"So - are we ready?" Blaine asked, his eyes flickering nervously between Kurt's. He held his breath, biting his lower lip, not daring to as much place a hand on his boyfriend's thigh.

Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before he opened again, his eyes staring directly into Blaine's.

"Yes. Yes we are," he said, voice weak and trembling, eyes nervous and sparkling.

"So what do we... do?" Blaine felt a fire in his stomach, wondering whether he was too scared to actually... perform.

Kurt shifted a little on the bed, his eyes rushing around the room, ending on the white plastic bag on Blaine's nightstand, and back to Blaine's face. He chewed a little on the inside of his lower lip, Blaine knowing him well enough to know that it meant that he was thinking, and he was thinking hard.

Carefully Kurt shifted to sit on his knees, placing a hand on Blaine's thigh before he leaned in to kiss him.

His lips were soft and moist and tasted like raspberry from his lipsmackers. That delicious familiar taste, the way his lips always tasted.

Their lips were moving slowly together, slower than they were used to, and Blaine could feel through Kurt's kiss that his nerves were just as much on ends as Blaine's own. He wanted to open his mouth to feel Kurt's soft tongue against his own, but he was afraid that it was going too fast and Kurt would back out.

The hand on his thigh was burning through his jeans, and he could feel his face grow hot.

Kurt let his mouth open slightly, the tip of his tongue daring to brush slowly over Blaine's lower lip, making Blaine do a little twitch in surprise before he let his lips part to welcome him in.

In a split-second Blaine detached his brain and let his arms around Kurt's waist so he could slowly let both of them fall to the mattress.

Kurt's legs were locked together, straight down from his body, his hands demonstratively placed on Blaine's ribs, making Blaine have to keep his legs straight down on Kurt's the same way, the position extremely uncomfortable but the closeness already like a fire from knowing what was to come.

Kurt slowly parted his legs, indicating to Blaine that it was okay for him to place his own between Kurt's, fabric scratching against denim, their abdomens meeting, but still not daring to rest completely down making their chests meet.

Without warning Kurt let his hands down to the lower of Blaine's back, dragging him closer, Blaine feeling Kurt being semi-hard behind the zipper. This was so hot, and Kurt was so amazing; he shouldn't feel this nervous.

"Wanna - get under - the covers?" Kurt asked between soft kisses, Blaine noticing his breathing was hard and his voice unsteady, and hurried to nod as he reached out his arm to grab around the bedspread, letting them awkwardly raise their bodies from the bed and crawl under, frightened to let their lips part because that would mean they would have to look at each other and face what they were about to do.

The second they were under it was like something happened. Kurt's lips started moving faster, Blaine letting his move along with him.

Out of nowhere Kurt's hands were under Blaine's shirt, cold fingers against his burning skin digging into his back, making Blaine's crotch press against Kurt's.

"Let's... let's do it. Let's just - off and..." Blaine tried to get out, not sure how coherent his words were, but Kurt nodded in response, immediately going tensed under him.

Blaine let himself fall to the bed next to Kurt, scared to look at his boyfriend, but still missing his face, needing to see his blue eyes that always had a way of calming him down.

"Okay. Let's... open," Kurt said weakly, Blaine feeling his hands slowly starting to open his own belt, so Blaine mirrored his movements.

As soon as their jeans hit the floor it suddenly become very real, and the heat radiating from Kurt's body was suddenly very close. He had no idea what to do, but luckily Kurt shifted to lie on his side so Blaine did the same.

"I - I wanna do this with you. Only you. Blaine, I love you," Kurt stuttered, letting his fingers play distractedly with the collar of Blaine's tank top.

"I love you too. You're... you're the only one for me," Blaine hesitantly got out, fearing that he might start hyperventilating.

A smile spread on Kurt's lips in a "here-we-go" way, and he leaned in to kiss Blaine again. It only took a second for Kurt's hand to run to Blaine's hip, making Blaine let his hand down to
Kurt's to run around to his back, pulling him closer, bodies so close that their chests had to synchronize their breathing.

Blaine felt himself grow harder as their kiss grew deeper along with feeling Kurt go hard too. It was surrealistic to think that only two layers of thin fabric was separating them now, and it made Blaine happy that his eyes were closed so he didn't have to deal with the world.

He carefully let the tips of his fingers down the line of Kurt's boxers, feeling the soft skin burn just as much as Blaine's own was. Kurt's tongue was soft and gentle against Blaine's and a sudden urge to just go completely naked and feel Kurt against his skin welled in over him.

"I love you, you know that right?" Blaine panted between the kisses, desperate to let Kurt know that he meant it, and this wasn't just some random thing - that this meant everything.

"I know, Blaine. I love you too. So much," Kurt heaved back, before he let their lips part and made his eyes pierce into Blaine's brown ones.

"Now. This - now. Just..."

