Charmina
Jan. 26, 2012, 8:57 a.m.
The Art of Forgiveness
Kurt sees something that he wishes he hadn't and Blaine is asking for forgiveness that Kurt isn't sure how to give.
M - Words: 5,995 - Last Updated: Jan 26, 2012 507 0 0 3 Categories: Angst, Romance, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Tags: established relationship,
Disclaimer – I do not own Glee or any of the characters. The song included is The Art Of Forgiveness by Maria Mena, I don't own that either, and small changes have been made to make it fit the story better (“she” turned in to “he” for example).
Author Notes – My first story in the Glee-fandom and therefore my first Klaine story. I hope I haven't messed up too bad! Oh, and please don't hate me until you've read it all!
The Art of Forgiveness
Kurt took a small sip of the drink in his hand, wincing a little at the taste, and looked around the crowded room.
The Warblers were having a party and someone, it might have been Trent, had invited Kurt and Blaine to come. He had thought it was a bit odd at first since they were not Warblers anymore and was, in fact, their competition but Blaine had just laughed at him and explained that they were still their friends.
Blaine had clearly not understood a word of the whole Jessie St. Suck story.
But still, Kurt had agreed to come and he had to admit that it had been more fun than he had expected. He had never been that close to any of the other Warblers, at first because he did not really trust the whole zero policy-thing and later because . . . Well, he guess he just was not that good at making guy friends. But when they had arrived everyone had seemed genuinely happy to see him and he had had a lot of fun seeing Nick and Jeff's dance off and Thad running around trying to get some order in the chaos.
But they had been here longer then he had expected and they really needed to start heading back soon if they were supposed to make it before curfew. He put his glass down on the table behind him – he had only accepted it because Jeff kept insisting but the small sip he had taken was enough to prove that he still had not gotten over the April Rhodes fiasco, a good thing since he was designated driver – and looked around the room for his missing boyfriend.
The party had started to wind down a little and there were only three guys still dancing, the others had taken up seats on the scattered couches and chairs or were lounging against the walls and tables. It only took a moment for Kurt to realize that Blaine was not in the room and, having no idea where he had gone, he made his way over to Thad who seemed to be in an argument with Jeff.
“No, you are not allowed to jump on the furniture!” Kurt heard him say as he got closer. “It's not suitable behavior for a Warbler and what if it breaks? I sure won't pay for it!”
“You're kidding me, right?” Jeff asked with wide eyes. “What about all the times Blaine – “
“Yes, about Blaine,” Kurt cut in quickly before the fight could escalate and both boys turned to look at him in confusion. “You haven't seen him around, have you?”
Jeff turned and cast a quick look at Nick sitting next to him and before Kurt could try to decipher what that meant Thad said, “I think he and Sebastian stepped out for a second.”
“Oh,” Kurt said.
Sebastian.
The new Warbler – the new hot gay Warbler – who seemed to pop up in his and Blaine's conversations more and more and who was constantly hitting on Blaine as soon as they were in the same room. Sebastian who flirted and teased and talked about things that Kurt could not even think without blushing. Sebastian who made it no secret that he wanted Blaine for himself.
“I – I think Sebastian just wanted to ask him for some advice,” Jeff said quickly and threw another quick look over at Nick who was glaring at Thad. “About singing, you know.”
Thad looked a bit confused about the whole situation and the glare directed at him but Kurt just shook his head.
“Right,” he said and turned away. “If he shows up, tell him I'm looking for him.”
He headed for the door but he still heard Thad's cry of pain as either Jeff or Nick hit him and the furious whispering that broke out after. It was a relief to close the door behind him as he stepped out in the hallway and let the sounds from inside fade away.
Kurt believed in Blaine. He believed that Blaine loved him and that he would never hurt him on purpose and that he had no interest in Sebastian as anything but a friend. Kurt was not the jealous kind who would not let his boyfriend talk to other gay guys. He did not feel threatened.
His hands clenched at his sides as he continued walking down the hallway.
Who was he kidding? Of course he felt threatened!
Sebastian was good looking. He was hot. He was daring in a way Kurt could never pull of. And sometimes Kurt had to wonder, was that what Blaine wanted? Did he want a boyfriend that was not afraid of the more . . . sexual side of their relationship? Was Kurt really good enough for him?
Shaking his head a bit to try and get the unwanted thoughts out he suddenly came to a stop as he heard a noise.
It was . . . voices. Whispering. And the sound of clothes ruffling.
He turned towards a door on his left that was barely opened a crack. It was coming from in there.
He knew he should not. There was probably a couple in there busy doing . . . stuff and he should not interrupt. They would be embarrassed and he would be embarrassed and it would all just be one big embarrassing mess.
He took a step closer.
It was not Blaine in there. Because Blaine would never do that to him.
He took another step.
Blaine loved him. He loved him and he would never hurt him.
His hand was shaking as he lifted it towards the door, giving a small push so it slowly opened a bit further.
His knees almost gave out on him.
Blaine was pressed up against the wall, his head thrown back and eyes closed as Sebastian leaned in and whispered in his ear. His hands were gripping tightly to the blondes shoulders as Sebastian's own hand slipped down, down and . . .
Kurt wrenched himself away and in his haste he stumbled and, trying to find some leverage, he pushed the door opened further. The door banged open as gravity won out and he fell backwards with an undignified yelp.
He heard his name being called – heard Blaine calling it – just as the door further down the hall opened and some Warblers peaked out, obviously having heard the commotion, but Kurt was too far gone to care. He scrambled back a bit, tried to find his footing and finally he managed to get up on unsteady feet. He did not spare a single look at his boyfriend before he walked – ran – down the hall and towards the watching Warblers.
Pushing his way past them he headed in to the room and gave a quick look around before he spotted his coat and scarf hanging in the corner. He walked over and snatched them up before jumping in surprise as he felt a hand on his shoulder. Spinning around he met Nick's concerned gaze for a second before he looked away again, busing himself with putting his clothes on.
“Kurt, are you alright?”
“Yeah, yes, of course,” he said quickly. “I just – I need to get home. It's getting late.”
“Are you sure? You look kinda –“
He did not get to finish as Blaine burst in to the room and Kurt took that as his signal to go.
“I'm sorry,” he said quietly to Nick and then he pushed past him and headed for the door again.
He heard Blaine calling for him again, felt his hand on his arm but he slapped it away and kept going.
“Kurt, please, stop!” Blaine yelled. “Stop! It's not what it looked like!”
Everyone was watching. Everyone was staring as Kurt's life fell apart and he hated to feel so embarrassed, so foolish in front of people. He could not meet anyone's eyes as he pushed his way out of the room because he did not want to see the pity or the concern or maybe the judgment he would find there.
