Blaine had been sitting at the desk, staring at an article on his computer for 20 minutes, re-reading the first paragraph 3 times, but not actually taking it what it’s saying. He was in Kurt and Rachel’s apartment, more specifically Kurt’s bedroom, with Kurt on the floor in the middle of various sketches, murmuring to himself.  They had been in the same room alone for almost 3 hours. The first hour and half of which they watched a movie, in attempt to ease the tension. They barely uttered 3 sentences to each other and sat with a three-inch gap in between them.  That’s the way it had been since they’d gotten back together. Kurt came home for a week for Christmas, and one night (technically early morning) Blaine showed up, tapped on Kurt’s window, and begged Kurt to talk with him. There were a lot of tears, and a lot of “I’m so sorry”s from both boys. When Blaine asked Kurt to give him a second chance, Kurt nodded, but only said “You should get back home. It’s late, and I’m tired. We’ll talk soon, I just, I’m tired.”

Blaine couldn’t take it anymore and finally spoke up.

“Kurt?”

“Mm?”

“Kurt.”

“Yes?”

“Please look at me.”

Kurt turned his head towards Blaine with a confused expression on his face. He got up and walked to the desk.

“What’s wrong?”

“I—“ Blaine stopped in take a deep breathe. After he exhaled and opened his eyes, he noticed that Kurt seemed to have grown more concerned. He stood up as well. “Kurt, it’s been two and a half months since we’ve gotten back together, and, don’t get me wrong. Every. Single. Day. I am beyond grateful that you were willing to give us another shot. And every moment we’re together, I’m happy to have. Just to even be around you, it’s a big step from when we couldn’t be in the same room for more than two seconds.”

Kurt crossed his arms over his chest, voice calm “Blaine, I’m aware of our progress, but you’re not telling me something. I’m trying not to freak out at what’s not being said.”

Blaine took a step closer to Kurt and grabbed his arms. “Hey, no, I don’t have…an announcement or anything like that. I just—“

“Blaine, just say whatever it is.”

He did his best to choke down the swelling in his throat he always gets before he cries, but Blaine couldn’t hold everything in, and when he spoke, his voice was broken. “You won’t touch me any more. You’ll hold my hand, sometimes, for a minute or two. Our hugs are short. You kiss me, and god Kurt, the spark is still there, but you don’t let it last longer than a few minutes. You still freeze up at first when we lay down together to cuddle! I know we agreed to take everything slow, but—”

“So, you’re mad because we’re not having sex?”

“No, Kurt, it’s not that—”

“No, no, no, that sounds like exactly what it’s leading to. Blaine,” he took a step back, and Blaine struggled even harder to keep his sob down. “I really do love you. I always have, you know that. Even when…even when we both tried seeing other guys, I just, I couldn’t because I’m in love with you.”

“Kurt, I know, forget I brought anything up. Just, forget it okay? I was being stupid, We’ll just keep it slow” Blaine pleaded, taking a step to fill in the gap again. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Kurt started, with an even voice. “No don’t be sorry. You brought it up because it’s bothering you. At least…we’re getting better at communication. Which is, well, hilarious because before…” he trailed off, looking off to nowhere in particular.

“Before what, Kurt?”

“Before we broke up, I thought we had been one of those couples who were so good at knowing what the other wanted that there were some things not even worth talking about. Because we just knew” Kurt shrugged, a sad smile on his face.

“But we know better now. We both learned more about ourselves over those few months.” Blaine gently placed his hands on Kurt’s sides.

“We both had to deal with the horrible things we did and learned from it, yes.”

“What? Kurt, you don’t—yes, I needed you when you weren’t there, but I shouldn’t have cheated.”

Kurt looked Blaine square in his eyes, for the first time in what felt like a long time to Blaine. “Our skype dates were essentially me talking at you. I ignored you while I was trying to build my life here. It was basically…like trying to build a life without you. If I hadn’t been a shitty boyfriend, you wouldn’t have…done what you did.”

 “That doesn’t make what I did any less awful. For either of us.”

“Blaine, what you did was awful. I’m not going to lie and say I don’t think it was. But I’m at fault here too.”

Blaine huffed, “I guess we were both shitty boyfriends.”

“Yeah. We were at the end. And that’s part of the reason why I’m so,so scared to get close to you again. Physically and emotionally. I just keep thinking that,” Kurt’s nose scrunched up and his cheeks started getting rosy as he held back tears. His voice a broken whisper, “I just keep thinking ‘If I wasn’t enough for him before, will I ever be enough?’ And I just, I hate that that’s even something that has crossed my mind. Blaine, you have to understand. When you told me what you did, I was crushed because—because you were the first person to ever make me feel beautiful. To make me feel wanted. To make me feel loved, and it felt like real love, not that cheesy high school bullshit everyone else had. I felt like we were the exception. That our love was different, special. And even though I always knew you were out of my league, eventually I just told myself ‘well if he’s delusional enough to want me, I’m not going to say no’. But when you told me you…you cheated,” Kurt ground out,” I just felt like I wasn’t enough to keep you around. That I wasn’t good enough to be worth waiting for.”