Blaine held up a finger to stop him. He craned his neck to kiss on the forehead in assurance that it was okay, and let his hand down to start holding out in the elastic band of Kurt's boxers, hoping he would get the hint.

"Yes. Yes..." Kurt said and started dragging off Blaine's, letting Blaine understand that it was okay for him to get off Kurt's too.

Now they were lying there. No pants, no boxers, nothing separating their pounding erections, Blaine feeling every vein in his body pulsing to a point that he wasn't sure could be healthy, and all he wanted was to reach out and drag Kurt close again, but he was afraid.

Damn this, he thought to himself, and made a quick movement to let his upper body lie on Kurt's letting their lips clasp together.

He made his hand down to Kurt's hip, feeling the head of his hard dick brush against his arm, a mix of fire and ice running through his body from the touch.

Kurt turned to lie on his side, lips suddenly hard and moving determined, their erections hard and pounding against each other between them, their breathing simultaneously going faster.

"Top or bottom?" Kurt asked, taking Blaine completely off guard.

Why hadn't they discussed that before? Why hadn't he thought about that?

"What... whatever you want," he responded, his brain clogging.

"We really haven't thought this through, have we?" Kurt sighed, making Blaine's body shiver from the warm breath hitting his neck.

"Maybe we should just - do you wanna drop it? We can wait. Do you wanna wait?" Blaine offered, secretly praying that Kurt would sustain their decision of going through with it.

"No. No, let's do it. I wanna do it. I want you, Blaine. Even if we postpone it it's going to be just as awkward and... uncomfortable. Not that it's uncomfortable but -" Kurt blabbered the last sentence out, clearly convinced that he had ruined everything by his choice of words.

"Shh, shh, it's okay. I know what you mean, and I feel the same way. To be honest - I actually hoped that you would say that. I just feel like we should... get it over with. The hard part. So we can, you know - get to the good part," Blaine got out hesitantly, before he decided that they needed to do something to break the tension.

He started slowly kissing the soft skin of Kurt's collarbone, feeling a chill run through the older boy, and his hips jerking unwillingly in Blaine's direction.

“I think that maybe we should try and discuss… you know… the things that we haven’t discussed, but… that are essential - important,” Blaine suggested, afraid that Kurt would completely shut down. One thing was to feel their way through it, another was to actually talk about it and say the words out loud.

He saw the panic spread in his eyes, and his muscles grow tense, but after a short while he relaxed.

“Yes. You’re right, you’re… you’re totally right,” Kurt agreed.

“So… what… essentials, do we need to discuss?” He then asked, his tone almost business like, as if he wanted to distance himself from what they were about to say out loud.

“I don’t think this is anymore fun than you do but…” Blaine closed his eyes, not having any intentions on letting them be penetrated by Kurt’s intense blue gaze as he said what he had to say, but opened them anyway, feeling that he owed Kurt that respect.

“…we need to agree on… who’s top and who’s bottom, and fingers and lube and -” Blaine started to frantically rant away, realizing that he had no idea how much Kurt even knew about sex and that he had no idea how they should proceed or what turned Kurt on and what didn’t. How could they have been so oblivious to not actually talk about stuff like that?

“Blaine. I’m scared,” Kurt suddenly whispered, his voice weak, nearly inaudible, even though they were lying so close that their arms were almost numb between them.

Blaine rushed his hand to Kurt’s cheek, cupping his face, wanting to embrace him, hold him close and promise that everything would be alright.

“Don’t be. I - it’s gonna hurt. But… it’s gonna get better. Do you…” Blaine had to swallow before he could actually get the words out.

“…want me to top?” He asked, wishing that he could do anything at all to make this easier for Kurt. To help Kurt not be scared, to make him comfortable.

“I mean that way you can just - sort of lie there and let me do the work. Not that I’m saying that… I’m not really sure what I’m saying right now, but… I would do that, so you could just close your eyes, and not worry. I don’t want you to worry, or be scared. Please don’t be scared.”

Blaine silenced and waited, hoping that Kurt knew that he wasn’t trying to pressure him.

Then he felt Kurt’s hands on his neck dragging his head down to let their lips meet, before he let go again, leaving Blaine surprised looking for breath.

“You’re amazing. Can we just… slow? Let’s just… be here, stay here, and feel each other - for a bit.” Kurt’s eyes were shining through the dark of the room, and as always Blaine had to shake himself out of the trance of looking at Kurt - it never failed, he always got so stunned by his beauty that he lost the ability to speak coherently.

“Sure. Sure,” Blaine responded, the knot in his throat feeling stronger, the heat under the covers rising with every second.

“Would you… lie on me? Like… like we usually do?” Kurt asked, hesitantly, like he wasn’t sure that he was allowed to ask.