As soon as he broke free from the crowded room he took of at a run, feet pounding against the marble floor as he flew down the hallway, Blaine's cries following him but not catching up.
When he reached his car he fumbled with the keys for a second before getting the door open and jumping in. It was easier to fit them in the ignition and as soon as the car started he pushed down on the gas, taking a sort of sick delight in the way his tires screeched against the asphalt, and sped out of the parking lot.
He saw Blaine bursting out of the building just before he passed but the other boy was too slow to stop him.
It was not until Kurt had driven the whole way home and parked in front of his house that the tears started falling.
*�*�*�*�*
It had been a long weekend.
Finn had been the one to find him as he came home after having spent the evening at Rachel's house. He had been concerned and . . . brotherly as he tried to find out what had happened and if there was anyone he should be beating up. Kurt had tried to reassure him that nothing was wrong but it was difficult when he was crying so hard that he could hardly breath.
He had somehow, with Finn's help, managed to get up to his room without waking his dad or Carole but once there and after having closed the door in Finn's face he had simply collapsed on his bed. It had taken him hours to cry himself in to a fitful sleep.
His dad had been the one to wake him the next morning and it was obvious, even if the clothes he still had not changed out of were a dead giveaway, that Finn had told him about the night before. Burt had been concerned and he had tried to get Kurt to talk but he did not feel ready for it.
How was he supposed to tell his dad that his boyfriend – the boy that he loved and who he had thought loved him back and who had saved him when the bullying got too bad and had danced with him when prom had gone to hell – had cheated on him? That he was not good enough or sexy enough for Blaine to want him? That he had to turn to someone else, someone that Kurt hated with all his heart?
No, he could not say it.
So he had spent the weekend in bed, only getting up to go to the bathroom or eat dinner with the family, and he had ignored the constant buzzing of his phone as friend after friend tried to get a hold of him after Finn had apparently told the whole world. He did not care about his moisturizing routine, he did not care if his pajamas got sweaty and disgusting with too much use and he cried until his eyes were red and his face swollen.
And then on Monday he got out of bed, took a shower, fixed his hair and his skin and his clothes and he went to school.
*�*�*�*�*
He kept his head held high as he walked through the doors and down the hall. Inside he was a mess and all he really wanted was to run back home and hide in his room forever but he was not a coward and he could do this.
Courage.
He wanted to cry.
He reached his locker without bumping in to any of his friends and it was with a sigh of relief that he put in his code and snapped it open. Thankfully there had not been much homework this weekend and the little there were he had finished before going to the party on Friday.
“Boo, are you alright?”
Closing his eyes for a second he plastered a smile on his face before he turned around.
“I'm fine, Mercedes,” he said and gave a nod in greeting as Artie, Tina and Mike came over. “How were your weekends?”
Tina and Mike shared a look as Artie cleared his throat. “It was fine,” he said shortly. “Um, Kurt, Finn said you had sort of a bad weekend . . ?”
“Oh, that,” Kurt said and tried his best to sound dismissive as he turned around and closed his locker. “It was nothing. I'm fine.”
“But Finn says you've been, um, crying,” Tina said hesitantly and when Mike reached out and grasped her hand Kurt couldn't help himself.
“Yeah, well, Finn's got a big fucking mouth,” he snapped and immediately regretted it as he saw the shock on their faces.
“Kurt,” Mercedes started, her eyes wide as she looked at him but he shook his head.
“No, I'm sorry,” he said. “I didn't mean that. Could we just not . . . not do this right now?”
“Of course,” Mike said and gave Kurt a firm nod when he looked at him.
He gave a small smile in return, glad that they would not push – at least not now – and turned to head to his first class. He had only managed one step when his eyes fell on Blaine walking towards him.
Blaine looked about as bad as Kurt felt. His eyes were red like he had been crying, his lips were chapped as if he had been chewing on them insistently and his clothes were . . . boring. Kurt may not always agree with Blaine when it came to fashion but never before had he thought Blaine's clothes looked boring. He wore a simple pair of blue jeans, a gray hoodie and a pair of dirty sneakers. No bowties.
He stopped just in front of Kurt and it felt so weird to see him again that Kurt did not know how he was supposed to respond.
“Kurt,” Blaine started and just like that Kurt's shock wore off and all he could see was the image of Blaine pressed up against the wall, of Sebastian's hands running over his body, touching him were only Kurt was supposed to touch him.
And, God, it hurt.
“Get away from me,” he sneered and felt a bit better at the hurt that flashed in Blaine's eyes. Hurt, just like how Kurt had felt when he saw his boyfriend with another guy.
“No, Kurt, wait,” Blaine tried and reached out for him. “Just let me explain.”
He slapped his hand away, took a step back and in the corner of his eye he saw Mike stepping up beside him. The other boy looked a bit confused at the confrontation but he still stood steady at Kurt's side.
“There's nothing to explain,” he said and looked at Blaine again. “Just leave me alone.”
“No, I can't do that,” Blaine said, shaking his head fervently. “Please, can't we just go somewhere and talk.”
“I've got nothing to say to you,” Kurt snapped and even if he tried to act tough he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes now and he would be damned if he let Blaine see him cry.
In one movement he stepped forward and pushed past the other boy. He tried not to react to Blaine calling after him but he could not really contain a small flinch at the broken sound of his name. But he kept walking.
A bit further up the hall he noticed Puck leaning against a row of lockers and when he passed him the other boy glanced down the hall at Blaine before turning and giving Kurt a firm nod.
Kurt gave a tiny nod back.
*�*�*�*�*
Kurt did not really know how he got through the rest of the day. He was sort of going on autopilot. Go to class, look like you're listening, go to locker and change books, go to next class and so on. If anybody asked he would not be able to remember anything the teachers had said.
Some of his friends had tried to talk to him, mainly Mercedes and Rachel, but he either ignored them or changed the subject. His friends had of course realized the reason he was upset was because he was fighting with Blaine – kind of hard to miss after that scene in the hallway – but no one knew what exactly they were fighting about and he was not about to tell them. It was not their business.
And, anyway, what was he supposed to tell them? He was pretty sure he could not say the words out loud since it was hard enough to think them.
His boyfriend had cheated on him.
Blaine had cheated on him.
And Kurt did not care if it had not gone that far before he interrupted because it was pretty clear where it was heading.
And, what was even worse, where did it go after he had left? Or had it happened before?
*�*�*�*�*
Kurt had never been so glad to see the end of a school day as he was today and the sight of McKinley High's parking lot had never been more welcome. Searching through his bag to find his car keys he did not notice the commotion until he was almost there.
It was the sound of something hitting metal that made him look up and even then it took him a moment to realize what he was seeing.
Finn had Blaine pressed up against the Navigators side and Kurt almost dropped his bag as images from Friday night flashed before his eyes. But, no, not Finn . . ?
