djchika
Aug. 8, 2012, 9:27 p.m.
Remember the Sun
Blaine gets into a car accident and Kurt stay in Lima to take care of him. This doesn't sit as well with Blaine as Kurt likes to pretend.
T - Words: 1,681 - Last Updated: Aug 08, 2012 855 0 1 0 Categories: Angst, Drama, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Tags: OMG CREYS,
The sun is warm on Kurt’s face as he walks across the courtyard. It’s late October and the cold should have descended upon Lima a few weeks ago but the weather seems to be inexplicably kind to Ohio this year.
The trees themselves still have a smattering of leaves attached to their branches. As if holding on to the last vestiges of warmth before being enveloped by the cold darkness that winter is sure to bring.
Kurt scans the groups enjoying the unusually warm day. He doesn’t need more than a moment to find him. His eyes are easily drawn to the dark-haired boy sitting on a stone bench under an alcove of trees.
His fingers work on the buckle of his messenger bag nervously, throat constricting as a jumble of emotions from their last fight wash over him.
�-----
The serious expression on Blaine’s face should have forewarned him. His hazel eyes had darkened to a deep mahogany that Kurt had seen all too often after the accident.
He ignores it though. The day had been uneventful and they were both enjoying a quiet night cuddled in bed, Blaine’s hands softly glossing over his fingers.
�“Have you ever thought that it would be easier if we just didn’t see each other?”
Kurt stiffens. “No. Why would you even say something like that?”
“You know why,” Blaine says softly.
“We’ve talked about this before.” Kurt grits out. He closes his eyes, willing Blaine to shut up about the whole thing. They were having such a good day.
�“And I want to talk about it again now,” Blaine insists, his usual acquiescence to Kurt’s moods, gone. “Maybe it would be better if you did go to New York. It wouldn’t be too late to apply for next semester’s classes and Rachel’s already there so - ”
“No.”
Kurt calmly removes his hands from underneath Blaine’s throwing the covers off him. The happy feeling from the day was quickly turning into annoyance and exasperation. They weren’t talking about this because they’ve already talked about this.
�“Kurt – “, Blaine makes to grab at his hands again but Kurt’s already on his feet.
�“No!” Blaine winces at the volume but Kurt doesn’t care. He grabs his bag and stalks to the door. He doesn’t notice that his whole body shaking violently until he’s reaching for the doorknob. “I’m not leaving you. That is NOT an option.”
-----
Kurt clears away the memory. It’s been a week since he had last seen Blaine, a week since the argument that had left him sobbing and shaking in his room. He takes a couple of quick calming breaths before striding over to the boy.
Blaine doesn’t see him coming, his eyes are closed, his head tilted up to the sun, basking in its warmth. Kurt stands in front of Blaine as a way of greeting, not trusting himself to speak yet.
The other boy’s brows furrow at the sudden loss of sunlight. Slowly, Blaine opens his eyes and Kurt’s breath catches, afraid of what he’d see there.
Blaine’s eyes focus and the warm, familiar smile he gives Kurt makes his heart ache as hope shines through.
“Hey,” Kurt says softer than he’d intended.� He clears his throat. “Mind if I sit down?”
Blaine scoots over on the bench, “Of course not.”
“You seem to be in a good mood,” Kurt says, bumping his shoulder gently against Blaine’s.
Blaine winks at him cheekily, a wide smile on his face. “The weather’s so perfect it seems rude to be in anything but good spirits today.”
Kurt can’t help the teasing sarcasm in his voice, “That’s very considerate of you.”
They sit together in silence for a while. Kurt doesn’t mind. He needs the silence right now, needs the time to gather his courage. He lets out a humorless laugh at that. Courage.
Beside him he feels more than sees Blaine shift, his eyes looking at Kurt inquisitively.
Kurt let’s out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “I came to tell you something. I – I think you’re right,” He pauses then. Steels himself for the words that rush out of him, “I think that maybe I should go to New York.”
He waits. He doesn’t speak, needs the next words to come from Blaine. He wants so badly for Blaine to tell him that he had changed his mind. That Kurt shouldn’t go to New York. That he should stay in Lima with Blaine.
Blaine doesn’t say anything though, instead he settles back into his previous position, back against the bench, his shoulder tight against Kurt’s.
Kurt takes Blaine’s hand and turns his head to finally look at his boyfriend. Blaine’s brow creases as he stares at their interlocked fingers and Kurt hears the blood rushing in his hears, heart hammering in his chest.
Gently, Blaine extracts his hand from Kurt’s. He looks up at him eyes still warm but with a wariness that wasn’t there before.
“Please don’t get me wrong,” Blaine smiles at him politely, placidly. “You seem like a very nice boy, but do I know you?”
