March 16, 2013, 6:31 a.m.
You Must Be My Lucky Star
Spoilers for 4x18! Blaine tells Kurt about the incident at school and Kurt, well...reacts.
K - Words: 1,597 - Last Updated: Mar 16, 2013 1,087 0 0 3 Categories: Angst, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel,
"Okay, Dave, it's just you and me. I'll be gentle if you are too," Kurt said to his open text book. It was midterms at NYADA and Kurt was currently knee deep in Dave Benson's "Mathematics and Music" text. He had naively thought that he wouldn't have to take anymore math, since what did math have to do with music? Apparently a lot –at least to Dave Benson and Professor Meyers.
Kurt wasn't sure how much more of studying he could handle. Midterms were just around the corner and he was overwhelmed by all that he needed to do. Not only did he have to demonstrate a plié, balancoire, and the fox trot for Cassandra's class, but he also had a vocal performance for Carmen, an exam and paper for musical theory, and an exam in his mathematics and music course. He knew that there were some people who thought he was admitted because of Rachel –Cassie being one of them—so he was working extra hard to prove to all of the naysayers that he really did deserve to be at NYADA.
Typically, Kurt preferred studying in the school library –since the loft was a revolving door of people. But the loft was uncharacteristically empty on this cold, dreary afternoon, and he decided to take advantage of the peace and quiet. As much as he loved Rachel and Santana, they were impossibly loud.
He was currently reading about algorithmic composition when his phone started vibrating. "Oh, thank you god!" he exclaimed, thankful for the sudden break in his studies. He smiled when he saw who it was.
"Well, hey stranger, perfect timing! I'm in the middle of studying for my mathematics and music class and I seriously want to gauge my eyes out. I don't understand what the class has to do with performing on Broadway but I suppose in order to be the best, I have to study even the most mundane topics. But I swear to god, if I have to read one more thing about the mathematical bases of rhythm, I may throw myself out of the loft window."
He had expected Blaine to respond with some witty comment but all he got in return was silence. "Blaine? You still with me?"
"What? Yes, of course, I'm here. Sorry."
Kurt closed his book and set it on the table. "Okay, you sound weird. What's going on?"
He heard Blaine give a little sigh. "Nothing, Kurt, I just –I just had a horrific day and I needed to hear your voice, that's all."
"Aw what happened? Did all the tater tots run out again? I know how traumatizing that is for you guys." Kurt stood up, stretching out his back before heading into the kitchen. "Or did Mr. Schue designate this as Justin Beiber week? Or worse, Disco 2.0?" He started opening cabinets and drawers, looking for anything that resembled cake. Or chocolate.
Blaine chuckled softly, which was one of Kurt's most favorite sounds (though he would never admit it). "I wish it was only something like that. But no." Kurt could hear the hesitation in his voice, which caused him to pause as he fished out a bag of chocolate chips.
"Blaine?" he prodded gently. Kurt knew Blaine struggled with opening up, that sharing music was the best way to express how he was feeling. It had frustrated Kurt in the beginning of their relationship, but he knew it was the most honest way for Blaine to open up. "Did you want to sing about it?" he asked gently.
"Someone brought a—brought a gun to school today," Blaine finally said, his voice thick with emotion.
Kurt froze, the wind knocked out of him. "Wait waitwhat?! Someone brought a gun to... was anyone hurt?"
"No no, nothing bad like that happened, I swear. It went off inside someone's locker, during 5th period. Thankfully no one was around, but it was...god, Kurt, it was so scary. And soloud.And yesterday, Brittany was convinced that an asteroid was headed to earth to kill us all and she was so insistent and it started to get to your head and thenthishappens and all I wanted, all Ineeded, was to hear your voice."
Kurt was having a hard time wrapping his head around everything Blaine was saying. All he could think was gun. School.Blaine.He felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest, it was pounding so hard. He sank to the floor, leaning against the refrigerator. "Oh Blaine..." he whispered.
"And I get that we're just friends and what not, but we talked about how life is short in glee club and I just, I love you so much and I'm so sorry for the pain I caused you. I need you to know that, Kurt," Blaine's voice full of desperation. "Things could have been so much worse today and I just-I just needed to tell you all that one more time."