And he was right. In a way.
Looking closer he could see Finn's fingers digging in to the smaller boy's shoulder and his other hand was fisted and raised threateningly as if ready to strike. Puck was standing behind him, hands clenched by his side and a glare on his face as he stared at Blaine.
And Blaine.
Kurt swallowed around the lump in his throat. He had never seen Blaine look as scared as he did right then.
And then it did not matter that he was mad at Blaine, it did not matter that his boyfriend had cheated on him and hurt him because he was Blaine and deep down Kurt still loved him and he never wanted to see him get hurt.
“What the hell are you doing!?” he shrieked as he sprang forward, making all the other boys snap their heads around to look at him. “Let go of him!”
“But Kurt,” Finn started, looking a bit confused but still digging his fingers deeper in to Blaine's shoulder. “He's the reason you're upset! Puck says he saw you fighting in the hall this morning.”
“Yeah, man, you seemed really upset,” Puck filled in. “So we figured we'd teach him a lesson for you.” He cracked his fist as if to emphasize his point and Kurt saw Blaine flinch.
“No,” Kurt snapped. “No, you do not get to teach him a lesson. Let go of him right now or so help me, I'll show you just how good of a kicker I really am.”
Under any other circumstances he would have found it funny how fast Finn let go of the other boy to cover his crotch but the way Blaine almost sagged to the ground took all the fun out of it.
“But Kurt,” Finn started but Kurt cut him off.
“No, Finn. I appreciate that you're both trying to look out for me but I don't need it. I'm not some damsel in distress, I can solve my own problems.”
“But, dude,” Puck started this time.
“And do not call me 'dude', Puckerman!” he snapped. “Now, could you both please leave?”
The looked at each other for a moment before Finn shrugged. They both turned to glare at Blaine one last time before they headed towards Puck's truck.
“Just let us know if you change your mind,” Puck threw over his shoulder before they jumped in to the car and drove away.
Kurt closed his eyes and sighed, begging for strength to not hit something.
“Thanks.”
Opening his eyes slowly he looked at Blaine. The other boy seemed a bit more steady now and stood on his own without leaning against the car but there was nothing strong about the way he held himself. He looked fragile with the way he hunched his shoulders and the way he looked at Kurt from beneath his eyelashes.
Kurt had to look away.
“You're welcome,” he said softly.
They both fell silent, neither one knowing what to say or what to do. Other kids were still moving around the parking lot but most had left by now and in only a few minutes they would probably be alone.
“I'm so sorry, Kurt.” The words were soft, almost a whisper, and Kurt felt a pang in his heart at the way Blaine's voice cracked. “I never wanted to hurt you.”
“But you did.” The words were out before he had thought about it and even if he was pretty sure the small sound he heard meant that Blaine was crying he still did not regret them. “You did, Blaine.”
“I'm so sorry,” Blaine said. “Please, if I could just – if I could just explain.”
Kurt shook his head. “No, I'm sorry, but I can't do this right now. It's just . . . it's too soon.”
They were both silent again for a moment and Kurt felt the first tear roll down his cheek. He did not bother to wipe it away.
“I'm sorry,” Blaine said again and Kurt nodded because he knew.
He did not look up as Blaine walked away.
*�*�*�*�*
The next couple of days passed slowly. He tried to pay more attention, to act more normal, to laugh when his friends told him jokes. Most of the time he thought he had people fooled. Sometimes he knew that they saw right through him.
He saw Blaine in the hallway from time to time. It felt weird to just pass him by, to act as if they had not been closer than Kurt had thought possible, but the few times he tried to give the other boy a smile or a nod in greeting felt even weirder because his body seemed to fight the actions. It was as if it was telling him that it was all or nothing. Either a hug, a kiss, a gigantic smile or nothing at all.
So for now he settled for nothing.
He tried not to think about what had happened too much when he was at school but as soon as he got home and locked himself in his room his mind could think of nothing else. He wondered if there had been signs that he missed, if he should have known what would happen. He thought about how bored Blaine had probably been with him and how exciting it must have been to have someone as hot as Sebastian showing interest in you.
He wondered if they were a couple now.
And sometimes he could not stop the images from coming. Sebastian fucking Blaine against the wall. Blaine on his knees sucking the other boy off. Their naked bodies tangled together on Blaine's bed, the same bed were he and Kurt had both lost their virginities to each other.
He cried himself to sleep every night.
And then there were the times that he really thought about Blaine. How amazing and patient he had been, how strong and supportive. He thought about where he would have been now if he had never met the other boy. Would the bullying have been worse? Would they have finally hurt him?
Would he have hurt himself?
He thought about Blaine who had fled his old school after getting beaten and still he had gone to prom with Kurt. Still he had danced with him when he was crowned Queen. Still he left his safe haven at Dalton to join Kurt here at McKinley were they could not even hold hands without being called names or getting slushies or pushed in to lockers.
He thought about what life would be without the other boy and realized that those were the thoughts that hurt the most.
*�*�*�*�*
He was the first to arrive in the choir room the next day so he took a seat in the front room and crossed his legs while he waited. It did not take long before the others started to arrive and they all greeted him as they took their seats but his eyes were trained on the doorway, waiting.
Just as class was about to start Blaine finally walked through the door, head bent down as he shuffled up the bleachers and sat down in the back-row. He did not meet anyone’s eyes but Kurt noticed that some of the guys – Finn, Puck and Sam – were glaring at him and the others kept glancing between Blaine and him as if waiting for one of them to snap.
He sighed and turned back to face the front just as Mr Schue walked in.
“Hello everyone, good to see you're all here. Today I thought we would – “
“Excuse me, Mr Schue.”
Kurt could feel every eye on him as he slowly stood up.
“Um, yes Kurt?” the teacher said and seemed to finally register the odd mood in the choir-room as he cast a quick look around at everyone else.
“I wondered if I could perhaps sing a song,” Kurt said. “I have something prepared and I would really appreciate it if you would allow me to sing it.”
“Yes, yes of course,” Mr Schue said, cast another look at the others before taking the seat Kurt had just vacated.
Kurt placed himself in front of the others and took a deep breath before looking up. He could see the way Rachel was wringing her hands together and Mercedes wide-eyed stare and the way Tina grabbed Mike's hand before he pulled her close. He saw Finn's frown and the way Puck was still glaring at Blaine and how Santana was filing her nails as if she did not care what was going on even though he knew she probably knew more than most.
But most of all he could see the way Blaine was staring at him, his eyes wide and a little scared but there was also just a shimmer of hope in them. He was leaning forward in his seat, hands clasped and resting in his lap and his feet crossed at the ankles. He looked so much like Blaine that Kurt had to turn away again or he would be too choked up too sing.
