-Best man speech.-

Finn: I remember when Kurt first came home from Dalton, rambling about some guy named Blaine. And I was worried, because Kurt's my brother, and I'm supposed to protect him, and he's hanging out with this Blaine guy two hours away in Westerville. Then, when Blaine first came to the house, he just strengthened my distrust. I mean, he had manners, and overly-gelled hair. Where all Dalton guys like this? Scary polite, and way put together? And Blaine and Kurt, they kept claiming they were just friends. Yeah, right. I only saw the two of them on weekends, if that, and even I could see the eye-sex going on. But Blaine, he's a cool guy. He wasn't the type to lust after anyone, not even Kurt. And, trust me, Kurt didn't exactly appreciate Blaine's politeness, when it came to their relationship. Then one day, Kurt comes home, and he's practically floating. He's got this huge grin on his face, and he's humming, and he looked really happy. Happier than he's looked in a while. Turns out, Blaine had kissed him. They were dating. I'm not gonna lie, I basically told Blaine that if he were to break Kurt's heart, they'd be pulling his gelled-head out of the dumpster behind Breadstix. But, Blaine went to Dalton. He's all polite, and reserved. Now, here we all are, at Kurt and Blaine's wedding. The Klaine wedding. Congratulations, to both of you. But Blaine, I still mean what I said. Even if I have to drive all the way out to New York, then sneak your head back to Ohio. Anything happens between you two, and it's in the dumpster.

-Bestest men's speech.-

Wes&David: Eye-sex. Flirty duets. Eye-sex. Phallic bubble machine. Lots of eye-sex. This was Kurt and Blaine during their "just friends" stage at Dalton. Before they realized their undying love for one another. And truthfully, they might have been stuck with eye-sex forever, if it hadn't been for the Warblers. Kurt, Blaine, we say this with the knowledge that you are probably going to strangle us both later. We killed Pavarotti. It was a necessary sacrifice. Short of locking you both in a room, and blasting Thad's "Sexy sex" playlist, nothing was going to get you together. So, we brainstormed. We've seen Kurt when he gets emotional. Coming from us, two straight men, we can accredit that it is very sexy. And we know how Blaine gets when anyone he's close to cries. He turns into a pile of gooey, mush, easily manipulated. So, we put a little poison in the birdseed, made sure Kurt would know all about the "Proper bird funeral procedures" which, Kurt, we completely made up, and made sure that Blaine was there to watch. It was successful, of course. They kissed, and the ever annoying eye-sex ended. To be replaced by equally annoying, and endearing, steamy make-out sessions in the Warbler practice room. During meetings, no less. So yes, we thank Pavarotti, for allowing us to kill him, in sacrifice for Klaine love and happiness. Congratulations guys. We're gonna hide now, before Kurt murders us.

-Maid of honor speech.-

Rachel: Kurt. My biggest, and only competition, for Glee-Club solos. My dearest friend. I remember when I first heard you sing, when we were still just losers in Glee. Truthfully, thought you were a girl. Actually, you are really lucky you're a guy, because I might have had to send you to a crackhouse, the way I did to Sunshine, if you had been a girl. But we grew, from being rivals, to being friends. Kurt, I want you to know that I'll always be there for you, thick and thin. Now Blaine. Blaine, who I got to know very well in the course of a crazy night. I will never forget that kiss Blaine. And if it's any consolation Kurt, I'm positive he's a better kisser when he's sober. Blaine, Kurt, I love you both. I wish you all the best. Congratulations.

-Matron of honor/Best friend ever speech.-

Mercedes: Kurt. Boo. Gosh, when I first met you, I had the biggest crush on you. Thanks for letting me think you were straight. Also, thanks for letting me think you liked Rachel. Seriously, Rachel? But then you told me you were gay, and we've been best friends ever since. Then Blaine came along, and stole you from me. Blaine, who you would not stop talking about. And you left McKinley, to go to Dalton, where Blaine was. Let me tell you, I was ready to put a shotgun to his gelled-head. But Kurt. Kurt was happy. He was smiling brighter, and he was laughing again. And that made me happy. Kurt, you're married now. To someone who never ceases to make you happy. And I will always be happy for you. Have I said happy enough times? Happy, happy, happy. I love both of you. Congratulations.

-Father speech. Cause Blaine's dad is a dick. Just saying. (SANTANA!- K&B)

Burt: When my son, Kurt came home all those years ago, with Red-Dye #50 on his clothes, and bruises on his arms, I felt ready to march down to that school and beat the living crap out of all those jocks. But Kurt said no. He was strong. He was also good at hiding things from me. I didn't know about the worst of the bullying until I saw it for myself. When Kurt was at Dalton, I had no idea who Blaine even was, past Kurt's rants, until he appeared in Kurt's bed, hungover and thoroughly embarrassed. And I didn't even know that Kurt and Blaine were dating until I caught them on the making out on the couch. Thing is though, that's all I ever caught them doing. I don't know if that's because they never did anything, or if they were really good at hiding it. All I do know is that, Kurt is still strong. And Blaine, you helped him. The both of you are the perfect examples of what love is. Congratulations boys.

-The more fabulous of the grooms, will now give the groom's speech.-

Kurt: Now, Blaine and I debated heavily on who should give the "groom's speech". In the end, I won out by promising Blaine that he could toss the bouquet. Honey, why you want to do that, I will never know. We don't even have a bouquet, so what are you planning? Anyway, I want to thank all of you for coming. Finn, you clueless boy. After all, isn't that what you always are and will be? Grilled Cheesus himself couldn't change you. Not that you should ever change. Wes. David. You're right, I am going to strangle both of you. You killed my bird? That is low. Then again, it did lead to good things. So, thank you. Rachel. Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. I love you. Please shut-up about kissing Blaine. He keeps apologizing every time it comes up, and I can only wear scarves so many times a year. So, stop. 'Cedes. Boo. Love you more. Always and forever, the best people ever, and divas for life. Sorry I let you think I was straight. Dad. Dad, you have always been my rock, and I will always be there for you. Everything we've been through, and I still love you. Even when you brought out the shotgun at dinner. So, thank you everyone for coming. My Nude Erections, Blaine's little birds, our families. Love love love.