It was a day like every other. At least it seemed like it…�Blaine slowly woke up�and sent an�“I love you” text to Kurt’s phone�– his daily morning ritual since the day he finally found the courage to tell Kurt what he really felt for him... the day when he was lucky enough to hear the same words back. He stood up from his warm, comfortable bed and went to the bathroom to take the shower. When he went back to the room he noticed with a smile that Kurt texted him back�“Good morning sweet prince. Is my honey happy today? If not – should I buy you a big box of your favorite chocolates? Love you too :* ”��Blaine sighed deeply. Yes – in fact – he was happy. Like – really happy. Yes, he felt a little bit blue lately and felt the urge to pretend that he is completely alright and stuck to singing his feelings out instead and fooling almost everyone that he was really O.K… except Kurt. Kurt always had his ways. His ways of seeing through Blaine’s act.
�
Yesterday – the situation was looking like always. He tried �to convince Kurt�that “Cough Syrup” was a coincidental choice… it�wasn't. And Kurt knew it. As soon as Blaine finished singing – Kurt started to ask questions. Questions about how was he really feeling, if there was something – anything – that Kurt could do to help Blaine. So Blaine told him… told him that he was feeling a little bit down lately, that this whole case with Warblers turning against him and with being reminded how being a victim felt like – he really felt bad. And adding to all of it�was the�stress connected to his eye surgery… But�that�was it – nothing serious after all. Just a little reminder of his old depression… and Kurt knew that. And Kurt understood that. And Kurt done everything he could to make Blaine feel better.
�
So YES – today? Blaine was really happy. The sun was shining, his boyfriend was loving and the little plush puppy dog was reminding him of a wonderful time they spend together in a fair. On mornings like that? He felt like really nothing can destroy his happiness. Oh… how delusional was he!
�
He should always remember that… the harsh lesson life taught him when he was 14. When�you think you are really happy,�something bad�always happens. Something with the power to fuck everything up…
�
He went to school,�said hello to his friends,�kissed Kurt quickly after they made sure that no one besides�their New Direction friends can see them... and that’s all he managed to do:�All he managed to do before everything went to hell…
�
“Kurt and Blaine, can you come with me?”�Mr. Schue approached them with sad expression painted on his face.
�
“Y… yes?”�Both Kurt and Blaine looked at each other unsteadily. They done nothing wrong, right? It couldn’t be about their little lip-lock, because it was really difficult to call it a proper kiss when they lips barely brushed…
�
“What the fuck?” mouthed Puck to them when other of their friends send them questioning looks. They only shrugged ‘cause they really had no idea what was happening. They silently followed�Mr. Schue,�who was leading them towards�the�principal office.
�
“Excuse me - Mr. Schue?” asked Blaine “Did we�go�against school rules somehow or…”
�
“You done nothing boys…”�Mr. Schue sighed heavily “No – it definitely isn’t about your haste kiss – don’t sweet too much…” he stood in one place and looked carefully at them. At their – oh barely brushing – hands… at the way they looked at each other…
�
“Mr. Schue,�I don’t want to be rude,�but you are kinda staring�and it’s not really comfortable,” grumbled�slightly irritated Kurt.
�
“Sorry,” shrugged�Mr. Schue and continued walking,�giving them�the�sign that they should follow him “I’m just… glad you have each other.”
�
Both Kurt and Blaine looked at each other feeling anxiety building up slowly inside them… They had no idea what happened – they just knew that it was something bad.
�
As soon as they entered principal Figgin’s office – they felt urge to run away, to hide… Principal Figgins, Coach Beiste,�Coach Sylvester, Mrs. Pillsbury, Mr. Schue… All of them were looking sad, some of them even like they were about to burst into tears any second… and every single one of them was looking at them with the same kind of look. Like they tried to… apologize to them. But for what?
�
“Porcelain! Young Burt Reynolds!” before they could even react,�they felt�Coach Sylvester embracing them in a tight hug. It was really… unexpected. Couch Silvester never was a touchy-feely kind of person. She even hated when people were touching her. But now…
�
“Sue…”�Mr. Schue put a hand on her arm “Let them go…”
�
Coach Sylvester loosened her grip and pushed them gently toward two chairs which were standing in front of principal’s desk.
�
“Sit�down, please," said the�principal and they�did�what he asked them to do.�“You are probably wondering why I told�Mr. Schue to bring you two here…”�Both Kurt and Blaine nodded “This place is full of gossip and�most of�it only includes hints of the truth. All of us decided that it will be… safer if you heard this news from us – not anyone else.” Kurt and Blaine shared frightened looks “This�morning we received news from a father of one of our former students. He wanted us to inform all of his friends… I don’t know how�good of friends you two were with�him, but… Let’s say we have our concerns and we decided to approach both of you directly…”
�
“We just wanted to tell you that no matter what happens – we all have your back,” added�Mr. Schue. “Don’t ever forget about that.”
�
“I’m sorry… but can someone explain to us what’s going on?” asked Blaine politely.�“I don’t really like this anxious feeling I’m feeling right now,” he added so quietly that even Kurt – who was sitting so close to him that their shoulders were nearly touching – had problems with understanding his words.
�
“It’s about Dave Karofsky,” told principal Figgins,�carefully approaching a topic “Maybe I shouldn’t begin it this way, but… Were you aware that David Karofsky is gay?”
�
“We were…” spoke�Kurt questioningly “We were REALLY aware you can say… But I see no po…” he cut himself off quickly looking at Blaine and grasping his hand. By the look on Blaine’s face – Kurt knew that his boyfriend came to the same conclusions.
�
“Was he…” Blaine tried to take deep breaths and calm himself down but it was more difficult for him that he though it would be… The memories were still so fresh… “Was he bashed?” asked Blaine in a small voice. Kurt squeezed his hand even more firmly trying to send him an 'I’m here'�signal.
