Oct. 6, 2012, 10:18 a.m.
Hush Darlin'
The Break Up Reaction Fic. How words can be changed, misconstrued, can change the world forever. Kurt and Blaine find out what this really means.
K - Words: 3,513 - Last Updated: Oct 06, 2012 1,163 0 6 2 Categories: Angst, Cotton Candy Fluff, Drama, Romance, Songfics, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Finn Hudson, Kurt Hummel, Tags: established relationship, hurt/comfort,
“I was with someone.”
The words had crushed Kurt. His heart was broken, strewn bloody and decimated across Battery Park. He’d run away from Blaine, hadn’t spoken to him since Blaine’s revelation, not allowing the deep, warm voice and words of his now ex-boyfriend to soothe the pain inside him. He’d try to make it Kurt’s fault, like he had that night, or just keep apologising and telling him how they could fix everything and Kurt would fall, let him back in and let him fix it.
It’s not that he didn’t want to love Blaine, but he couldn’t. He’d become a different man in those weeks apart and Kurt ached for the true Blaine, his Blaine, the boy who had sat across from him at Dalton and told him that he had to stand up to his bully, that told him he’d waited for him forever and loved him.
Kurt had had temptations, sure. There was the hot guy Rachel and Brody had noticed watching them when they’d all gone out to a bar one night, the guy at Vogue who winked at him on his first day, the waiter at the restaurant he’d gone out to with Rachel and who’d not-so-subtly written his number on a napkin and put it under his drink when he’d ordered a refill. Rachel and blatantly and embarrassingly sneezed into it.
He was lonely. He’d moved to this city to follow his dreams, on the word of the same boyfriend who’d then turned on him for it. He was alone in a huge apartment with Rachel, working hard at Vogue, out of his depth and comfort zone while trying to keep a childish, insecure boyfriend thousands of miles away happy and feeling loved.
It was inevitable, something had to slip. It wasn’t Kurt’s fault that something had Been Blaine. He’d changed. He wasn’t the same man. Had that man who’d let him go back to McKinley, happy to be relegated to coffee dates and weekends and offered his hand in front of the whole McKinley High school body, been the man that let him go to New York, Kurt was very sure none of this would have happened.
Kurt traced his fingers over the picture of Blaine he kept in his wallet. Two weeks, three days, 568 miles. He would be ok.
“Why’d you do that to him?”
Blaine looked at Finn. At this second it was like the last year hadn’t happened. Finn was once again the imposing, terrifying man able to bring him down with a word, or a punch. He couldn’t flinch. He should have expected this. He’d been terrified in New York as he realised Finn was there too, that the older man would look into his eyes and instinctively know what he’d done.
He was Kurt’s brother. Finn and Kurt had watched life change in front of them and had been through the best and worst things together. In the end Kurt was Finn’s little brother and Blaine had to face up to the older brother. No excuses.
At the start of Glee club they’d been interrupted and he’d quickly run to his seat when Sam had come in but he could feel Finn’s piercing gaze throughout, pinning him to his seat and when class had broken, he’d caught Blaine’s arm as he tried to escape, and blocked his exit.
“Why?”
Blaine shuddered. It was a question that had flowed through his mind since that night and always in his own voice, in Kurt’s and now as Finn’s, heartbroken for his brother. “I have no excuses Finn.”
“I didn’t ask for excuses, dude. I asked you why.” Finn bites out and Blaine shrinks back, Finn’s anger rolls off him in waves, no longer heartbroken but enraged.
Blaine’s jaw clicks shut then opens, trying to gather his thoughts. “I was lonely. I’ve been so alone since he left. I blamed him. I was so stupid and insecure and I shouldn’t have done it but…I was so alone and he was just there. His name is Eli. He’s a friend from Facebook; he lives in Bellefontaine, not far from me. He friended me on Facebook and he…he paid me attention. He complimented me and told me I was hot and all the things I wanted to hear from Kurt. He asked me out and I went. I met up with him and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. It shouldn’t have happened. He kept buying me drinks and we went back to his and we were kissing but I couldn’t. I couldn’t but I cheated. He kissed me and I wanted Kurt’s lips so I ran. I kissed him back. I cheated. I cheated. Oh God.” Blaine’s sobbing by the end and falls to his knees, curling in on himself. He’d been so stupid, wanting to be paid attention to, looked at and adored like Kurt had. He was loved and adored, by Kurt and should have realised that sooner.