A broad smile spread across Blaine’s lips, and he felt his face grow red, as he nodded and placed a flighty kiss on the tip of Kurt’s nose. Then he lifted himself from his place on Kurt’s chest, letting his left hand slowly slide from Kurt’s hip down over his thigh making Kurt do a little tic by Blaine’s palm against his naked skin.

This is it, Blaine thought to himself, as he let his knee move over Kurt’s and down between his legs, skin against skin, before he moved to lie completely on top of Kurt, his legs between Kurt’s supporting on his toes and stretched arms.

Blaine took a deep breath before he exhaled and let himself lower down onto Kurt, both of them making a gasp by the feeling of the other’s naked body against their own.

This was the strangest thing he had ever experienced.

He could feel Kurt’s erection against his hip, as his own was pulsing crazy against Kurt’s hip, feeling the pre-come smearing their skin as he leaned down to let his lips softly meet Kurt’s, feeling the awkward tension fill the room once more.

It felt so new and different and… amazing.

Blaine let himself move a little up feeling the friction of their bodies on both of their dicks, making a chill run through both of them, a surprised sigh escaping Kurt’s lips against Blaine’s own, only making Blaine wanting to kiss him more and deeper.

“Oh.. Blaine… this is..” Kurt arched his neck a little, making their still clothed ribs rub up and down, their pelvises being pressed closer together.

“Is it okay? Do you want me to move?” Blaine panicked and got ready to move away, but Kurt rushed up his hands to cling to Blaine’s arms.

“No. Please. Don’t… I… I like it. I like… feeling you,” he whispered, sounding a mix of embarrassed and intrigued.

Blaine felt himself grow red in the face by Kurt’s words, and couldn’t help a smile spread on his lips as he leaned down to kiss him, stronger and deeper than he had dared all night.

“I like feeling you too.”

They stayed like that. Careful not to move too much, afraid to hurt each other, afraid to do something wrong, but their kisses growing steadily stronger, and their hands adventuring the other’s body.

Under their shirts, naked hips, and Kurt’s hand that lay on Blaine’s lower back that pressed him down, Blaine’s hands were under Kurt’s shirt, caressing him. Their breaths becoming heavily synchronized whilst their tongues switched from hard to soft against one another - the taste of lipsmackers long gone replaced by the taste of Kurt’s pure lips and tongue,; the way Blaine liked them best.

“Blaine… I want you too. I just.. I want you so bad right now. Let’s just… let me feel you, really feel you,” Kurt begged, panting against Blaine’s lower lip, his hands shaking and eyelashes fluttering against his cheek.

“Sure - are you, are you really sure? I want you too. So much… but only if you’re comfortable,” Blaine assured in return.

Kurt bit his lower lip and nodded, almost desperate, Blaine thought, to let him know that he meant it, and this was it, and they should do it now before he regretted and got afraid again.

“Okay, so let’s just - do it,” Blaine agreed, and felt a fire burn inside him, and all of his senses get on their toes.

He ventured down to kiss Kurt passionately, before he realized that now he had to do something, and started carefully moving himself down Kurt’s body.

“No… no, no, no, what are you doing? Where are you going? Blaine, please don’t…” Kurt blabbered out in panic, confused and scared, digging his nails painfully into the skin of Blaine’s arms.

“Kurt I… I have to get down there if I have… do something… down there,” Blaine explained, afraid of what was to happen now that Kurt faced the reality of their situation.

Blaine began kissing Kurt’s collarbone, up his neck, over his cheek and to his mouth, where Blaine carefully let his lips caress over Kurt’s, soft innocent kisses, before he made their lips part just enough for him to speak.

“You can move with me. Sit half up, so I won’t leave you, right? I’ll start with my fingers, okay? So you won’t hurt… if I hurt you promise me you’ll stop me, okay? Promise me,” Blaine begged as it rushed in over him how frightened he was that he was going to hurt Kurt in the worst of ways.

“Yes. Yes, that… that sounds good. But..” Kurt stopped and pushed Blaine a little away to let their eyes meet.

“Don’t be afraid that you’ll hurt me. I trust you. I know you’ll be gentle, and perfect. You’re always perfect to me, this won’t be an exception.” He kissed him and started to move to sit half up, moving the pillows to his back to have them sit against, Blaine on his knees between Kurt’s legs, waiting for green light, waiting for Kurt to be ready.

Blaine looked to the plastic bag on the nightstand and then back to Kurt. He could sense that Kurt knew it too and he bit his lower lip before he reached for the bag. He shouldn’t feel so awkward about the bag - they were being responsible, and these things they actually had thought about, which was good.

Blaine clenched the bag in his hand, doing his best not to let the cool plastic against Kurt’s skin. As he leaned back to sit on his knees on the mattress, his left hand slowly sliding down Kurt’s torso, and then down his hip and over his thigh, letting his hand close around Kurt’s knee and carefully moving it up, so Blaine could place a soft kiss on his knee.