�
“No…” told�Principal Figgins. Kurt released a breath he was holding – probably sure that it meant that everything was O.K. That Karofsky was probably outed but still everything was good – well… at least remotely… But Blaine knew better. Blaine knew�the other�alternative which Kurt probably didn’t even take�to consideration at this point… but Blaine did. He felt it again… the oh so well known feeling… deep down in his heart, in his stomach, in his lungs, in his whole body. He knew what it meant. What it meant for Karofsky, what it meant for him… what it meant for Kurt. Kurt told Blaine that Karofsky was nearly stalking him lately. That he desperately wanted to contact him but Kurt was shutting him off all the time… If it really happened -�and Blaine was nearly 100% sure it did -�Kurt will feel responsible.�As responsible as he always felt when something bad happened to someone close to him… No – Blaine couldn’t give up, couldn’t run… Kurt needed him. There wasn’t a time for him to deal with his own feelings whenhe�had to deal with Kurt’s…
�
“David Karofsky was admitted to hospital yesterday evening after he tried to commit suicide,” told�Coach Beiste in one breath, probably hoping that if she delivered�the news quickly they wouldn't�smack them right in their faces… They still did. “He is alive and stable,” she added quickly,�seeing their distressed faces… but it was too late.
�
Damage was already done. All Blaine could do was look at Kurt and want�some response from boy he loved so much. All he could do was watch Kurt processing his thoughts like he was fighting with himself, with processing the truth. All he could do was hug Kurt to his chest after Kurt uttered a loud shriek and started to cry so badly that he was shaking. All he could do was hold and protect�only thing in his whole life he could call his own treasure. He could hold him and comfort him even when Blaine felt completely empty and dead inside. But it�wasn't�his time to fall into hysteria… not with Kurt and all�these�people around. Not when Kurt needed him so much.
�
“Blaine…” sobbed Kurt,�“Blaine…”
�
“I know sweetie, I know,” he murmured to Kurt’s hair. “I’m here, I’m holding you… I’m going nowhere…” he said, but he knew he was lying… He knew what it meant for him, he knew this feeling… knew it too well… He swallowed loudly and let the world collapse around himself…
�
***
�
“You are sure you’ll be O.K?” asked Kurt for tenth time this evening. After teachers informed Kurt and Blaine about Karofsky situation - decision was made that they will give two of them�the�day off… just to give them time to figure everything out, to deal with all of it on their own terms. They spend the whole day together… Just holding each other, comforting each other, crying into each other shoulders… Doing really nothing… just being there… But it was late now and Blaine decided that he will head home. Burt and Carole told him he could stay for the night. He saw Kurt sending him�an�almost begging look… But the fact was – he couldn’t. He couldn’t do it anymore. Not now, not this day when he felt each part of his soul crashing into tiniest pieces with every passing second. He couldn’t pretend anymore.�He couldn't pretend that he was dealing with all of it the way Kurt was doing it. Pretend that he could deal with it AT ALL. Because the truth was? He couldn’t. Not the way most of the people did… not the way he knew Kurt would approve… In fact – he KNEW that Kurt wasn’t approving it. They had many conversations about it… many arguments even… Kurt finally gave up after some time deciding that he couldn’t help Blaine if Blaine wouldn’t let him to help. He was trying to not upset Kurt anymore… he really tried for a long time… For five months actually. His personal record… But he needed to do it now. Needed to go back home, to be alone for a moment, to think… and deal with his problems in his own way…
�
“I’m sure” told Blaine and kissed Kurt goodbye.
�
“Call me if you need me… promise me” Kurt looked him deeply in the eye.
�
“I promise” told Blaine.
�
He lied.
�
***
�
“Mom… dad… I’m home!” called Blaine as soon as he entered the house..
�
As he expected… the only sign indicating that he wasn’t living alone in the house was a short note pined to the refrigerator�“At Henry’s. Don’t call us. Don’t know when we will be back. And no filthy sex during our absence. Yes – we know that you done THAT in our house with�THIS�boy�although we’d prefer to know nothing about your affairs. Dinner is in a fridge and you know where we keep the money. Buy yourself a pizza or something if you are hungry. And once again DON’T CALL US. We think that we deserve few days away from you and all of yours teenage drama. Love you. Dad. P.S. We destroyed all your razors. I’m tired of washing your clothes and sheets from your blood. Hugs and kisses. Mom”
�
“Charming as ever,” Blaine grinned,�pulling the note down and tossing it aside. He really hated when they�did�that. When they acted all loving,�when in fact they hated him and really couldn’t wait till he finally snapped�and�did�it again – properly this time… Or maybe they really loved him but just were a fucking morons? He really had no idea what their intentions were… After he tried to kill himself for the first time… after they found him lying in a bathtub with a sliced wrists – it really seemed like they made an effort to help him… At least he thought so… Soon enough he understood that he was just delusional. Yes – for a whole year they were sending him to the psychiatrist and were buying him meds… but that’s it. That’s where their concerns ended. They weren’t concerned that he�could�do it again. They treated the topic like some sort of a twisted joke. A crazy�teenage boy… just a phrase… When they noticed that he wasn’t trying to kill himself anymore but he started to cut… on his inner tights, on his stomach… on places not visible on a first sight… they just shrugged it of. Told themselves that it was a phase too. That when this phase of gay teenage rebellion finally ends – he will turn out to be�a�wonderful and polished human being… almost perfect… well – of course beside a fact that he was gay… there wasn’t anything perfect in�THAT.
�
“You destroyed my razors? Oh… how horrible… I wonder how I’ll cut myself now” smirked Blaine and looked around the kitchen… Knifes. Knifes everywhere. All types and sizes.�Were they really so dumb or were they just pretending?