He gave a nod to Brad at the piano, the signal for him to start, and soon a small note rang around the room.
I would build walls
For miles around me
Around anything that hurt
Any sensitive category
Kurt's voice was soft and clear as it rang across the room and it took a moment before he felt strong enough to lift his eyes from the floor.
Kept love at an arm's-length
It was natural to me
You did not agree
He dared a quick look up at Blaine before it became too much and he had to look away again.
You said things like "Unhealthy"
And I took on the task
Of changing my pattern
All you did was ask
A small shrug, a lift at the corner of his mouth.
And the walls all came crashing
At a welcoming speed
I was convinced you'd never hurt me
The first tear rolled down his cheek and he reached up with a hand to wipe it away but it was only followed by more.
As he kept singing the band joined in with a violin.
And I used to cling to the back of your mind
But I must have let go
At the moment in time
And here he lifted his eyes and stared straight at Blaine, wanting the other boy to really feel his words.
When he offered careless physical joy
Both bouncing my heart around
Like a cheap rubber toy
He could see a small tear roll down Blaine's cheek and he clenched his fist and squeezed his eyes close for moment as the music became harder, urging him on, pumping through his veins, as he practically snapped out the chorus.
And after countless
Hours
Of crying
Trying to forgive you
Believe you
Grow a spine and leave you
Grieve you
I've come to this conclusion,
The music softened again and Kurt looked back at Blaine.
No one prepares you when choosing to stay
How to dare share a bed again
Keep demons at bay
His vision was blurring as the tears kept rolling down his cheeks but he could not look away now. He had to show Blaine how much he was hurting.
He took something precious
That was just meant for me
Not for his eyes to see
He kept his eyes on Blaine as the chorus started up again, soft at first and than becoming harder.
And I used to cling to the back of your mind
But you must have let go
At the moment in time
When he offered careless physical joy
Both bouncing my heart around
Like a cheap rubber toy
And after countless
Hours
Of crying
Trying to forgive you
Believe you
Grow a spine and leave you
Grieve you
I've come to this conclusion,
The music slowed down again and Kurt's eyes softened as the tears kept rolling down his cheeks. He felt like he had his heart on his sleeve but he needed to do this, needed to show Blaine how he felt and even though it hurt he would not back down now.
After all the years you invested in me
All the love, tears, and possibilities
I realize that if the tables were turned around
You wouldn't leave me now,
There was a long drawn out tone on the piano as the song finished and when it finally grew quiet Kurt looked down on the floor and could no longer contain the sob that shook his whole body.
“Kurt.”
Blaine's voice was hesitant but Kurt nodded and looked up, his teary-eyes meeting Blaine's.
“I think I'm ready to talk now.”
*�*�*�*�*
They had borrowed Mr Schues office to get some privacy. Kurt stood leaning against the desk while Blaine was shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot by the door and Kurt just wanted him to sit down or something because he was not making this easier.
“Kurt – “ Blaine started but Kurt cut him off.
“No, let me start.”
Blaine stared at him and for a moment it looked like he wanted to insist on starting but then he just gave a court nod and finally leaned back against the door.
Kurt looked down at his hands. “I don't like Sebastian,” he said. “Actually, I hate him. Ever since he showed up he's done nothing but flirt with you even if I've been right there too.”
He took a deep breath. “The only reason I tolerated him was because I trusted you. I trusted you when you said that he did not mean anything to you and I trusted that you would never hurt me.”
He looked up and finally met Blaine's eyes. “But you did. You hurt me so bad. I don't think you can understand how horrible it felt to see the two of you like that and it hurt even more because it was him. Of all people, why did it have to be him?”
Blaine opened his mouth to respond but Kurt waved his hand to keep him quiet and he closed it again.
“And I've had a lot of time to think, too much maybe,” Kurt said and wiped at the tears that had started to fall again. “And I don't know if I can forgive you because I never thought you could do anything like that, but I'm willing to try.” He took an other deep breath. “I'm willing to try because even if I can't forgive you right now I can't imagine my life without you.”
He looked down at his hands again and the room grew quiet as the tears continued to run down his cheeks.
“Oh Kurt,” Blaine said at last and took a step closer. Tears were leaking from his eyes too and one of his hands were slightly raised as if he wanted to reach out but did not really dare.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” he said softly. “I wanted to tell you this from the start but you wouldn't listen, and I'm not blaming you for that, but, please, hear me out now?”
Kurt looked him in the eye and saw the sadness mixed with hope in them and he could do nothing but nod.
Blaine ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath before he started talking. “When Sebastian asked me if we could talk I didn't think anything of it. You were talking to Trent and I didn't think you'd even miss me before I got back.”
Kurt opened his mouth to say something, something sharp and hurtful, but Blaine continued before he could.
“He – he surprised me,” Blaine said and his eyes flickered around the room as if searching for some sort of answer. “I didn't expect it. He's always been flirting and teasing but I thought it was all a joke. I didn't think he was actually serious.”
Kurt's eyes were widening as he stared at the other boy who had started pacing across the small office and suddenly he could feel a weight settling in his stomach.
“So I didn't expect it when he pushed me up against the wall,” Blaine continued. “I tried to push him away but he's so much taller than me and stronger and he used it to his advantage. And then he started touching me.” Blaine sneered out the word and the tear that fell down Kurt's cheek was now for a completely different reason.
Blaine spun around suddenly and his eyes were wide and truthful as he stared in to Kurt's. “And then you came and it was all a big misunderstanding. A big mess. And I wanted to tell you but you wouldn't let me, and I'm still not blaming you for that but it wish you would have.”
Blaine reached out again, no hesitation this time, and Kurt was quick to grab his hand and pull him forward towards him. He raised the hand to his face and closed his eyes, trembling as Blaine's fingers stroked away the tears running down his pale cheeks.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” Blaine said again and Kurt sobbed.
“I'm sorry,” he said and turned his face so he could kiss Blaine's open palm. “I'm so sorry.”
“No, no, it wasn't you fault,” Blaine reassured him. “You've got nothing to be sorry about.”
“I still am,” Kurt responded and opened his eyes again.
He gripped Blaine's hand in both of his and that was when he noticed a slight discoloration across the other boy's knuckles. Raising it up to get a better look he felt Blaine tug slightly but he did not let go.
“Is that a bruise?” he asked and looked up in time to see Blaine squirm. “What happened?”
Blaine would not meet his eyes, instead he frowned at a spot on the floor. “I might have hit Sebastian,” he said finally and Kurt felt his eyes widen.
“You did what?”
“It was after you had left. He came out after me and he said some things and, well, I sort of punched him.”
He looked so ashamed that Kurt could not help himself. A laughed bubbled up in his throat as he launched himself in to Blaine's arms and crashed their lips together.
