Why Is A Raven Like A Writing Desk?

“Mother, I’m gay, I don’t want to marry Eloisa.” Blaine slumped back against the seat in the carriage as it made its way to the Ascot Plantation. Once there he was to propose to the only eligible Ascot daughter Eloisa.

“Blaine. You have to, they’re a very rich family and we really need the money. Ever since your father’s money ran out, and the stock market went down, we are in desperate need for money.” His mother explained, examining her gloves. She looked up at him, “Blaine Michael! Sit up straight; you’ll ruin your suit!”

Blaine rolled his eyes and sat up. The carriage came to a halt, causing him and his mother to jerk forward, “Johnson be careful!” His mother screeched at the driver. Blaine sighed and stepped out of the carriage. The Ascot Plantation was huge, over a hundred rooms at the least. Blaine rolled his eyes, over a hundred rooms for a family of three with no help.

As his mother stepped out she pushed him towards the backyard, slipping her arm around his elbow. He sighed and escorted his mother back to the party. As they reached the back, he was practically blinded by all the bright pastels that everyone seemed to be wearing. Hell, even he was wearing a blue suit with a powder blue tie that didn’t match at all, and yet his mother insisted he looked wonderful.

Blaine mindlessly guided his mother around to different guests, only being separated when Lord Ascot asked Blaine to accompany him for a walk. Blaine kissed his mother’s cheek, wiping the excess powder from his lips before turning and walking with Lord Ascot into the Ascot garden. The garden was just a bunch of white rose bushes placed to make a maze type pattern.

As they entered the maze, Lord Ascot turned to Blaine, “Well Blaine, I asked you to accompany me on the account that I’m giving you my blessing to marry my darling Eloisa.” Lord Ascot grinned and looked down at Blaine.

Blaine wasn’t paying attention to the Lord though. As they entered the maze garden Blaine had noticed a tall, dark skinned looking boy in a white suit disappear behind a corner as the two men entered. Blaine was moving towards the corner that the boy turned down when Lord Ascot grabbed his arm, “Blaine, is there something wrong?”

Blaine looked around the corner, the boy had disappeared. He frowned and turned back to the Lord, “Sorry sir, I thought I saw someone.”

The elder nodded, “Well Blaine I-“ Lord Ascot was cut off by a scream from the entrance of the garden. The men turned to see Lady Ascot ripping a rose from the bush.

“I wanted red roses!! Why are the roses white!?” She screamed at the small man beside her. He trembled in fear.

“I-I’m s-sorry Miss, I told the boys they had to plant red ones and throw out the white, maybe they threw out the red and planted the white!” The small man explained.

“I want red roses!” She screamed and turned around. She noticed Lord Ascot and Blaine standing down the aisle, “Charles. Fire them.” She huffed and turned out of the garden.

Lord Ascot sighed softly, “I’m sorry Mr. Anderson but I’m going to have to go calm her down, I’ll see you later young man.” Blaine shook his hands and watched as the Lord ran after his wife.

Blaine walked over to the gardener, “I think the roses are lovely.” The small man looked up at him and smiled softly before walking out of the garden. Blaine sighed and left the garden as well. He walked down the line of tall bushes that separated the garden from the rest of the yard. He came upon a break in the wall and looked to his right, in the small alcove stood Lydia, his brother Cooper’s wife, kissing a man that was definitely not his brother.

“Lydia?” Blaine crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. The pair broke apart and his sister-in-law looked over at him.

“Oh, it’s just you.” She sighed and rolled her eyes, pulling the man back to her, “Scram, this is adult business…” She laughed as the man attacked her neck. Blaine rolled his eyes and walked away. He’d hated her since Cooper announced that they were marrying.

He made his way to where his mother was sitting and talking to a couple. When he stepped up to her side she bid goodbye to the couple and turned to him, “It’s time Blaine. Here’s the ring, go and propose to Eloisa.” She took out a box from her small purse and handed it to him.

Blaine looked down at the box and frowned, “Mother, I can’t do this. I’m gay.” He looked back up at her but she had left him standing there alone. He sighed and turned around, walking towards Eloisa. He stepped up to her and smiled softly, “Hello Eloisa.”

She giggled and blushed, “Why hello Blaine Anderson.”

Blaine sighed and looked around, a crowd had gathered around them. He saw his mother, Lord and Lady Ascot, and Cooper all looking at him with expectant eyes. Blaine turned back to Eloisa and slid down onto one knee. He looked up at Eloisa, but something behind her caught his eye.

