And it's funny to me

The way that things have worked out

There's no doubt in my mind

That you can't recall what this song was about

So let's give it up…

    “Blaine, come on, you’ve been in the shower for over thirty minutes!”

            Blaine doesn’t hear him; he’s singing at the top of his lungs, focusing on scrubbing his body-wash evenly over his skin.

            When he shuts off the water after rinsing out his hair, he finally notices the incessant knocking on the bathroom door.  Grabbing a towel and hastily wrapping it around his waist, he opens the door to let the knocker in.

            A naked Sebastian Smythe stands at the door, looking pissed.

            “Christ, Blaine, is there even a chance that there’s hot water left?” he spits out, though his eyes give Blaine’s still wet body an appreciative once over.

            “Oh, c’mon Bas, you know there’s always hot water.  Stop being such a drama queen.”  Blaine smiles and loops his hand around Sebastian’s cock, giving it a few strokes and causing the taller man’s hands to fall from his hips, moving to grip the door frame.

            “Don’t start something you can’t finish, Anderson,” he growls, the heat behind his words dying out slightly due to the impassioned moan that escapes his lips directly after he speaks.

            Blaine just beams at him and lets go after a few more strokes.  He pushes past Sebastian and heads across the hall to his room, unwrapping the towel and driving himself off.  He doesn’t notice that Sebastian has followed him until he feels someone grab his ass.

            “Cut it out!”  Blaine giggles and squirms out of Sebastian’s reach. Sebastian just smirks and leans against the wall.

            “So…an extra long shower, you’re in your ‘everything is beautiful and happy’ mood…can only mean one thing, right?”
            Blaine grins at him, nodding excitedly.

            “Kurt Hummel is back from vacation today.  And Blaine Anderson is going to be sore for days,” Sebastian teases, his smirk widening when Blaine’s whole body gives an anticipatory shudder.

            “I can’t wait for him to get here.  In his last letter, he said he has a surprise for me, and his surprises always make me crazy.”

            Blaine reaches into the top drawer of his bedside table and pulls out a giant bottle of lube, setting it down on the table before reaching back in to pull out a few condoms, placing them next to it.

            “D’you want me to prep you?” Sebastian asks, his eyes darkening as he takes the slightest step closer to Blaine.  Blaine takes a step away from him in response.
            “Absolutely not, Bas.  Last time you asked to ‘just prep me’, it lasted forty-five minutes and you made me come three times before you declared me well stretched.  I don’t have the time or the stamina for that right now,” Blaine chides. “Besides, Kurt loves to finger me.”  He putters about, picking things up from his floor and tidying up his bed.  He knows how much Kurt loves neatness.

            “Yeah…that was a fun time,” Sebastian muses, his smirk wide.  “Speaking of fun, do you think Kurt’s surprise will include me again?  God, the way he sucked me…and the way he fucked me; I’ve never come so hard in my life.”

            Blaine looks over and sees Sebastian working himself up, pinching his nipples and lightly running his fingers along his hard cock.

            “Sorry, I don’t think so.  Kurt made it sound like it’s just going to be us, at least today.”  Sebastian’s whine as he grips his cock harder is tantalizing enough to cause Blaine to straighten up from where he was smoothing the sheets down, watching him for a few minutes and starting to grow hard himself, before he realizes what time it is.

            “Look, that’s…really distracting.  Didn’t you want to shower?  Go finish that in the shower, and let me finish getting ready.”

            Sebastian opens his eyes, fixing them on Blaine’s while still stroking his cock.  Blaine swallows, unable to look away.

            “Yeah, okay.  Go get ‘im, killer,” Sebastian says, smirking and turning to leave, finally taking his hand off his dick.

            “And make sure to tell me every last detail!” he calls over his shoulder as he heads into the bathroom.  Blaine rolls his eyes; as if he ever doesn’t tell Sebastian everything he does with Kurt.

            Finally satisfied with the way his room looks, he slips on his tight black boxer briefs and heads downstairs to wait for Kurt.

            He only has to wait about ten minutes.  He hears the door open, and sees Kurt coming in, dressed immaculately as always, in a dark grey button down coat over tight black pants.  His boots come up right under his knee—Blaine’s glad he didn’t wear his mid-thigh ones, because as sexy as they look, they take far too long to get off.  Kurt glances his way a few times as he chats with Will. 