The kiss was far from perfect, it was sloppy and hard and full of teeth, but Kurt would have had it any other way as he felt Blaine's arms come up to wrap around his waist and pull him even closer. When they finally pulled apart Blaine's breath was coming in short gasps and his eyes were dark with lust as stared at Kurt.
“I love you,” Kurt said with a small smile.
Blaine's answering smile was anything but small. “I love you too.”
*�*�*�*�*
Author Notes – My first story in the Glee-fandom and therefore my first Klaine story. I hope I haven't messed up too bad! Oh, and please don't hate me until you've read it all!
Kurt took a small sip of the drink in his hand, wincing a little at the taste, and looked around the crowded room.
The Warblers were having a party and someone, it might have been Trent, had invited Kurt and Blaine to come. He had thought it was a bit odd at first since they were not Warblers anymore and was, in fact, their competition but Blaine had just laughed at him and explained that they were still their friends.
Blaine had clearly not understood a word of the whole Jessie St. Suck story.
But still, Kurt had agreed to come and he had to admit that it had been more fun than he had expected. He had never been that close to any of the other Warblers, at first because he did not really trust the whole zero policy-thing and later because . . . Well, he guess he just was not that good at making guy friends. But when they had arrived everyone had seemed genuinely happy to see him and he had had a lot of fun seeing Nick and Jeff's dance off and Thad running around trying to get some order in the chaos.
But they had been here longer then he had expected and they really needed to start heading back soon if they were supposed to make it before curfew. He put his glass down on the table behind him – he had only accepted it because Jeff kept insisting but the small sip he had taken was enough to prove that he still had not gotten over the April Rhodes fiasco, a good thing since he was designated driver – and looked around the room for his missing boyfriend.
The party had started to wind down a little and there were only three guys still dancing, the others had taken up seats on the scattered couches and chairs or were lounging against the walls and tables. It only took a moment for Kurt to realize that Blaine was not in the room and, having no idea where he had gone, he made his way over to Thad who seemed to be in an argument with Jeff.
“No, you are not allowed to jump on the furniture!” Kurt heard him say as he got closer. “It's not suitable behavior for a Warbler and what if it breaks? I sure won't pay for it!”
“You're kidding me, right?” Jeff asked with wide eyes. “What about all the times Blaine – “
“Yes, about Blaine,” Kurt cut in quickly before the fight could escalate and both boys turned to look at him in confusion. “You haven't seen him around, have you?”
Jeff turned and cast a quick look at Nick sitting next to him and before Kurt could try to decipher what that meant Thad said, “I think he and Sebastian stepped out for a second.”
“Oh,” Kurt said.
Sebastian.
The new Warbler – the new hot gay Warbler – who seemed to pop up in his and Blaine's conversations more and more and who was constantly hitting on Blaine as soon as they were in the same room. Sebastian who flirted and teased and talked about things that Kurt could not even think without blushing. Sebastian who made it no secret that he wanted Blaine for himself.
“I – I think Sebastian just wanted to ask him for some advice,” Jeff said quickly and threw another quick look over at Nick who was glaring at Thad. “About singing, you know.”
Thad looked a bit confused about the whole situation and the glare directed at him but Kurt just shook his head.
“Right,” he said and turned away. “If he shows up, tell him I'm looking for him.”
He headed for the door but he still heard Thad's cry of pain as either Jeff or Nick hit him and the furious whispering that broke out after. It was a relief to close the door behind him as he stepped out in the hallway and let the sounds from inside fade away.
Kurt believed in Blaine. He believed that Blaine loved him and that he would never hurt him on purpose and that he had no interest in Sebastian as anything but a friend. Kurt was not the jealous kind who would not let his boyfriend talk to other gay guys. He did not feel threatened.
His hands clenched at his sides as he continued walking down the hallway.
Who was he kidding? Of course he felt threatened!
Sebastian was good looking. He was hot. He was daring in a way Kurt could never pull of. And sometimes Kurt had to wonder, was that what Blaine wanted? Did he want a boyfriend that was not afraid of the more . . . sexual side of their relationship? Was Kurt really good enough for him?
Shaking his head a bit to try and get the unwanted thoughts out he suddenly came to a stop as he heard a noise.
It was . . . voices. Whispering. And the sound of clothes ruffling.
He turned towards a door on his left that was barely opened a crack. It was coming from in there.
He knew he should not. There was probably a couple in there busy doing . . . stuff and he should not interrupt. They would be embarrassed and he would be embarrassed and it would all just be one big embarrassing mess.
He took a step closer.
It was not Blaine in there. Because Blaine would never do that to him.
He took another step.
Blaine loved him. He loved him and he would never hurt him.
His hand was shaking as he lifted it towards the door, giving a small push so it slowly opened a bit further.
His knees almost gave out on him.
Blaine was pressed up against the wall, his head thrown back and eyes closed as Sebastian leaned in and whispered in his ear. His hands were gripping tightly to the blondes shoulders as Sebastian's own hand slipped down, down and . . .
Kurt wrenched himself away and in his haste he stumbled and, trying to find some leverage, he pushed the door opened further. The door banged open as gravity won out and he fell backwards with an undignified yelp.
He heard his name being called – heard Blaine calling it – just as the door further down the hall opened and some Warblers peaked out, obviously having heard the commotion, but Kurt was too far gone to care. He scrambled back a bit, tried to find his footing and finally he managed to get up on unsteady feet. He did not spare a single look at his boyfriend before he walked – ran – down the hall and towards the watching Warblers.
Pushing his way past them he headed in to the room and gave a quick look around before he spotted his coat and scarf hanging in the corner. He walked over and snatched them up before jumping in surprise as he felt a hand on his shoulder. Spinning around he met Nick's concerned gaze for a second before he looked away again, busing himself with putting his clothes on.
“Kurt, are you alright?”
“Yeah, yes, of course,” he said quickly. “I just – I need to get home. It's getting late.”
“Are you sure? You look kinda –“
He did not get to finish as Blaine burst in to the room and Kurt took that as his signal to go.
“I'm sorry,” he said quietly to Nick and then he pushed past him and headed for the door again.
He heard Blaine calling for him again, felt his hand on his arm but he slapped it away and kept going.
“Kurt, please, stop!” Blaine yelled. “Stop! It's not what it looked like!”
Everyone was watching. Everyone was staring as Kurt's life fell apart and he hated to feel so embarrassed, so foolish in front of people. He could not meet anyone's eyes as he pushed his way out of the room because he did not want to see the pity or the concern or maybe the judgment he would find there.
As soon as he broke free from the crowded room he took of at a run, feet pounding against the marble floor as he flew down the hallway, Blaine's cries following him but not catching up.