The boy in the white suit was standing in the entrance for the garden, motioning for Blaine to follow him. The boy was also holding and pointing at a gold pocket watch. Blaine raised an eyebrow and then looked at the crowd. Blaine stood back up, shaking his head, “I can’t…excuse me.” Blaine stuffed the ring box in his pocket and ran towards the garden entrance. He followed the boy in white until he turned a corner and the boy was gone and he was at a dead end.

There was a large tree with a hole at the base. Blaine stepped closer and looked over the edge.

The boy in white appeared behind him and put his hands on Blaine’s back, pushing him down into the hole. As Blaine fell he looked up to see the boy in white waving down at him.
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He’d been falling for a while, Blaine knew that much, he also knew that he was probably dreaming.

Blaine looked at his surroundings, it looked like a normal hole, but it never ends. He flipped over in the air and looked below him, there was a small light.

As Blaine descended the light grew larger and soon enough Blaine could make out that the light was actually a room. He wasn’t slowing and the checkered floor of the room was getting closer. Blaine screamed and closed his eyes as he entered the room through the hole and made his way the floor.

All of a sudden he stopped. He opened his eyes; he was inches from the floor. He let out a breath he’d been holding and then he fell to the floor. He groaned and sat up, looking around the room.

The walls were lined with doors. Blaine stood and went over to one, trying the knob. It was locked. He went around to all the doors and tried all of the knobs, all of them were locked. Blaine turned around and saw a small table with a key on it. He grabbed the key and tried all of the doors. None of them would work. He sighed and leaned against the wall. There was a curtain directly across from him. He walked over and moved the curtain, there was a small door behind the curtain. He used the key to unlock that door. It opened.

Blaine kneeled down and tried to push his body through but he was too big. He sighed and closed the door. He looked back the table. There was a class bottle filled with liquid. He walked over and picked up the small bottle. Attached was a paper that read: Drink Me. Blaine raised an eyebrow. “It’s just a dream.” He said aloud. He took off the top of the bottle and raised it to his lips. He drank the liquid and coughed as it went down his throat. The taste was horrible.

He shuddered and then looked around. He started to shrink. His suit didn’t shrink with him and he ended up in a heap of his own clothes. Strangely enough a new pair of pants had appeared on his body. He climbed out of the clothes and ran to the door. He grabbed the handle and pulled. Locked.

“Shit.” He forgot the key on the table. He walked back over to see if he could climb the table legs to get the key. As he stepped closer he saw a box with a small pastry inside. He kneeled down and opened the box, pulling out the pastry. He took a bite and set the pastry back in its place. He stood up straight and waited for it to take effect. He started to grow, and grow. He didn’t stop until he was pressed against the ceiling of the room. Blaine groaned and bent over. He grabbed the key off the table and the small bottle. He opened the bottle again and winced as he drank the vile liquid.

Blaine began to shrink again, this time with the key in his hands. As soon as he was down to the smaller size he ran to the door and unlocked it. He ran out of the room and into a whole new world. Everything looked surreal, the plants were something he’d never seen and there were different colored animals walking around. Blaine turned down a path and stopped. Standing in his way were five people, only one of which he recognized. The boy in white.

The boy in white stood next to two girls who were dressed exactly the same. To the girls’ right was another girl dress practically like a female Robin Hood. Behind her was a boy dress in bright blue with a gold mask.

“I told you it was Blaine.” The boy in white spoke for the first time.

“I’m not convinced, Wesley.” The girl dress like Robin Hood said.

“Rachel it has to be. I’ve been up there for weeks; this is the last Blaine I could find. It has to be him!” Wesley stated, crossing his arms, “People up there are rude, crude and have no respect.”

“It looks nothing like him!” A voice from the side spoke. It was a flower, a flower was talking. Blaine raised an eyebrow.

“That’s why it’s the wrong Blaine! I’m telling you!” Rachel crossed her arms and huffed.

“If she was, she might be.” One of the girls said.

“But if she isn’t she ain’t.” Said the other.

“But if she could she would be.” The first one stated.

“But she isn’t no how.” The second retorted.

“Excuse me, but how can I be the wrong Blaine if this is my dream?” Blaine asked, raising an eyebrow. He must’ve hit his head when he fell into the hole. “And who are you?”

“Oh! I’m Tina and that’s Sugar.” Said the first girl.

“Or I’m Sugar and that’s Tina.” Said the second.