Will is creepily checking Kurt out, and as Kurt pays, he lets out an uncomfortable laugh—Will must have asked to watch again.  Blaine chuckles before his mouth shuts and his eyes go wide when he sees the wad of cash Kurt passes to will.  That…is a lot of money.  How much time is Kurt paying for?  Blaine’s dick gives a twitch as his fantasies run wild, imagining Kurt tying him up and fucking him for hours.  Or, god, letting him tie Kurt up.  He licks his lips as he pictures it, wishing Kurt would hurry up with Will.

            Finally, he and Will are done, and Blaine tries to ignore Will staring at Kurt’s ass as he makes his way over to Blaine.  Blaine stands up, looking up into Kurt’s eyes and leaning in to kiss him.  But Kurt backs away before Blaine’s lips can touch his.  He smirks, winking at Blaine as he grabs his hand and tugs him in the direction of the stairs, bee lining to Blaine’s room.

            “Tease,” Blaine mutters under his breath, although there’s no point pretending he doesn’t love it.  Kurt unlocked just how much Blaine loves being teased when he tied Blaine to the bed, put a cock ring on him, and then proceeded to ravish his body with Sebastian for the better part of two hours before letting him come.

            Speaking of Sebastian, the taller man is standing in the bathroom door, drying his hair with a towel, but otherwise still dripping wet and stark naked.

            “Kurt, it’s so good to see y—“

            “Hi Sebastian, bye Sebastian,” Kurt says.  Blaine barely has time to register Sebastian's pout before he’s pulled into his room, the door slamming shut and his body being shoved against it.

            “Oh, god,” he moans as Kurt starts right in, sucking on his neck and reaching behind Blaine to lock the door.

            “Miss me?” Kurt teases, moving his mouth to Blaine’s ear, sucking and nibbling at his earlobe before moving to mouth at the sensitive skin behind his ear.

            “Ah—ah, yes Kurt, god, so much, you have no idea.”  Blaine whines when Kurt moves a hand down to palm over his erection roughly, the soft cotton of his underwear only making the sensation that much stronger.

            “Tell me,” Kurt whispers, going in to finally kiss Blaine—devour him is more like it—before dropping to his knees and licking at Blaine’s erection through the cloth.

            “God, Kurt, I missed you so much.  I dreamed about you every night; sometimes we were fucking, but most of the time we were just talking in my bed, and all I wanted when I woke up was to be wrapped in your arms.”

            Kurt looks up at him with lust-filled eyes.  Blaine knows how much Kurt loves dirty talk, but he knows Kurt loves this even more: being talked to like he’s Blaine’s boyfriend, his lover, rather than just another client.
            Kurt has pulled Blaine’s underwear under his balls, which he’s now sucking on enthusiastically, forcing Blaine to choke out some random sounds before finally giving up on talking.
            Kurt doesn’t seem to mind, just mouths happily at the underside of Blaine’s cock, moving his hands to grip Blaine’s ass cheeks before sucking the head into his mouth and pulling Blaine’s hips away from the door, effectively shoving Blaine’s entire dick down his throat.

            Blaine understands what Kurt is asking him to do, and begins to fuck Kurt’s mouth in earnest, gripping his hands in Kurt’s hair and hanging on for the ride.  His eyes are shut and his head is thrown back.  When Kurt moves one hand to play with his balls again, Blaine nearly screams at the intense pleasure.

            The hand still on his ass gives a sharp squeeze and Blaine looks down to see Kurt’s eyes on him, nose pressed to Blaine’s stomach and his other hand still caressing Blaine’s balls.  All it takes is one more swallow around him from Kurt, and Blaine is screaming as he comes hard down Kurt’s throat, collapsing to the floor when Kurt removes his hands and mouth.

            Kurt gives him all of one minute to recover before speaking.

            “Up,” he instructs, reaching a hand out to help.  Blaine grips his forearm and pulls, getting to his feet a bit unsteadily.

            It doesn’t help his balance when Kurt tugs him against his body and proceeds to kiss him senseless, the taste of Blaine’s come still present in his mouth, making it all the more erotic.  Blaine’s lips follow Kurt’s when he breaks away, trying to get his mouth back, but Kurt has stepped away and is pointing to the bed.

            Blaine hurries over to it, spreading his legs wide once he’s lying down, and watching eagerly as Kurt picks up the lube and settles between Blaine’s legs.  Blaine looks at him strangely when Kurt doesn’t do anything.

            “So…here’s the thing.  Remember my surprise?” Kurt starts, looking a little nervous.

            Blaine nods, still a little too disoriented for speech.

            “Well, I need to kind of…really finger you for it to work.  Do you get what I mean?”  Blaine doesn’t, and he clears his throat and speaks, expressing this.

