Feb. 11, 2013, 11:04 a.m.
This Isn't Home Anymore
SPOILERS FOR 04X06I watched 'Glease' and then thought of this a few days later. Based on Kurt/Blaine argument
T - Words: 4,021 - Last Updated: Feb 11, 2013 788 0 2 2 Categories: Angst, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, Rachel Berry, Tags: hurt/comfort,
This isnt home anymore. Thats all Blaine could think about. This isnt home anymore. It finally hit him, ive lost him, ive lost my best friend and the love of my life, i lost Kurt. " Come on Blaine, Mr schues waiting!" im not going to cry he thought, not infront of all Kurts friends, because they all probably hate me now too. Slowly he traipsed back into the choir room and sat at the back, no point in attracting any more unwanted attention. Finally Mr Schue walked in, grinning as always " great last show guys, it was the best yet" hah! " and Rachel and Kurt said they loved it" Blaine suddenly remembered Kurts face when he saw him in the audience, he didn't want to be there! He couldnt handle it, he stud and all but ran out of the room, as soon as he was out of view, he ran for the only place he knew he could relive all his anger. When he got to the gym he didnt even bother to change out of his costume. He looked at the tape and gloves in his hands and threw them across them room, its not like i could hurt anymore he thought. As soon as his hand hit the punch bag his hole arm was in pain, still not as bad as i feel he thought. He suddenly started to sob, loud and strong, maybe this wouldnt get rid of the hurt, but it could sure as hell replace it.
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"Where do you think he went? Mercades asked, her and Tina had followed Blaine, to the clubs astonishment. " I don't know 'cedes he could be anywhere, it would have been easier if Kurt was here" Tina said glumly. They walked around all the halls, into all of the places they thought he would be, auditorium, classrooms, they even check the toilets, but they came up empty. Where could he be? Mercades thought. They turned towards the P.E block and stopped shocked, they could hear his sobbing from the other end of the hall. " do you think-" " yeah." Mercedes said, already knowing what tina was going to say. The sobs got louder and sounded more and more painful as they started walking faster down the long hall, suddenly alot more worried. Tina pushed open the door, then gasped in shock, there was Blaine, still in his Teen Angel costume hitting the punching bag with all the strength he could muster, then they glanced at his hands and almost started crying then, his hands where covered in blood, and by the way he was wincing, they guessed some of this knuckles where broken, maybe even his hand. Even though Mercades didnt know much about boxing, she knew his hands should be taped, or atleast gloved, but no, he was stand bare handed, sobbing with blood already trickling onto his white Teen Angel costume. As soon as they got over the shock she was running to stop him " Tina, go get Mr Schue!" she shouted at the still shell shock girl. " Blaine!" she shouted and grabbed for his hands, but he just jumped out of the way and continued punching, harder than before. Shit! She thought. " Blaine honey, please stop! Come on, your going to hurt yourself! Please Blaine, stop for Kurt!" Shit. She thought, as Blaine stopped and fell to the ground, sobbing harder and louder than ever. And I thought Kurt was the only broken one. She knelt beside him and stroked his back gently, but as she did he pulled away from her. Kurt was right about him putting in masks. " Blaine, please stop crying" she could feel tears start to fall down her face, seeing just how broken Blaine really was, he looked so small and vulnerable, the total opposite to what he normally looked. He punched the floor and winced at the action, she had totally forgotten about his hands. Just then she herd a gasp from behind her and turned to see Mr Shcue standing, looking as shocked as her and Tina just minutes before. " help... Please" she whispered as tears still flooded out of her eyes. He seemed to snap out of the shock when she said it and ran to crouch next to her. " Blaine, come on, what happened?" Blaine just shuffled himself into the corner of the tiny room and stated sobbing again. He had sat up and curled himself into a ball, it was just then that Mr Shue noticed his hands, " What the hell happened to his hands??" he asked, sound even more worried, " h-he was hitting t-the punc-ching bag when we walked-d in" Mercades stuttered, " Okay, Tina, would you go and get the nurse, and tell all the glee guys they can go" Mr Schue said, turning back into the caring teacher, "No." they all looked at Blaine shocked, that was the first thing he had said " I don't want a nurse, Im fine." he said, it was the first time she had seen his face properly; his eyes were red and puffy, his lips shaking, he was obviously trying not to sob again. He looked mercades straight it the eye and then curled further in on himself, what is this boy so afraid of? She wondered. " Blaine, look at your hands, there bleeding really badly, you could be seriously injured." Mr Schue said "So? Its not like it hasn't happened before, so why should i start caring now?" she saw it in his eyes, there was no masks, no walls up, this was the first time any of them had seen all of Blaines hidden emotions, and it was shocking to say the least. " Blaine, we all care about you, and want you to be safe, so please lets us look at your hands" Mr Schue