“We need to take him to the Hatter.” Said the boy dressed in blue. The flowers around them agreed with him, swaying as if they were nodding.

“I’ll escort you!” Sugar jumped forward, grabbing Blaine’s hand.

“No I’ll escort you!” Tina said and grabbed his other.

“How about you both escort him?” Wesley sighed and the six of them started walking.

“Where are we?” Blaine asked, looking around as they walked.

“Underland.” Wesley stated, walking at the front of the group.

“Who is the Hatter?” Blaine pushed for more information.

“He’s-“ Wesley was cut off by a large monster bursting through the trees, growling in their faces.

“Run!” The boy in blue screamed and everyone ran in the opposite direction from the monster.

“What is that thing?!” Blaine yelled over to Tina.

“Bandersnatch!”

“The Knave Knight is leading the Red Queen’s cards!!” Sugar yelled. Blaine looked back and sure enough they were being chased by the Bandersnatch and a bunch of robotic looking red playing cards. Behind the cards was a tall and lean man in black armor sitting on top of a horse in red armor.

Sugar and Tina turned a corner and before Blaine could turn with them the Bandersnatch caught his arm and threw him to the ground. He jumped up and started to run. He looked back to see Rachel pull out a sword and stab the Bandersnatch in the eye, pulling it out of the socket. Blaine winced and turned back around and ran.

Blaine turned a corner and then Sugar and Tina joined him again. The three of them ran until they lost the cards and the Bandersnatch. They reached a fork in the road and looked around. Both girls grabbed one of Blaine’s arms at the same time and pulled in a different direction.

As they argued Blaine heard a loud screeching noise. He looked up just in time to see a large bird descend on them, grabbing the girls and hoisting them into the air and flying off with them.

Blaine watched as the bird took the girls. He sighed and looked around, trying to decide which way to turn. He decided to go right and started walking.
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Blaine had been walking for a while, it’d gotten dark a while back and Blaine was about to give up. He looked down at the cuts in his arm from the Bandersnatch and winced.

“Looks like you ran into something with claws…” A voice behind Blaine stated.

Blaine spun around and saw a man in a dark blue suit, laying on a tree branch, looking down at Blaine.

“I’m still dreaming?” Blaine asked, sighing softly.

“What did that to you?” The man said as he swung his legs over the side of the branch.

“An animal, a Bander-“

“A Bandersnatch?” The man asked, surprised. “I better have a look.” The man appeared next to Blaine, grabbing his arm.

“What are you doing?” Blaine asked.

“It needs to be purified by someone with an evaporating skill.” The man stated.

“I’d rather you didn’t.” Blaine pulled his arm away, “I’ll be fine as soon as I wake up.”

The man pulled a long clothe from his sleeve, “At least let me bind it for you.” Blaine held out his arm and the man wrapped the cloth around his arm, “What do you call yourself?”

“I’m Blaine.”

“The Blaine?” The man grinned.

“There’s been some debate about that.” Blaine sighed.

“I never get involved in politics.” The man sighed and disappeared, reappearing behind Blaine, “I’m Puck.”

Blaine nodded, “Uhm do think you could point me in the way of The Hatter?” He asked, turning around.

Puck nodded and disappeared, reappearing a few yards ahead of Blaine, “Try and keep up.”

Blaine walked up behind Puck who was stopped at the opening in the trees, “Here we are.” Puck stated and walked forward. Blaine looked around. Sitting in front of what looked to be a burnt down windmill was a table set up for a party of ten but only three beings were there. A girl wearing bunny ears and a dunce outfit, Rachel, and a man sitting at the end of the table.

Though Blaine couldn’t quite see his face, he could tell the man was beautiful. The man was dress in a tailored coat, evergreen pants that went to the knee, a white shirt underneath the coat. The man’s hair was haphazardly strung out, it was a mixture of a chestnut brown and a bright orange. On top of his crazed hair rested a top hair with a pink ribbon wrapped around the middle.

Blaine stepped forward and walked towards the table. Puck sat down at the end opposite the boy with wild hair. As he moved closer the heads around the table snapped up to greet their visitor. The boy was absolutely stunning. Blaine gasped slightly as the boy stood and climbed onto the table, walking down the middle towards him.

“Hey what’s the deal?” Rachel whined and picked up a broken teacup. The girl in the bunny ears screamed slightly and started grabbing different broken pieces of cups and plates.

“It’s you!” The boy exclaimed and kneeled down in front of Blaine. Blaine was still smaller than everything else and so the boy towered over him like a giant.

