Feb. 24, 2012, 12:39 p.m.
Teenage Dream
SPOILERS FOR 'ON MY WAY' (i.e. Season 3 Episode 14) Blaine is worried about his relationship with Kurt. He seems to be distancing himself from him, but Blaine doesn't know why. Can he get Kurt to open up, or will he have to watch as he is shut out from Kurt's life for good?
K - Words: 2,046 - Last Updated: Feb 24, 2012 960 0 0 5 Categories: Cotton Candy Fluff, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Tags: established relationship,
“Kurt, we need to talk,” Blaine said, trying not the let his voice belie how nervous he was.
It had been a week since Karofsky had attempted suicide, a week since he’d properly had the chance to speak to Kurt about anything. And truth be told, Blaine was scared. Kurt seemed to be getting more and more distant, and Blaine didn’t know how to handle it. He knew Kurt was hurting over what had happened to Karofsky. Kurt was like that; kind, and sweet, and compassionate, and so beautiful. The kind of person who would go and comfort a boy who had made his life a living hell for months.
But Blaine couldn’t understand what was happening to them. They didn’t flirt anymore, they didn’t have coffee at the Lima Bean anymore, they didn’t stay up late together watching crappy reality television and make snarky comments anymore, they didn’t have sex that often anymore, hell – they didn’t even sit next to each other anymore.
“What is it Blaine? I have to go drop off Carole at work really soon and then I have to go visit Dave,” Kurt said, a bit too sharply.
“Can’t you spare a moment? It’s…it’s important,” Blaine tried to not sound desperate, really he did, but he couldn’t help adding, “Please.”
Kurt looked at his boyfriend, who seemed to be visibly upset about something. His adorably triangular eyebrows were scrunched together, the corners of his lips were tugged slightly downwards, and his gorgeous eyes were even shinier than usual – like they always were when he was about to cry.
“Of course Blaine, I’ll just message Carole quickly and tell her I’ll be a bit late,” he said, tone softening slightly as he whipped out his phone.
“Great, thanks.” Blaine felt like physically hitting himself. Why was he thanking his boyfriend for agreeing to talk to him?! God. Things really weren’t so good if he had unconsciously become so uncomfortable around Kurt. His eyes followed as Kurt’s long slender fingers quickly tapped out a message, and then slid the phone back into his pocket.
“What’s wrong Blaine?”
Blaine gulped. This was going to be difficult, he didn’t even really know how he was going to breech the subject. He took a deep breath, closing the distance between himself and Kurt and taking his pale delicate hands into his own, guiding him to the edge of his bed.
“Kurt. Kurt, you know how much you mean to me, right? It’s just that…,” Blaine broke off, trying to find the words to articulate his feelings without hurting his boyfriend. Kurt’s eyes widened suddenly, his lips parted and all colour left his cheeks.
“Are you breaking up with me?” he said, his voice wobbling and hands shaking in Blaine’s large warm ones.
“God no Kurt! No! I mean, how could you even think that? I would never…I love you too much Kurt,” he stumbled over his speech, trying to reassure Kurt as well as possible, “I just…I’ve actually been thinking the same thing. What I mean is, oh God, do you want to break up with me? Are you tired of me?” His eyes looked away from the boy in front of him, simply because he was too vulnerable at the moment to read Kurt’s possibly confirmative expression.
“Blaine, honey, I love you, but are you a complete idiot? I just nearly had a panic attack because I thought you were ending it and you’re asking me if I want to end it? I never want to break-up with you! You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. What is bringing this on? Why do you look so frightened? Blaine, look at me. Look at me,” he said, reaching out to grab his chin and gently guided his face so that he could lock eyes with Blaine’s brilliant hazel ones, “Tell me what’s wrong Blaine.” Because Kurt could sense that something was very wrong.
“You’ve been so distant. You don’t even talk to me anymore Kurt! And I try, I try all the time. I look at you, I smile at you, I send you messages, I call you. And you just cut me off, or frown, or – worst of all – you fake smile at me. Like you’re hiding yourself from me, like you’re shutting yourself off and going somewhere I can’t reach you. It scares me so much, Kurt. I don’t…I don’t want to lose you. You’re the most important person in my life. I can’t lose you. I need you. But it’s like you don’t need m-m-me,” and Blaine’s voice truly had broken here, sniffling slightly. He nearly broke down completely and started crying when Kurt yanked his hands away and stood up abruptly, pacing Blaine’s bedroom and running his hands through his perfectly coiffed hair – something he usually never did.
“This past week has been tough, you know it’s been hard. I just, I just need time. This whole thing has been too much for me. I just need time and space.”
“Do you Kurt? Do you need time and space? Because I think you need the exact opposite, but you’re just too angry.”
“OF COURSE I’M ANGRY!” Kurt suddenly burst out, “I TOLD HIM IT’D GET BETTER BLAINE, BUT DOES IT REALLY? DOES IT REALLY GET BETTER? THE HATE IS EVERYWHERE BLAINE, EVERYWHERE. AND WE CAN NEVER ESCAPE IT – NOT IN OUR LIFETIME.” Kurt stood there, in the middle of the room, legs set firmly apart in a guarded stance, his chest heaving and his eyes wild.