said, obviously still taken back by what Blaine had said "hah! I know non of you care anymore because of what I did!"he shouted, shocking everyone in the room, "and I deserve it..." he mumbled as he pulled further in on himself. Mercades shuffled closer to Blaine. Well, its worth a try, it could be the only thing to help. " blaine honey, what do you think Kurt would say if he saw you like this?" Blaine looked up and stared Mercades straight in the eye, all of his anger and self hatred glowing in his hazel orbs. "Nothing. I broke his heart Mercedes, he doesn't care anymore, he left me by myself like all the people I have ever cared about, the warblers left me, my parents are away until January, but it doesn't matter anyway because they don't talk to me anymore, I haven't heard from Cooper since he visited LAST YEAR! And I don't blame them, I need to please people Mercedes, I need to be told that I'm doing things right- thats whats makes me so fucking stupid!!" he buried his head back in his hands " he doesn't love me" he mumbled into knees. " I think he does." said the one voice that would fix this mess
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You broke him. Punch. You should have told him. Punch. You could have still been with him. Punch. Pain. There was a gasp from behind Blaine, but he ignored it, probably just one of those stupid jocks. "Blaine!" great, Mercedes, just who i want to talk to he thought. She ran across the gym and made a grab for his hands but he dodged out of the way. Why does she suddenly care? I hurt one of her best friends! He held back tears as he tried to ignore her standing there, hoping she would just leave. She was shouting at him to stop. " stop for Kurt!" He couldn't hold it in anymore, he collapsed to the ground and started sobbing uncontrollably. He could hear Mercedes talking to him, but he wasn't listening. He felt her touch his arm and moved away, he didn't want to be comforted. He heard another voice enter the room and recognised it as Mr Schue. He shuffled into the corner, bringing his knees to his chest and continued to sob. He could hear them talking about his hands but he didn't care. " Tina, go get the nurse..." since when has tina been here? He thought then "no" that was all he said, everyone turned around shocked, he saw the look of disbelief and pity in their eyes, but he didn't want pity. " i don't want a nurse, I'm fine." He noticed Mercedes staring at him and he tried to curl further into a ball, he didn't want people to see him like this, hurt, upset, weak. He choked back his sobs as Mr Schue started talking again "Blaine, look at your hands, there bleeding really badly, you could be seriously injured." He healed back his scoff, this being the first time any of them had noticed how bad this break up affected him. "So? Its not like it hasn't happened before, so why should i start caring now?" he stopped trying to hide his emotions, maybe if they saw how broken i already am they will leave me alone he thought. He looked at Mr Schue and saw he was taken back by his words "Blaine, we all care about you, and want you to be safe, so please lets us look at your hands" there he goes again, pretending to care. This time Blaine didn't hold back his scoff "hah! I know non of you care anymore because of what I did!" he only noticed he was shouting when he saw Mercedes shocked face. He remembered that night, how much he hated himself, how much he still hates himself. " and I don't deserve it..." he mumbled, more to himself than the others in the room, but he knew they heard by the audible gasps and shuffles. He pulled his legs closer to his chest, hoping they would just leave him alone. Then Mercedes said the worst thing she possibly could "blaine honey, what do you think Kurt would say if he saw you like this?" the second Kurt's name fell you of her mouth he remembered what had happened in the hall. This isn't home anymore. His head shot up and he looked Mercedes straight in the eye, wanting her to know exactly what he feels. "Nothing. I broke his heart Mercedes, he doesn't care anymore, he left me by myself like all the people I have ever cared about, the warblers left me, my parents are away until January, but it doesn't matter anyway because they don't talk to me anymore, I haven't heard from Cooper since he visited LAST YEAR! And I don't blame them, I need to please people Mercedes, I need to be told that I'm doing things right- thats whats makes me so fucking stupid!!" he let his head fall back onto his knees, willing the tears prickling in the backs of his eyes not to fall " he doesn't love me" he thought about everything they had been through together, and now the thought it was all over, and he would never find anyone as amazing as Kurt. "I think he does." said the one voice he thought he would never hear again. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The New Directions where sitting in in choir room, wondering why Tina and Mercedes had went after Blaine after all he put their best friend through, they all knew about Kurt and Blaine's break up now, and where all shocked that Blaine cheated. They sat in silence, not knowing what to say or do, their heads shot up and looked at the door when they heard footsteps running down the corridor. Tina burst into the room panting, "mr Schue, you need to come, its Blaine. H-he wont stop!" they sat gaping at Tina's red, puffy eyes, from her obviously crying. "Calm down Tina, where is he and whats happening." Mr Schue said as he started to rise from his stool, looking increasingly worried. " h-he's in the gym, he w-wont stop hitting the pu-unching bag, he doesn't have any protection on his hands, there bleeding really bad!" Tina tried to hold back her sobs, remembering what she witnessed. The boys in the room gasped, knowing how much that would hurt, and how much damage it would cause to his hands and arms. Finn sat wide eyed, remembering the last time he saw Blaine boxing, how shocked he was at the strain in his muscles, and his panting, after only being there for a matter of minutes. Mr Schue ran out of the room with Tina and all of the club was dead silent. Non of them knew what to do, it was Sam who spoke up; " We need to talk to Kurt" "What?!? He CHEATED trouty mouth!" everyone sat shocked at Santana, who had only just spoke up. Sam stood up and looked at everyone, who where all silently agreeing with her. " Do you all really think that Blaine would cheat on Kurt for no reason, you all know how in love he was- no IS- with Kurt! He was becoming more and more distant since Kurt left, he hadn't heard from him for three days! He was doubting himself, have you even noticed that you all call him Blaine WARBLER, and we were all Kurt's friends first, all of the warblers left him for Sebastian! Did you know that his parents are on a cruse and aren't coming back until January?" the whole room looked shocked, they never thought about Blaine's life because they always thought it seemed perfect. Marley, Kitty and Britney walked towards the door " I know he hurt my dolphin, but I don't like seeing him sad" Britney said from the door, sometimes she could be the smartest person in the club. Everybody left sitting stood and walked towards the door, Britney grinned and skipped towards the parking lot. She was going to get her dolphins back together and smiling again as soon as she could.
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Kurt nearly ran out of Mickenly, holding back the tears threatening to fall any second, he looked up to see Rachel already waiting with the car open. He jumped in and let the tears flow, knowing Rachel was going through a break up too. " It's going to be okay Kurt, you will meet a cute guy in new york, and he won't care about the heavy work load, he will make it work, and then you'll forget about Blaine and he will just be your first love, and you will meet at reunions and see that you are both happy. Kurt, you lived in Ohio for god sake! Its obvious you where both in love because you where the first gay guys our age you knew! Now, where going to hop on that flight back to New York and your going to find a guy who truly loves you and would never cheat." he thought about how wrong she was but didn't speak up, he didnt want to argue with his best friend, he just wanted to get home and curl up with some junk food and disney films and cry until he felt numb. Rachel started the car and started to pull out. Just as she started moving there was screams and shouts coming from the school, Kurt sat shocked as the glee club came sprinting towards the car. He stepped out and ignored Rachel's shouts, he didnt care if it would be awkward for her because Finn was there, he wanted to know what was wrong. "Kurtie! You need to come and help Blainey warbler!" Britney shouted across the parking lot. He held back tears at what Britney was saying, when he looked at the club he noticed some of the girls had tears in their eyes and began to get worried. " W-what happened?" he asked, holding back a sob. Everyone looked around at each other as Kurt waited for an answer. "well?" he was beginning to get impatient and worried because as much as he hates to admit it, he still loves Blaine, and the thought of anything happening to him scared Kurt. "Just come with us" Sam said and before Kurt had a choice the where nearly running back into the school building, and all he could do was follow.
They got to the P.E block and he could hear Mr Schue and Mercedes voices and got even more confused, Tina was standing at the door of the gym with tears running down her face, his pace speeded up and he didnt notice the rest of New Directions leaving all he could think about is what could have happened, was it one of the jocks? Had he been beaten up? Then he heard him, the broken voice coming from the gym, Tina didnt notice he stood behind her as they all watched Blaine break down. Why hadnt he noticed this happening? Because you just thought of yourself, he thought. "What would Kurt say if he saw you like this?" had Mercedes seen him? That train of thought was lost when Blaine looked up, the spark he saw in his eyes was gone, he looked empty."Nothing. I broke his heart Mercedes, he doesn't care anymore, he left me by myself like all the people I have ever cared about, the warblers left me, my parents are away until January, but it doesn't matter anyway because they don't talk to me anymore, I haven't heard from Cooper since he visited LAST YEAR! And I don't blame them, I need to please people Mercedes, I need to be told that I'm doing things right- thats whats makes me so damn stupid!!" is that what Blaine really thought, he would never leave him! Kurt watched as Blaine set his head on his knees, it was only then when he noticed the blood starting to seep into his teen angel costume. Then he murmured the one thing Kurt didnt want to hear; " he doesnt love me" he had to do something because he couldnt watch the love of his life in so much pain. " I think he does" Kurt said as he stepped past Tina, and sat in front of Blaine.
