Blaine looked down at the shiny object on the table, not even attempting to stop or wipe away the heavy flow of tears pouring down his face.

Everything was falling apart. No one had even noticed that he had been absent for the past three days, because he didn't see a reason to get out of bed. His grades were already going to shit, anyway.

Ever since he and Kurt had broken up, he had been spiraling. He rarely ate, and slept only when he dropped from exhaustion. It obviously wasn't healthy at all, but Blaine could care less what happens to him, at this point. He didn't belong at Mckinley, he didn't belong at Dalton. He belonged with Kurt, but that was all gone.

Home is where the heart is, they say.

"This isn't home anymore."

Kurt hated him, (which he deserves) his 'friends' were tired of him moping around and not pulling his weight in the group, not even bothering to ask if he was ever okay or anything. His parents didn't care about him either- didn't even bother to call or check up on him while they were away, and forget coming home to spend his Christmas break with him.

His brother was spending time with his friends in LA, Blaine's so called "friends" seemed to be having fun, if their jubilant Facebook Statuses was enough of a clue. Rachel was having fun apparently, and so was Kurt. Having lots of fun going on dates with this "Paul" guy. (Yes, he still snooped around Kurt's Facebook) The status that said he was single got him every time.

Even though seeing Kurt happy with someone else made his heart ache and his stomach churn unhappily, he knew he deserved it. He deserved to be happy with someone who would treat him right, and wouldn't cheat on him.

What did Blaine deserve? Nothing. Nothing except all the pain and loneliness he was feeling. He looked around the dull empty living room, not feeling a shred of "Christmas spirit" even despite the bright Christmas lights from the neighbor's house. He didn't feel anything, really.

He looked back down, to his father's old gun that he never used, but kept loaded in a display case, to the small slip of paper beside it that contained an apology in his fancy scrawl.

"I don't feel like living anymore. I'm so sorry."

He had thought of different methods before this; taking a full bottle of pills. But swallowing all of them down sounded really hard, and there as always the chance where he would just throw them back up and end up really ill. Jumping wouldn't work either, because he could just break a leg or something, and his fear of heights didn't help.

And then there was hanging himself. But it only reminded him of Dave's attempt and Kurt a-

Kurt.

Suddenly he was sobbing even harder, his throat screaming in protest from being so sore from crying and throwing up. Blaine was so, so very tired. Instinctively he reached for his phone, staring at the picture he set for Kurt's number as it rang, and rang, and rang. He got the answering machine, no surprise there. He didn't even speak, just continued to sob as Kurt's bubbly recorded message played. He threw the phone down back onto the sofa, standing up and grabbing the gun as he did.

He had been scared at first, no, he was still scared; terrified, even. But it was for the best. Kurt would move on, be it with Paul or whoever, his parents would rejoice in having a single, very talented child, like it had been before he came along. The glee club could handle things without him- they didn't need his stupid drama, anyway. It all made sense. To him, at least.

He began pacing, trying to calm himself. His hands were trembling so hard; he'd never held a gun before. His sobbing was hysteric now, and he could barely breathe.

He just wanted the pain to go away.

He wanted everything to go away.

Slowly, he brought the gun up to his temple, squeezing his eyes shut.

He must have been crying so hard he hadn't heard the front door open, and suddenly he was hearing Cooper's panicked voice.

"Blaine, what the Hell are you doing?" Blaine eyes snapped open. Cooper was frozen by the door, staring at Blaine with wide eyes.

"C-Coop…what are you doing here?" Blaine asked in between his sniffs and sobs.

"I came to spend Christmas with you…You're my family." Cooper's breathing became slightly erratic, and he ran a hand through his hair, not sure what to do.

"B, you gotta put the gun down, okay?" Cooper said, trying to seem calm, yet that was impossible, as his baby brother was standing in their childhood home's living room with a gun to his head. He put down the festive looking present he was carrying in his hand and stepped forward slightly.

"Don't. Please." Truth be told Blaine didn't know what the hell he was doing, either.

Cooper nodded and he stilled his movements, his piercing gaze never leaving his brother's.

"Why, Blaine? Do you want to talk about it? It's about Kurt, isn't it?" Maybe talking about it wasn't the greatest idea, but Cooper hadn't read a handbook titled "What to do when you're only family is about to kill themselves." He just wanted to keep Blaine talking, keep him from thinking and maybe- no, he definitely could save his life.