“That’s not Blaine, Kurt!!” Rachel rolled her eyes and poured some tea.

“It’s not Blaine?!” The girl with the bunny ear screamed and pulled nervously at her blonde hair.

“It’s absolutely Blaine.” The Hatter explained, He looked down at Blaine, “You’re absolutely Blaine, I’d know you anywhere.” He turned back to the girls at the table, “I’d know her anywhere!” The girls at the table giggled.

Kurt grabbed Blaine’s hand and pulled him up onto the table as Kurt walked back to his seat. He sat Blaine on top of the top next to him, “As you can see, we’re still having tea. I was waiting for you to come back. You’re terribly late you know?”

“I was here before?” Blaine asked, looking around.

“Yes you were and then you left but now your back!” Kurt explained excitedly, “We must get on to the Frabjous Day!” The girls repeated the name and then went back to their tea.

Kurt looked over at Blaine, ‘I’ve been investigating things that begin with the letter M.” Kurt leaned in closer to Blaine, their foreheads touching, “Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?”

The girls giggled and Kurt pulled back, “Come come, we must get on with the slaying and such.” Kurt opened his mouth again to speak but Rachel cut him off.

“The Knave Knight and the Queen’s Cards!” She gasped and pointed to the entrance of the yard.

Kurt pulled a bottle out of his coat pocket and shoved it at Blaine, “Drink this.” Blaine did as told and he shrunk again. Kurt picked him up and stuffed him into an empty tea pot.

“Let me out!” Blaine tapped against the lid.

Puck smirked, “My cue to leave.” Puck disappeared.
Brittany started occupying herself with the teacups surrounding her and Rachel made herself busy with putting sugar in her tea. Kurt pulled the teapot with Blaine inside and put it on his lap.

Sebastian got off of his horse and walked over, pulling David on a rope, “Find the boy.” Sebastian stated and pushed David towards the table. David walked to the Hatter and looked down at him. He walked back to Sebastian and shook his head. Sebastian sighed and walked over to the Hatter. He grabbed the Hatter’s throat and squeezed, “If you’re hiding him, you’ll lose your heads.”

“Already lost them.” Kurt choked out, smirking. Sebastian shook his head and walked back to his horse, mounting it again.

“You’re all mad.” He stated and turned away.

“Thank you very much.” Kurt stated and the girls giggled.

“Arrest him.” Sebastian stated and the red cards came forward, grabbing Kurt from his seat, dumping the teapot on the ground and under the table.

Rachel and Brittany frowned as the cards carted Kurt away from the table. After they’d left Blaine came out of the teapot and climbed onto the table. Rachel looked down at him. She looked around the table for something before she grabbed a pastry and handed it to him, “Here, eat this. We need your help.”

Blaine ate the pastry and grew back to his normal size. The pants he’d had at the beginning of his journey ripped and he scrambled to cover himself. Brittany giggled, “I’ll go get something from Kurt’s closet.

A few minutes passed and she returned with a pair of pants, a shirt and a vest. Blaine put the clothes on quickly before turning back to Rachel, “What do we do now?”

“You have to sleigh the Jabberwocky that guards the Red Queen’s castle so we can rescue Kurt.” She sighed and motioned for him to follow her, “Let’s go.”
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“The only way you can kill the Jabberwocky is to kill it with the Vorpal Sword.” Rachel explained.

“Where is the sword?” Blaine asked, trying to keep up with the girl’s fast pace.

“In the house of the Bandersnatch. I can get it for you but you are the one who must slay the Jabberwocky.”

“Why me?”

“It is how it’s foretold.” She sighed and stopped. They’d reached the edge of the Red Queen’s property. “I need you to find a way to hide near the castle until I get the Vorpal Sword.”

Blaine nodded, “Hide, I can do that.” He looked around. Rachel pointed to a small shed and he ran towards it. Lucky it was unlocked. He stepped inside and closed the door.
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When Rachel came back with the sword she was badly injured.

“I’m fine, we just had a little tussle, I’ll go to Quinn, she’ll fix me right up.” Rachel explained as she handed him the sword, “You need to go to the entrance of the castle, the Jabberwocky is sleeping. Kill it and nothing will stand in your way. Kurt is in the dungeon underneath the castle. Get him and bring him to the White Queen’s castle. David will show you how to get there.”

Blaine nodded and Rachel turned and left. Blaine took a deep breath and walked to the front of the castle. He stood in front of the largest, dragon looking monster he could ever imagine.