Kurt’s heart splinters.
He should be used to it by now. He should be used to blank stares and confused looks.
He should be used to tender touches that mean everything and nothing at the same time.
He should be used to hearing the words, “My name’s Blaine” over and over again.
He is used to it. He is. But it still breaks him every time Blaine forgets.
�-----
Kurt picks up a card on the pile between them and reads the question, “And where did we first meet?”
�“At the staircase in Dalton,” Blaine answers promptly.
Kurt leans over and gives him another kiss as a reward. It goes on a little longer than the others, Blaine’s hands tangling into Kurt’s hair as he pulls him closer.
When they finally pull away, both are slightly breathless. Kurt leans in as if to go for another kiss but instead reaches over to grab another card from the pile.
He stifles a giggle as he reads the question, “What song did you sing during The Warbler Gap Attack of 2011?”
Blaine groans and scrunches his face at Kurt, “Can I at least forget that please?”
“Tough luck, mister,” Kurt replies lightly,” I’m never going to let you forget anything.”
Blaine gives Kurt a look that’s quietly sad, “We can’t keep doing this. I probably won’t remember any of this tomorrow. I can’t remember you, half the time.”
�“Then I’ll help you remember.” He says with forced optimism. He picks up the stack of cue cards and busies himself with cleaning around the unfamiliar room.
He hates that Blaine’s parents had let Blaine talk them to transferring him to a “caring facility”. Even if the whole place looked so much like Dalton that Kurt always half-expects an impromptu performance of the Warblers in the common areas.
Blaine presses on, “This isn’t a movie, Kurt. This isn’t 50 First Dates you can’t tie yourself down in Lima because of me.”
The topic ruffles at Kurt but he refuses to take the bait. “So does that make me Adam Sandler? Because there’s no way those Hawaiian shirts are getting within 50 feet of me.”
Blaine opens his mouth as if to keep arguing but instead he gives Kurt an exasperated look and finally gives up the topic. He reaches out to Kurt, who goes willingly, letting Blaine wrap his arms around his waist. “You know you’d look good in anything,”
�-----
Kurt’s eyes slide shut. He refuses to let Blaine see him cry, especially when he’s not even there at all.
He feels Blaine’s hands on his knee and he forces himself to blink back the tears and look at Blaine.
�“Hey, are you all right? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
Kurt schools his face to a look of relative calm and pats Blaine’s hand. “I’m fine. I didn’t realize I wasn’t able to introduce myself earlier. I’m Kurt.”
“My name’s Blaine.”
Blaine offers his hand to him and Kurt takes it. Memories of staircases, coffee dates, their first kiss, prom, Blaine’s first day at McKinley rush through his mind.
�-----
“Please.”
Kurt presses the phone into his ear but doesn’t say anything. He’s tired of fighting. Tired of everything.
“Do you know what it does to me?” Blaine’s voice is barely a whisper but Kurt can hear the pain in his voice all the same, “I know you’re here because of me. You aren’t in New York because of me. You’re giving up everything because of me. When I remember, I remember that too and I can’t stand it.”
Kurt chokes out a sob, fingers curling into the covers. “I love you.”
“Then please, don’t do this to me, Kurt. Go to New York. Promise me,” Blaine says fiercely, “Even if I forget all of this tomorrow you need to promise that you’ll go.”
�-----
“So,” Blaine begins tentatively, “You’re going to New York. That’s big.”
“Yes,” Kurt croaks out. He clears his throat and tries again, “Yes it is.”
Blaine gives him a deeply genuine look that makes Kurt chuckle, “I’m really happy for you.”
He rolls his eyes at the earnestness, “Thank you.”
“Maybe I’ll visit you there someday.”
Kurt’s throat closes up again and he fights the tears that he knows are forming behind his eyelids.
Fuck you, his mind whispers. He doesn’t know who he’s cursing. The universe, his life, the God he doesn’t believe in, maybe all of them.
He swallows down the sob forming in his chest and takes Blaine’s hand in his again.
Blaine doesn’t take his hand away this time, instead he nudges closer to Kurt, laying his head on his shoulder.
“I’d like that,” Kurt finally says.
“Will you say goodbye to me before you leave?”
He exhales and his tears finally slip free of his eyes. He can’t come back. If he came back he’d never leave, he wouldn’t be able to keep his promise.
“I’m never saying goodbye to you.”
Blaine nods once against Kurt’s shoulder but doesn’t respond. Kurt doesn’t know how but it’s as if even without remembering, Blaine knows the importance of those words.
It’s the one thing that will keep him going, the knowledge that even when Blaine doesn’t remember, he knows.