Blaine looked down at his shoes.

"I'm so tired of living, Coop. Without Kurt, I-I'm nothing I feel nothing anymore." Cooper's face crumpled with agony upon hearing this, and he resisted the urge to step forward again.

"I hate hearing you say stuff like that, Blainey." Cooper said.

"I don't see the reasons keep going, seeing as I ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me." Cooper sighed, whole body shaking. He felt hot tears beginning to prickle, but he bit his lip, determined to keep it together.

"C'mon Blaine, you have to think this through. What will dying accomplish? Nothing. It will only make things worse, Kurt would hate for you to do something like this. And so do I." Blaine shook his head stubbornly, running his other hand through his curls.

"Kurt already hates me, and the only thing I'm good at is screwing things up."

"That's not true. You're an amazing and talented and nice kid. And your school friends, they wouldn't want you to do this-"

"They don't give a shit about me! They never have! They act like they do, when I say I'm transferring, but that's only because they want me to stay for my voice." Blaine shot out, gritting his teeth and glaring at nothing.

"I can think of someone who does." Cooper said, and he reached for his phone and Blaine panicked.

"Please, don't tell Kurt!"

"I'm not. I'm telling my manager I'm going to be staying here a bit longer than your Christmas break." That was the truth, but unbeknownst to Blaine he quickly typed out another message, to Sam Evans, Blaine's closest friend and the only New Direction's member's phone number he knew.

"You don't have to do that, miss auditions just for me." Blaine said quietly. He was still holding the gun, but Cooper could tell he was successfully distracted from it still in his hand.

"Of course I do. I care about you more than some stupid minor commercial part." He shoved his phone back into his pocket, and prayed that Sam would be quick about things.

"I'm so sorry, Blaine, I should have been here. I'm your brother, I'm supposed to take care of you, and be here when you need me."

"But you have a job, and friends, and I hate to be a burden and whine to you every time I have a small problem."

"Yes, you are! You're supposed to be able to tell me everything, and I'm supposed to comfort you. And this, this is not a small problem!"

Blaine let out another helpless sob.

"Everything would just be better if I were dead." Blaine mumbled, voice suddenly resigned, like he had come to the conclusion a long time ago. He probably had, Cooper realized, when he lost the best thing that had ever happened to him. He couldn't help it, then. Hot tears started to slide down his face.

"No it wouldn't, Blaine!" He yelled fiercely. "What about Kurt, huh? You think he's going to be happy to know the love of his life killed himself?!"

"He doesn't love me anymore!" Blaine yelled back, voice cracking harshly.

"You don't know that!" It was silent for a few minutes, the gun still in his right hand but forgotten.

"And what about me?" Blaine looked up, finally taking in that Copper was sobbing himself now.

"You're my baby brother. And even though until recently, we haven't had the best relationship, but I still love you It's my duty to protect you, and I would just die knowing I couldn't do anything to keep you alive."

Blaine was silently stunned.

"Y-you can't just do that, Blaine. Take such a big action without thinking about the consequences, or the people around you." Blaine opened his mouth, about to say something when the door was unceremoniously thrown open and suddenly Sam and Kurt were rushing in, panting, their cheeks flushed from the cold weather.

"Thank God." Copper muttered, heaving a sigh of relief.

They both froze, taking in Blaine's hysteric figure and Kurt's breath hitched when he saw the revolver in Blaine's shaky hand.

"Kurt…Sam. What are you doing here?" Blaine asked, voice croaky and barely above a whisper. Kurt wrung his hands together, debating whether to step forward or not, eyes still trained on the object in Blaine's hand.

"I was already home for Christmas, Blaine. A-and to see you." He said, trying to appear as calm as possible.

Blaine's eyes suddenly shifted from his boyfriend (ex-boyfriend)to his brother, who was still frozen in the corner of the room and Blaine sniffed, looking at him with a slightly betrayed look.

"I told you not to tell Kurt."

"I didn't. I texted Sam and he told Kurt." Kurt nodded from his spot, swallowing thickly and wetting his drying lips.

Sam was still as silent as when he got there, flabbergasted and in shock at the same time. He didn't want to believe it, when Cooper had texted him urgently, saying Blaine need him and Kurt a.s.a.p. As he was about to kill himself.

As soon as he had gotten the text he showed it to Kurt, and not a few minutes later they were speeding down the road, breaking about one thousand laws without a thought other than they needed to be there yesterday.