The monster shifted in its sleep. Blaine raised the Vorpal Sword and ran forward, driving the sword into the head of the monster. The Jabberwocky twitched and thrived around for a moment or so before it fell completely still. Blaine stepped back and pulled the sword out. He looked over as one of the Queen’s Cards turned the corner. He gasped at the sight and turned to Blaine.

He started screaming in a different language, causing other guards to rush out. Blaine ran forward into the castle. He went down the steps and into the dungeon. He looked in the cells until he reached the last one where Kurt sat. His ankle was chained to the wall and he sat there. Blaine raised the sword and busted the lock on the door.

“Hatter!” Blaine kneeled down beside Kurt.

“What is the Hatter with me?” Kurt mumbled, looking around, his once bright blue eyes were clouded over. He pushed Blaine away and started thrashing around.

Blaine stood and grabbed Kurt, turning him around. Blaine put his hands on Kurt’s cheeks and looked at him, “Kurt…”

“Do you have any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?” Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow. He frowned, “Blaine, I don’t like it here it’s terrible cruddy.”

“Don’t worry, I’m going to get you out of here.” Blaine stepped back and cut the chain with the sword and then grabbed Kurt’s hand, “Come on Kurt.”
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They’d made it to the White Queen’s castle and Blaine handed over the Vorpal Sword. Quinn had accepted it with a smile.

“Thank you Blaine.” Quinn said, kissing his cheek, “You will be rewarded however you please.”

Blaine thought for a second, “I’d like to go home…” Quinn simply nodded. Blaine turned around and looked at Kurt.

Kurt frowned and turned away, walking out to the balcony. Blaine followed, “Kurt, what’s the matter?”

“Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?” He asked, looking out across the land. Blaine sighed and shrugged, “Still believe this is a dream?”

Blaine nodded, “I just wish I’d wake up. This has come from my own mind…”

“Which would mean that I’m not real?” Kurt asked and looked over at him.

“Afraid so, you’re just a figment of my imagination.” Blaine stated and sighed. They sat in silence for a moment or two, “I’ll miss you when I wake up…” Blaine whispered.

Kurt frowned and looked down at his hat in his hands, “You could always stay you know.”

Blaine shook his head, “I couldn’t really. I’m bound to wake up at some point.”
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The next day Quinn approached Blaine with a vile. She handed it to him, “This is the blood of the Jabberwocky.”

“Will it take me home?” Blaine asked, eyes widening in excitement.

Quinn nodded softly, “If that’s what you choose.”

Blaine held up the vile and opened the cap. Kurt walked up behind him, “You could stay.” He whispered, eyes full of pain.

Blaine turned around with a gentle smile, “I can’t Kurt; there are questions I have to answer, things I have to do…”

Kurt’s face fell, eyes filling with tears. Blaine held the vile up to his lips and took a drink of the liquid. He looked at Kurt and smiled softly, “Hatter…Why is a raven like a writing desk?” He smiled.

Kurt smiled softly and shook his head, “Haven’t the slightest idea.” Blaine smiled and closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them the only thing left of Kurt were his shining blue eyes. The rest of Underland was gone and Blaine was standing in blackness.
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Blaine was spinning and rising towards a light and the end of the tunnel he was in. He shook his head and climbed out of the rabbit hole he’d fallen into. He got up and looked around. He was wearing the suit he’d had on when he fell in but it was covered in dirt and his hair was ungelled, letting his curls fall into his eyes. He brushed them away and looked around.

He walked out of the garden a few minutes later and looked around. Everyone was still standing near where he’d left Eloisa earlier. He walked towards the young girl. The crowd gasped and his mother stepped forward, “Blaine dear, what happened to you?”

“I fell down a hole and hit my head.” He turned towards Eloisa, “I’m sorry Eloisa but I can’t marry you.” He turned and stepped away from the crowd. He walked over to a bench and sat down, running his hands through his hair.

He heard a throat clear above him and looked up. Cooper stood there with a boy standing behind him, “Blaine, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

Blaine stood up as Cooper pulled the shy boy in front of him. Blaine looked up and gasped slightly. The boy was tall, he looked very familiar, especially his chestnut brown, perfectly coiffed hair.

“Blaine, I’d like you to meet my friend’s younger brother, Kurt Hummel.”

Blaine grinned and held out his hand. Kurt grasped it tightly. Blaine stepped forward, leaning their foreheads together, “Kurt, have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?”

Kurt chuckled slightly and shook his head, “Haven’t the slightest idea.”