“Wait,” Finn’s confused voice breaks through his desolation. “You kissed him? That’s it?” The man grabs his wrist, pulling him up forcefully and Blaine cries out at the harsh handling.
“Yes!” Blaine shouted. “I cheated.”
Finn chuckled and Blaine glared at him. The taller man looked back then rolled his eyes as a memory raced through his mind. “Oh this is the man who thinks texting is cheating. Of course. Blaine, Kurt thinks you fucked the guy!”
Blaine’s jaw drops and his eyes widen almost comically. “No! I couldn’t do it. Shit, Finn I should have explained. I even called it a hook-up. Damnit. What do I do?”
Finn stared for a few moments then sighed. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?" Blaine screeched and Finn held a hand to stop him.
“Nothing. Let me handle it.”
Blaine hears Finn mutter “Stupid.” as he walks away, tapping his phone. He has to agree.
“Come back and haunt me.”
Kurt answered the phone tiredly. Why would Finn be calling so late? In all actuality it’s about 9pm but to Kurt any time out of the office is late. Nothing to take up his time but the slow, dull ache of his heart pulling apart.
“Dude.” Finn’s voice crackles through the line and Kurt sighed.
“Hey Finn, what’s up?”
“Your boyfriend’s dumb.” Finn says and Kurt almost giggles until the flare of pain almost sending his sprawling over his bedcovers and he sucks in a breath.
“He’s not my boyfriend, Finn. He cheated on me. He…he’s not mine.” Kurt can’t even say it and he hates himself slightly for the weakness.
Finn sighs and he hears something like his dad’s voice in the background. Suddenly Kurt aches for his father’s arms. He could turn up, cold and pain-filled on his father’s doorstep and Burt would hold him, brush his fingers through his hair and tell him everything he needed to know, but he can’t. He has New York and New York is soulless right now. “Dude,” Finn’s voice flows out of the phone and Kurt swallows thickly. “Do you remember when he accused you of cheating with that guy you were texting? That’s this. He was on Facebook with this guy. They kissed and nothing else. I even tracked the guy down and asked him. I think he shat himself. Kurt, Blaine didn’t fuck him. He kissed him.”
Kurt’s jaw hangs loose by the end and Rachel stares, curious and worried. He can’t say anything for a moment, his breath has left him and he’s pretty sure his heart is somewhere between the starry sky above them and the safe place where Kurt used to play as a child back in Lima. Possibly making its way back to Blaine. “He…he didn’t cheat? I mean, yeah kissing someone else is kind of but he just kissed him?”
“It’s what I’m saying.” Finn replies and Kurt jolts as Rachel leaps onto his bed, wanting to hear everything.
“Oh my God.” Kurt says at the same time as Rachel and the voice in the background that’s definitely his dad.
Kurt’s on the next flight to Lima, Ohio.
“You were so completely torn.”
Blaine walked into the choir room and felt a sense of déjà vu. At first he guessed the dark figure was Finn, but then he turned around and Blaine’s jaw fell to the floor beside his heart. Kurt.
Kurt was stood there, looking like his Kurt but not. He was wearing a simple, well-tailored but simple white and gold shirt, white jeans and boots. He was slightly dishevelled, his face pale and tired-looking, his eyes wet and puffy and his hair falling across his forehead in pieces. His fingers ached to run through the other man’s hair, to fix it and to grip that shirt, to pull Kurt against him like he always had; but he couldn’t. Not now.
“Kurt, I-“ Blaine started but Kurt held up a hand and Blaine’s jaw clicked shut.
“I’ve heard a lot of talk, recently. Confessions, apologies, reasons, realisations and none of it makes any sense. I want to know, from you, exactly what happened. Start with the start of this mess you made and end with what the hell made you think ‘I was with someone’ is a viable way to confess something because from what I’ve heard it’s not the whole story.” Kurt said, his voice harsh and low. Blaine’s never been scared of the man but right now he’s petrified.
He sighed and sat down next to Kurt, explaining how insecure he was, how alone he felt, about the election and connecting with the guy who lived near him. How he let the man admire him, the fantasy of someone looking at him the way Kurt did taking over his senses. The irony of how like when he was retracting from Kurt, making him turn to Chandler this is and he knows he’s a hypocrite. He goes through the night in the bar in minute detail and the kiss before he freaked out and ran, taking the next flight to New York to see Kurt.