When he reached his car he fumbled with the keys for a second before getting the door open and jumping in. It was easier to fit them in the ignition and as soon as the car started he pushed down on the gas, taking a sort of sick delight in the way his tires screeched against the asphalt, and sped out of the parking lot.
He saw Blaine bursting out of the building just before he passed but the other boy was too slow to stop him.
It was not until Kurt had driven the whole way home and parked in front of his house that the tears started falling.
It had been a long weekend.
Finn had been the one to find him as he came home after having spent the evening at Rachel's house. He had been concerned and . . . brotherly as he tried to find out what had happened and if there was anyone he should be beating up. Kurt had tried to reassure him that nothing was wrong but it was difficult when he was crying so hard that he could hardly breath.
He had somehow, with Finn's help, managed to get up to his room without waking his dad or Carole but once there and after having closed the door in Finn's face he had simply collapsed on his bed. It had taken him hours to cry himself in to a fitful sleep.
His dad had been the one to wake him the next morning and it was obvious, even if the clothes he still had not changed out of were a dead giveaway, that Finn had told him about the night before. Burt had been concerned and he had tried to get Kurt to talk but he did not feel ready for it.
How was he supposed to tell his dad that his boyfriend – the boy that he loved and who he had thought loved him back and who had saved him when the bullying got too bad and had danced with him when prom had gone to hell – had cheated on him? That he was not good enough or sexy enough for Blaine to want him? That he had to turn to someone else, someone that Kurt hated with all his heart?
No, he could not say it.
So he had spent the weekend in bed, only getting up to go to the bathroom or eat dinner with the family, and he had ignored the constant buzzing of his phone as friend after friend tried to get a hold of him after Finn had apparently told the whole world. He did not care about his moisturizing routine, he did not care if his pajamas got sweaty and disgusting with too much use and he cried until his eyes were red and his face swollen.
And then on Monday he got out of bed, took a shower, fixed his hair and his skin and his clothes and he went to school.
He kept his head held high as he walked through the doors and down the hall. Inside he was a mess and all he really wanted was to run back home and hide in his room forever but he was not a coward and he could do this.
Courage.
He wanted to cry.
He reached his locker without bumping in to any of his friends and it was with a sigh of relief that he put in his code and snapped it open. Thankfully there had not been much homework this weekend and the little there were he had finished before going to the party on Friday.
“Boo, are you alright?”
Closing his eyes for a second he plastered a smile on his face before he turned around.
“I'm fine, Mercedes,” he said and gave a nod in greeting as Artie, Tina and Mike came over. “How were your weekends?”
Tina and Mike shared a look as Artie cleared his throat. “It was fine,” he said shortly. “Um, Kurt, Finn said you had sort of a bad weekend . . ?”
“Oh, that,” Kurt said and tried his best to sound dismissive as he turned around and closed his locker. “It was nothing. I'm fine.”
“But Finn says you've been, um, crying,” Tina said hesitantly and when Mike reached out and grasped her hand Kurt couldn't help himself.
“Yeah, well, Finn's got a big fucking mouth,” he snapped and immediately regretted it as he saw the shock on their faces.
“Kurt,” Mercedes started, her eyes wide as she looked at him but he shook his head.
“No, I'm sorry,” he said. “I didn't mean that. Could we just not . . . not do this right now?”
“Of course,” Mike said and gave Kurt a firm nod when he looked at him.
He gave a small smile in return, glad that they would not push – at least not now – and turned to head to his first class. He had only managed one step when his eyes fell on Blaine walking towards him.
Blaine looked about as bad as Kurt felt. His eyes were red like he had been crying, his lips were chapped as if he had been chewing on them insistently and his clothes were . . . boring. Kurt may not always agree with Blaine when it came to fashion but never before had he thought Blaine's clothes looked boring. He wore a simple pair of blue jeans, a gray hoodie and a pair of dirty sneakers. No bowties.
He stopped just in front of Kurt and it felt so weird to see him again that Kurt did not know how he was supposed to respond.
“Kurt,” Blaine started and just like that Kurt's shock wore off and all he could see was the image of Blaine pressed up against the wall, of Sebastian's hands running over his body, touching him were only Kurt was supposed to touch him.
And, God, it hurt.
“Get away from me,” he sneered and felt a bit better at the hurt that flashed in Blaine's eyes. Hurt, just like how Kurt had felt when he saw his boyfriend with another guy.
“No, Kurt, wait,” Blaine tried and reached out for him. “Just let me explain.”
He slapped his hand away, took a step back and in the corner of his eye he saw Mike stepping up beside him. The other boy looked a bit confused at the confrontation but he still stood steady at Kurt's side.
“There's nothing to explain,” he said and looked at Blaine again. “Just leave me alone.”
“No, I can't do that,” Blaine said, shaking his head fervently. “Please, can't we just go somewhere and talk.”
“I've got nothing to say to you,” Kurt snapped and even if he tried to act tough he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes now and he would be damned if he let Blaine see him cry.
In one movement he stepped forward and pushed past the other boy. He tried not to react to Blaine calling after him but he could not really contain a small flinch at the broken sound of his name. But he kept walking.
A bit further up the hall he noticed Puck leaning against a row of lockers and when he passed him the other boy glanced down the hall at Blaine before turning and giving Kurt a firm nod.
Kurt gave a tiny nod back.
Kurt did not really know how he got through the rest of the day. He was sort of going on autopilot. Go to class, look like you're listening, go to locker and change books, go to next class and so on. If anybody asked he would not be able to remember anything the teachers had said.
Some of his friends had tried to talk to him, mainly Mercedes and Rachel, but he either ignored them or changed the subject. His friends had of course realized the reason he was upset was because he was fighting with Blaine – kind of hard to miss after that scene in the hallway – but no one knew what exactly they were fighting about and he was not about to tell them. It was not their business.
And, anyway, what was he supposed to tell them? He was pretty sure he could not say the words out loud since it was hard enough to think them.
His boyfriend had cheated on him.
Blaine had cheated on him.
And Kurt did not care if it had not gone that far before he interrupted because it was pretty clear where it was heading.
And, what was even worse, where did it go after he had left? Or had it happened before?
Kurt had never been so glad to see the end of a school day as he was today and the sight of McKinley High's parking lot had never been more welcome. Searching through his bag to find his car keys he did not notice the commotion until he was almost there.
It was the sound of something hitting metal that made him look up and even then it took him a moment to realize what he was seeing.
Finn had Blaine pressed up against the Navigators side and Kurt almost dropped his bag as images from Friday night flashed before his eyes. But, no, not Finn . . ?
And he was right. In a way.
Looking closer he could see Finn's fingers digging in to the smaller boy's shoulder and his other hand was fisted and raised threateningly as if ready to strike. Puck was standing behind him, hands clenched by his side and a glare on his face as he stared at Blaine.
And Blaine.