            “I mean, you’ve obviously fingered me before…a lot.  What exactly does ‘really’ fingering me entail?”  Kurt takes a deep breath, as if preparing himself for what he’s about to say.

            “Like…I need to use them all.  All of my fingers…at once.  As in, my whole hand.”

            Blaine’s eyes go wide, and he’s moaning and nodding and surging up to kiss Kurt roughly before he even registers what he just agreed to.

            Kurt’s eyes are surprised and he giggles as Blaine kisses him over and over, on his lips and then all over his face.

            “Alright, alright, I get it, you like the idea!” Kurt gasps out between his laughter, grabbing at Blaine’s face to stop his kissing.  Blaine meets his eyes and inhales sharply at the intensity he finds there.

            “Kurt,” he moans brokenly, moving his own hands from Kurt’s shoulders to clutch at his face.

            “Shhh, shhhh, Blaine…” Kurt whispers, his eyes never leaving Blaine’s, staring fixedly, holding him there.  “Thank you.  Thank you for trusting me with this.”

            If Blaine hadn’t been so close to Kurt’s mouth, he wouldn’t have heard it. The tenderness and passion behind Kurt’s words make him shiver slightly.

            He presses one last, sweet kiss to Kurt’s lips before lying back down and spreading his legs as wide as he can.  Kurt licks his lips, the intensity in his gaze sharpening and honing in on Blaine’s ass.

            Kurt picks up the lube and spreads some on his fingers, also pouring a bit down Blaine’s crack.  It’s cold, but Blaine’s used to it, and he knows just how hot they’re about to get.

            Kurt starts off by just rubbing his fingers around Blaine’s hole, sliding them up and down his crack, coating everything in lube.  Blaine’s cock starts to harden again when Kurt slips just the tip of his thumb in, teasingly thrusting as slightly as he can.

            Blaine moans when Kurt presses his thumb in further, pushing down and causing his hole to stretch.  He screams when he feels Kurt’s tongue prodding at his hole, right above his thumb.  Kurt fucks into him with them alternately, pushing his tongue in as his thumb pulls out, and vice versa.

            Blaine whines when Kurt stops, moving both his face and his hand away from Blaine’s ass.  Kurt chuckles a bit at his neediness, coating his fingers in more lube and immediately thrusting two into Blaine’s hole, making him moan so loud the entire house probably heard him.  Kurt doesn’t wait for him to adjust to the stretch, just fucks him with the two fingers until he’s loose around them.

            He adds a third, never slowing down his thrusting, and Blaine’s moans get louder as he starts to fuck back on Kurt’s fingers.

            “God, more, Kurt, please, I can’t, I need more, please, please—AHHH!” Blaine starts screaming and thrashing as Kurt tucks his pinky in as well, slowing down just a tad.  They’ve never done more than three fingers before, and Blaine can feel it as Kurt’s palm slides into his ass.  He’s never felt so close to someone, never felt so attuned to what Kurt needs and Kurt’s ability to know what he needs.

            He doesn’t know how long Kurt fucks him with four fingers, only knows that he is impossibly hard and incredibly loud at this point.  Kurt bends over him to kiss him, their lips sliding sloppily together as he shoves his fingers in hard, hitting Blaine’s prostate, ripping a scream out of Blaine’s throat that he swallowed with his kisses.

            “God, Kurt c’mon, I want more, I want all of it,” Blaine pants against Kurt’s lips, throwing his head back at a particularly good thrust of Kurt’s four fingers.

            “Oh, god, yes, Blaine, you’re so hot, so beautiful, you don’t even know,” Kurt babbles as he reaches for the lube, sliding his fingers mostly out and spreading more of the liquid on his whole hand, even up his wrist and forearm a bit, just to be safe.  He then carefully tucks his thumb into his palm and begins pushing in.

            “Hnnnng!” Blaine whines, high and clear, and so, so desperate.  He vaguely registers Kurt talking to him, but he can’t seem to fully process anything except for the fist currently stretching his hole too wide.  It feels so intense, and it’s definitely too much, but he’s never wanted something to hurt so good.

            “More,” he pleads, shoving his hips forward slightly and forcing Kurt’s fist in further before either of them are ready.

            “Christ, Blaine, slow down, you’re going to hurt yourself,” Kurt moans, barely in control of himself and both he and Blaine struggle to stay still.

            “I don’t care,  I don’t care, just…more, please, just keep going Kurt, god I wanna feel it all.”  He starts pressing his ass against Kurt’s hand again, slower this time, and Kurt works with him to ease his fist further.  When Blaine’s hole is stretched around his wrist, he begins thrusting minutely.  Apparently, to Blaine, the movement is significant, and his screams return full force.