�
***

“Oh god… oh god…” gasped Blaine looking at his arm. Arm covered now in a thin, red, still bleeding scars. His arm… he was never cutting his arms!
�
“Well, well, well… look who we have here. Isn’t it little mister fairy prince-charming and his fuck buddy? It is! Don’t you remember what I told you - you little faggy piece of shit? NO QUEERS�ALLOWED!”
�
“No!” screamed Blaine,�cutting much deeper than before. He wanted to stop, he really tried to do it. But every time he wanted to choke it off…
�
“Look – fag pissed himself! Really queer, really? I knew all of you were a softies but you are even more pathetic I thought�you were!”
�
“Stop!” screamed Blaine cutting himself again.
�
“Guys like you don’t deserve to have balls. Guys like you don’t even deserve to be ca…”
�
All his thoughts suddenly stopped. He had no idea why it happened… how… and then he heard it… The phone. Someone was calling! Before he even registered what he was doing – he grabbed the phone and put it to his ear.
�
“Hello? Kurt? Is that you?” he told with a hope in a voice. Having Kurt find�him in this state was definitely the last thing he wanted… but he was afraid now. Really afraid. Afraid of himself… Afraid than if someone won’t stop him – he won’t be able to stop… He won’t stop till it won’t be the last thing he ever done in his life…
�
“No… it’s Cooper” Blaine heard his brother’s voice and squeezed the knife stronger in his hand. He and Cooper weren’t exactly… close. It had nothing to do with him being gay – at least Blaine thought so… it’s just – Blaine was so different than his brother that the surname, 'Anderson',�and their father was really the only thing they had in common… They even had different mothers… “Is dad in there? I need to talk to him about new rapport he commended�me to finish�on�Monday” Blaine was silent for a moment taking deep breaths “Blaine, are you there?”
�
“Yes…” told Blaine barely audible. “I’m here but�mom and dad are not. Don’t know when they are coming back” Blaine squeezed his eyes shoot thinking that maybe it will stop all this thoughts from coming to his head again – maybe it will stop the feeling what was building inside him more and more and more with every second… a need… A need to end all of it. A need to fall asleep and never wake up again…
�
“Oh… O.K. So I guess I’ll just hang….”
�
“No!” Screamed Blaine terrified of what he will do if his brother ends a call now “Please,�don't…” he almost begged.
�
“Blaine? Blainey… What is happening… are you crying?” asked concerned Cooper. Yes – it was truth… He and Blaine weren’t really close… They never were. Ten years age difference between them and Blaine being “the other baby” – the reason why his mother abandoned him after she found out about her husband’s affair did�no good�for�their relationship. They never really… talked to each other. Well – maybe beside occasional pleasantries on the birthdays or other festive occasions. Of course it’s not that Cooper wasn’t taking care of his little brother – he even enjoyed helping his parents’ in rising him -�but year after year there were less and less things they could talk about and the distance between them was getting bigger and bigger. But it never meant�that he�didn't love�his little brother. He really did�and he knew what Blaine was doing to himself… he tried to tell their parents’ that it’s a SERIOUS MATTER not just some phrase… But they didn't listen… and it was killing Cooper. Killing that Blaine couldn’t have a real conversation with the parents’ cause they treated his problems like some sort of wicked game Blaine liked to play. Killing that he couldn’t find a way to reach to Blaine in any way. He was really glad Blaine found himself a loving boyfriend… after what he’d been through – he really deserved happiness.
�
“Coop” sobbed Blaine… and it hit Cooper right into his gut… Blaine called him Coop for the last time when he was ten. In that moment he knew that his little brother really needed him and he had to quickly find a way to help him… if not… He was afraid to even think about it…
�
“What you want me to do? I’m begging you Blaine – tell me how can I help you” Cooper felt tears burning in his eyes. He hoped it wasn’t already too late…
�
“Just d… don’t go…” sobbed Blaine again “Don’t leeeave me. I’m afraid that I’m… I’m…”
�
“I’ll sent Kurt message that you need him. Do you want me to do that?” asked Cooper carefully. In fact – he needn’t�to�ask – he already decided. At the same time when he was talking to Blaine using his business phone – he was typing a message on his private cell. He knew that Blaine shouldn’t be alone… Yet he asked trying to gather as much information from his brother as possible, trying to persuade Blaine to agree to see Kurt if he said no. If Blaine felt betrayed by him… it really was the last thing he needed between the two of them.
�
“You… you have? How?” asked surprised Blaine. He definitely never gave Kurt’s number to Cooper. Why would he? Although someone asked him about Kurt’s number – someone he never expected to ask him either… “Mom…” he recalled silently
�
“Yeah… sorry for coming behind your back… But you must understand me. When I heard you are transferring to McKinley to be with your boyfriend… I need to have his number. I need to have the option to contact somebody in a situation like that. You understand me, right?” Cooper took a deep breath “Look Blaine, I need to know – are you hurt?”

“A little bit…” Blaine looked at his still bleeding hand and at the blade of a knife he was still squeezing in his fist. Yes – his brother stopped him from killing himself… for now. He knew he is not out of the woods yet. That if he�left�him alone now… “But nothing serious… I’m more afraid of… of what I can…” he sniffed loudly
�
“Hey, hey, hey! Don’t think about it, you hear me?�Just… try to think about something else.” Cooper was thinking hectic about what else he could do -�what he should do. He never dealt with a situation like this. He had no idea what he should do,�and to be honest,�he was terrified.
�
“Send Kurt, please…” begged Blaine “I can’t…”
�
“Oh look – little Blainey whiney is trying to crawl to his boyfriend… You�learn�really slow, don’t you? IF… SOMEONE… IS… KICKING… YOU… YOU… PRETEND… YOU… ARE…ALREADY… �DEAD… You see? Your fuck buddy learns really quickly!”