"B-Blaine-" Kurt started, and Blaine's puffy red blood-shot eyes looked to him again, filled with so much guilt and agony that Kurt broke off, feeling tears starting to run down his flushed cheeks.

"Blaine, please. Put the gun down." He finally said, putting a foot forward.

Blaine's hand trembled, his grip on the handle weakening, the barrel still pointed firmly against his own temple. He let out a pained sob.

"B-but…"

Kurt took another step forward.

"There are still people who love you, Blaine! Cooper does, Sam does. And I do!" Blaine whimpered a bit, shaking his head.

"I don't deserve it, though! You should hate me!"

"But I don't. Maybe I should and I did try to hate you, but I just can't. I love you too much."

"I don't deserve you." Blaine repeated quietly.

"Blaine you need to stop hating yourself, look where it's gotten you!" Sam said, speaking for the first time.

"Please, Blaine. Don't do it. I can't imagine living without you in my life." Kurt pleaded.

Blaine stood completely still for a few minutes, looking so lost and confused. He looked to his friend, to his brother, to his boyfriend(?) They all wore concerned and scared faces. He was still crying, but by now he couldn't pin down why. He shuddered, and with a sigh hesitantly brought the gun down from his head. Kurt took the opportunity to safely grab it from his trembling hands and he put the safety on, letting it fall to the floor with a thunk seconds later, pulling Blaine into a bone crushing hug.

Blaine sobbed again, clutching on back just as tightly. God, it'd been so long since he had held Kurt.

Will you love me, even with my dark side?

Suddenly the weight of it all was crashing down on him; he was home, finally. His knees buckled and he was sinking to the floor, the lack of sleep and all the crying finally really catching up to him. Kurt went with him, still wrapped in his embrace tightly.

"Don't you EVER do something so stupid again, you hear me Blaine Devon Anderson?" Kurt warned, burying his face in Blaine's neck. Blaine felt shame and guilt wash over him, but then suddenly Copper and Sam were there, too, joining in on the hug.

"We love you Blaine, we really do." Sam assured him, rubbing his back.

At that moment it felt like Blaine's heart was mending, slowly, but surely.

-One week later-

Kurt awoke a little late on that snowy Wednesday morning, yawning and stretching his limbs lazily. He blinked several times, trying to get his eyes to focus as the snow from outside shinnied in the sun and reflected into the room radiantly.

He breathed in deeply, smelling raspberries and he turned reaching out for the source of the smell, but the other side of the bed was empty. He sat up, momentarily confused, until caught hints of a very sweet smell, wafting in through the partially opened door.

A grin crept on to his face when he heard the familiar humming of Teenage Dream, coming from the same area. He leaned over the side of the bed and rummaged around for his briefs and his shirt, climbing out of bed. He crept out into the hall and down the stairs, peeking into the kitchen.

Blaine had his back turned to Kurt, and was busy preparing something, so he didn't hear or notice Kurt sneak around the counter island and come up behind him. Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's stomach and rested his cheek on his back, laughing when Blaine jumped a bit.

"Morning, Chef Anderson." He teased warmly, taking a peak over Blaine's shoulder to see what he was making. Blaine laughed, turning around in his arms. He had a plate with two chocolate chip cookies on it.

"I promised you I'd make cookies, remember?" Kurt hummed in agreement and reached for one, taking a bite and making several approving noises.

"These are really good. I have the best boyfriend ever." Blaine looked down a bit at that and Kurt tsked, knowing exactly what he was thinking about.

After the four of them had calmed down, Sam went home, promising that he'd explain it the Burt so he wouldn't be mad. Cooper had taken the gun and hid it somewhere, just to be safe. Blaine on the other hand, looked like he could pass out standing up. Kurt was exhausted, having not been getting much sleep, either. So they both curled up in Blaine's bed, spooning and cuddling before they passed out cold.

Cooper woke them up a day after that, offering them food and making himself scarce so they could talk. They talked, and talked and talked. Blaine told him everything, how he had been feeling like Kurt didn't need him anymore and panicked, feeling like his anchor to the world was slipping from his grasp. And Kurt listened, apologizing for ignoring him (though Blaine was having none of that, putting all the blame onto himself still) Blaine was still on Christmas break, and Kurt's department was closed for the holidays.