Kurt bit his lip and looked into Blaine’s eyes before he spoke slowly. “First, you’re an idiot,” He says and Blaine nods. “Second, texting is not cheating. Kissing is but not like sex, Blaine you made it sound like sex and what was I supposed to think? You have no idea how to talk about your feelings. I work, Blaine. My world does not revolve around you and yours shouldn’t revolve around me. I love you but you need some of that courage you used to tell me to have. Where did my Blaine go? I miss who you were. I don’t recognise you.” Kurt said, his voice pleading by the end.
Blaine nodded and sniffed, a few tears leaking down his cheeks. “I know I’ve changed and I know I need to change back but it’s so hard. I’ll try, Kurt. I promise, I’ll try for you.”
Kurt shook his head and cupped Blaine’s cheek, wiping away a tear with his thumb as they looked at each other. “Don’t change for me, Blaine. Change for you.”
“I will, I will. I do love you Kurt.”
“I know.”
“I’m going back to the start.”
Four months is what it takes. Four months of barely a word said between them. They text sparingly, Blaine learning to understand Kurt’s work and becoming proud of how hard the glasz-eyed man works, instead of feeling slighted by it.
Finn keeps them updated. As the new director of the New Directions he is around Blaine every day and as Kurt’s brother he’s around him every other weekend and when Kurt has time to come to Lima to visit, but never him.
The months flow together driven by the energy of living every day as a singularity, learning how to be alone in this big, wide world and be themselves, a new person, and in Blaine’s case, changed.
Blaine contends with new roles to learn, in both life and Grease, the Warblers who want him back and it would be so, so easy to go back there but as easy as it would be it would wreck things. Warbler Blaine was what Kurt fell in love with but Blaine needs to learn to be the adult, not the child he was in those golden days where he was safe.
Kurt’s world is filled with new opportunities, every day Isabelle pushes him further, harder. They inspire each other and she wants so much for him. Part of him knows she’s filling his time so he doesn’t have to dwell and he’s quietly pleased and honoured but the other, bigger part knows that one day he’ll do what she said when they met, one day he’ll have his own line. His own place in Vogue and be a star that way. NYADA be damned.
March comes cold and calm to Lima Ohio and Kurt finds himself walking its streets again. He’s visiting Burt, Carole and Finn and right now he’s walking through the gates of McKinley High, memories of days spent here learning, loving, and losing running through his mind.
He walks to the choir room and stands in the doorway. Inside is the glee club, the New Directions. They’re all talking and laughing about something Finn is telling them but Kurt’s eyes are drawn to the back of the room. Sat on the steps, talking to Sam about something as his fingers wrap around the guitar he’s holding, his fingers running down the strings lovingly sits a young man. He’s wearing a black fitted top, black jeans, sneakers and a bright red belt and if Kurt didn’t know better he’d swear that the young man isn’t Blaine. Not the Blaine he knew for the latter part of the year they dated. The man’s curly hair is free and tousled, not bushy but well-groomed and the wide smile in his face is something Kurt hasn’t seen for months, even before their enforced separation.
It brings tears to his eyes and makes him want to run over, but not yet.
Class ends and the others file out but Sam hangs behind, pulling the other man beside him then runs off as their eyes connect.
Hazel meets glasz and the world turns again.
“The world is ours if we want it.”
Blaine blinked, astounded. Kurt shuffled his feet a little and Blaine took him in. He looked gorgeous, more grown up, more handsome than before. His skin was less pale, glowing and his hair was perfectly coiffed, shining. His clothes looked immaculate as ever, the green top, black blazer, black jeans and boots looked like they were made for him, and knowing him, probably were. “Hi.” He said softly, his eyes connecting with Kurt’s again and watching the blush flood Kurt’s cheeks at his appraisal.
“Hi Blaine.” Kurt said and it’s all Blaine can do not to ask him to say it again. He closed his eyes for a second, memorizing the sound of Kurt saying his name again, there’s nothing like it and Blaine wants to hear it every day of his life.
“How long were you there?” Blaine asked.
Kurt stepped further into the room, walking slowly towards Blaine. “A while. Long enough to know you have a new fascination for guitars.”