Then he let his hand softly slide back down Kurt’s thigh, as he placed the bag on the bed under the covers. And now he had to actually do something.

Blaine dug his hand into the little plastic bag next to him, his eyes still fixated on Kurt’s afraid to lose eye contact, as he fumbled around before he found the little bottle.

He let his head down one more time to kiss the inner side of Kurt’s knees before he took a deep breath.

“Okay. So I’m just… gonna do it…” he warned under his breath, his brain fogged and the room feeling unnaturally hot, and yet freezing as he was sitting there under the blanket with no pants or anything, feeling so exposed.

Kurt nodded his eyes almost shutting, but forced them open, as if determined to not miss a second of what was going on.

A little click that probably was very silent, but seemed like a gunshot was heard when he pushed the cap off the bottle with his thumb. He cursed to himself over the fact that these things weren’t on mute, before he realized that he was about to touch Kurt in places he had never touched him before - places no one had ever touched him before.

If he didn’t think this was a special moment before, he sure did now.

He did a quick silent decision and let the bottle drop to the bed before he leaned in over Kurt, their bodies meeting, their eyes locked.

“I just… I just wanna touch you… just me, no - anything - just… my skin and yours. First.” Blaine swallowed the knot in his throat now felt like it was the size of his head.

“Me too,” Kurt agreed with an almost inaudible voice, before he let his hand up on Blaine’s neck and dragged his head down so his lips were just at Blaine’s ear.

“Touch me, Blaine. Let me feel you,” he whispered and kissed Blaine’s ear, daring the tip of his tongue out to quickly meet Blaine’s earlobe, making a chill run down Blaine’s spine, causing him to jerk his hips a little, making their hard dicks clasp against each other, both of them letting out a surprised gasp followed by a sighed.

Blaine let his right hand under Kurt’s arm, to cup him in his embrace, and the other to take a firm grab around Kurt’s thigh, letting the hand slowly try its way down, ending at his ass, their foreheads against each other, heavily breathing into each other’s mouths, Kurt nearly a whimper on the tip of his tongue.

Blaine took a sudden firm grip around Kurt’s cheek, his thumb caressing the hipbone carefully, Kurt twitching his pelvis against Blaine’s, the gasp back in their throats.

Now that he knew that it was okay Blaine was well aware that this was it, and started to work his hand over Kurt’s hip, and down to the tender flesh of Kurt’s inner thigh, right next to Blaine’s own hip.

He raised himself a little, making space for his hand to brush carefully up the shaft of Kurt’s cock, making Kurt truly whimper out loud now, Blaine himself feeling his temperature rise, and his own dick go harder from the feeling of Kurt’s against his palm.

He had thought about this moment so often, but never dared picturing it too vividly. Even when he masturbated, and thought about Kurt - his lips, the warmth of his mouth, the feel of his hands, and the way his hips made his ass sway perfectly when he walked down the school halls.

When people are away from each other, or think about people in sexual relations, they always picture the person they love much more beautiful than they actually are, because they build up this excitement and incredible fantasy that it is impossible for a real human being to live up to - but Kurt did. No matter how beautiful Blaine thought about him when they were apart, the beauty of Kurt’s face would always take him off guard.

And this was the same - as wonderful, and lovely as he had imagined this to be when he was just himself imagining being with Kurt, imagining it to be Kurt’s hand against his cock instead of his own, this was so much better.

He let his hand close around Kurt, making him arch his neck a little, his chest clasping against Blaine’s, as he started to let his fist pump slowly up and down, their eyes now open, locked into each other’s gaze, their eyelashes nearly entwining as they rarely blinked.

Blaine kept a slow, steady pace, feeling Kurt’s breath warmly moist his lips as his breathing was rising.

Suddenly, Blaine felt a hand trying to get between their hips. Kurt clearly wanting him to rise a little, so he let himself up to support on his free arm, feeling Kurt’s palm caressingly slide from his balls and up to his shaft, to his head making his knees shiver under him from the friction. Making it harder to concentrate because damn this felt good, and he had no idea how he had ever feared something that felt so great.

 And right.

Like waves of hot, fresh blood rolling through his veins, as Kurt closed his hand around his cock and started swiping, Blaine almost crashed down over him from the sensation.

The sound of Kurt’s panting for air made the familiar fire start in his stomach, and start running to…

“Blaine. Blaine. Stop, Stop!” Kurt abruptly begged through heavy panting, his entire body freezing in movement.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Did I do something wrong?” Blaine panicked and rushed to his knees, afraid that he had hurt him in any way at all, tears almost flinging to his eyes.

“No, no, no. Not at all. I - just don’t wanna… die yet. You know,” Kurt blushed embarrassed, hiding his lips, trying to suppress a giggle, Blaine feeling his heart go lighter from the relief.

