"Right," Kurt says. On the kitchen counter rests an antipasti platter hes put together on his old marble pastry board—which he should remember to lug back to New York this time. Hes made the most of the leftovers from the farewell picnic, augmented by a few items picked up on the drive back home from McKinley. He still cant find a decent baguette in Lima; no one gets the crust right. At least he sourced some decent olives and the supermarket has expanded its range of organic cheeses. A bottle of sparkling cider and a punnet of strawberries chill in the refrigerator. Blaines due after school, which isnt for a another half hour at least, and Kurts run out of things to do.

Hes cleaned up the picnic basket so Blaine can return it to Tina. Hes showered and changed into his tightest white pants, paired with a thin black linen shirt—sans undershirt. Hes left his throat bare and his hair soft; hes spritzed his cologne strategically and applied a sheer cherry-vanilla scented lipgloss. Its been months since hes spent this much time actively preparing himself for sex. He has a boyfriend again; he has Blaine back. Even though they never actually stopped having sex, each time was unanticipated and isolated from future plans, its different now. And today, here in his home kitchen, looking out at the back garden where Caroles filled his old vegetable beds with beans and peas and lettuces—a Spring day with his nerves simmering in anticipation: he feels so young again, right on the verge of everything.

They were so young then, he realizes. Still are. Kurt takes the bouquet of sunflowers and sweetpeas up to his bedroom. The delicate honeyed scent of the sweetpeas is light in its sensuality, not dense and saturating like the lilacs of his echoing recall. It promises freshness and new beginnings even if the flower itself speaks of departures and fond memories. He hasnt left yet, and he hopes to make a few new blissful memories for himself and Blaine before he catches his flight back to New York.

He texts his Dad and Carole to give them a heads up that Blaine will be staying tonight for dinner and theyre boyfriends again, so please dont be weird or awkward.

As he fusses with the minor details in his room—rearranging and tidying his vanity table, finding a playlist on his iPod, opening the new box of condoms—he wonders at his nerves; he wasnt nervous yesterday or this morning or at lunch or singing or—Christ—kissing Blaine while standing on a table in front of half the damn school. No one threw food.

Hes nervous. He doesnt know why. Hell just carry on. Hell feel better when Blaine gets here.

Downstairs, Kurt rearranges the vase of flowers on the table in the foyer, pulls out the dry leaves and dead flower heads. His phone buzzes with Blaines text to say hes on his way. And Kurts insides twist and tremble. Its worse than the first time Blaine came over as his boyfriend. Hes an adult for gods sake. Theyve done this before. Kurt washes his hands twice, checks his fingernails are smooth, moisturizes, and unbuttons another button below his collar. And then the doorbell rings.

When Kurt opens the door, Blaine surges in and greets him with a fierce, off-center kiss that has Kurt stumbling back into the foyer, nearly catching his heel on the edge of the rug. "Hey, boyfriend," Kurt manages. Blaines changed clothes too and smells clean, of shampoo and soap.

"Hey, yourself," says Blaine and he comes in, nudging the door to close behind him. He kisses Kurt again, both hands cradling his face, eager and full of intent. Kurts belly flutters and clenches hot, and he pulls back to ask, "Hungry? Thirsty? I have food."

"Mmm, hungry definitely," Blaine says, "but food can wait. I want you. How much time do we have?"

"More than enough," Kurt says, and he takes Blaine upstairs.

.

Theyre naked together in the afternoon sun upon Kurts white sheets; gasping and hot. Their bare skin grows sweat-tacky and sticks, like every part of their surfaces wants to kiss. It all feels incredible, moving against Blaine like this, being close and getting closer. But it doesnt feel like enough. Its not the tease of unsatisfied desire, but the missing of something.

Kurt sucks in a sharp breath against Blaines throat, stills his hips, and lifts his head. "This feels different," he says. Even anticipating a general difference didnt allow for this specific difference.

Blaine relaxes into the pillow and looks up at him, blinking sluggishly. His fingers release their grip on Kurts ass and slide up to the dip of Kurts spine. "Different?" he asks, breathless and soft. "How?"

"From before."

"From before we got back together or from before we broke up?"

"Yes?" Kurt says, unhelpfully. Hes not sure which way the difference is pulling most sharply. This doesnt feel like it used to when they were boyfriends, and in some ways, thats maybe good, that the sex is simpler between them now. He likes that this feels as easy as it did last week. But theres something they used to have together thats not quite present, and its something he wanted to feel again.