�-----
I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by,
Weep not for the memories
Remember the good times that we had?
The trees themselves still have a smattering of leaves attached to their branches. As if holding on to the last vestiges of warmth before being enveloped by the cold darkness that winter is sure to bring.
Kurt scans the groups enjoying the unusually warm day. He doesn’t need more than a moment to find him. His eyes are easily drawn to the dark-haired boy sitting on a stone bench under an alcove of trees.
His fingers work on the buckle of his messenger bag nervously, throat constricting as a jumble of emotions from their last fight wash over him.
�-----
The serious expression on Blaine’s face should have forewarned him. His hazel eyes had darkened to a deep mahogany that Kurt had seen all too often after the accident.
He ignores it though. The day had been uneventful and they were both enjoying a quiet night cuddled in bed, Blaine’s hands softly glossing over his fingers.
�“Have you ever thought that it would be easier if we just didn’t see each other?”
Kurt stiffens. “No. Why would you even say something like that?”
“You know why,” Blaine says softly.
“We’ve talked about this before.” Kurt grits out. He closes his eyes, willing Blaine to shut up about the whole thing. They were having such a good day.
�“And I want to talk about it again now,” Blaine insists, his usual acquiescence to Kurt’s moods, gone. “Maybe it would be better if you did go to New York. It wouldn’t be too late to apply for next semester’s classes and Rachel’s already there so - ”
“No.”
Kurt calmly removes his hands from underneath Blaine’s throwing the covers off him. The happy feeling from the day was quickly turning into annoyance and exasperation. They weren’t talking about this because they’ve already talked about this.
�“Kurt – “, Blaine makes to grab at his hands again but Kurt’s already on his feet.
�“No!” Blaine winces at the volume but Kurt doesn’t care. He grabs his bag and stalks to the door. He doesn’t notice that his whole body shaking violently until he’s reaching for the doorknob. “I’m not leaving you. That is NOT an option.”
-----
Kurt clears away the memory. It’s been a week since he had last seen Blaine, a week since the argument that had left him sobbing and shaking in his room. He takes a couple of quick calming breaths before striding over to the boy.
Blaine doesn’t see him coming, his eyes are closed, his head tilted up to the sun, basking in its warmth. Kurt stands in front of Blaine as a way of greeting, not trusting himself to speak yet.
The other boy’s brows furrow at the sudden loss of sunlight. Slowly, Blaine opens his eyes and Kurt’s breath catches, afraid of what he’d see there.
Blaine’s eyes focus and the warm, familiar smile he gives Kurt makes his heart ache as hope shines through.
“Hey,” Kurt says softer than he’d intended.� He clears his throat. “Mind if I sit down?”
Blaine scoots over on the bench, “Of course not.”
“You seem to be in a good mood,” Kurt says, bumping his shoulder gently against Blaine’s.
Blaine winks at him cheekily, a wide smile on his face. “The weather’s so perfect it seems rude to be in anything but good spirits today.”
Kurt can’t help the teasing sarcasm in his voice, “That’s very considerate of you.”
They sit together in silence for a while. Kurt doesn’t mind. He needs the silence right now, needs the time to gather his courage. He lets out a humorless laugh at that. Courage.
Beside him he feels more than sees Blaine shift, his eyes looking at Kurt inquisitively.
Kurt let’s out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “I came to tell you something. I – I think you’re right,” He pauses then. Steels himself for the words that rush out of him, “I think that maybe I should go to New York.”
He waits. He doesn’t speak, needs the next words to come from Blaine. He wants so badly for Blaine to tell him that he had changed his mind. That Kurt shouldn’t go to New York. That he should stay in Lima with Blaine.
Blaine doesn’t say anything though, instead he settles back into his previous position, back against the bench, his shoulder tight against Kurt’s.
Kurt takes Blaine’s hand and turns his head to finally look at his boyfriend. Blaine’s brow creases as he stares at their interlocked fingers and Kurt hears the blood rushing in his hears, heart hammering in his chest.
Gently, Blaine extracts his hand from Kurt’s. He looks up at him eyes still warm but with a wariness that wasn’t there before.
“Please don’t get me wrong,” Blaine smiles at him politely, placidly. “You seem like a very nice boy, but do I know you?”
Kurt’s heart splinters.
He should be used to it by now. He should be used to blank stares and confused looks.
He should be used to tender touches that mean everything and nothing at the same time.
He should be used to hearing the words, “My name’s Blaine” over and over again.
He is used to it. He is. But it still breaks him every time Blaine forgets.
�-----
Kurt picks up a card on the pile between them and reads the question, “And where did we first meet?”