"Blaine, I know,I know." Kurt rubbed his hands over his eyes, trying to sort out the jumble of thoughts running through his head.
"I'm sorry that I bothered you. I know you've been studying for midterms—"
"Stop that," Kurt interjected. "I'm glad that you did. Not only did I need a serious break from studying, but I also need to know that you're okay."
"Yeah, okay," Blaine whispered.
"Besides," Kurt continued, "you're important to me and I would have been seriously pissed if I found out from someone else what happened."
Blaine chuckled again, and Kurt smiled at the sound. A beat later he asked, "do they know who brought the gun?"
"Um, I think so? But the details are kind of hazy. Rumors are flying around school but what seems to be the consensus is that some sophomore basketball player brought it in to impress the seniors or something. I guess he was never planning on using it but still. Can you imagine what would have happened if it had gone off while it was passing time? Or if his locker was open?"
"I don't even want to," Kurt replied softly. "Blaine, I'm so glad you're okay. I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to you." His voice, he realized, was thick with tears. He wasn't quite sure when he had started crying.
"Hey, hey," Blaine said softly. "Don't go there, okay? I'm alright, everyone is alright. There's no need to cry."
"No, but there is!" Kurt sniffed. "You're my best friend and I've spent all these months pissed off at you. What if somethinghadhappened to you? I could have lost you!"
"Kurt-"
"No, let me finish, okay?" Kurt wiped the tears from his eyes. "You hurt me. And I was so selfish in my own pain that I ignored that you were in pain too. Not because of what you did but because of whatIdid. I was pushing you away, excluding you from my life. And that wasn't right, and I'm so sorry, Blaine. It takes two to cheat –youandme. I'm sorry, I'm sorry,I'm sorry." Fresh tears began rolling down Kurt's cheek.
"I'm sorry too, Kurt!" Blaine exclaimed, crying along with Kurt. "I should have communicated better with you, tell you how I was feeling-"
"But I wasn't giving you the chancetocommunicate!" Kurt interjected. "I wasn't picking up your calls!"
"God, Kurt," Blaine groaned. "We really made a horrible mess of things, didn't we?"
Kurt chuckled through the tears. "Seriously. This long distance thing sucks."
"The distance doesn't change how I feel about you," Blaine said quietly. "It's only shown me how much I love you and howyouaremy forever."
"I haven't stopped loving you either. I never stopped," Kurt sighed, leaning back against the refrigerator, closing his eyes.
"So...," Blaine hesitated, "what do we do now?"
Kurt sighed again, his hand coming up to rub his neck. "I don't know. Start fresh? Go slow? Get to know one another again? Maybe you can come out here for spring break and I can go back there for mine –those have to be coming up soon, right?"
"Yeah, in two weeks," Blaine replied. "I'd really like to visit you."
"And we'll have Skype dates, andkeepthem this time. And no matter what we're doing, we always pick up each other's calls."
"I already promised you that, remember?"
"How could I forget?"
"I love you, Kurt, so much."
"I love you too. I'm so glad you're okay, So,soglad."
"I know you have to get back to studying and I really should practice this cheer routine Sue has us doing. Good night, Kurt. Talk soon?"
"Definitely," Kurt promised.
After exclaiming one more "I love you," Kurt ended the call. He was still on the floor in the kitchen, the bag of chocolate chips lying abandoned next to him. When he woke up this morning, he thought this was going to be another boring day of homework. But it goes to show how little things can change –and how those little changes can lead to life changing moments. The idea that Kurt could have lost Blaine today utterly terrified him. His head finally caught up to what his heart had been trying to tell him all this time: there was no getting over Blaine, there was no moving on from him. Blaine wasit.The one he loved more than anything else in this world.
*Bling*
Kurt looked down at his phone and saw that he had a new Facebook notification. He opened it up and smiled when he saw Blaine had posted a YouTube video of "Come What May." Blaine hadn't written anything with the link, the song being enough.
"Come what may," he sang softly.
He exited out of Facebook and went into his contacts and scrolled down to the "C"s before finding the right person. He continued to hum the song as the phone began to ring.
"Adam? We need to talk."