            “Shit, god, fuck, Kurt I’m not, I can’t—I’m not gunna last, this is just,fuuuck, so incredible, so much, just, don’t stop, more, more, please, wanna come, need to--shit!”  As Blaine blathers on, Kurt starts thrusting a bit faster, and Blaine can’t take it anymore, the stretch combined with the constant pressure of Kurt’sentire hand on his prostate—he comes, hard, all over himself, whining and moaning and grinding his hips.

            At Blaine’s over sensitive groans, Kurt very carefully pulls his hand out, staring at Blaine’s red and slick hole.

            “I hate to break it to you, babe, but…that wasn’t even the surprise.  There’s more to come…that was just the prep.”  Kurt smirks evilly at Blaine’s worried—albeit turned on—expression, and reaches into his bag for something.  He pulls out a long box, and once Blaine has mustered up the energy to sit up, hands it to him to open.

            Blaine glances at Kurt, then eyes the box, then tentatively moves the cover off.  He gasps when he sees what’s inside.  Resting on the tissue paper is the longest, thickest, reddest vibrator he’s ever seen.  And for some reason, he’s hit with an overwhelming, sickeningly sweet smell of cherry.

            “Woah.”

            “…yeah.  I…saw it online.  A lot of people complained about the smell, but seeing how big it is and how strong, I just couldn’t help myself.  So…um.  I bought it.  And I thought of you, when I did.  I actually…I named it.  It’s…Billie.  I’m not sure why, that just…seemed to fit.  So…are you willing to try it out?”

            Blaine looks up to see Kurt eyeing him nervously, as if he genuinely doubts Blaine’s answer will be yes.

            Instead of telling him, Blaine decides to show him, grabbing the vibrator and switching it on.  Even at the lowest speed, it’s pretty strong, and Blaine moans at the thought of it inside him.  He lowers it to his hole, almost second-guessing himself because he just came twice and this is going to hurt but…Blaine kind of likes when it hurts.  So he goes for it anyway.

            Just pressing the low buzzing, thick head of the vibrator is enough to make him groan loudly, and he barely registers Kurt’s whine or his hands being replaced with Kurt’s own to maneuver the ridiculously thick, long dildo inside of him.  He’s gasping and panting the entire time that Kurt presses it in, and by the time the fake balls reach his hole, he’s completely out of breath and sweating uncontrollably.  And somehow, through some outrageous miracle, he’s getting hard.

            Kurt doesn’t even bother pretending that either of them want him to hold back, and immediately starts thrusting it in and out of Blaine’s ass, flicking the speed up a notch.  Blaine’s scream is ripped out of his throat as Kurt keeps up a consistent speed, but manages to change the angle almost every time the toy slams into him.  The combination of the unpredictability, the roughness of Kurt’s thrusts, the strong vibration when Kurt turns it up to the second to last notch and the near impossible size of the toy, as well as the fact that Kurt’s other hand has moved to stroke Blaine’s dick at a rapid pace causes Blaine to forfeit any attempt at staying quiet. 

He’s lost complete control of the situation, his body squirming and thrusting of it’s own accord, his dick throbbing painfully at the overstimulation coupled with his immense need to come—for the third time, he reminds himself.  He’s never felt so much pleasure before, and as he nears his orgasm, his brain can only think of one thing, the last thing he remembers hearing, and it’s that that he somehow shouts out, not even knowing what he’s saying or why he’s saying it, only understanding his unbelievable need for release.

“Oh, god, BILLIE!!!”  Blaine comes so hard that he thinks he passed out, only to open his eyes and realizes that he’s still conscious, just shaking and moaning and unable to stop any of it.  He feels the vibrator pulled harshly out of his ass, feels Kurt’s hands leave him too quickly, and he wants to reach out, wants to pull them back in, but he can barely move a muscle.  It isn’t until he seems Kurt heading for the door that he manages to pull himself together.

“Ku—Kurt, where are you going?” he croaks out, his voice hoarse from yelling.  He swallows a few times to try and regain some composure, but he doubts it works.

“Did you hear yourself?  God, Blaine, I can’t even believe it.  You knowhow much it means to me to…to think that I’m the only one, to think I’m the one you want to be with, the one you share your bed with, the only one you lo—never mind.  It’s not your fault, this is your job.  I should know better than to be so foolish.  So goodbye, Blaine, and I hope you enjoy Billie.  I left him there for you. I’m sure you two will be very happy together.”