�“At the staircase in Dalton,” Blaine answers promptly.
Kurt leans over and gives him another kiss as a reward. It goes on a little longer than the others, Blaine’s hands tangling into Kurt’s hair as he pulls him closer.
When they finally pull away, both are slightly breathless. Kurt leans in as if to go for another kiss but instead reaches over to grab another card from the pile.
He stifles a giggle as he reads the question, “What song did you sing during The Warbler Gap Attack of 2011?”
Blaine groans and scrunches his face at Kurt, “Can I at least forget that please?”
“Tough luck, mister,” Kurt replies lightly,” I’m never going to let you forget anything.”
Blaine gives Kurt a look that’s quietly sad, “We can’t keep doing this. I probably won’t remember any of this tomorrow. I can’t remember you, half the time.”
�“Then I’ll help you remember.” He says with forced optimism. He picks up the stack of cue cards and busies himself with cleaning around the unfamiliar room.
He hates that Blaine’s parents had let Blaine talk them to transferring him to a “caring facility”. Even if the whole place looked so much like Dalton that Kurt always half-expects an impromptu performance of the Warblers in the common areas.
Blaine presses on, “This isn’t a movie, Kurt. This isn’t 50 First Dates you can’t tie yourself down in Lima because of me.”
The topic ruffles at Kurt but he refuses to take the bait. “So does that make me Adam Sandler? Because there’s no way those Hawaiian shirts are getting within 50 feet of me.”
Blaine opens his mouth as if to keep arguing but instead he gives Kurt an exasperated look and finally gives up the topic. He reaches out to Kurt, who goes willingly, letting Blaine wrap his arms around his waist. “You know you’d look good in anything,”
�-----
Kurt’s eyes slide shut. He refuses to let Blaine see him cry, especially when he’s not even there at all.
He feels Blaine’s hands on his knee and he forces himself to blink back the tears and look at Blaine.
�“Hey, are you all right? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
Kurt schools his face to a look of relative calm and pats Blaine’s hand. “I’m fine. I didn’t realize I wasn’t able to introduce myself earlier. I’m Kurt.”
“My name’s Blaine.”
Blaine offers his hand to him and Kurt takes it. Memories of staircases, coffee dates, their first kiss, prom, Blaine’s first day at McKinley rush through his mind.
�-----
“Please.”
Kurt presses the phone into his ear but doesn’t say anything. He’s tired of fighting. Tired of everything.
“Do you know what it does to me?” Blaine’s voice is barely a whisper but Kurt can hear the pain in his voice all the same, “I know you’re here because of me. You aren’t in New York because of me. You’re giving up everything because of me. When I remember, I remember that too and I can’t stand it.”
Kurt chokes out a sob, fingers curling into the covers. “I love you.”
“Then please, don’t do this to me, Kurt. Go to New York. Promise me,” Blaine says fiercely, “Even if I forget all of this tomorrow you need to promise that you’ll go.”
�-----
“So,” Blaine begins tentatively, “You’re going to New York. That’s big.”
“Yes,” Kurt croaks out. He clears his throat and tries again, “Yes it is.”
Blaine gives him a deeply genuine look that makes Kurt chuckle, “I’m really happy for you.”
He rolls his eyes at the earnestness, “Thank you.”
“Maybe I’ll visit you there someday.”
Kurt’s throat closes up again and he fights the tears that he knows are forming behind his eyelids.
Fuck you, his mind whispers. He doesn’t know who he’s cursing. The universe, his life, the God he doesn’t believe in, maybe all of them.
He swallows down the sob forming in his chest and takes Blaine’s hand in his again.
Blaine doesn’t take his hand away this time, instead he nudges closer to Kurt, laying his head on his shoulder.
“I’d like that,” Kurt finally says.
“Will you say goodbye to me before you leave?”
He exhales and his tears finally slip free of his eyes. He can’t come back. If he came back he’d never leave, he wouldn’t be able to keep his promise.
“I’m never saying goodbye to you.”
Blaine nods once against Kurt’s shoulder but doesn’t respond. Kurt doesn’t know how but it’s as if even without remembering, Blaine knows the importance of those words.
It’s the one thing that will keep him going, the knowledge that even when Blaine doesn’t remember, he knows.
�-----
I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by,
Weep not for the memories
Remember the good times that we had?
End Notes: I sincerely hope I was able to make you cry. Because this song just makes me sob my heart out every time I hear it and it’s perfect for this fic. ;) This btw, was inspired by this gifset (http://djchika.tumblr.com/post/18285326148/cooperandrsons-au-in-which-blaine-lost-his) which is totally not mine but awesome nonetheless.The song is Sarah McLachlan’s I Will Remember You.