�
“'Can't'�what?�Blaine! Talk to me!�'Can't' what?” demanded Cooper even more frightened than a second ago, if it was even possible. Because moment ago – Blaine was talking with him… Moment ago – he was communicating… But now? “Kurt is on�his�way… Blaine – I’m begging you” Now he could only hear short gasps of air coming from the other side of the line. He was to afraid to even think what they meant “Talk to me – Blaine. Please… Don’t leave me little bro” he felt tears slowly streaming down “I love you.”
�
“You… you love me?”�startled�Blaine,�slowly freeing himself from his nightmares.
�
“Of course I do!” Cooper nearly screamed “Oh god,�you don’t even know how much I love you!�I may not�have a lot in common with you�or�know how to talk with you, but how could you even think I stopped loving you?! YOU ARE MY LITTLE BROTHER!”
�
“I… I don’t know…” sobbed Blaine “I don’t know anything anymore… I don’t know what I’m doing”
�
“Please tell me – what can I do?�How can I help you?”
�
“Just… talk to me. Talk to me about something funny – something happy… Don’t let me think about… Please – don’t let me…” Blaine closed his eyes.
�
“I won’t – I promise. I won’t. Just let me know from time to time that you are still listening, O.K?” Cooper took a deep breath. Something happy and funny… Blaine really couldn’t�ask for�anything�more brain wracking for�this situation, could he? But if it was what Blaine needed… he would do everything to keep him alive.
�
***

After Blaine left his house – Kurt went to his bedroom and let�a�particular�sleep consume him… A sleep he could hardly�call 'sleep.'�‘Cause what kind of a sleep was�it�when he�would wake�up every few minutes just to fall asleep few minutes later and was�wake�again after his nightmares started to suffocate him? What kind of sleep was that when he was even more tired after waking up than he was before he fell�asleep? Yet – he couldn’t help it. He was just too exhausted… So exhausted with everything. With his remorse, with dwelling in his own personal problems, with his concern�for�Blaine, with his terrified thoughts�that�in the same exact second,�Blaine was�following�in�Karofsky’s�foot�steps.
�
No… he couldn’t do that. Couldn’t picture Blaine in Karofsky’s position… Couldn’t think about him hanging in a closet with his own belt clenched around his throat… Blaine wouldn’t�do�that to him. Blaine would have called him if he felt so bad, right?
�
Half awake,�he grabbed his phone and looked at�its�display. There were no new messages�now or 10 minutes before or even 10 minutes before�that… just nothing.
�
“Blaine is probably cutting himself – need his own time”�Kurt cringed at this thought. How could he think about�that�right now and do it so calmly?! Almost like he didn’t�care, like he was GLAD that Blaine was willingly hurting himself?! Oh he wasn’t glad… definitely wasn’t. He probably will never forget their first – really heated – make out session which ended in them taking�off�their T-shirts. Make out session which ended in tears after Blaine realized that in a spirit of a moment – he made a HUGE mistake and tried to quickly cover himself up after Kurt’s hand grazed rough skin on Blaine’s stomach. But it was too late… Kurt noticed unnatural roughness of the skin, noticed bloody, red lines on his lover's�abdomen… Blaine tried to pretend that nothing happened, that he suddenly felt cold and that was the reason why he dressed himself again, but Kurt would have none of it.
�
That was the day when Blaine learned few really interesting things about Kurt. He�saw�Kurt's�ability to see right through Blaine’s act when he told Blaine to shut up, stop lying and tell the truth. He saw how stubborn Kurt�could�be when he was�nagged�Blaine about his scars until�Blaine admitted that YES in fact – he IS cutting himself. He saw how much Kurt loved�him when he was watching�the�delicacy with which Kurt�nursed�the newest of his scars. And what was most important – he saw that there�wasn't�anything that�could�stop Kurt from loving him, that could�push him away�or�scare him off… He had to take into consideration and accept�the�fact that Kurt was his and he was to stay.
�
So yes – Kurt definitely hated the fact that the love of his life, his soul mate was hurting himself. But to be honest… he accepted it. He had to. Had to�accept it�if he wanted to stay with Blaine.�Although he never liked it, he accepted�Blaine�and ignored the� times�he found a new scar. He�wanted�to do something, anything to help Blaine… But after some time – he gave up fighting. Well,�he didn’t gave up per se… he just suspended the fight. He'd�done exactly what people told him. Because he wasn’t a type of a person that just accepted the problem without understanding it… NO – he HAD TO understand. He had to ask other cutters –�ones�that were still cutting themselves,�ones that have stopped… Ask why they done that, if it helped them, how they stopped, how to make somebody stop… And all of them told him the same thing. Told him that he can’t fight�AGAINST�Blaine – he have to fight WITH Blaine. That if he really wanted to help – all he could do was�be�there for Blaine,�talk�with him,�hold�him when he needed him. All he could do was�nurse�his scars when new�ones�appeared and�ask�him if he is ready to accept help… Till that moment – till that precious�moment when Blaine finally would tell him, 'Yes. I want to get better,'�all Kurt could do was�wait…
�
Kurt was ready to fall into�his�restless sleep again when a phone suddenly buzzed in his hand indicating�that someone�sent�him a text. He frowned a little bit when he saw an unfamiliar number but just moment later – nothing else mattered anymore… Nothing else�except�this text and everything connected to it.
�
Kurt gasped… He felt like he is suffocating. He read the text again and again and again – angry at himself that he is wasting a precious seconds but he felt that he is unable to react in any other way… But no matter how many times he read it – the message was still the same.