It gave them time to grow back into their old routine, and Kurt began to trust him again, knowing that Blaine hated himself for what he had done and that he'd never do it again. (Blaine swore to it every day. And apologized every day, several times, in fact)

"Now now, don't be so glum. It's almost Christmas!" Blaine smiled at that, putting down the plate and mimicking Kurt but wrapping his own arms around Kurt's back.

"Our second Christmas together." He commented. Kurt smiled at that, rubbing noses with him.

"Not how I imagined it would be, but still perfect." He tilted his head and captured Blaine's lips in a kiss, sighing contently. Blaine kissed back, moving his hand to Kurt's cheek. Finally, they had to break for air,

"I love you. Kurt said, looking as if he was glowing.

"I love you, too."

When school came back into session, Kurt walked Blaine to the choir room, arm securely wrapped around his waist. The news about Blaine's attempted suicide had traveled fast somehow, and he was glowering at any person who dare whisper about or scowl at Blaine.

"You didn't have to walk me to Glee club, you know that, right?" Blaine said, smiling and waving at a few fellow Superhero club members.

"I know. I just wanted to spend as much time with you as possible before I have to leave." Blaine stopped, turning to face him.

"And this time, no repeats or anything, right? I'll answer every single one of your calls, even if I was in the presence of the Queen herself." Kurt stated, laughing. Blaine grinned.

"And I won't do anything stupid again, I promise." Kurt linked their hands, swaying them as they began walking again.

"I know you won't."

When they got to the choir room, Blaine was surprised and touched to see a banner hanging from the ceiling that said "Welcome back Blaine!" in different colored paints. (The 'Blaine' was drawn with crayon, and he had a sneaking suspicion who had done that.) The whole group was gathered in the center of the room chatting, and Blaine noticed a bottle of sparkling cider and several cups.

Sugar was the first to notice their arrival and she jumped up from the chair.

"B!" She quickly ran over to him and hugged him, laughing happily.

"Welcome back Blaine!"

"Woooo, Blaine Warbler!"

Everyone joined in for a big group hug, even Ryder and Jake surprisingly.

"I missed you guys!" Came Blaine's muffled reply from somewhere in the mass of body limbs. Kurt laughed from the sidelines.

"Alright people, give him some air." Finn said, backing up.

"Blaine, we owe you an apology." Tina said, looking down.

"Yeah, we should have paid more attention to you, friends are supposed to look out for each other." Artie added.

"I don't want you to be sad anymore, Blaine." Brittany piped up, resting her head on his shoulder.

"We would have helped you if we knew it was that bad, but we didn't even ask if you were alright. So we're all very sorry, Blaine." Marley said, giving him one more hug. Blaine felt all the clichéd warm and fuzzy feelings, and he smiled wiping his eyes that had begun to water.

"Thank you guys. Apology accepted. That's all water under the bridge now, I'm alright." There were cheers and Finn opened the Cider bottle, handing everyone including Kurt a paper cup and pouring some.

"I'd like to make a toast, to Blaine." Finn said, and Blaine flushed, looking down.

"We're all proud of you, dude. You made a choice you wouldn't regret, and so you're still here with us."

"Guys, I don't know what to say." Blaine said bashfully, shaking his head as Finn and everyone raised their glasses.

"To our awesome friend Blaine." There was a chorus of "To Blaine!" and everyone took a sip.

"I wanna sing some songs now!" Sugar exclaimed, bouncing up and down excitedly. There was brief chatter and Kurt made his rounds saying goodbye to everyone. He got to Blaine last and smiled.

"Time to leave, then?" Blaine said sadly, pouting a bit. Kurt laughed.

"Yeah, I know. I'll text you as soon as my plane lands." He vowed.

"I'll be counting the seconds." Blaine teased and Kurt laughed. He wrapped an arm around Blaine's waist, and unexpectedly dipped him, sealing their lips together. There were cat calls and wolf whistles and Blaine giggled against his lips, giddy with happiness. When they broke apart Blaine reeled him back in by the tie for another peck.

"I love you."

"I love you, too." Kurt waved a final goodbye to everyone and headed for the door. Finn began talking about something to do with songs so everyone went to their seats except Blaine. Kurt paused at the doorway, turning around to face him again.

"Are you sure you'll be okay now?" Blaine looked from him, to his friends laughing and carrying on about something and then back to his lover. He smiled.

"Yeah, I'll be just fine."