Kurt swallowed around the lump in his throat. He had never seen Blaine look as scared as he did right then.
And then it did not matter that he was mad at Blaine, it did not matter that his boyfriend had cheated on him and hurt him because he was Blaine and deep down Kurt still loved him and he never wanted to see him get hurt.
“What the hell are you doing!?” he shrieked as he sprang forward, making all the other boys snap their heads around to look at him. “Let go of him!”
“But Kurt,” Finn started, looking a bit confused but still digging his fingers deeper in to Blaine's shoulder. “He's the reason you're upset! Puck says he saw you fighting in the hall this morning.”
“Yeah, man, you seemed really upset,” Puck filled in. “So we figured we'd teach him a lesson for you.” He cracked his fist as if to emphasize his point and Kurt saw Blaine flinch.
“No,” Kurt snapped. “No, you do not get to teach him a lesson. Let go of him right now or so help me, I'll show you just how good of a kicker I really am.”
Under any other circumstances he would have found it funny how fast Finn let go of the other boy to cover his crotch but the way Blaine almost sagged to the ground took all the fun out of it.
“But Kurt,” Finn started but Kurt cut him off.
“No, Finn. I appreciate that you're both trying to look out for me but I don't need it. I'm not some damsel in distress, I can solve my own problems.”
“But, dude,” Puck started this time.
“And do not call me 'dude', Puckerman!” he snapped. “Now, could you both please leave?”
The looked at each other for a moment before Finn shrugged. They both turned to glare at Blaine one last time before they headed towards Puck's truck.
“Just let us know if you change your mind,” Puck threw over his shoulder before they jumped in to the car and drove away.
Kurt closed his eyes and sighed, begging for strength to not hit something.
“Thanks.”
Opening his eyes slowly he looked at Blaine. The other boy seemed a bit more steady now and stood on his own without leaning against the car but there was nothing strong about the way he held himself. He looked fragile with the way he hunched his shoulders and the way he looked at Kurt from beneath his eyelashes.
Kurt had to look away.
“You're welcome,” he said softly.
They both fell silent, neither one knowing what to say or what to do. Other kids were still moving around the parking lot but most had left by now and in only a few minutes they would probably be alone.
“I'm so sorry, Kurt.” The words were soft, almost a whisper, and Kurt felt a pang in his heart at the way Blaine's voice cracked. “I never wanted to hurt you.”
“But you did.” The words were out before he had thought about it and even if he was pretty sure the small sound he heard meant that Blaine was crying he still did not regret them. “You did, Blaine.”
“I'm so sorry,” Blaine said. “Please, if I could just – if I could just explain.”
Kurt shook his head. “No, I'm sorry, but I can't do this right now. It's just . . . it's too soon.”
They were both silent again for a moment and Kurt felt the first tear roll down his cheek. He did not bother to wipe it away.
“I'm sorry,” Blaine said again and Kurt nodded because he knew.
He did not look up as Blaine walked away.
The next couple of days passed slowly. He tried to pay more attention, to act more normal, to laugh when his friends told him jokes. Most of the time he thought he had people fooled. Sometimes he knew that they saw right through him.
He saw Blaine in the hallway from time to time. It felt weird to just pass him by, to act as if they had not been closer than Kurt had thought possible, but the few times he tried to give the other boy a smile or a nod in greeting felt even weirder because his body seemed to fight the actions. It was as if it was telling him that it was all or nothing. Either a hug, a kiss, a gigantic smile or nothing at all.
So for now he settled for nothing.
He tried not to think about what had happened too much when he was at school but as soon as he got home and locked himself in his room his mind could think of nothing else. He wondered if there had been signs that he missed, if he should have known what would happen. He thought about how bored Blaine had probably been with him and how exciting it must have been to have someone as hot as Sebastian showing interest in you.
He wondered if they were a couple now.
And sometimes he could not stop the images from coming. Sebastian fucking Blaine against the wall. Blaine on his knees sucking the other boy off. Their naked bodies tangled together on Blaine's bed, the same bed were he and Kurt had both lost their virginities to each other.
He cried himself to sleep every night.
And then there were the times that he really thought about Blaine. How amazing and patient he had been, how strong and supportive. He thought about where he would have been now if he had never met the other boy. Would the bullying have been worse? Would they have finally hurt him?
Would he have hurt himself?
He thought about Blaine who had fled his old school after getting beaten and still he had gone to prom with Kurt. Still he had danced with him when he was crowned Queen. Still he left his safe haven at Dalton to join Kurt here at McKinley were they could not even hold hands without being called names or getting slushies or pushed in to lockers.
He thought about what life would be without the other boy and realized that those were the thoughts that hurt the most.
He was the first to arrive in the choir room the next day so he took a seat in the front room and crossed his legs while he waited. It did not take long before the others started to arrive and they all greeted him as they took their seats but his eyes were trained on the doorway, waiting.
Just as class was about to start Blaine finally walked through the door, head bent down as he shuffled up the bleachers and sat down in the back-row. He did not meet anyone’s eyes but Kurt noticed that some of the guys – Finn, Puck and Sam – were glaring at him and the others kept glancing between Blaine and him as if waiting for one of them to snap.
He sighed and turned back to face the front just as Mr Schue walked in.
“Hello everyone, good to see you're all here. Today I thought we would – “
“Excuse me, Mr Schue.”
Kurt could feel every eye on him as he slowly stood up.
“Um, yes Kurt?” the teacher said and seemed to finally register the odd mood in the choir-room as he cast a quick look around at everyone else.
“I wondered if I could perhaps sing a song,” Kurt said. “I have something prepared and I would really appreciate it if you would allow me to sing it.”
“Yes, yes of course,” Mr Schue said, cast another look at the others before taking the seat Kurt had just vacated.
Kurt placed himself in front of the others and took a deep breath before looking up. He could see the way Rachel was wringing her hands together and Mercedes wide-eyed stare and the way Tina grabbed Mike's hand before he pulled her close. He saw Finn's frown and the way Puck was still glaring at Blaine and how Santana was filing her nails as if she did not care what was going on even though he knew she probably knew more than most.
But most of all he could see the way Blaine was staring at him, his eyes wide and a little scared but there was also just a shimmer of hope in them. He was leaning forward in his seat, hands clasped and resting in his lap and his feet crossed at the ankles. He looked so much like Blaine that Kurt had to turn away again or he would be too choked up too sing.
He gave a nod to Brad at the piano, the signal for him to start, and soon a small note rang around the room.
I would build walls
For miles around me
Around anything that hurt
Any sensitive category
Kurt's voice was soft and clear as it rang across the room and it took a moment before he felt strong enough to lift his eyes from the floor.
Kept love at an arm's-length
It was natural to me
You did not agree
He dared a quick look up at Blaine before it became too much and he had to look away again.
