“So, when's the senior citizen getting here?”

A round of snickering greeted Kurt as he stepped into the room, glare in place and directed at Santana.

“You promised: none of that shit tonight.”

“He's not here, Smurfette, it doesn't count.”

Kurt sighed and retreated back to the kitchen. Not for the first time, Kurt seriously considered murdering his oldest roommate. He fumed silently and worked quickly to finish preparing the meal none of his roommates offered to help with, though they had been in and out of the room for the past hour stealing ingredients from where they sat and occasionally from out of his hand.

He was in the midst of rethinking the entire plan for the evening, of leaving the food for his friends and meeting up with Blaine elsewhere, when Santana came in and hopped up on the counter beside the stove and tried to catch his eye.

“Okay, look,” Santana started, “I'll be on my best behavior. You don't have to worry about Daddy Warbucks running away scared because Auntie Snix came out to play.”

Kurt nodded, but wasn't convinced. Knowing Santana, this could have just been an attempt to lull him into a false sense of security before asking to see Blaine's AARP card halfway through dinner.

“Dani's withholding sex should I ruin tonight for you, Lolita. So no need to strain yourself thinking up a proper incentive. If I keep my mouth shut around gramps, I get to use it tonight.”

“Gross,” Kurt muttered as he turned off the stove and set the table.

In the momentary silence, the sound of a knock at the door carried through the apartment. Kurt hastily straightened the place settings at the table while staring at Santana on her countertop perch, daring her to move an inch. She smirked, but stayed put.

Kurt was in the middle of a deep inhale to calm himself when Dani and Elliott raced past the doorway, Elliott yelling “you snooze, you lose!” Santana cackled in delight at the look of panic on Kurt's face before he rushed after them.

Blaine stood flustered on the other side of the doorway as Dani opened the door. Kurt didn't even know what to say. He knew there was no way Blaine hadn't heard the stampede heading toward him, or the loud bang of Elliott hitting the wall when Dani shoved him aside.

“Hi!” Dani squealed. “Oh my god, you are actually an adorable old man. Look, he's wearing a bowtie!”

Kurt's jaw dropped and no words could seem to find their way to his tongue. Dani pulled a dumbfounded Blaine inside and then pinched his fucking cheek and called him adorable again. Elliott walked away from the scene, barely holding it together.

Santana positioned herself beside Kurt, holding a bowl of salad and looking all too pleased with the situation.

“And you were worried about me.”

At that, Kurt's speech and motor functions finally returned. He took Dani by the shoulders, steered her away from Blaine, and watched her disappear into the kitchen; Elliott's laughter erupted and he choked out, “You're such a fucking idiot.”

“I'm so sorry,” Kurt said resignedly.

“It's fine.”

“It's the opposite of fine, Blaine.”

Blaine hugged Kurt and whispered assurances in his ear. Then Santana invaded their bubble. Both men stiffened as she brushed up against them and joined the hug.

“It is so nice to meet you, Blaine,” she whispered, resting her head against his.

Kurt broke out of the (now incredibly awkward) embrace and flicked Santana's arm.

“Ow.”

“Go to hell, Satan.”

“Someday,” she said, walking away.

“I'm so sorry,” Kurt repeated, huffing out his next breath.

“You said that already. And I told you its fine.” Blaine pulled Kurt close by the waist and lifted Kurt's wrists to his mouth. He brushed his lips against the disembodied grin of the Cheshire Cat where it curved beneath Kurt's left thumb, then moved to kiss the heart-shaped pocket watch buried in a rosebush dripping paint down his right forearm, an act he had recently grown fond of and repeated often.

:: ::

Once Kurt had been sufficiently soothed, the couple joined the rest of the group. Kurt annoyance at the trio for starting to eat already was assuaged by the fact that they were far less chatty with their mouths full. The staring was getting to be a bit much, though. Even Elliott, the sanest of all his roommates, past and present, kept sneaking glances between Kurt and Blaine, always lingering on Blaine in curiosity.

Blaine, ever polite, said nothing to deter them. However, Kurt possessed no qualms about kicking Santana, with neither grace not subtlety, once he noticed her gawking openly at Blaine.

Dani raised her hand as though she needed permission to speak and Kurt dropped his head back with a groan. Blaine placed his hand in Kurt's and broke the running silence.

“I'm sure you guys must have questions, and I –”

“Do not give them that opening.”

“Kurt, c'mon.”

“Yeah, Kurt,” Santana started, “maybe if you hadn't kept him hidden so long, this whole experience wouldn't be so completely excruciating for all involved.”

“Fine.” Kurt crossed his arms and sat back in his seat.

“Oh, quit being such a drama queen and give us a little credit here. Curious as I am to know what sex is like after a hip replacement, I'll keep it PG.”

Blaine spoke over the group's harsh admonishments toward Santana, “Exactly how old do you think I am?”

“How was the ride over on the Mayflower?”

“Got a little seasick, but I made it here safe.”

Elliott snorted into his hands and they all soon followed suit.

:: ::

“Did I do okay?” Blaine asked as Kurt walked him out. Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand and assured him he was never the concern.

“You seemed pissy tonight.”

“Pissy?”

“Maybe not the best word choice,” Blaine backtracked.

“Definitely not.” He paused as they stepped outside. “You're the first guy I've ever… brought home to meet the family,” he gestured to the building behind them. “And they are my family, but god – Dani… oh my god. Was that as horrible as I'm remembering? Don't answer that.”

Blaine held him close, and Kurt relaxed a little. “You're the only one who didn't have a good time.”

“That's because you all turned on me. I cannot believe those vultures told you about Bruce.”

“It's kind of funny.”

“To you, maybe.”

“Are you really mad?”

“Yes,” he pouted. Blaine rolled his eyes and kissed away Kurt's pout.

“Bring everyone over this weekend. Dani can tell me how cute my bowties are, one by one, while Santana searches through my medicine cabinet for Viagra. It'll be a good time. And you can get your vengeance for tonight – which, I maintain, was not the horror show you've concocted in your head.”

Blaine hailed a cab and kissed Kurt goodbye, parting with a cheeky, “Until next time.”

:: ::

Kurt journeyed back upstairs and plopped himself down on the couch next to Elliott. The girls were curled up in the armchair peering at him with repentant faces. As much as he wanted to be mad, Blaine wanted him despite their insanity, so he decided to let them off the hook.

“Turn those frowns upside down, girls. You're all invited to lunch – dinner? I don't know – a meal at Blaine's place so you can stop looking like someone killed your cat.”

Dani and Elliott drifted toward their instruments, fooling around with songs they'll never write down, and Santana drifted toward him. He used her lap as a pillow and she ran her hands through his hair absentmindedly.

“I like him, Kurt,” Santana said.

“I'm so glad to have your approval,” he replied. And though there was a snap to his tone, he was truly relieved.