"Bad different or just different?"

With a shrug, Kurt asks, "You dont feel it?"

"Maybe? For me, its better now, because Im not worried that this is the last time or wondering when therell be a next time, or worrying about you running back to NY to be with Adam and not knowing if Ill see you again. So, yeah, its different, but its not... putting me off. Its nice to not worry."

"Im not put off," Kurt insists, sitting back on his heels above Blaine. "Im just noting a... thing." He chews his lip and considers Blaine, who lies there, open and content in a way Kurt is not entirely feeling himself. He felt more relaxed the last time they were in bed together, when he didnt have to worry about labeling what they were doing or worrying about what came next. But maybe now hes worrying again, and he doesnt want that. If theyre going to try being boyfriends again, he doesnt want any doubts.

And thats it, he realizes: a strange little loop of doubt hooked upon one tiny word. Its the wrong word entirely.

Blaine pushes up to his elbows. "Somethings bothering you."

Kurt presses his lips together and gathers his thought. "At lunch, you asked if we could try again."

"Yes, and you said yes, and thats what were doing, right?"

"Well, no," Kurt says. "I dont want this to be an experiment or trial, Blaine. I dont want to go into this with us already accommodating the possibility that well end again. I cant. I dont want to think about breaking up with you again. I cant put myself through that—I dont want to put you through that. So if all were doing is trying, I dont know if I can. Id rather just be best friends who, you know, have naked quality time occasionally."

"Oh." Blaine smile is small but sympathetic. He rubs Kurts forearm encouragingly, affection warm in his eyes. "Kurt."

"I want to do this again with you, not just try," Kurt says. "Isnt that what you want, too? If its not, Blaine, you have to tell me now, because I—" Kurt breaks off with a hiccup of sudden anxiety. They just got back together, maybe this is too much, but he cant think of being with Blaine as something casual, unless they make it explicitly casual. He doesnt want a relationship with an expiration date stamped on it. He cant feel safe with that. Blaines looking up at him with something like amusement, loving and indulgent and still completely sympathetic, as if Kurts misunderstood something essential and obvious. "Say something, please?" Kurt asks.

"Sweetheart," Blaine says, "Of course thats what I want. I thought you knew that?" Theres barely enough time for the relief of those words to sink into the tension of Kurts shoulders before Blaines smile widens and his eyes crinkle. "Do or do not, there is no try," Blaine says in a weird muppety voice.

Kurt lived with Sam Evans long enough to know this one, he raises his eyebrows. "Really? Yoda?"

Blaine starts giggling around an aborted attempt at humming in a Yoda-like manner.

Its tough, but Kurt contains his laughter, manages a mockery of stern. "Oh my god, Blaine, while were naked?"

"Mmhm," Blaine says, back to his own voice, and stretches up to kiss the corner of Kurts determindly not-smiling (but kind of smiling) mouth. "Come on, thats not hot? Havent you seen what the little guy can do with his light saber? Hes pretty skillful."

"That is a dick joke, Blaine," Kurt says as seriously as he can, doing his best to rein his amusement to faux disapproval. It feels like hes failing. His laughter is a barely repressed ball of air in his lungs.

"Yes, it is, and, hey? Light saber duels? Not so different from sword fighting, and I know how you enjoy a good sword fight." Blaine gives a demonstrative wriggle of his hips.

Kurt cannot not laugh then. He covers his mouth and shakes with it. "Oh my god, I love you," he mumbles from behind his hands, between hiccuping spasms of humor.

"So get back down here and duel with me, huh?" Blaine pulls at Kurts wrists.

"Its the only way Im going to shut you up, isnt it?"

"Well—?" Accompanied by a raised eyebrow.

"No sword swallowing jokes!"

"Fine," Blaine says, smiling sunnily as he tugs Kurt to come all the way back down. "I just want to feel your body with me, Kurt. Your mouth, your cock, your hands, your ass, your skin, all of you. I dont really care how. I just want you."

"Me too," Kurt says, thinks about possibilities. "I, um, have an idea—theres something Id like to try?" He resists the pull of Blaines hands. Blaine lets go, and Kurt twists away, reaches for his nightstand drawer. "I ran out of lube one night during a solo session," he says over his shoulder. "And I ended up using this, once I checked that it was safe for intimate places."

