends, and then—before he has a chance to censor himself--types the most obvious question to get it out of the way, "How was your date?" He makes himself smile through it, even though Kurt cant see him.

A few minutes pass, and Blaine looks at the photos on his nightstand. Kurt with him, Kurt alone: Kurt looking back at him, smiling, in love. In love with him. In this room, once, in love together. Blaine exhales the tension that wants to gather behind his eyes. This bed is his own making.

And thinking on that trite-but-true old metaphor, the particular cruelty of his own self-inflicted heartbreak, Blaine doesnt want to continue this conversation in his bedroom, with the good memories of them staring him down in the bed in which they made love, so he gets up. Goes back downstairs, and into the music room. Memories of Kurt linger here too--some he wishes to avoid for now--but he has many more memories of other times. Being on his own, with music: his own audience and company. Practicing and learning and feeling proud.

Enough light comes in the windows, he doesnt bother with a lamp. Sits at the piano, with his quiet phone. The fallboard covers the keys. Blaine resists raising it to distract his hands and mind; instead he types another tet to Kurt. "You dont have to answer." Blaine sends. "Im sorry if that was inappropriate."

Kurts reply comes shortly after that. "Its fine, I texted you first." And then after another handful of seconds: "I was overdressed."

Blaine frowns, fidgets with his phone. Hes unsure what to make of that. "Was it a problem? Being overdressed?"

"Dinner and a show turned out to be Cajun pizza and an improv club."

"That sounds fun?"

"It was fun, but not what I dressed for."

"What did you wear?"

"Ill show you," Kurt replies.

After a couple minutes, Blaine gets a photo: Kurt in front of his mirror. The lightings warm and bright enough Blaine can appreciate the striking jacket Kurt wears. Its got a bold black and white tessellating pattern that resembles stained glass windows or elaborate tile work. The cut of the jacket is perfection on Kurt, trim and classic with neat pagoda shoulders. Kurts wearing it with black tuxedo trousers, a white shirt, and a black bow tie with a small silver chain.

"Wow. Thats from the new McQueen collection, right?" Blaine types.

"Yes! Isabelle let me borrow it. Amazing, right? I wish I could show you the detail better. Im in love with this jacket, I swear."

"Its gorgeous," Blaine replies, because Kurt is. "You look incredible, Kurt. I love your bow tie."

"Thank you."

Blaine smiles (so he sends a smiley, ":D" ), and he wonders if Kurts smiling too. He hopes he is. He loves Kurts smile when he gets a well deserved compliment on his appearance.

"Hows my Dad been this week?" Kurt sends after a while. "He never wants to tell me much about his treatments."

Is that why you texted me tonight? To ask about your Dad? Blaine types, but he stares at the message and doesnt send it. Without conversational tone, it may come off as bitter or confrontational, and hes neither. He just wants to know why. Hes deleting it when Kurts next text arrives.

"I sent some tea thats meant to help with his energy. Do you know if hes drinking it?"

"Ill ask him next time I see him." Blaine says, and then sends also, "Hes doing well though. I saw him earlier tonight and he was in a great mood."

"Thank you, Blaine."

"Youre welcome," Blaine replies, because he cant think of anything else that would be better in the moment. He cant tell Kurt that hes more than happy to do this, that he doesnt require Kurts thanks. Its a promise hes keeping, and he loves Kurts family. But he doesnt want Kurt to think hes doing any of this to ply Kurts heart for forgiveness.

"So hows your evening been?" Kurt sends.

I went to Scandals and realized Im still in love with you and Im okay with that, is what Blaine wants to type. Instead he sends, "It was fine." But looking at the words on his screen while waiting for Kurts reply, Blaine frowns. Its too perfunctory and dismissive, and Kurt must want to keep talking or he wouldve said good night by now. His date was disappointing, that much seems safe to assume. So Blaine tries to be a little bit braver. "I was thinking about you and hoping you had a good time with Adam."

Its a while before Blaine gets a response: "I did." He wonders what other options Kurt mayve typed and discarded.

"Why does it feel like theres a but there?" Blaine sends.

"I dont know," Kurt replies, and Blaine can imagine his sigh of frustration. "Im sorry if this is awkward. I know we talked about talking about this stuff, but actually talking about it?"

Blaine laughs despite himself. "Its okay. I care about you more than this is awkward. We can talk if it helps."

"Okay," Kurt replies, but thats all Blaine gets.

"So your date wasnt what you expected," Blaine says. "But you had a good time?"

"Yes. I had a great time."

"Do you want to see him again?"

"I think so."

"But?"

"But seriously, I dont know if Im feeling the way Im supposed to be feeling. I keep comparing it to how I felt about you when we were starting out, and its different. I dont know if its supposed to be or what it means that it is."

"I wouldnt worry about supposed to. You feel how you feel." Blaine replies, hopes that doesnt sound weirdly passive aggressive or anything.

"Maybe."

Blaine stares at Kurts maybe and tries his best to channel friendship and support and wisdom of some kind without getting himself too hopelessly tangled up in his own heart. "We knew each other for months before we started dating. We were already friends."

"True. I dont know him very well yet. Maybe Im expecting too much too soon."

