Questionable behavior

Blaine was worried. The uneasy feeling had been creeping inside him and no matter how much he tried to ease it away, to tell himself that nothing was wrong, he couldn't. Because something was wrong.

He adjusted the strap in his messenger bag, closed his locker and walked to his class, eyes cast down and brow furrowed deep in concentration. Blaine was used to bad things happening in his life. He had gone through his father's attempts to "turn him straight" for two entire summers. He had taken all the times Cooper had pointed out the things he did wrong. He had survived being beaten to the pulp at the Sadie Hawkins dance. He had silently taken Finn's attacks and New Direction's mistrust after the whole Michael debacle. He had put up with Sebastian's obnoxious advances and he had accepted the betrayal of his Warbler friends after he almost lost his sight.

In short, Blaine could take a lot. He had managed to create walls that would protect him and make the hurt diminish as crap found its way into his life.

But this was different.

Because this was about Kurt.

And even if Blaine was capable of withstanding a lot, he was as fragile as glass when it came to Kurt. Because Kurt was all he needed and he knew Kurt would never try to hurt him. The walls were non-existing, because he didn't need them around Kurt. But because he trusted him so blindly, so completely, he ended up vulnerable. Defenseless. Fragile.

It could just take one word, one action, or even one look from his blue-eyed boyfriend for Blaine's heart to take flight or be broken into a million pieces. He had the misfortune of proving his theory when they went out to Scandals. The angry complaints from a teary eyed Kurt were enough to sober him up and make him feel awful. And for a moment, he thought that was it. Kurt would leave him. He would find someone who wouldn't screw up with something as important as their first time together.

The mere thought of losing Kurt had almost driven him crazy that week. Blaine was certain that he had messed up that step in the choreography on the opening night of West Side Story because he was so concentrated in Kurt that night.

But it all turned out okay. Kurt had forgiven him. And his life was perfect again.

But now, he wasn't so sure.

Because he had started putting up his walls with Kurt.

It had all started when Wade showed up. He had come out of nowhere, claiming to be a devoted fan of Kurt and Mercedes. Blaine had been weary about him at first, which had caused some friction with Kurt.

"So, you're saying it's impossible for me to have any fans. That's nice, Blaine."

"Kurt, come on, don't be like that. You know I don't mean it that way. I'm sure you have tons of fans right now and you'll have even more when you make it to New York."

Kurt raised an eyebrow.

"Then?"

"I'm just saying it's strange how this guy –"

"Wade."

" – Wade," Blaine rolled his eyes. "Showed up out of nowhere and just when we're getting ready for Nationals. It just seems… a little off."

Kurt sighed.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I'll be careful around him, okay? I promise," he said as he kissed Blaine's cheek and walked to class.

Turns out, Blaine had been right. Wade had been lying all along, making Kurt and Mercedes believe he was a misunderstood, aspiring performer who wanted nothing more than the advice of them. He was a spy sent by Vocal Adrenaline to learn of their plans for Nationals.

"I just can't believe it! I actually thought there was someone out there who thought I was good…" Kurt whined as they got to his room, dropping their bags on Kurt's bed.

"Oh, so I don't count?" Blaine asked, hurt obvious in his voice.

"N-No, I mean – yes, I-I didn't mean it like that," Kurt rushed to say, closing the gap between them and grabbing Blaine by the arms.

"You know, I don't say you're great just because you're my boyfriend or because I love you," Blaine said, stepping away from Kurt and wrapping his arms around himself. "I say it because I really mean it."

Kurt's eyes were fixed on Blaine's arms and the way he was hugging himself. He knew Blaine only did that whenever he felt hurt, whenever he put up his walls. When he lifted his gaze, Blaine could see the regret in those blue orbs.

"Don't do that," Kurt whispered. "Don't shut me out. I'm sorry, Blaine. I just – I got carried away, I guess. But I didn't want to make you feel excluded or that I – gosh, I'm an idiot."

He walked towards Blaine slowly, cautiously. Blaine didn't step back but he didn't drop his arms either. Kurt raised his hand and ran it through Blaine's arms, trying to sooth him, to apologize through his touch.

"I'm sorry," he whispered and pulled Blaine to him, hugging him tightly. Blaine remained still for a few seconds; his arms still trapped between them and around his torso before he sighed and slowly untangled them to hug Kurt back.

"I love you," Kurt whispered into his hair, tightening his hold on Blaine.

"I love you, too."

They remained like that for a few minutes, just holding each other before they pulled apart. They smiled at each other and Blaine suggested they should watch a movie. After setting up the Titanic DVD, they cuddled up in Kurt's bed and watched silently. Kurt's head rested in Blaine's chest as Blaine played with his hair.