Blaine wanted to kick himself. He should have thought of that. Maybe it was best for them to stop there and simply just - proceed.

He stopped himself from laughing at his own irrational shock, and as the relief fastened itself in him, he felt just how hard he was, and just how much he wanted Kurt as he was lying there - presenting himself with spread legs and moist lips, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and his pale skin looking so delicate in the vague light from the lamp at the table across the room.

He wanted to lean his head down to Kurt’s crotch and kiss him. Not lick him or take him in his mouth, but just kiss his penis for being there.

But he didn’t.

He leaned in and kissed Kurt’s nose, letting his right hand cup his face and placed a quick peck on his lips, before he leaned back and let his left hand run down Kurt’s arm to find his hand where he let their fingers lock.

“Just relax. I’ll take it slow, and I’ll be careful. Tell me if it hurts, and I’ll stop,” Blaine whispered, and squeezed Kurt’s hand before he grabbed the bottle with his free hand again.

He popped up the already open cap before he let the cold liquid over his fingers. A chill ran through his body making his nipples go stiff under the fabric of his tank top from how freezing he lubricant was over his warm skin, but still poured so much that it almost dripped onto the bed, yet he feared that it wasn’t enough.

He let the bottle drop back to the mattress, trying to use the two lubed up fingers to rub against each other to make it spread properly without having to let go of Kurt’s hand, even though he knew that he had to soon enough.

Blaine bent down his head to place a soft kiss on the side of Kurt’s knee, before he let his fingers slide apologetically out of Kurt’s. His hand slid from the tendon of his knee and down the backside of his thigh, ending at Kurt’s ass, taking a grip around his cheek as he let his thumb caress at the tender flesh of his crack, making Kurt do a twist on the bed.

“So I’ll.. I’ll do it now. Are you ready?” Blaine asked patiently, his thumb still brushing over the delicate skin, not wanting to do the slightest until Kurt had agreed.

“Yes. Yes, Blaine just… do it, just do it, alright!” Kurt almost demanded, making a fire run through Blaine. God, that was sexy.

He decided not to answer, instead he grabbed a little tighter on Kurt’s cheek to make sure there was space enough to not mess the lube too much over everything.

With a hesitant movement Blaine let his cool fingers run, Kurt gripping from the cold against his skin goose bumps spreading all over his body, and Blaine noticing how his nipples went stiff through his white shirt had an urge to tear off his t-shirt and kiss them - and bite lightly at them.

Blaine let his finger caressingly circle a little, tease around Kurt’s hole, making Kurt squeeze his eyes hard. His hands curled up into fists, before Blaine took a chance and let his middle finger slowly dig in, making Kurt gasp loudly in a breath sounding like a weak “shit Blaine” as he arched his chest off the mattress, his toes curling up and his lower lip trembling.

The feeling of his finger inside Kurt was new and warm, and so different than anything he had ever thought it would be. As nervous as he was about doing something wrong, he couldn’t help a thought in the back of his head telling him to continue, to jerk his finger in and out, to crook it and find the right places where Kurt would like it best.

So he did. He made his finger push in and out of Kurt, feeling how much his muscles were tightening making it almost impossible to move, but refusing to give up, as he let his left hand up to hold Kurt’s hip, Kurt clasping his hand down to hold around Blaine’s, as his breathing got heavier.

“Should I… one more? Do you think you can take one more?” Blaine asked, not sure whether they had reached that point yet, but he felt adventurous and wanted to give Kurt more, and wanted to feel more of Kurt. Every nerve in his body was prickling and he knew that they were still way to inexperienced to experiment, but he was struggling to suppress the compulsion to do something Kurt wouldn’t expect of him - though that wouldn’t be fair.

“Yes. Do it, Blaine… one more,” Kurt let him, even though Blaine wasn’t sure that he knew if he could take it. The much stronger grip Kurt held around Blaine’s hand told him that he should continue, and not stop moving his finger, to let one more in, to let them go closer.

And he did it. Let his middle finger slide out so it’s only the tip of his finger that’s inside Kurt, leaning a little against Kurt’s knee in the air to make him spread a little wider to make it easier. And Blaine lets his index finger join his middle finger, very much colder than the finger that has now taken up Kurt’s body heat, and lets both of them dig into Kurt, making Kurt tighten even more, despite Blaine having been sure just seconds prior that it was physically impossible for Kurt to tighten anymore.

“Yeah, yes. Blaine…” Kurt whimpered, his nails digging into Blaine’s hand, the pain, in one time, excruciating and arousing.

The sound of Kurt’s breathy words made Blaine’s eyes flicker shut and open and then shut again as he felt a jerk in his cock and sweat start to prickle out over his forehead.