Blaine isnt sure how to advise Kurt, how much of whatever advice he might give would come from his own abiding desire for reconciliation. He doesnt want to sabotage Kurt, but nor does he want to overcompensate and give poor or insincere advice. "Its okay to take it slow," Blaine types. "We did."

"Yeah."

Blaine holds his phone, and he knows he cant stop the emotion that wells up in response to the memories that rouse, so he doesnt try. "Are you okay?" he asks.

"I dont know. After having my first date in NY not be what Id dreamed of, Ive been thinking."

"About?" Blaine prompts.

"About how I always do this."

Confused, Blaine asks, "Always do what?"

"Make it all up in my head. I had such a clear idea of how I wanted tonight to be. And it was nothing like it, and I was actually mad about that for a little while. Which wasnt fair to Adam. It made me wonder if Id done the same thing to you."

Blaine frowns, types, and sends, "I dont understand."

Its a while before he gets Kurts reply: "After you told me you cheated on me. I didnt know who you were, because my Blaine would never have done that. You looked the same, but you were a stranger."

Blaine presses his lips together and tips his head back. His vision blurs and he swallows hard. More reminders of things he cant fix. His phone vibrates with another text: "When you came at Christmas, I recognized you again, but you still seemed different. You were you, but I saw you differently."

"Kurt," Blaine says out loud. These are things they need to talk about maybe, but he doesnt know how. And some things are too hard to hear from Kurt, even though he knows theyre true, knows the pain of them is his own doing, knows Kurt isnt saying things to hurt him or punish him, but just because Kurt needs to say them. Or wants Blaine to know. The least he can do is listen.

"Are you still there?" Kurt asks.

"Im still here."

"On the way home on the train, I realized that maybe Id made up a version of you in my head and a version of our relationship that werent real? I was so in love with the idea of you that I hadnt really looked at you and seen you the way I should have. I thought I had, but, maybe not."

"Oh, Kurt," Blaine whispers to himself. He cant stop the tears this time, doesnt try. Wipes his eyes on the sleeve of his robe, and reads the next text.

"Instead I was caught in this fantasy of having found my fairy tale prince and daydreaming all our happily ever afters. But reality was different, you were different, and I maybe I didnt see that."

Kurts next text comes before Blaine can even start thinking about starting a reply. Kurt must be typing furiously, to get out the whole thought. Blaine sniffs wetly, and reads: "Maybe I was so in love with the idea of being in love instead of being in love with you the way I should have been. Maybe I dont really know you as well as I thought I did. Maybe I never really knew you at all."

Its not a good conversation for texts. But Blaine stares at Kurts words, realizes what it must have taken Kurt to write all of it tonight. Knows he needs to say the right thing, but he has no idea what that is. He does his best. "I wanted to be your fairy tale prince. I wanted those happy endings with you, Kurt. Im the one who fucked it up, not you."

"But if I truly knew you then I wouldve understood you better. I wouldve been a better boyfriend and you wouldnt have done it."

"What happened isnt your fault," Blaine types, robotically. He cant let himself feel all of this.

"Are you really telling me that theres nothing I could have done differently that wouldve made you not want to cheat on me?"

"I dont know," Blaine says. "I cant know that, and theres no point wondering about how things couldve been when its done. I dont think I can do this with you right now, Kurt. Im sorry."

No reply from Kurt.

"Okay?" Blaine asks.

"Okay," Kurt replies. Follows up with a longer text. "I still miss you," Kurt sends. "So much sometimes. I missed you a lot tonight, and I wasnt supposed to be thinking about you at all. I want to give this thing with Adam a chance, because I really like him and he likes me. But I dont know what Im doing. Maybe its too soon and this is doomed from the start. I dont want to make the same mistakes."

"I miss you too," Blaine replies, grateful that theyre not actually on the phone, so he can choose not to reply to everything Kurts text is laden with. "I was thinking about you tonight too. Its going to happen, that we think about each other like this."

"Maybe I shouldnt have said all of this to you tonight."

"Its okay to say it if its how you feel."

"It is how I feel, but I dont know that its okay to say it all to you. I dont know if its fair. I dont like not knowing how to talk to you about things. I miss talking to you though."

"Me too. Im sorry this is hard."

"I know." And then. "Was it wrong for me to text you tonight? Are *you* okay?"

"Im okay," Blaine says. For some values of okay its true. Hard though it is, Kurt did text and they are talking. Its nice--and it reminds Blaine, not in the specific, but in some ineffable spirit of human intimacy, of the midnight text conversations they had back before Kurt transferred to Dalton.

"Okay, then so am I," Kurt sends and Blaine knows, without seeing, that Kurts smiling too.

Theres a long gap of no communication then. Blaine scrolls back up to the photograph of Kurt. His face is partially blocked by his phone; Blaine can only see the edge of his mouth and one eye. But its enough. "I just hope you got a decent compliment on that outfit tonight," Blaine writes.

Kurt replies, "I did get one. Eventually. :)"

"So is it a good evening after all?"

"It is," Kurt sends, and adds, "Im going to go to bed now. Its late. Thanks for talking to me."

"Anytime. I mean it."

"Ill call you sometime when its not so late?"

"Sure," Blaine types. Then, "Good night, Kurt. Sleep well."