"I think we should call this incident the Jesse St. James sequel," Blaine suddenly said.

Kurt turned his head, resting his chin on Blaine's chest.

"What?"

"The Wade incident. It's like a Jesse St. James sequel."

Kurt smiled.

"Yeah, I guess it is. Funny, isn't it?"

"Yeah… Just as long as you don't fall in love with Wade – or Jesse, for that matter."

Kurt snorted and shook his head, shooting Blaine a fond look.

"You're adorable. Why would I fall for anyone else when I have you?"

Blaine's heart stuttered in his chest at Kurt's words.

"Well… just saying," he said smiling before he returned his eyes to the screen.

"Noted. Don't worry, Wade is too young and Jesse is not my type."

And just as if the universe planned to make fun of Blaine, Jesse showed up a few weeks after their small disagreement. Apparently, Mr. Schue had asked for Jesse's help again to prepare the glee club for Nationals. It had been a really awkward moment at first. Rachel and Jesse had shared a small, polite smile that had led to Finn getting all moody and quiet. Blaine and Kurt had shared an amused glance, remembering their recent talk.

Jesse had been really useful in the end, encouraging them and sharing tips that were actually to help all of them instead of only Rachel. He talked of his ups and downs in New York and the experience he had gained since the last time they saw him over a year ago. He talked about the hard time he had being all alone in the big city, about how difficult it would be for all the seniors to let go.

Throughout his talk, Blaine noticed Kurt shifting in his chair, nodding at certain things Jesse said. His eyes widened at some point and when Mr. Schue said they all could go, Kurt mumbled goodbye to Blaine, kissed him quickly and went running after Jesse.

After that, it was almost every day of the following week that Kurt would seek Jesse and talk to him, leaving Blaine alone, wondering what was going on. He would sometimes walk through the halls from class to class and see them talking. When he and Kurt were hanging out at either of their places, Kurt would send messages to Jesse, claiming it was something of vital importance but not saying what it was about. Ignoring him completely when the phone rang and it was Jesse. Changing the subject whenever Blaine tried to ask him what all of that was about.

Blaine knew it was stupid to get jealous, since it was impossible that Kurt would cheat on him and especially not with Jesse, since he was straight. But still…

He felt left out. It looked as if Kurt was purposely pushing him away. And it hurt. A lot. Because Kurt was always there whenever the rest of the world seemed to shut him out. But this time, the one constant thing in his life, his entire support system was the one walking away.

He was brooding about all this during the week's glee club practice when Mr. Schue brought him back to the here and now.

"Blaine? Are you listening?"

The entire glee club turned to look at him and he felt the blush rise to his cheeks. He looked around at everyone and he stopped at Kurt, who was giving him a concerned and curious look.

"Y-Yes. Sorry, Mr. Schue."

He got a smile in response as Mr. Schue continued discussing the week's assignment.

"So, you each will have to choose a Whitney Houston song and perform it to the rest of us, okay?"

Everyone mumbled their response as they got their stuff to leave.

So this week they were taking over Whitney Houston.

Great.

Whitney's songs were all very powerful and emotional. He had absolutely no idea what song he would pick to sing this week. And, if he was being honest, it was the last thing he wanted to think about.

"Are you okay?" he heard Kurt ask as Blaine quickly gathered his stuff and placed his messenger bag on his shoulder.

Blaine was about to say yes. He was about to say he was just tired or he had a lot of stuff to do. But he figured this was the best time to get it all out. And to get some very needed answers.

"No. We need to talk."

Kurt breathed sharply and nodded, swallowing hard. They waited for everyone to get out of the room until they were finally alone.

"So… what do you want to talk about?" Kurt asked nervously.

"Don't play dumb, Kurt. I think you know what I want to talk about."

"I –"

"What's going on with you and Jesse?"

Kurt's eyes widened and his mouth hanged open.

"Blaine, you don't really believe there's – I mean, you don't think I would…"

"I'm not saying you are. I know you wouldn't. But there is clearly something going on and I'd like to know what it is."

"O-Okay. Yes, you're right. It's just – well… Jesse is sort of… helping me with some… stuff," Kurt blurted out.

"What kind of stuff?"

"N-New York stuff."

Blaine was surprised.

"New York?"

"Um, yeah… He's given me some advice about what's coming…"

"And… what is coming?"

Kurt bit his lip, avoiding Blaine's eyes. He took a deep breath.

"Graduation, the NYADA audition, the future… I don't know… I just needed to talk to someone."

"And that someone wasn't me," Blaine stated.