�
“I’m on a phone with a Blaine. He is alone in a house. He needs you. He is hurt, but not badly. I think he wants to kill himself. Please – hurry up. Don’t know how long I’ll manage to stop him.”
�
“Oh my god…” gasped Kurt “DAD!” he screamed typing quick “On my way”�response to unfamiliar number. Yes – he didn’t knew who this was, but he knew that this is a serious matter. That it’s a thing no one who�knew�and�cared�about Blaine would joke about. Of course,�it could be some sort of a trap, some twisted joke,�courtesy of�one of jocks – but what if it wasn’t? What if Kurt just ignored it and it turned out to be�true? If he wasted any more seconds trying to figure out who he was and from where he had his number and if his intentions�were�pure and he gave Blaine more time to… “DAD! DAD!” he screamed again… he could have none of that…
�
“What is it is someone dying?” joked Burt entering his son’s room. But his willing to joke died quickly after he saw his son’s face:�His wide opened eyes, shaking hands,�chin trembling�like he was about to burst into tears any second but was too terrified to do it… Yes – in fact, he looked like someone was dying “Kurt, what’s going on!”
�
“It’s Blaine” Kurt nearly jumped from his bed and quickly started to dress himself. “You need to drive me to him. FAST. I’m not able to drive in this state. But I NEED TO SEE HIM”
�
“Should I send an ambulance, or…” asked Burt having problems with uttering this words. They burned him inside, burned his tongue like they were some sort of acid consuming his bowels. He hated to utter these�words. He hated to take them into�consideration. But with what happened with�that�Karofsky boy,�with�the�little Burt knew about Blaine’s life history (and he really knew nearly nothing. Boy was he�good with sheltering himself! Almost too good...) – he couldn’t deny that suicide was�the�first thing which came into his mind… And he hated it. Hated that a boy who his son loved so much and loved his son as much in return, the boy that he – Burt – was treating like a part of his family, like his third son - could be dying right now… Dying by his own hand…
�
“He is talking on a phone with someone so I don’t think it’s as bad as it can be… But we might need Carole,” told Kurt gathering the rest of his things – ready to go.
�
“I’m gonna get her. Wait in a car. We will join you in two minutes?” told�Burt already forming in his thoughts plan of action.
�
“Dad?” Kurt turned around in a doorway and looked at his father.
�
“Yeah?” asked Burt in return.
�
“Thank you” told Kurt and left the room.
�
***

“You remember Tramp? Our first dog? You loved this puppy! Remember when…” Cooper tried again to cheer Blaine up, but everything seemed to fail. He really had no idea what else he could do. He was really doing his best. But no matter what happy memory he tried to bring�to the�surface – it always ended the same…
�
“Yes – he was hit by a car when I was six. We buried him in our front yard. I was crying for weeks…” Blaine cut him off.
�
“Blaine, I’m trying here!” screamed frustrated Cooper before he could stop himself.
�
“Apparently not enough!” barked Blaine burying the tip of a knife in his exposed stomach. Not hard enough to seriously hurt himself but definitely hard enough to draw blood and give himself a pain.
�
“Blaine… I love you. And I’m really scared right now,” begged Cooper
�
“YOU ARE SCARED?!” screamed Blaine burying a tip even deeper. If Cooper won’t come up with something good in a second what will have the ability to stop the train of his thoughts – he will end up with a knife in his liver… and from what he knows – liver definitely is necessary�in order�to live…
�
“Blaine, please,” sobbed Cooper.�“Please…”
�
“Are you… crying?” asked Blaine pulling the knife off. It wasn’t something he would expect…
�
“Started crying not long after we started to talk, actually,” admitted Cooper,�"but it’s not important now… I just want you to know that I really, REALLY want to help you but I fail all the time. It’s like you were having a tunnel vision… seeing only bad even if something was initially good.”
�
“Ian – I really think we killed him. I don’t want to go to jail! Wake up fag! I won’t rot in a prison because of you! Stupid queers… can’t even take being beaten like a man!”
�
“Are you surprised?” spat Blaine,�fighting the best he could to stop his thoughts before it’s too late. Before they go too far. Before he see the end of this whole situation… Because if he reached�this point,�there really�wouldn't�be any�chance of saving�him…
�
“I’m not.” sighed Cooper “But try to understand me too. My little brother�whom�I really love - although I’m not good in showing it to him –�is begging�me to stay with him on a line because he is afraid of being left alone. My little brother who is not only cutting himself but�has�already tried to kill himself once.”
�
“You… you know about…”
�
“Cutting? You think that�our parents were the first to notice the�scars on your stomach last summer? You really think they saw them when your T-shirt rolled up after you jumped to catch a ball when the three of you visited me in San Francisco during your holidays?” asked Cooper.
�
“You… you really care about me…” uttered Blaine
�
“Of course I do.” said Cooper with a tone of voice which left nothing to consider.�“And I’m sorry I’m letting you see that just now… But I was afraid to be honest. Afraid that you will turn everything upside down if I try to approach you directly… We are not really close.”
�
“I’m closer with you than I am with our parents…” told Blaine sadly. It was a sad truth… but still a truth. Especially now when Blaine realized he had his silent guardian angel all�along… But if Cooper was the one who asked them to talk to Blaine about his cutting… “You are the one who�sent�me to the doctor after my first attempt… Not them – but you… Am I right?”