Blaine’s eyes widened with understanding. Oh, so that’s it. That’s what’s been bothering him so much. He had to reign in a laugh, because it was highly inappropriate what with Kurt looking like he was about to murder a few puppies (or, horror of horrors, rip a few conspicuous bowties of his lying dangerously close on his chest of drawers). But he was suddenly happy, because this he knew how to deal with.
“Kurt, come here. I can’t believe you’ve been bottling this up all week,” he whispered, getting up from the bed and striding over to his boyfriend, folding him into his arms, “Come here, sshhh,” he mouthed into Kurt’s ear, as his boyfriend buried his face in his neck and started to cry in earnest.
“It’s n-n-n-not fair Blaine. It’s not f-f-fair,” he sobbed.
“Kurt, I want you to listen to me,” and Blaine really wanted Kurt to listen, because he knew why that yellow ribbon was tied up in Burt’s shop, he knew why he had sung ‘Perfect’ to Kurt in the car – looking straight at him as he sung ‘Look, I’m still around’. He knew everything, and he knew that this was a crucial moment for Kurt, “It will get better. Not just for us, but for Dave too. And for Santana, and for Brittany, and for every other gay person out there. Because Kurt – look at me when I say this – Kurt, we will make it better. It’s true, it’s useless to just say that things will get better and then just stand around and watch shit like this happen.”
“B-b-but the police don’t even care and even his own mother! His mother told him he has a disease Blaine! A disease!”
“Kurt, I don’t mean to be insulting, but parents are not usually as accepting as your dad is. My own parents barely even mention it, it’s like they would rather ignore I ever came out to them. Which is still much better than how I thought they’d take it. Coop is the only one who ever asks me about my love-life. Which is why we all have to stick together. That’s what the internet is for – there are other people who care out there Kurt. Not just gay people - straight people too. We’ll ask Dave if it’s ok if we post his story on tumblr or something, we’ll talk publically about the police issue. It is not ok to let those bullies do what they did. And we’ll protest. All those people at Regionals who donated money for the Born This Way Foundation, the Warblers, Glee club. We will protest. We can write petitions and…loads of things! It might not make a huge difference, but every inch we gain is an inch we will never give back Kurt. The only way is forwards. We will make it be better. I swear to you, I swear I’ll make things happen. Are you ok? Do you need to get anything else off of your chest?”
“N-no. And, have I ever told you how much I love you? I…thank you. I needed to hear that. I think, I think it’s because ever since you transferred I’ve been caught up in this idyllic bubble of happiness and it all suddenly came screaming back. I’d become passive about it, and I needed someone to remind me that there are always ways to fight back. How can you be so perfect Blaine? You’re literally like my very own Prince Charming, my saviour, my…” Kurt trailed off, scrambling for a befitting phrase.
“Teenage dream?” laughed Blaine, blushing slightly at the memory – one of the best memories he had – of dragging Kurt along the ‘short-cut’ and singing a somewhat daring song to him.
“Yes! Yes, my teenage dream!” And when Kurt laughed too, Blaine knew everything was going to be ok between them.
“Kurt, don’t ever do this again ok? Don’t ever shut me out like that. It’s not good for either of us, and I was seriously worried.”
“I’m sorry Blaine. I really am. It’s just I’ve felt so responsible for what happened, even though I know it wasn’t really and I think I just couldn’t deal with the guilt. I didn’t want to tell you either because well…you know.” Blaine’s arms tightened around his boyfriend’s waist. Yes, he knew how the rumours about Karofsky’s homosexuality have got round – he had met up with Kurt at Sugar’s Shack for Valentine’s after sending him gorilla-grams all week. He felt a familiar flicker of jealousy curl around his stomach, but he shut his eyes tightly and pushed it back down. He knew it was unfounded and that him and Kurt had agreed to be just friends now – which was about the same situation he was in with Sebastian. So he had decided to not be an ass about it.
“Yes I do know,” he whispered. Then, because Kurt was looking at him so trustingly with those blue blue eyes and because he look so freaking beautiful (as always), he leaned in and lovingly covered his wet pink lips with his own. He basked in Kurt’s scent – vanilla and coffee – and their lips moulded together. As Kurt started to open his mouth to deepen the kiss, he gently pulled away, swiping Kurt’s bottom lip with his tongue, eliciting a small groan.
“Why’d you stop?”
“Don’t you have to go pick up Carole?” he smirked.
“You are evil Blaine Anderson. Evil.” Blaine laughed.
“I thought I was your teenage dream.”
“I’m not so sure now – my dreams usually go further than this, much further,” Kurt said, smirking himself. Blaine’s mind was flooded with images of Kurt and him writhing and making all sorts of obscene noises, already feeling his blood going south. He had to stop himself from smashing Kurt’s body even more securely against his and crashing their lips together properly this time, because Kurt really did have to go. Carole needed to be at work in an hour and a half, and Kurt needed to drive all the way back to Lima first.
“Now who’s the evil one?” he sighed. He kissed Kurt’s neck lightly, put his lips against his ear and quietly sang:
My heart stops when you look at me
Just one touch, now baby I believe
This is real, so take a chance
And don’t ever look back, don’t ever look back
He felt Kurt shudder against him, Blaine knew he easily got turned on whenever Blaine sang him anything so intimately, and he could practically feel the blush creeping up Kurt’s neck.
“I love you Kurt.”
“I love you too Blaine.”