"Blaine, don't start with that –"

"With what, Kurt? It's true. It seems that you don't longer want to talk to me about anything that goes inside your head."

"Maybe because everything that goes inside my head is you and what the hell I'm going to do about us! Maybe because I don't know if we should break up or not!" Kurt snapped. He seemed to immediately regret what he had said, since he closed his eyes and hung his head.

Blaine was rendered speechless for a few seconds as he tried to process the words.

"You – you make it sound like I'm a burden," he whispered. "Why are you with me then if it's so difficult to deal with me?"

"Oh, my god, don't be so dramatic!"

"Dramatic? You've basically just gone ahead and decided on your own what's going to happen."

"I didn't say that! I said I don't know what to do!"

"How about talking to me?"

Kurt huffed and licked his lips, taking a sharp breath as if to calm himself.

"You just don't understand what I'm going through," he mumbled.

That did it. Blaine felt anger coiling in his chest.

"Oh, you think I don't understand what you're going through? I'm the one that is going to have to stay here, Kurt! I'm the one that's going to have to watch you go! I'm the one that's going to have to say goodbye to the best thing that's ever happened to me in just a few weeks!"

Kurt stared at him, eyes wide, as Blaine started yelling at him.

"I'm the one that loses everything the moment you get on that plane! So why don't you try to understand me?"

"I –"

"I have to swallow the tears and put on the brave face every single time you start talking about New York. But I'm here for you and I'm trying to figure out what to do just like you. And I'm trying so hard to be supportive instead of breaking down because I can't follow you… I'm stuck here while I watch you go."

"I didn't kno –"

"I'm trying my best here and you… you're just pushing me away. You run off to someone else and seek for their comfort, for their advice, for their support. And what about me? Why not talk to me?"

He was breathing heavily as he said it all, everything he had bottled up since Kurt's senior year started and their impending separation hung between them. In a way it feel good to finally let it all out.

"Blaine –"

Blaine didn't let him speak.

"Looks like you've already decided that I can't take this. But I thought at least you'd give me the chance to say what I think. What I want. It's not just you in this relationship, Kurt, but you seem to have forgotten that."

Kurt opened and closed his mouth a few times, without anything coming out. Blaine shook his head and turned for the door.

"I need to go."

"Blaine, wait –"

Blaine walked out of the classroom feeling rejected and hurt by the one person he thought would never make him feel like this. He could feel the tears pricking his eyes as he ran through the halls and out of the school. He barely made it to his car before breaking down in tears. He forced himself to stop crying almost as soon as the tears started falling, since he was certain Kurt would run after him.

He wiped his tears away and turned on his car, backing out and leaving the parking lot. As he drove back home, he was struck with an idea.

He now knew what song he'd sing for this week's assignment.

He asked to be the first one to sing his Whitney Houston song a couple of days later. He and Kurt had not talked since that day in the classroom and Blaine had been ignoring the calls and messages and avoided Kurt at all costs.

But now, he couldn't run away. Kurt would see him, hear him… Hear what he had to say. He knew it was a bit aggressive and maybe too much but he couldn't find another song that really spoke to him about the way he felt.

So he chose it.

And now he was standing in his black suit in the auditorium, with everything set up for his performance. He took a deep breath as the music started. He looked up and saw the recognition in Kurt's eyes, accompanied by a flash of pure pain. Blaine closed his eyes. He needed to do this.

Friday night you and your boys went out to eat
Then they hung out, but you came home around three
Now if six of ya'll went out
Then four of you were really cheap
'Cause only two of you had dinner
I found your credit card receipt

It's not right but it's okay
I'm gonna make it anyway
Pack your bags up and leave
And don't you dare come
Running back to me

It's not right but it's okay
I'm gonna make it anyway
Close the door behind you
Leave your key
I'd rather be alone than unhappy

Everyone exchanged shocked looks. It was obvious some parts of the lyrics were being sung directly to Kurt and that didn't add up. Kurt and Blaine were one. They were the most stable couple in glee club, asides, maybe, Mike and Tina. There was no way Blaine would be singing a song like that to Kurt.

But he was.

And the determination and anger in his face was evident, while Kurt's face was twisting with tears and sobs that escaped his lips.

I've been through all this before
So how could you think
That I would stand around
And take some more
Things are gonna change
'Cause I won't be your fool anymore
That's why you have to leave
So don't turn around to see my face
There's no more tears
Left here for you to see

Kurt's tears wouldn't stop falling. He couldn't stop crying because it seemed like Blaine had made his decision. It looked as if he was already saying goodbye to Kurt. And Kurt didn't want that. Not now, not ever.