Blaine was openly sobbing at this point, but managed to respond after a few hitched breathes, “Kurt, you’re,” his voice still hiccupping a bit, “you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. And I was always, always proud to call you mine. And show you off, because, because you’re Kurt! You’re so gorgeous, and talented, and witty, and brave. Of course I was attracted to you. Amattracted to you. I had a moment of weakness, about us. I started to question if you were really truly it for me, Kurt, because fuck! We’re so young. And suddenly I felt like I didn’t fit into your life anymore. But I felt what you felt too; that our love was different. I just couldn’t see that in a cloud of doubt and confusion. So I made a mistake. And trust me, I was sick about it. Literally, at one point.” Blaine paused for a second to take another deep breath, trying to even out his breathing pattern. “You were always good enough for me.”

Kurt took the extra half a step to close the space between them and held Blaine in a hug turned embrace. Blaine buried his face in the crook of Kurt’s neck and through the sniffles from both of them, Kurt felt Blaine’s body relax and melt into his. After a moment, Kurt ran his fingers up the back of Blaine’s hair and lightly played with it, and he noticed that Blaine had control over his breathing pattern. The shorter man reluctantly pulled back a bit to look at Kurt.

“What was the other part?”

“What other part?”

“You said…earlier you said that you not being good enough was part of the reason. What’s the other part?”

Kurt stiffened a bit before stepping out of their hold on each other and sitting on his bed. Blaine quickly sat next to him.

“Well, I was afraid. I was afraid that if we got to that physical point, to—to sex, that whenever I would touch you,” Kurt swallowed the lump in his throat, “whenever I would touch you, that he had done that too. That he ran his fingers down your side and made you shutter. That he found that spot on your inner thigh that drives you crazy. So I’ve been afraid because every time I tried to picture us being intimate, I could only envision you reacting the same way to some stranger’s touch. A stranger who was better in bed than me.”

“What?! Kurt, no. NO. He wasn’t. He didn’t make me feel…it wasn’t making love or sex, like it is with you. It was just a hormonal, confused hookup that took all of 5 minutes, kissing before included. Kurt, it meant nothing. He means nothing. Hey, look at me,” Blaine placed his hand on Kurt’s chin to move it so Kurt’s face was in front of his. “You’re great in bed. Seriously. With you, sex means something. Which makes it even better. You should never ever think that somebody could replace you, because they can’t. Physically, or in my heart, they just can’t. Because you’re the guy I want to be with. To have a future with. To get married to one day and!—“ Blaine’s mouth gaped open when he realized what he said and he quickly closed it, eyes wide and anxious.

Kurt couldn’t help the smile creeping over his face. God he’s adorable when his eyes get the size of Jupiter.

“Get married to, start a family with?” Kurt finished, still grinning.

“Yes,” Blaine exhaled, relieved. “Yes, god Kurt I want that more than anything.”

“I do too.”

“Please don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“Blaine, when have I ever been the one to say something I didn’t mean?”

“That’s true.”

Kurt leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together, cupping Blaine’s face. “I don’t want us to fall back to how we were. We’ve grown up a good amount since then. I want us to be stronger. Because I’ve tried to not be in love with you, Blaine Anderson, but I can’t. You’re my high school sweetheart.” Blaine couldn’t see Kurt grinning, but somehow he knew he was.

“I love you. So much.”

Kurt stroked his thumb along Blaine’s cheek, “I love you, too.”

He kissed Blaine, lightly at first, then a minute later with more vindication. As they started to lie down on the bed, Blaine put his hand on Kurt’s chest to stop him.

“You’re not thinking about…him, are you?”

Kurt shook his head.  “I can honestly say I’m not.”

He was starting to kiss and nip at Blaine’s neck as he finished lowering them down.

“Wwe don’t have to do anything tonight. Although, I wouldn’t stop you,” Blaine said, hands roaming up Kurt’s back over his shirt.

“Mmm” Kurt hummed against his neck “well, I was thinking we’d take things slower in general. To make sure we appreciate each other. But right now, I need to connect with you this way for a while. Because you’re mine again.”

“I was always yours.”

Kurt lifted himself off of Blaine slightly to fully see his face.

“Then I think we can make this work. We can be happy again.”

“That’s all I want, Kurt.”

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”