He wanted to let his fingers go harder and deeper and experience inside of Kurt, but he was so incredibly afraid to hurt him or that Kurt wouldn’t like, despite how much he was moaning making pre-come almost drip from Blaine’s pulsing cock.

Kurt did an abruptly hard squeezed on Blaine’s hand as he made his eyes pierce right into Blaine’s brown orbs, Kurt’s face flushed and a vague smiling lurking in the corners of his mouth.

“Let’s just screw this and… get to it. Blaine I want you so much. You’re so -” He bit his lower lip as Blaine crooked his fingers to let them push directly on his prostate, making Kurt burst out a sharp gasp and his hand grab Blaine’s to rise above where they had been placed on his hip.

How can I have been so lucky to find the most beautiful, and sexy boy there is? Blaine thought to himself - and he even wants me just as much as I want him.

“Yes. Fuck, Kurt - I thought you’d never ask,” Blaine said, and let his fingers slowly slide out of Kurt. It caused a shudder to run through Kurt’s body, before Blaine leaned over Kurt, full body pressed down against Kurt’s, their lips clasped together, Blaine bit Kurt’s lower lip the feeling of Kurt’s tongue in his mouth making him want to never leave this position.

“Here we go,” Blaine whispered with a smile against Kurt’s lips, breaking up their kiss, as he returned to his position on his knees between Kurt’s legs, leaving Kurt to lie against the pillows and stare at him, a crooked smile and sparkling eyes.

He let his hand back down into the white plastic bag, where he fumbled around for one of the small packages and found exactly what he needed.

He tore open the foil package and got out the slick surfaced rubber. His fingers were trembling, and he had no idea what caused these sudden nerves to return much stronger than they had been earlier.

As he let the rubber hit the head of his cock he twitched, and felt exactly how much his hands were shaking, when a hand on his wrist stopped him.

Kurt had sat up, and his face was right next to Blaine’s, with a comforting smile. He let his hands up to cup Blaine’s face and place peck on his lips, before he removed his hands from the condom, and started slowly, and carefully roll it down over Blaine’s erection, their gaze never leaving each other.

Kurt’s fingers on his erection made Blaine have a second’s fear that he was going to come right then and there, but he didn’t. He bit his lower lip, and held in a gasp, before it was over faster than he could think it to be.

“Thank you,” Blaine said in a husky voice, embarrassed that he hadn’t even been able to do that himself.

“You’ll do fine. I know you will. Just take it easy, and relax. We have all night,” Kurt assured him. He let his hand graze over Blaine’s arm before he laid back down on the pillows, looking nervous himself, all of his muscles tensed but his eyes trusting.

Blaine once again picked up the bottle of lubricant, this time a little more cautious as he knew how cold this was going to be against his sensitive dick. He also knew that it was needed, and much of it, so he poured what he could only believe to be half a bottle into his palm before he closed it around his cock and smeared it all over; the feeling of his hand against the rubber strange and unfamiliar.

As he was sure that it would be enough, and that there was nothing more he could do. He let his lubed up hand down to run carefully between Kurt’s cheeks, making sure he got it good around his hole, before he looked to Kurt realizing that he had been watching him the entire time.

He sent Kurt a tame smile, before he cleaned his hand free off lube in a napkin from the plastic bag.

Blaine then moved as close to Kurt’s ass as he could, letting his hands run up and down his naked thighs, feeling the burning hot skin under his palms, feeling the need to kiss him all over his body rush through him.

He leaned down to kiss each of his inner thighs, before he reached down to separate Kurt’s cheeks slowly and carefully, as he grabbed his hand around his own cock, biting his lower lip, locking his eyes with Kurt’s, and let his head tenderly brush against Kurt’s hole making both of them moan.

“Just… just do it, Blaine, get it over with…” Kurt begged, closing his eyes, Blaine suspecting it was to hide the terror of what pain was to come.

Blaine did as Kurt asked him to - he pressed harder, and it felt in one time good and terrifying that he was doing this, and that he could hear in Kurt’s breathing that he was scared, and the more Blaine pressed the harder Kurt was breathing.

As soon as Blaine felt his head inside, and he felt Kurt tighten painfully around him, he knew that for once he had done something right.

“Shit… fuck…” Kurt almost screamed, Blaine scared to move a muscle.

“Should I stop? Do you want me to stop? Is it too much?” Blaine asked frantically, feeling ridiculous as he sat there with his one hand on his dick and the other grabbing Kurt’s ass, and a concerned expression painted across his face.

“No, Blaine Anderson, don’t you dare stop now. It’s so close, just… please.”

Kurt grabbed at the collar of Blaine’s tank top and dragged him down to lie on top of Kurt, dick still inside Kurt, hand still on his ass, Kurt’s breathing heaving on his face.

