Jan. 27, 2023, 4:05 p.m.
Saving Grace
Blaine longed to find love, but, as he was so often told, that was not what he was made for. Fairies are supposed to spread joy and pixie dust, not frolic around or longingly stare at all the Big Folk, wishing he could be one of them, that he could be free.
E - Words: 1,077 - Last Updated: Jan 27, 2023 566 0 0 0 Warnings: Basically, this is 1000 words of purely cracky smut and you should really not read it if you're easily offended or traumatised. Just read the tags and imagine what it could possibly be about. That's all. Categories: AU, Cotton Candy Fluff, Humor, Parody, Romance, Supernatural, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Tags: Look. I'm just gonna pre-empt this by saying you shouldn't read it if you are easily offended or traumatised, Angel Kurt Hummel, Fairy Blaine Anderson, Pocket Sized Blaine Anderson, Smut , Humor , Parody , Crack - not taken seriously, Like not even a little, Maximum Cringe, Sex Magic, Wingfic, So yeah , Read At Your Own Risk,
This has been cross-posted from Ao3, where it has been gifted to the insane(ly awesome) quizasvivamos!
She and I got talking earlier today about bad porn and crack fics and somehow, here we are =D We couldn't fit all the ideas we had in one fic, so I tackled the Angel/Fairy part and she got the Android/Shapeshifter crack xD
Make sure you read her story too if you really feel like breaking a rib laughing! ♡
It was a sunny spring day and Blaine flew through the air with a big smile on his face. After a long winter stuck inside with only his annoying sister, Tink, for company, he couldn’t wait to get out and spread his wings.
Blaine longed to find love, but, as he was so often told, that was not what he was made for. Fairies are supposed to spread joy and pixie dust, not frolic around or longingly stare at all the Big Folk, wishing he could be one of them, that he could be free.
Blaine darted from place to place, thinking happy thoughts and spreading magical pollen from his pixie stick. He was so deeply preoccupied with daydreaming about his favourite dewy meadow and the boy he had seen there last summer, and humming a song under his breath, that he did not pay attention to where he was going.
“I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine. I got a love and I know that it’s all mine, oh, oh-oof–”
Blaine had flown headfirst into a solid object and he scrambled with all his limbs to grab hold of it before he fell down. The object felt as long and solid as the tree he had made his home in, and the feeling of it against his pixie stick made him accidentally release an extra strong dose of pollen.
Though he couldn’t see it at first, colour slowly started to bleed into the seemingly empty space he had wrapped his arms and legs around, and Blaine could feel it start to tremble. He heard a groaning noise from high above him and his gaze travelled up from where he was clamped on, through the wild auburn forest, over sculpted planes of the palest marble and finally ending at the most beautiful face he had ever seen, framed with even more perfectly styled hair that shone in the sun. Oh! This was an Angel!
Blaine had heard of them, of course, but he’d never seen one before because they were said to be invisible. The Angel’s chiselled jaw clenched and he shut his eyes, hiding his sapphire orbs from Blaine’s sight. The trembling increased until Blaine worried that he might vibrate right off. With a scream that Blaine felt deep in his soul, the Angel threw his head back and Blaine saw his perch erupt like a volcano full of white hot lava.
Stunned, Blaine could only squeeze his perch tighter, desperately trying to hold on while he got coated from head to toe, not realising that this only increased the force of the explosions.
After what felt like hours, but was only minutes at most, the steady stream of liquid Angel dust had slowed to a stop and Blaine carefully detached one arm. It squelched as he pulled it from around his perch, and as he wiped his hand over his face, he only managed to wipe off his eyes before the weight of the stuff dragged his arm down again. Blaine tried to warn the Angel of his presence, but the Angelic discharge immediately flowed into his open mouth, forcing him to either swallow or choke on it.
Alerted by his coughing, the Angel looked down and finally spotted Blaine, hanging on for dear life, body and wings dripping with emission.
“Oh, so I have you to thank for this?” he asked amused, as he gently detached Blaine from his divine rod and lifted him up to eye level. “I never knew it could do that, but it pleased me greatly. Thank you.”
The Angel brought Blaine down to earth, to a clearing in the woods that had a stream running through it. He laid him down on a bed of lilacs and gently washed him down. As he did so, they got talking and discovered how much they had in common. Both of them were outcasts and misunderstood. They longed to see the world and study the humans, but they felt chained by their societies.
It took at least five washings to clear Blaine off, and everytime he felt the Angel’s hands upon him, Blaine could feel his pixie stick hum in excitement, ready for work. He tried to hold it in, but as the Angel reached for his leg to clear off the Angel dust gathered there, he exploded.
Blaine’s fairy dust fluttered through the air and landed with the Angel dust still pooling between his legs. To both their surprise, the two substances mixed and expanded greatly, until both he and the Angel were covered once again, completely negating their earlier efforts.
“What the devil is this?!” The Angel roared, trying to dislodge the unnatural, yet magical substance.
“I… What is happening to me?” Blaine called out, panicking as he felt a tingling in his actual bones this time. From the base of his spine, down to his toes the tingling went, and straight back up again, pimpling his flesh and pebbling his nipples. Slowly but surely, Blaine could feel himself grow taller and taller, until he went from being able to fit in a pocket to needing new clothes to cover his own ehm… pockets.
“Holy me, you’ve grown!” The Angel exclaims, raising a hand to Blaine’s chest making it look like he was blessing him, before realising how creepy that looked and quickly retracting his limb.
“How did this happen? I know I wished I was bigger, but I never thought it could actually happen!”
“Does it really matter? We can be together now and travel the world.” The Angel said, grabbing Blaine’s hands and clasping them against his marbled chest.
“Oh, I guess we can. But… I don’t even know your name! Or is Angel your name? You are certainly my saving grace.”
“Kurt, my name is Kurt.”
“And I am called Blaine.”
“Oh Blaine, my love. Tell me you’ll fly away with me?”
“Oh. Of course, Kurt! I want nothing more!”
And they lived happily ever after.
The end.
Sorry, not sorry.
Thanks for reading, I'd love to hear what you think!
~ Gwen ♡