Blaine smiled and looked down at his guitar, his heart filling slowly. “Yeah, well I’ve played before. I knew a few things but I guess it’s part of new me.”
Kurt nodded, looking him over again and Blaine wants to be taller, stand at attention for Kurt to see him, the real him. He’s not afraid any more. “You’ve changed.”
“So have you,” Blaine counters and they smile. They’re flirting and Blaine remembers a flirty duet of Baby It’s Cold Outside before he knew what it really meant and flushes. He steps forward, close enough to brush fingers with Kurt. “I’ve missed you.”
Kurt smiles and reaches out to Blaine and Blaine takes his hand, a movement he remembers but something new and inexplicable between them that Blaine wants to name it, give it wings and show it to the world. “I’ve missed you too Blaine. Finn’s kept me updated, you’ve done so well.”
Blaine puffs up his chest and Kurt giggles softly. “I’m a man now Kurt.”
“Yes you are Blaine,” Kurt replied, tears in his eyes. Pride, not pain this time and the last piece clicks into place for Blaine. This makes it all worth it. “You’ve applied to NYU too. New York together?”
“I’d be nowhere else.” Blaine says and Kurt gasps, sobbing as he laughs. Their hearts are mending themselves, winding together again.
“I want to sing something with you.” Kurt says when their tears dry up and he leads Blaine over to a seat in the front row and goes to the microphone himself. In his mind, music starts.
Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren’t all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them
Now you’ve been talking in your sleep oh, oh
Tell me that you’ve had enough of our love, our love
Blaine’s mouth dropped open, he knew this song. He’d memorized this song, hating and loving it at the same time as he played it over and over. He grabbed a mic and joined in for the chorus and the Nate Ruess parts.
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit’s enough
Just a second we’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It’s in the stars
It’s been written in the scars on our hearts
We’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I’m sorry I don’t understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everything
And it’s all in your mind
(Yeah but this is happening)
You’ve been having real bad dreams oh, oh
You used to lie so close to me oh
There’s nothing but empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh our love, our love
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit’s enough
Just a second we’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I never stopped
You’re still written in the scars on my heart
You’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Oh tear ducts and rust
I’ll fix it for us
We’re collecting dust
But our love’s enough
You’re holding it in
You’re pouring a drink
No nothing’s as bad as it seems
We’ll come clean
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit’s enough
Just a second we’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It’s in the stars
It’s been written in the scars on our hearts
We’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
The song ended and they realised during the song they’d gravitated towards each other and ended up in each other’s arms. Hazel eyes searched blue and Kurt seemed to find what he needed as he closed the gap, fitting his lips to Blaine’s.
Beneath them, the world shifted and settled.
“Don’t ever look back”
Kurt looped his arm through Blaine’s as they walked through Central Park, enjoying the early morning air. They watched the joggers, dog walkers and other couples strolling past them and smiled at each other, wondering for a second if any of them were as happy as them.
“Three years ago, did you ever think things would be like this?” Kurt asks, a smile quirking at his lips as he remembers saying almost those exact words to his brother back when the world was shattered around them.
“Yup.” Blaine replies smugly, grinning at Kurt and Kurt barks out a laugh, grinning back at the man he loves.
“Smartass.”
“Yeah, but you’re stuck with me now Mr Hummel.” Blaine quips back and leans in for a peck that Kurt readily responds to.
Kurt laughs and looks around. “Oh my God I am. Someone save me.” He cries out only loud enough for the two of them to hear.
Blaine grins evilly, wrapping his arm around his love. “You’re not getting away now Mr Hummel, you’re with me.” He says in a mock villain voice and Kurt’s responding laughs ring in the air around them, a soft melody of happiness.
“Yeah but you’re stuck with me too, Mr Hummel.” Kurt says back evilly, waggling his eyebrows and Blaine’s laughter joins Kurt’s in the air.
He glances over Kurt’s shoulder at the new ring wrapped around his finger and his smile becomes smug and cocky. Yeah, he is, and everything’s right with the world.
In his mind their love lasts forever.
In reality, it lasts for eternity.
Comments
<3
XD
I love this!!! Brilliant, fantastic, FANTABULOUS, totally awesome!!! Thank you for making me smile, let's hope it really does work out this way :-)
Yay and thank you! I hope it does work this way, for the fandom's sanity if not the characters themselves.
love this!!! :) <3
Yay so glad you do! Thanks!