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Blaines head shot up so fast Kurt thought his neck would snap. "K-kurt?" Blaine looked like he had seen a ghost, he didnt expect to see Kurt again. "Of corse I love you Blaine" Kurt said as he wiped the tears off Blaines face and held his cheek. Blaine lent into the touch, missing the feeling of Kurt so close. "Come on Blaine, please go to the hospital" Blaine looked Kurt straight in the eye and saw how much he cared. He just nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Kurt had forgotten about everyone else in the room and blushed when he noticed them all watching with wide eyes, how easily Kurt got Blaine to move. Tina and Mercedes went to the hospital with them, to worried to stay at Mckinley. When they got to the hospital Blaine's hands had started to throb and Blaine had just noticed how much damage he had done to his hands. A doctor took Blaine to get x-rays of his hands and arms, Kurt sat in the waiting room worrying, not paying any attention to Tina or Mercedes conversation. It was my fault, he thought, I should have noticed he was this upset. "he's going to be fine Kurt, don't worry." He looked up to see Tina and Mercedes watching him closely. " Its my fault, if i had of just thought about what he was going through he wouldn't be here!" he let his head fall on his hands and let the tears that have been hiding in the back of his eyes escape. " no, it wasn't your job to know what was going on in his life! He should have his parents, or even his friends! We all sat with him every week and the only person who noticed something was Sam! Stop blaming yourself for everything that happens Kurt!" Mercedes is right his mind told him. Blaine walked into the waiting room with his one of his hands covered with a cast and the other bandaged, and his arm in a sling. " Blaine, take these pain killers twice a day and come back in two weeks so we can check your hands." the doctor handed Blaine the medicine and left the room. Tina was the first to speak as Kurt tried to hide that he has been crying, " what happened?" they looked at Blaine concerned and he stood looking uncomfortable. "he said I have a broken hand, one of my knuckles are broken and my elbow is sprained." Kurt stood up and walked towards the door " come on, we should get you home Blaine". They all followed silently, knowing what happens if they disagree with Kurt. The girls fussed about Blaine all the way back to Mckinley, where the girls cars where. Thedrive to Blaine's house was silent, nether of them knew what to say. " do you still have some of my clothes at your house?" Kurt asked, he knew the answer, just didn't like the silence. "yeah...why?" Blaine couldn't look at Kurt, he knew this was going to be one of the last times he saw him, but he didn't want to end up a sobbing mess. "Because you can't look after yourself and I need to make sure your okay." and I miss you, Kurt added on in his head. Blaine stared in shock, he had no idea why Kurt was being nice to him, but he didn't want to question it or end up alone again. They didn't talk all the way back to Blaine's house and an awkward silence fell on them. This was the first time they had been awkward around each other, and they both hated it. When they arrived Blaine got changed out of his stained teen angel costume and left Kurt in the living room. Kurt still hated Blaine's living room, there was nothing homey about it, it looked like a well decorated sales house not a lived in home. Blaine came downstairs a while later in sweatpants and an old dalton t-shirt, he sat on the large sofa and ran his hand nervously through his now free curls, he knew his could end either better or worse than earlier, and he needed it to get better. Kurt sat down next to Blaine, thinking exactly the same thing. " Im sorry" Blaine couldn't think of anything else to say, tears started to build at the corners of his eyes and he kept his head down, not wanting to see Kurt's reaction. " I know... And I forgive you" Blaine's looked up from the floor, the tears starting to fall because of Kurt's admission "R-really?" Instead of answering Kurt leant down and kissed Blaine with all the love and compassion he felt, when they pulled away Blaine's simile lit up the hole room, and Kurt didn't feel as broken anymore. "I love you so much and I promise I will never do anything so stupid ever again" Blaine was still crying, but smiling bright enough to light up the whole of Ohio. " I love you too Blaine, and if I start neglecting you again please tell me, I want you to be happy, even if I am in New York" Kurt chuckled at Blaine's eager nod and kissed him more passionately. They stayed cuddled on the sofa watching disney movies until they both fell into the first peaceful sleep they had had in weeks. Even though Kurt was going back to New York the next day, and Blaine would still miss him badly, they knew they would work it out because love always prevails.
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Comments
This was really good. It was nice to see that Blaine still had people that cared enough to go look for him and that Sam realized that both Kurt and Blaine had made mistakes that contributed to their breakup. I love that they ended up together in the end.
Thanks! I couldn't have them not ending up together!