You said things like "Unhealthy"
And I took on the task
Of changing my pattern
All you did was ask
A small shrug, a lift at the corner of his mouth.
And the walls all came crashing
At a welcoming speed
I was convinced you'd never hurt me
The first tear rolled down his cheek and he reached up with a hand to wipe it away but it was only followed by more.
As he kept singing the band joined in with a violin.
And I used to cling to the back of your mind
But I must have let go
At the moment in time
And here he lifted his eyes and stared straight at Blaine, wanting the other boy to really feel his words.
When he offered careless physical joy
Both bouncing my heart around
Like a cheap rubber toy
He could see a small tear roll down Blaine's cheek and he clenched his fist and squeezed his eyes close for moment as the music became harder, urging him on, pumping through his veins, as he practically snapped out the chorus.
And after countless
Hours
Of crying
Trying to forgive you
Believe you
Grow a spine and leave you
Grieve you
I've come to this conclusion,
The music softened again and Kurt looked back at Blaine.
No one prepares you when choosing to stay
How to dare share a bed again
Keep demons at bay
His vision was blurring as the tears kept rolling down his cheeks but he could not look away now. He had to show Blaine how much he was hurting.
He took something precious
That was just meant for me
Not for his eyes to see
He kept his eyes on Blaine as the chorus started up again, soft at first and than becoming harder.
And I used to cling to the back of your mind
But you must have let go
At the moment in time
When he offered careless physical joy
Both bouncing my heart around
Like a cheap rubber toy
And after countless
Hours
Of crying
Trying to forgive you
Believe you
Grow a spine and leave you
Grieve you
I've come to this conclusion,
The music slowed down again and Kurt's eyes softened as the tears kept rolling down his cheeks. He felt like he had his heart on his sleeve but he needed to do this, needed to show Blaine how he felt and even though it hurt he would not back down now.
After all the years you invested in me
All the love, tears, and possibilities
I realize that if the tables were turned around
You wouldn't leave me now,
There was a long drawn out tone on the piano as the song finished and when it finally grew quiet Kurt looked down on the floor and could no longer contain the sob that shook his whole body.
“Kurt.”
Blaine's voice was hesitant but Kurt nodded and looked up, his teary-eyes meeting Blaine's.
“I think I'm ready to talk now.”
They had borrowed Mr Schues office to get some privacy. Kurt stood leaning against the desk while Blaine was shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot by the door and Kurt just wanted him to sit down or something because he was not making this easier.
“Kurt – “ Blaine started but Kurt cut him off.
“No, let me start.”
Blaine stared at him and for a moment it looked like he wanted to insist on starting but then he just gave a court nod and finally leaned back against the door.
Kurt looked down at his hands. “I don't like Sebastian,” he said. “Actually, I hate him. Ever since he showed up he's done nothing but flirt with you even if I've been right there too.”
He took a deep breath. “The only reason I tolerated him was because I trusted you. I trusted you when you said that he did not mean anything to you and I trusted that you would never hurt me.”
He looked up and finally met Blaine's eyes. “But you did. You hurt me so bad. I don't think you can understand how horrible it felt to see the two of you like that and it hurt even more because it was him. Of all people, why did it have to be him?”
Blaine opened his mouth to respond but Kurt waved his hand to keep him quiet and he closed it again.
“And I've had a lot of time to think, too much maybe,” Kurt said and wiped at the tears that had started to fall again. “And I don't know if I can forgive you because I never thought you could do anything like that, but I'm willing to try.” He took an other deep breath. “I'm willing to try because even if I can't forgive you right now I can't imagine my life without you.”
He looked down at his hands again and the room grew quiet as the tears continued to run down his cheeks.
“Oh Kurt,” Blaine said at last and took a step closer. Tears were leaking from his eyes too and one of his hands were slightly raised as if he wanted to reach out but did not really dare.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” he said softly. “I wanted to tell you this from the start but you wouldn't listen, and I'm not blaming you for that, but, please, hear me out now?”
Kurt looked him in the eye and saw the sadness mixed with hope in them and he could do nothing but nod.
Blaine ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath before he started talking. “When Sebastian asked me if we could talk I didn't think anything of it. You were talking to Trent and I didn't think you'd even miss me before I got back.”
Kurt opened his mouth to say something, something sharp and hurtful, but Blaine continued before he could.
“He – he surprised me,” Blaine said and his eyes flickered around the room as if searching for some sort of answer. “I didn't expect it. He's always been flirting and teasing but I thought it was all a joke. I didn't think he was actually serious.”
Kurt's eyes were widening as he stared at the other boy who had started pacing across the small office and suddenly he could feel a weight settling in his stomach.
“So I didn't expect it when he pushed me up against the wall,” Blaine continued. “I tried to push him away but he's so much taller than me and stronger and he used it to his advantage. And then he started touching me.” Blaine sneered out the word and the tear that fell down Kurt's cheek was now for a completely different reason.
Blaine spun around suddenly and his eyes were wide and truthful as he stared in to Kurt's. “And then you came and it was all a big misunderstanding. A big mess. And I wanted to tell you but you wouldn't let me, and I'm still not blaming you for that but it wish you would have.”
Blaine reached out again, no hesitation this time, and Kurt was quick to grab his hand and pull him forward towards him. He raised the hand to his face and closed his eyes, trembling as Blaine's fingers stroked away the tears running down his pale cheeks.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” Blaine said again and Kurt sobbed.
“I'm sorry,” he said and turned his face so he could kiss Blaine's open palm. “I'm so sorry.”
“No, no, it wasn't you fault,” Blaine reassured him. “You've got nothing to be sorry about.”
“I still am,” Kurt responded and opened his eyes again.
He gripped Blaine's hand in both of his and that was when he noticed a slight discoloration across the other boy's knuckles. Raising it up to get a better look he felt Blaine tug slightly but he did not let go.
“Is that a bruise?” he asked and looked up in time to see Blaine squirm. “What happened?”
Blaine would not meet his eyes, instead he frowned at a spot on the floor. “I might have hit Sebastian,” he said finally and Kurt felt his eyes widen.
“You did what?”
“It was after you had left. He came out after me and he said some things and, well, I sort of punched him.”
He looked so ashamed that Kurt could not help himself. A laughed bubbled up in his throat as he launched himself in to Blaine's arms and crashed their lips together.
The kiss was far from perfect, it was sloppy and hard and full of teeth, but Kurt would have had it any other way as he felt Blaine's arms come up to wrap around his waist and pull him even closer. When they finally pulled apart Blaine's breath was coming in short gasps and his eyes were dark with lust as stared at Kurt.
“I love you,” Kurt said with a small smile.
Blaine's answering smile was anything but small. “I love you too.”