Oct. 5, 2012, 5:20 a.m.
The Morning After
Post 4-4. Closure.And it's enough.
K - Words: 1,196 - Last Updated: Oct 05, 2012 1,099 0 2 1 Categories: Angst, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel,
Kurt slides back into his chair as the door shuts behind Finn.
He really isn't sure what is happening. If last night was real or not. But with the soft clink of the closed door echoing in the loft, Kurt is forced to believe that what had happened last night was no nightmare.
Putting his head in his hands, Kurt stares at the floor for a few more moments before he hears stirring behind the thick curtains he and Rachel use to delineate their bedrooms.
A moment later Blaine appears, heading towards the bathroom, his hair flattened in the back and wildly curly on the sides. He doesn’t notice Kurt watching him as he slips quietly into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
When Kurt hears the shower start he finally moves, making his way over to the bed and stripping the sheets. Slipping the pillowcases off the pillows, he stops for a moment, inhaling the coconut scent of Blaine’s hair-gel. That’s when the tears start again and that’s how Blaine finds him. Sitting on the bed, crying silently.
**
It’s awkward. Blaine wants to touch him, hold him, take back everything he’s said and done for the last two weeks. But he doesn’t know how. His hair is soaking wet, dripping down the back of his neck into the cowl of Kurt’s robe that he grabbed off the back of the door.
Blaine moves towards Kurt, towards the man he loves and places a hand on his shoulder. Kurt doesn’t even glance up at him. Blaine sits down next to him, shoulder pressed to shoulder and flinches in time to Kurt’s sobs.
Finally, Kurt’s tears subside and he raises his face to Blaine’s. There’s a question there. And Blaine knows what that question is. Wishes he had the answer. Doesn’t.
He clears his throat. “There’s, uh, a flight leaving in two hours.”
Kurt reels back as if Blaine slapped him and Blaine knows that he said the wrong thing.
“I’m so sorry, Kurt –”
Now Kurt is standing up, briskly gathering up the sheets and pillowcases and stuffing them into a canvas laundry sack.
Standing up, he watches Kurt for a moment before moving over to him and none to gently taking the bag from his hands. “Stop.”
Kurt lets him take the laundry and stands defiantly in front of Blaine. A loud bang sounds out in the apartment and Blaine turns to look behind him, Rachel must have left.
“What do you want?” Kurt asks, pleadingly. “I don’t know what you want me to say or do.”
Blaine throws the sack roughly against the wall, staring at it for a second when the sheets tumble out a bit. “I don’t want you do anything, Kurt! I want to talk about what happened. And why it happened. And if… if you can ever forgive me for it. God, Kurt.” He stumbles then, not sure he knows what he wants to say or how to say it before just letting it all tumble out. “I love you so much. And I miss you more than I ever thought possible! When you were at McKinley and I was at Dalton the distance was a couple of hours and I knew I’d get to see you each weekend even if it wasn’t every day. And then that wasn’t enough and I transferred to McKinley to be with you. To see you each and every day, Kurt. And I was so, so heartbroken when you didn’t get into NYADA. All I ever wanted for you was to be happy. I know you coming here was the right thing for you! I’m not so selfish that I don’t know that.”
“But?” Kurt asks, moving back to the bed, sitting on the edge of the naked mattress.
“But, it wasn’t the right thing for me, Kurt. I don’t think I can do this without you. I’m so, so happy for you and Rachel and this loft and Vogue.com. But I am miserable! I don’t know who I am. I’m not the new Rachel. I’m not the president of the student council. I’m just this scared boy who’s been left behind.”
He’s not sure what he expected Kurt to say or do, but what Kurt does do surprises him. He picks up the comforter and spreads it out over the mattress. Then he holds out his hand to Blaine.
Blaine cautiously steps over to Kurt, taking the outstretched hand.
“Listen to me, Blaine. You are an amazing person. You looked at me when so many other people looked right through me and you saw me. You became my best friend, and then my boyfriend, and then so much more than that. I love it here. I love this city and this job and the people… And I miss you, too. So much. But you… did something…” Kurt stops then sitting down on the bed, pulling Blaine with him.
“I don’t even know, Kurt. I don’t why or what or how. I was so lonely and everyone at McKinley just reminds me so much of you. Eli was in my ACT prep class. He… I kissed him, Kurt. And I pretended he was you. And it was terrible, and I… know you can’t forgive me for this, but I just didn’t want to feel lonely anymore.”
Blaine drops his head, feels the tears coming and can’t stop them, won’t stop them.
Kurt is silent and pensive and still holding Blaine’s hand.
“You kissed him?” Kurt finally asks, softly, over the sound of Blaine’s sniffles.
“Yes.”
“Then?”
“Then…” Blaine starts, “Then I freaked out. And told him I had a boyfriend. And left.”
“That’s it?” Kurt confirms.
“Yes?” Blaine says hesitantly, “I don’t ever want to hurt you, Kurt. I didn’t – I don’t want to date him. I just made a mistake.”
“You did.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Blaine lifts his head, eyes still wet with tears. Watches as Kurt moves his hand to gently cup his cheek. “I will always love you, Blaine. And I need you to know that.”
“Are we…?” Blaine starts, not sure what he’s asking. “Do you…?”
Kurt drops his head to meet Blaine’s, pressing their foreheads together, his hand moving from Blaine’s cheek to the back of Blaine’s head.
“I don’t know,” Kurt murmurs. “I’m not sure.”
Blaine knows he’s going to start crying again. Instead, he moves suddenly, a memory of a first kiss echoing in his mind. He presses his lips to Kurt’s fiercely, noting it only takes Kurt a moment to respond before he’s kissing him back.
They clutch at one another and Blaine kisses Kurt the way he’s wanted to each and every day since he left. Kurt shifts, wrapping his arms around Blaine, pushing the robe away and touching –
When Kurt’s hands hit bare skin, Blaine moves away, pulling the robe back around him. Kurt grabs at his hands, stopping him. Brown eyes meet green and no more words are needed.
They’re going to be okay. Maybe not now, or tomorrow, or next week, but…
“We’re going to be okay,” Kurt whispers.
And it’s enough.
Comments
Holy shit! This was amazing! Great job!!!
Aww! Thanks!