�
“Yeah,” sniffed Cooper.�"And I feel like a stalker now!” he laughed through his tears,�“Silently watching your every move and bossing everyone around�you're�like some sort of a creep”
�
“You are right – you are kinda creepy!” giggled Blaine a little and�took a deep breath. He was a little bit mad to be honest. Mad that for years Cooper made him believe that there is no one in this family who�cared�about him which left him with�very�few people in the whole world�who'd�done something more than just acknowledging his existence. But even in his anger,�he couldn’t use all of it against Cooper. He couldn’t use it against the person who was really trying to stop his thoughts from pushing him�to�suicide. Yes – he was definitely failing ‘cause Blaine still could clearly see it in front of his eyes… He could feel their heavy boots and strong fist on his body. He could hear their mocking laughter… But Cooper was really trying… And would it really hurt him so much if he let people help him for once�instead�of just sticking them with the whole weight of a situation? “You know – that summer was kinda happy”
�
“Yeah?” asked Cooper with a hope in his voice
�
“Yeah,” admitted�Blaine “I really like your son… He is a funny fella I must say. Almost too smart for a three year old.”
�
“Yeah… he is a little smartass,” told amused Cooper.�“Actually – he�did�something really funny�this�morning. You want to hear?”
�
“Yeah…” smiled Blaine a little. It started to actually work. Just a little, but still… He would�be lying if he told�someone�that he wasn’t glad…
�
***
�
“O.K… I wasn’t asking questions when Burt closed the book which I was reading and pulled me up from a bed telling me to get ready in two minutes and go to the car. And asked no questions�when I approached the car and saw�Kurt sitting and trembling�inside and Burt sitting next to him holding my first-aid kit on his knees… And�I�asked no questions�when you told me that I have to drive to Blaine’s as fast as I could. But now – I’ve�been�driving for�fifteen minutes and we will have to drive at least fifteen minutes more. And now – that this car ride is awkwardly silent… I’m asking a question. WHAT IS GOING ON?!” commanded�Carole.
�
“I only know that it’s about Blaine and from what I can see,�it looks bad,” admitted Burt.�“But it’s up to Kurt�to tell us the rest.”
�
“What could we possibly see when we enter his house?” asked Carole,�trying to keep her attention on a road. After�putting�everything in this perspective. She gave herself no time to think actually. She just�did�everything they told her to do and that was it. But after she thought about it now… Her thoughts definitely wasn’t a happy thoughts. “KURT!” she�called�again when she received no answer “I asked you a question. If he needs�medical help – and�since�I’m here and Burt has my first-aid kit with him – it�might be needed – I need to know what is going on.”
�
“Blaine,” Kurt swallowed loudly,�“Blaine is a cutter…”
�
“WHAT?!” screamed both Burt and Carole. Carole almost lost a control of the car but quickly managed to bring it back to the right course.
�
“What you heard, he is cutting himself.” Kurt looked thought the window afraid to look at his father right now. What if they told him that he couldn’t be with Blaine anymore? That he was a bad influence? No… he was almost an adult. They couldn’t decide�who he can and can’t be in love with… could they? Besides�– it wasn’t like there was anything they could do to stop him from loving Blaine. Blaine was the one who had the hold on his heart. Blaine was the one who had the power to break him, break it. Kurt instinctively put a hand on his chest, above his heart. He could almost feel it shattering into pieces…
�
“And we are learning about it now, because?” asked Burt
�
“Because he is my boyfriend, not yours,” spat Kurt. “And it’s none of your damn business!”
�
“It is our damn business if someone can hurt you!” barked Burt.
�
“It’s not like he is running around with a knife in his hand and waving it around in front of me!” screamed Kurt becoming angry�REALLY QUICKLY.�“He is only hurting himself!”
�
“Don’t you see that with a power to hurt himself he�has�a power to hurt you too?” asked Burt trying to bring some sense to his son’s head.
�
“I! DON’T! CARE!” exploded�Kurt “He can even fucking kill me if he�wished�and I’d still let him do it!�I'd even help him if it made him happy!” both Burt and Carole gasped surprised “I’m sorry, but it’s a truth… I love him, O.K? I’m CRAZY in love with him… Nothing else matters if in my life there is no him. Don’t you see that? Don’t you understand that?” Kurt felt tears streaming down his face “And he loves me as much as I love him. He really does,” he sniffed.�“He just has�problems.�Dad.”�He looked at his father with a hope in his eyes.�“You know him! He is still the same boy you love so much! Does it really�make�a difference if you know that sometimes when he gets really sad,�he is hurting himself or if you don’t? Did he suddenly changed in your eyes? You KNEW that he�had�problems dad. Yes, you had no idea how severe they are but you did. He is still the same boy!”
�
“He is right,�Burt,” told Carole sadly.�“I’m not thrilled to be honest but the damage is already done. He loves Blaine too much… WE love Blaine too much… even Finn treats�him�like�a brother and you know how reluctant toward him he was in the beginning.”
�
“But Carole…” started Burt
�
“There is no�'but', don’t you see that? There is no�'but'. Blaine is the part of our family. With his baggage or without it – he still is. WE are the one who invited him in! Besides,” Carole�sighed,�“You really think�with all that inner pain, which Blaine is obviously feeling,�there�is a reason to add even more pain to his heart by treating him like a disease everyone must avoid? He needs even more love Burt! Not a hate, but love!”
�
“I…” Burt had really no idea what to say. He was just trying to protect his own son! And now he was suddenly learning that he should be afraid of one person he really trusted with Kurt and Kurt’s feelings? Definitely not a type of a lesson he’d like to learn…
�
“He just needs help – dad. Needs to see that there are people who love him, who care about him, who can give him strength when he feels weak…” told Kurt after he calmed down a little bit.�“He still is the same Blaine that makes me so happy. The same Blaine which always supports me and prevents me from giving up on my dreams. The same Blaine you admired so much when Finn told you that Blaine had the guts to ask me to dance with him�at�Prom after I was left alone in the middle of the floor. Nothing really changed, dad…”
�
“I need to know why,” told Burt finally.�“And don’t give me any crap along the lines ‘it’s not my story to tell’ because – guess what – situations like that�MAKE�IT your story. I need to know how this happy, strong boy I treated�like a third son is the same sad, broken boy we are driving to�save right now… from�what�exactly?”