Blaine doesn’t have any idea what to say, and it isn’t until Kurt has slammed the door and is well on his way out of the house that Blaine realizes it wasn’t his name that he shouted when he came.

“Fuck.”

Blaine is laying back on his bed, tossing a hacky sack up in the air and catching it, bored out of his mind, when Sebastian comes in.

“Bas, I’m not in the mood.  And would you put some fucking clothes on please?  Not everyone loves seeing you naked.”

“Okay, I’m going to assume you said that out of anger and misery because of your little fight with Kurt last week, because I know that’s not true.  Literally everyone loves to see this body, including you, so don’t even try to pull that shit.” Sebastian winks at him and sits down on the bed, pulling a more serious face when Blaine sits up and chucks the hacky sack at the wall.

“What do you want?  I’m busy,” Blaine mumbles, looking away from Sebastian.

“He’s here to see you.  He’s been sitting downstairs for like, an hour, debating about whether or not to come up here.  He’s clearly upset, and I think you should talk to him.”  Blaine finally meets Sebastian’s gaze, and is startled by the sincerity he finds there.

“Fine.  But I’m not doing it for you, or for him.  I’m doing it for…closure and all that shit, or whatever.”  Sebastian smirks and slaps Blaine’s ass when he gets up.

“Whatever you say, short stop.  Be here when you get back, maybe I can cheer you up with my dick!”

Blaine ignores him as he mentally preps himself on the way downstairs. He hasn’t seen Kurt since last week, when he left.  Blaine threw “Billie” into the bottom drawer of his dresser, refusing to put it anywhere he might be able to see it, but the sickening smell of cherry hasn’t left his room.  It keeps him up at night, wishing he could see Kurt, hold him and tell him he didn’t mean it.  But Kurt’s the one who walked out on him.  He wouldn’t just throw himself at Kurt’s feet and beg for forgiveness.  He isn’t the only one in the wrong here.

He reaches the bottom of the staircase and doesn’t have to wait long for Kurt to appear.  He’s standing right there, just feet away from Blaine, and suddenly, only inches away.  They’re face to face, and neither of them seem to know what to say.

“I’m sorry,” they breathe out at the same time.  They chuckle, and Blaine smiles up at Kurt.

            “Kurt, I—“

            “No, me first.  I was totally unfair to you.  I just…I got jealous, which is ridiculous, because it’s not like we’re together or anything, I mean, you’re a prostitute for heaven’s sake, not—not that that’s a bad thing!  But it obviously means you’re not mine and so I don’t have any right to be…mad, or jealous, that you called out another name, it’s just…it should’ve been me.  And I want it to be me, every time.  I never should’ve named the damn thing, I mean this is clearly all my fault, and I just—“

            “Kurt.  As adorable as your rambling is, I just…let me just.  Talk.  For a minute.  One of the first things they teach us is that the customer is always right. So.  Even though you named the vibrator, or whatever, I shouldn’t have gotten so caught up in the moment that I forgot who it was I was with.  I mean, how unprofessional and ridiculous is that?”

            “Blaine…I named a vibrator and then got jealous of it.  I think I’m the ridiculous one here.”

            “You made me come twice and then as I was coming a third time I shouted the name of that vibrator.”

            And suddenly, both of them are laughing so hard that they’re crying.  They clutch at each other, hugging, hysterical and so, so glad they made up.  As they manage to get themselves together, Kurt cups Blaine’s face and kisses him breathless.  They pull apart, eye contact never broken, smiles stretching insanely wide on their faces.

            “I have another surprise for you,” Kurt whispers in the mingled air between their lips.

            “I hope it involves as many orgasms as the last one, minus the stupid fight,” Blaine replies, their grins actually growing.

            “It’s even better, actually.  I paid off Will…you’re mine.  Only I can come to you now.  You still live here, at least until you’re ready to leave, but he said that as long as I keep the cash flowing, you won’t be getting any more customers.” Kurt’s smile softens, and Blaine’s lips part in shock.  Kurt’s smile fades at the reaction, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion and then sorrow.

            “Oh…unless…unless that isn’t what you wanted.  I…I didn’t even think about it, I just did it, oh, my god I can’t do anything right I—“

            Blaine cuts him off with a hungry kiss, sealing his lips over Kurt’s and backing him into a wall.  They make out until they literally can’t breathe anymore, and Blaine rests his forehead against Kurt’s when they break away.

            “Yours,” he whispers.  They both smile again, unable to take their eyes off each other.  Kurt leans in to press a kiss to Blaine’s nose.

            “Mine.”