“Just… kiss me. Just kiss me and keep going, please. I want to feel you. I want you in me, Blaine,” Kurt assured him, and Blaine nodded, still not sure what he was doing was for the best, but nonetheless bend his head down to let their lips meet.

Kurt folded his arms around Blaine’s neck, and after a brief moment of Blaine carefully pushing he felt Kurt’s legs rise and his heels lock on the lower of Blaine’s back. This way he was more open for Blaine to push into him, and with his heels he could control how hard Blaine should push, which made Blaine a little less scared, and forced a particular strong thrust by his hips, feeling himself halfway into Kurt, the tightening around his cock burning.

“You’re so damn tight,” Blaine gasped out of nowhere, Kurt biting his lower lip teeth digging into flesh, Blaine sure it would start bleeding.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please don’t hurt yourself,” Kurt whined in response, Blaine forcing a strong kiss on him.

“Don’t… don’t be… sorry,” Blaine got out between gasps.

He made one last jerk of his hips, making his dick venture all the way into Kurt, the warmth spreading from Kurt’s ass around him throughout his entire body.

They stayed like that. Blaine all the way inside Kurt, Kurt’s legs locked around him, their lips slowly moving against each other. A lazy mix of lips and tongues, as the kiss slowly grew more passionate, and deeper - tongues starting to battle for dominance. Chests meeting in lungs heaving for air, as Blaine let himself slide a little out of Kurt and then quickly back in again, both of them groaning loudly.

“Yes. Yes, Blaine… Please,” Kurt panted as Blaine’s hips met his ass.

“It’s okay? It doesn’t hurt?” Blaine asked, wanting to continue, but still needing Kurt to be okay with it over all.

“It hurts so much. But don’t stop. Please don’t stop,” Kurt said and forced his heels down in the lower of Blaine’s back, his lips locking around Blaine’s lower lip - not kissing just feeling their lips together.

Blaine let himself a little out and this time slowly and carefully back in, moaning by the feeling of Kurt around him, against him, Kurt’s arms strong and safe around his neck, and his legs even stronger and comforting, as a promise of unison and the feeling of Kurt’s cock rubbing up and down between their stomachs with every move they did.

Blaine let his arms under Kurt’s upper arms, so he could let his fingertips into Kurt’s hair caressing his temples. Their foreheads were placed against each other and eyes locked sharing the heavy breathing between them. Them before he took a firm grip around Kurt’s shoulders, he pushed hard and fast into Kurt, making Kurt arch his chest against Blaine’s, his neck craning and his head digging into the pillows under him.

As a tear strolled down Kurt’s cheek Blaine lost it. How could he keep on hurting his boyfriend like this?

“Let’s just stop. I don’t want you hurting. It’s okay. We don’t have to have sex, please, I just don’t want to hurt you -” He whimpered, feeling tears well up in his own eyes, the salt stinging and Kurt tight and burning around his hard dick, as he started kissing the tear away from Kurt’s cheek.

But against all expectations Kurt shuffled his head so their lips met and kissed Blaine aggressively whilst using his heels to force Blaine deeper in, Kurt’s nails digging into the skin of his back.

Blaine was sure that he could feel everything inside of Kurt against the head of his cock, and he could feel the blood pulsing from his heart through his veins and to his crotch, the sensation of what they were doing running around in his head like wild horses.

He started to move his hips in circles against Kurt’s ass, hoping it would make it better than when he was thrusting into him. Hoping it to be less painful.

He could feel the familiar burning feeling well up in the pit of his stomach, panicking from not knowing whether he should warn Kurt or not, or if it was too early. The sweet sound of Kurt’s moans and whimpering “yes, yes, Blaine…” wasn’t making it easier to hold it back, so he dug his nose into Kurt’s hair, feeling Kurt place kisses on his neck and moist breath against his skin.

“Kurt.. I’m.. fuck.. I’m coming. Soon,” he whispered through gasps, afraid Kurt would think it was way too early, and he was way too awful at this.

“Yes. Blaine. Come inside me, please… Blaine,” Kurt whimpered, only making the fire grow stronger by the sound of his voice.

As if on cue Blaine felt the fire break out like a volcano in his stomach, his balls tightening stronger than ever and lava running through his shaft, making his hips unwillingly jerk deeper into Kurt, as Kurt’s arms and legs locked stronger around him, all of their muscles tightening synchronically.

Blaine felt it like his skin was spread too tightly over his muscles and bones, and his eyesight went black so he closed his eyes and all he saw was bright dancing stars, mixing with the scent of Kurt’s hair reaping into his nostrils along with the desperate fight his lungs had for oxygen.

He could feel the quick spurts running through his cock and out in the condom, a rush of adrenaline in his veins wishing for the feeling to never stop. Kurt was so tight around him that he was burning just as much on the outside as he was on the inside, his entire body shaking all muscles flexed to the max.