�
“Don’t know,” admitted Kurt sadly.�“I’m afraid that from the worst actually,” he sighed heavily.
�
“Did he ever tried to… you know…?” asked Burt.
�
“Once,” answered Kurt.
�
“Poor thing…” told Carole,�feeling the tears building in her eyes but fighting with them. Crashing them�into�some tree was definitely the last thing they needed now.
�
“Why?” Burt continued to interrogate.
�
“Before I tell you,�you need to know that I almost begged him to… and I made sure that we spent�most of the night with our New Directions friends and the fact that we came back with Finn wasn’t a coincidence…” Kurt started to explain “But when he was 14,�he took a boy to a school dance. When they left the dance,” he took a deep breath.�“Three guys came from nowhere and beat the living crap out of them.”
�
“Oh god…” gasped Carole
�
“Don’t know if I should admire him even more.” admitted Burt, "or be mad at him ‘cause of his stupidity.”
�
“Admire,” told Kurt without any more thinking.�“Definitely admire.”
�
“How bad was�it?�– if you don’t mind me asking…” asked Carole.
�
“Blaine was physically in quite a good shape. Few broken bones, many bruises and cuts… Painful, but nothing life threatening… But his friend…” Kurt swallowed loudly.�“They hit him in a head too many times in one place… His skull cracked… He died in Blaine’s arms before help came…”
�
“How could someone be so cruel?!” screamed Carole.�“They were just kids!”
�
“Blaine must have been devastated!” told Burt barely�audible.
�
“Devastated is putting it lightly.” Kurt sighed heavily. “Shortly after he was released from the hospital,�he tried to kill himself. And even after they saved him… He was deeply depressed, feeling responsible, barely eating or sleeping or even talking… He was taking meds and visiting a psychiatrist three times a week for a few months… It took him almost a year to gather himself enough to go back to school… That’s why he is Junior not a Senior. He wasn’t able to finish his freshman year on time…”
�
“And his parents?” asked Burt
�
“They don’t really care about him.” Kurt�shook�his head like it was difficult for him to understand. Well – in fact? It was!�“They are barely at home. I never saw them and you know that I’m at Blaine’s at least three times a�week… I hate seeing him there… alone in a big, empty, hostile house. It really isn’t helping his emotional situation.”
�
“O.K. That’s it!” told Burt firmly “I don’t care if he agrees or not but for me the bed in a guest room�has�his name written all over it. I’ll tie him to it if he tries to run!”
“I’m pretty sure that the whole room�has�his name written all over it.” Carole smiled a little. Yes – definitely the situation was tragic… But she was proud of Burt and�the�decision he made. She knew how difficult it must have been for him.
�
“And even a spare toothbrush in a bathroom,” added Burt.
�
“You are kidding, right?” asked Kurt not sure if he should be mad that they are joking about a serious matter or happy that they are willing to help.
�
“Nope,” told Carole.
�
“100% sure,” added Burt.
�
“Oh god!” gasped Kurt.�“Thank you! Thank you so much!” he started to cry even harder, this time from happiness.�“You don’t even know how much it means to me!”
�
“I think we have a picture,” sighed Burt.�“But he needs to seek help. That’s my only demand”
�
“He will,�dad,” told Kurt with hope.�“I think he is finally ready… I think he really will…”
�
***
�
“Oh god, he did not!” giggled Blaine.
�
“Oh yes he did,” told Cooper.�“He actually thought that dog food is made out of a dogs and refused to feed Fuzzy�anything else�other�than chocolate because he was afraid that Fuzzy�would�eat his momma or pappa!”
�
“Oh god,” whimpered Blaine, "and what�did you do?”
�
“What did�you think we�do?�Kate put the dog food into the jars, added some cooked rice into it and now we are pretending that we are feeding our dog with something she cooked from the beginning and what contains definitely only�chicken and not even a hint of a dog! laughed Cooper again.�“And I bought�chocolate for dogs and wrapped it into a�milk chocolate�bar wrapper�so now little Jeremy Blaine Anderson can feed his dog with�chocolate as he�wishes�and�not kill�his own dog in a process.”
�
“Wait…” said�Blaine surprised.�“His second name is BLAINE? How could I never hear about that?”
�
“Yes – it is,” admitted Cooper.�“I know… even more stalker-ish.”
�
“Coop?”
�
“Yes?”
�
“I…”�began�Blaine,�but quickly cut himself off�when�he heard a sound of a key opening the doors. Besides�him, his parents and Cooper – there was only one person which had a key… “KURT!” he screamed and dropped both knife and phone to the floor. He was saved.
�
“Blaine!” screamed Kurt when he saw his boyfriend running toward him. Clearly depressed and with body covered in fresh, still bleeding scars, but oh so alive!
�
“Kurt!” Blaine embraced him into a tight hug and started to cry into his shoulder “I was so afraid Kurt… I couldn’t stop! I wanted to make myself feel better but they weren’t stopping! They were beating us over and over and over again and all I could do was�watch,” he sobbed.�“Oh god… Kurt… Oh god…”
�
“Shhh… it’s O.K. honey.” Kurt kissed him on top of his head.�“You are safe now. No one can hurt you now. Not them… not even you. I won’t let them, or you, steal my soul mate from me, do you hear me?!”
�
“I’m so sorry.” sobbed Blaine.�“You know I tried… I failed again… But tried so hard…”
�
“I know honey… I know…” Kurt hugged him even stronger, "and I’m begging you – let us help you. You can’t fight alone… no one is strong enough to fight with all of it alone. But you must have the will to fight too…”
�
“I have… Oh god… For the first time I can tell it with a clear conscience – I want to get better,” told Blaine lifting his head and looking Kurt in the eye.