It's not right, but it's okay
I'm gonna make it anyway
Close the door behind you
Leave your key
I'd rather be alone than unhappy

Blaine finished his intense performance, panting heavily as sweat fell through his face. Kurt stood up abruptly and ran out of the auditorium, covering his mouth with his hand as the tears fell. Blaine almost ran after him but he didn't. He remained standing there, while some of his friends clapped uncertainly.

He thanked them and quickly walked away. His heart was breaking all over again and he could feel the pressure in his eyes building. He was already regretting his decision of singing that particular song. He stumbled through the halls, unable to stay and watch the rest of the performances.

When did things go this wrong?

The next day, Blaine arrived at school, all puffy-eyed and broken-hearted. He didn't run into Kurt all the way though his locker but when he opened it, a small paper slid out, falling into the ground. He picked it up to see Kurt's messy handwriting with only a few words scribbled down.

I know you might not want to, but please come see me sing my Whitney song in the auditorium. Please.

I love Please don’t

I love you. A lot.

I’m sorry. Just let me explain. Through words or lyrics.

Kurt

Blaine sighed and put the note in his pocket, closing his locker and going to class.

He was the last one to arrive to the auditorium later that day and Kurt was already standing in the center of the stage, looking at the door nervously and sighing in relief when Blaine arrived.

He sat down behind everyone else, not in the mood for talking to any of them. He saw Kurt nod to the band behind him and the music started. Blaine immediately recognized the song. His heartbeat began to quicken as Kurt's voice filled the room and went straight to Blaine's heart.

Share my life,
Take me for what I am.
'Cause I'll never change
All my colors for you.

Take my love,
I'll never ask for too much,
Just all that you are
And everything that you do.

I don't really need to look
Very much further
I don't want to have to go
Where you don't follow.
I will hold it back again,
This passion inside.
Can't run from myself,
There's nowhere to hide.

The passion and feeling in Kurt's voice had literally everyone in the room crying. Blaine couldn't tear his eyes away from him and they never broke eye contact, their eyes speaking what their mouths would not be able to say like they wanted.

Don't make me close one more door,
I don't want to hurt anymore.
Stay in my arms if you dare,
Or must I imagine you there.
Don't walk away from me.
I have nothing, nothing, nothing
If I don't have you, you

You see through,
Right to the heart of me.
You break down my walls
With the strength of your love.

I never knew
Love like I've known it with you.

Kurt pointed straight at Blaine, begging that his voice would convey his feelings to him. Make him see he didn't want to let go. Show him how much Kurt regretted hurting him, for forgetting how he must have felt with all of this and for dealing with everything so horribly.

Will a memory survive,
One I can hold on to?

I don't really need to look
Very much further

I don't want to have to go
Where you don't follow.
I will hold it back again,
This passion inside.
Can't run from myself,
There's nowhere to hide.

Don't make me close one more door,
I don't want to hurt anymore.
Stay in my arms if you dare,
Or must I imagine you there.
Don't walk away from me.
I have nothing, nothing, nothing
If I don't have you, you

Kurt finished the song, wiping away his tears and looking directly at those hazel-green eyes he loved so much. Blaine stood up, walking slowly to the stage. Kurt's grip on the microphone was so hard, his knuckles turned white. His palms were sweating and he was certain his heartbeat could be heard all over McKinley.

The moment Blaine stopped in front of him, Kurt lunged forward, throwing his arms around him and dropping the mic, causing a loud, high-pitched sound to come from the speakers around them.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Blaine. Please don't leave me. I don't want to let you go. I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he blurted out, tripping on his words and crying like crazy.

Blaine stroke Kurt's hair at the base of his neck, letting Kurt cry into his shoulder as his own, silent tears ran down his face.

"Shh… It's okay. It's all okay. We're going to be okay."

"I love you," Kurt mumbled desperately. "I love you so much. I don't want to lose you. I'm sorry. I just – I got scared and I didn't know what to do and I – I know I screwed up. But please don't give up on me. You're it for me, Blaine… You're it."

"You're it for me too, Kurt."

They pulled apart and neither of them noticed that during their exchange, the rest of the glee club got out, leaving only them in that stage.

Kurt grabbed Blaine's face in his hands and kissed him again and again, mumbling over and over the same things.

"I'm not letting you go," he said as he rested his forehead against Blaine's. "And I'm not pushing you away ever again. We're in this together."

"Yeah," Blaine smiled. "Together."

They kissed again.

Both knew there was always the possibility that they wouldn't make it. That they would break up later on. That they wouldn't end up being each other's "it" and they would walk away from each other.

But right now, they loved each other, they had each other and they were willing to fight for each other.

So for now, they would just be two boys in love.

And they would figure out what to do. Together.