“Kurt. Shit… yes…” Blaine whined weak and high pitched as he unwillingly thrust into Kurt one last time, the orgasm running in his blood, still not believing it had happened.

He felt himself go limb inside Kurt, along with Kurt’s muscles relaxing around him and under him, and he was afraid to move the slightest, the pain from Kurt’s tight ass still pounding in his limb cock.

Kurt let his hands up to make his fingers entwine in Blaine’s hair, forcing his head up from it’s hiding place at the hollow spot between Kurt’s shoulder and ear.

Kurt let both of his hands cup around Blaine’s head, softly kissing all over his face, before he reached his mouth where he placed caressing kisses on his lips; kissing away the dissolving fears and dried up tears.

Blaine exhaustedly allowed his lips to move lazily with Kurt’s until he stopped and just couldn’t do anymore, and just laid on top of Kurt, knowing his arms would betray him any minute now and he would clasp dead down on Kurt under him.

He knew that he had to get up and move to lie on Kurt’s side so he didn‘t crushed him, so he’d rather get it over with now than before he simply fell asleep or his muscles decided for him to go completely paralyzed.

Blaine forced his left arm to raise him a little so he could let his hand down between them to hold the condom as he let him himself carefully slide out of Kurt, both of them doing a little twitch and a weak whimper by the loss.

He kissed Kurt on the nose as he let his palms stroke Kurt’s naked thigh before he slowly helped Kurt’s leg to lie down, so Blaine could crawl over and lie next to him. He let the condom slide off before he tied a knot and threw it in the bag saved for the purpose, doing the same with the tissue he used to dry his hands afterwards.

In a heartbeat it was like all the fears and awkward tension had disappeared.

Blaine turned slowly to find Kurt lying on his back, with closed eyes and a smile on his face. He shuffled under the covers to put his body all close against Kurt’s and placed his chin on his shoulder, looking at him, admiring his face, appreciating his beauty and trying to grasp the moment - and how incredibly lucky he was.

Kurt opened his eyes, and smiled at him, making Blaine feel like he was about to melt, and wishing for this moment to last forever.

“I love you,” Blaine whispered through the darkness.

“I love you too,” Kurt whispered in response.

“Can I… did it hurt a lot?” Blaine asked hesitantly, not sure whether Kurt was ready to talk about it yet.

“It was the most painful thing I’ve ever done,” Kurt said, but stopped Blaine as he opened his mouth to apologize, tears fighting their way back to his eyes.

“…but after some time it wasn’t so bad. It was actually really good.” Kurt let his eyes flicker between Blaine’s, giving Blaine the familiar feeling of Kurt having a million things he wanted to say, but couldn’t put into words.

“I would never, ever, hurt you. Not for sex, not for anything,” Blaine reassured him, knowing that he was repeating himself. The same sentence he had said so many times before.

“I know, Blaine. I know. But you didn’t. It hurt. Incredibly much. But you were so sweet and good and gentle - and after a little while it got… really good,” Kurt said, as he let his fingertips caress up and down Blaine’s naked arm, not doing the slightest to hide his cheeks reddening.

“So… does that mean you wanna do it again?” Blaine asked, feeling all of the fears and insecurities leave his body as if they had been washed off, returning to his usual semi-teasing tone.

“Better than masturbating, huh?” Kurt taking Blaine completely off guard making him feel his face turn scarlet, hoping that the darkness toned it down a bit.

“Pft… like a lot. It hurt a little. You’re so tight, but… it was good. I think I could grow fond of this in time…” Teased Blaine, hoping he could somehow regain control over his facial color.

“This was… the best orgasm ever. Okay? Really, I mean it.” Blaine could feel Kurt start to get uncomfortable about how open the conversation had turned out, but Blaine didn’t care - he wanted Kurt to know, and in the future, every time they had sex, he wanted to let Kurt know how good he was.

“I felt so close to you. I… you trusted me so much. I.. I just wanna be with you forever,” Blaine said weakly, nearly inaudible.

Kurt went silent, and so did Blaine. Their eyes locked and Blaine’s lips twitching to be allowed to feel Kurt’s, but he didn’t want to break the moment, because he honestly wanted to lie there forever - his arm around Kurt, and Kurt’s arms around him making him feel protected and loved.

“I wish we could stay like this all night,” Blaine said, breaking this silence.

“I wanna… sleep with you. I wanna feel you holding me when I fall asleep, and I want your face to be the first thing I see when I wake up,” Blaine said, his eyes holding Kurt’s.

“Always.”

“Me too,” Kurt whispered back, tightening his arms around Blaine, dragging him closer and kissing his forehead.

And they let the silence take over, because it wasn’t needed for them to speak. Blaine could hear Kurt’s heart pounding in his chest, same pace as his own, feeling safe and overwhelmed by his love for this boy that actually loved him back.