�
“We will help you too. You just need to let us in…” told Burt.
�
Blaine�looked surprised at him. He was so happy and so reviled to see Kurt that he didn’t noticed that�they weren't�alone. That Kurt brought with him not only Burt, who was looking at him a little bit reluctant but still with the same warmth he always had in his eyes when he looked at Blaine… The same warmth he had when he looked also at Kurt or Finn… But Kurt also brought with them Carole – full of her motherly love he always craved so much… and holding a first-aid kit. Blaine looked down at his hand… yeah –�a�nurse definitely will be needed…
��
“I will… I promise,” told Blaine and kissed Kurt on a cheek.�“Now I really see I have people I need to fight for. Not only Kurt… but also the two of you… and all my friends… and Cooper.”
�
“Cooper?” asked Kurt “As�in�Cooper, your�older brother�you�never talk to?”
�
“Yeah… the same,” sighed Blaine, "and I think I’ll definitely start to talk to him… He saved me – Kurt. He is the one who called in the right moment and kept me the company when I was waiting for you. He was the one who stopped all my horrible thoughts with his ridiculous stories about his three year old son. He is the one who texted you in the first place. If there wasn’t him…” Blaine swallowed loudly “I’d be probably dead by now.”
�
“I need to send him a million boxes of chocolate and bouquets of roses!” smiled Kurt through his tears. “He saved my baby!”
�
“You were on a phone with him?” asked Burt pointing towards the kitchen floor where next to the blooded knife and red marks on a floor where dropped Blaine’s blood was lying the phone. From the look�of�it and it’s shining display – it still was connected to someone.
�
“Yeah,” admitted Blaine.�“Could you tell him I’m fine, I’m safe and… and that I love him?”
�
“I sure will – kiddo,"�Burt smiled to him.�“But only if you let Carole take care of your injuries. You are still bleeding.”
�
“Oh god, your clothes!” gasped Blaine loosening his grip on Kurt’s back “I ruined them with my blood”
�
“Don’t care you moron!” Kurt slapped him playfully.�“As long as you are safe.”
�
“I am,” smiled Blaine delicately.“ Carole – will you do your magic?”�He turned his attention to Carole.
�
“Of course I will,” she answered and after she came closer to him, starting�to examine his injuries. Yes,�there were a lot of them and some of them looked quite deep and he will need a stitches on them – but definitely there wasn’t anything too serious. “Good news – you will live,” joked Carole.
�
“You don’t even know how glad I am,” smiled Blaine. For the first time in his life,�he really saw a bright future in front of him… And he was waiting for it with anticipation.
�
***
�
“Blaine… BLAINE!” screamed Cooper into the phone “You little piece of shit! I swear I’m gonna kill you when I see you! Leaving me hanging here like that! I hear other voices so maybe it’s Kurt… But of god – it still isn’t stopping me from dying in here… BLAINE, YOU ASSHOLE! I swear I’m gonna tell everybody you used to dress as a girl when you were three and demanded to call you Blair�instead�of Blaine if you don’t answer me right now!”
�
“Um… Blair if fine,” Cooper heard�the�unfamiliar voice which was definitely fighting with himself to�not�start laughing.�The person on the other side of the line took a deep breath trying to calm himself down.�“I mean… Blaine is fine.”
�
“And you are?” asked Cooper.
�
“Burt Hummel. Kurt’s father…�Me and my wife�– who is a nurse – came with him,” explained Burt.
�
“Thank god,” Cooper sighed heavily releasing all his emotions and stress at once.�“Thank god…”
�
“You done a good job kid,” commended�Burt.
�
“Yeah… almost eight years too late. I’m a really crappy brother,” he cringed.
�
“It doesn’t matter kid. All that matters is that you saved him. Saved your little brother when he needed you the most and I applaud you for that. Blaine told that�us�would be probably dead by now if there wasn’t you and that he loves you. His own words.”
�
“Thank you,” Cooper took a deep breath.�“How is he?”
�
“Shaken,” Burt looked toward the couch on which Carole sat Blaine down, "that’s for sure. He cut himself pretty badly and by the look on�the supplies Carole is removing from her first-aid kit – he will need�a�few stitches to stop bleeding,�but nothing really serious. He will live… And he even accepted our help.”
�
“Thank god!” Cooper started to laugh hysterically.�“Sorry… but I can’t. All�these�emotions, they just…” he laughed again.
�
“It’s O.K. kid. I understand.”
�
“Thank you… thank you so much,” said�Cooper, relieved.
�
“No problem… Besides,�I should thank YOU. You are the hero of the day and don’t even think differently,” told Burt firmly
�
“I won’t,” sighed Cooper.“ Can you… can you remind him that I really, REALLY love him and tell him I’m gonna�find the�first flight from San Francisco I manage to catch in the beginning of next week? It’s my son’s third birthday in three days and don’t want to miss it…”
�
“Sure thing kiddo,” agreed Burt.�“I’ll go now, see if they don’t need me…”
�
“O.K. And thank you again�Mr. Hummel”
�
“I think you have a right to call me Burt after what you done for Blaine today… He is like my third son, you know?”
�
“I’m glad,” smiled Cooper. “He deserves�all the love in the world.”
�
“He really does… We will take care of him. I promise you that. I promise you that we will help him even if it’s�the last thing I�do�in my life.”
�
“And you have my word I’ll help you reach this point,” told Cooper and�hung up.
�
Blaine�was hurt, Blaine was sick and Blaine was needing help. But he wasn’t alone. He had people around him who loved him – who were willing to help him…
�
It was all because of Kurt.
�
Of this little splash of the sun in Blaine’s dark world.
�
With his love came hope.
�
And suddenly all seemed brighter.