"Oh?" Blaine watches as Kurt brings out a shallow tub of organic blended shea body butter and shows it to him.

"Its um, really nice? Not wet or drippy and slippery-sloppy." Kurt unscrews the lid and scoops out a dollop on his fingertips. He rubs it between his thumb and forefingers before reaching over and smearing it, buttery smooth as it warms, down the length of Blaines cock; he wraps his hand around and spreads it out more with slow rolling strokes. "Okay?"

"Yeah," Blaine exhales. His eyelids flutter closed and his jaw slackens.

Kurt reaches for the tub again, rubs more on Blaine and then himself before settling against Blaine again, sighing at the fit of their bodies together. He kisses Blaine deeply as he swivels and rocks his hips against him. The shea butter glazes their skin smoother and softer than the finest silk. Provides a thicker, richer slide that seems to magnify their body heat. And it is really really good.

"Wow," Blaine gasps as Kurt drags his lips along Blaines jaw. "Kurt... do you... ah—"

"Do I?"

"Fuck yourself with this or just... like use it jerk off?"

"Both," Kurt says, and he sucks Blaines earlobe between his teeth.

"Oh god," Blaine groans and shivers. "I really want you to fuck me like this."

A pause and Kurt releases Blaines earlobe. "Im not sure its safe with a condom," Kurt says.

"Its been six months," Blaine says. "I got tested. Im clean."

"Oh." Kurt blinks, looks at Blaine. "That wasnt what I—"

"I just wanted you to know," Blaine says and against Kurts cheek, his hand is warm. The query in his eyes is serious. "Okay?"

Kurt nods but an edge of discomfort tamps his arousal. "I only meant that we usually prefer with. Thank you for telling me, but, um, this isnt the conversation I was expecting right now. You told me you were safe, and I trust you to take care of yourself and tell me if theres a problem I need to know about."

"It wasnt that I thought you doubted me. But, before we got back together— Or if we did, I guess. I wanted to minimize any uncertainty left between us. Anything that was within my control anyway. I needed to do it for myself."

"Blaine. I just— I really dont want to revisit any stuff about Eli."

"No, I know. I dont either. I just thought, if youre wondering about my level of commitment here? Im one thousand percent here with you, and I want everything—all our dreams, old ones, new ones, all of them. All of you and all of me, together."

The last lingering pressure in Kurts chest dissolves and his eyes prick with tears. "Thats what I want too, Blaine. I never stopped wanting it. For a while I thought it was impossible, but I never wanted anyone else." He breaks off with a shuddering breath.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Kurt says, and he smiles though his vision blurs. "Im just really happy."

"Good. Then I really want to do this with my boyfriend." Blaine rolls them over, unsatisfying press of his hips against Kurt as he preps himself with the body butter. Then theres a little, necessary shift apart and up and then the glorious push back down, and Kurts enveloped in glossy heat. Naked, easy glide inside, where Blaine is so sinfully sleek, its like the lushest velvet. Brings something new to an already comfortable and familiar act between them. Which Kurt likes because it will make a mark in his memory: hell remember this specific moment in time. It wont fade into the blur of their other past sexual encounters, for there have been so many in this room.

"God, that is so nice," Blaine murmurs, shifting above him with indulgent focus, taking his time to explore the sensation for them both. "Oh... everythings so smooth and warm and... mmm."

"You feel amazing," Kurt replies, runs his open palms down Blaines back, traces the flex of muscle and bone beneath his warm skin, maps with his fingertips the devotion of his body. "This is amazing."

Blaine bends low and kisses him, hovering close over Kurt as he works his hips, and Kurt skims his hands down to clasp his ass, rocks up to meet him, pushing in as Blaine pushes back, and they keep it a savored, tender burn between them.

"How long can you keep this up?" Blaine asks.

Kurt blinks his eyes open more widely and smiles. "As long as you need me to." He punctuates by pulling Blaine down to meet a deeper, grinding thrust that makes Blaine bite down on a deep moan and close his eyes.

When Blaine opens his eyes again, he asks softly, gently teasing: "Then how about forever?" Its playful enough, but Kurt perceives the deeper sentiment in Blaines unguarded gaze, the question Blaine is truly asking him: all the Valentines Days and Christmases to come. Everything. Theyve played at this before, when they were still children. Kurt has a better idea of what it means now. Blaines right, there is no try.

"Yes," Kurt says. "I can do that."