Tuesday 18th September 2012

It’s been three weeks since I started coming here. I was taking a shortcut through this alleyway when soft laughter caught my attention. There was a half opened door and windows that finished just above my head making it too hard to see inside but the smell was unmistakable. Coffee. So I slowly opened the door just that little bit more and found myself standing in the doorway of New York City’s best hidden secret.

It’s not the sort of place that I’d usually frequent. Everything was all over the place. There was no order to where the tables were positioned and I couldn’t find any two chairs that were the same. Two tables next to each other wouldn’t be the same height and made them look out of place next to one another. There were band posters on the walls but there were also old classic paintings that most people would recognise. The crowd there wasn’t huge but it wasn’t lunch time either. The ceiling was high up and the windows, though also being so high up, let in so much light it was unexpected when coming inside. The walls were painted different colours that didn’t match one another but somehow it all worked. Though one wall was covered in bookshelves with books packed to the rafters. The unevenness of the entire café worked because of the mix of people sitting and working there. The Rabbit Hole (as it was called) didn’t only attract one certain group of people. Any sort of clique or culture you could think of was there. The girl wearing the gothic clothes was sitting next to the old couple who smiled and nodded at the girl when she asked them a question. There were two girls holding hands in the corner, obviously in their own little world and as much as I don’t find PDA necessary, I couldn’t help but think of how cute and in love they obviously were, sitting close and giving each other little pecks here and there while no one around them batted an eyelash.

So by the time my order was taken, I’d sat down at a little table in the corner right next to a clock that didn’t work anymore and I’d taken my first sip of their coffee, I’d declared right then that this my favourite coffee shop. It wasn’t just the atmosphere and soft music of the place that I loved but the coffee was the best coffee I’d ever tried before. So after I’d gone home to Rachel and Santana I promised myself that I wouldn’t tell anyone about my coffee shop. It was an escape from the rest of the world. My own little safe haven. So every day after class at NYADA I started going there to get away. I started to try a different coffee on their menu once a week so I could get a try of everything which is what found me here today, drinking a caramel latte that I couldn’t fault in the slightest. I’d never been one for syrup in coffee but this was truly magnificent.

Since moving to New York with Rachel and Santana I have barely found a moment to myself. Between interning at Vogue.com, taking classes at NYADA and living with two of the noisiest girls in the city, I barely even have  time to think. Now, since I’ve started coming here daily, I’ve found myself so much more relaxed and comfortable being away from my family. I can go home without feeling like I want to rip out the throats of my two best friends every day and it’s all because I have found the time to decompress at The Rabbit Hole. Luckily they haven’t noticed that I’m home later each day than I used to be, I don’t want them knowing about this place. I don’t want anyone knowing.

I was about halfway through my coffee when he walked in. It had been raining outside and this man unbuttoned his raincoat and hung it up on the coat rack next to the door. His hair was mostly gelled back but some curls had decided to spring free due to the rain. He looked about my height, maybe a little shorter, but so much more muscular. His shirt hugged his body in all the right places and the bowtie was adorable. He walked up to the counter and started talking to the other people who worked there like he knew them. Maybe he worked here? But I hadn’t seen him and I’ve been coming here every day for three weeks. After talking for a few minutes to the people behind the counter, he turned around and walked over to one of the lower tables in the middle of the room. As he pulled out a chair and sat down he looked up right at me. I thought he was cute before but those eyes… there were no words. All I could think of was hazel, golden, amber, perfect, perfect, perfect.

I didn’t realise how long I’d been simply staring at him until I looked at the rest of him and realised he was looking at me with a smirk on his face and one eyebrow raised. I blushed profusely and looked away instantly. I had my side to him and could feel his eyes still on me. I heard a soft chuckle come from those perfect pink lips and saw from the corner of his eye as he shook his head grinning to himself and looked down at the table and picked up a pen and started writing in a red little notebook. I usually stayed for about an hour, and for the next forty five minutes I was there I could hardly concentrate on the design I was trying to draw. I was so overly aware of the beautiful man sitting just a few feet away from me. I kept sneaking glances, just hoping he’d look up so I could see those stunning eyes once more but he never did.

I looked down at my work once again to try and get something finished but realised I’d spent practically no time on the suit but of the face wearing said suit. Wavy gelled hair, triangular eyebrows and amber eyes were staring back at me. I’d spend the entire time drawing the mystery man without even realising it. Knowing that I was verging on crazy I reluctantly decided it was time to leave. I packed up my sketch book, put on my coat and walked towards the door. I looked back just before I stepped out into the rain, silently cursing it knowing my hair was going to look horrible, and found mystery man looking up at me. He smiled slightly and waved over at me in goodbye. Knowing that I’d most likely see him again I waved back, hating I was saying goodbye without ever really getting the chance to say hello.

Wednesday 19th September 2012

Thank God it wasn’t raining today. Everything had already been horrible enough and I couldn’t wait to walk into The Rabbit Hole, sit at my table, feel the burn of coffee trickle down my throat and try and finish the sketch of the suit I was working on yesterday.

The morning started with me sleeping in and neither one of the girls bothering to wake me up. By the time I got on my train I knew I’d be running late to class. As I got more squished into the pack of people on the train in the morning rush I was sneezed on by some old guy who I couldn’t tell if he was homeless or just liked to dress like a slob. Classes were hell, as they always are when the day starts with a very angry and hung over Cassie July.

So I opened the white door that I sometimes used to miss when I first started coming here because of how it blended into the white wall surrounding it. I didn’t bother ordering first and instead went over to my usual table to put my bag down and sit for just a couple of minutes to relax. As I slumped into the seat, quite ungracefully might I add, was when I heard the same chuckling. That’s when I realised that Amber Eyes was already sitting at my table across from me with that same adorable grin from yesterday planted on his face, eyes shining with laughter.

“Oh my God, crap… I-I’m so sorry. I’ll just uhm, go and sit somewhere else.” I quickly grabbed my bag and stood up looking for another table, chastising myself for not realising that someone was already sitting there. “Sorry, again, I didn’t-“

“It’s okay. I was actually kind of hoping I’d run into you again. My name’s Blaine.” He said as he extended his hand out towards me. I slowly put my own hand out for a handshake that lasted a little too long. “Kurt.” I introduced myself.

And there it was, the most unbelievable smile I’ve ever seen. How can this man be real? He’s incredible.

“Please, sit. I mean if you want to. You don’t have to I just…”

He looked away with a shy little smile on his face and I was thankful that I wasn’t the only one stumbling over my words.

“Thank you.” I sat back down in the seat I occupy every day and gave out a shaky laugh.

“I haven’t seen you around here before, you new to the area or…?” Blaine asked while putting a lid back on the pen he was holding and closing the same notebook from yesterday.

“I moved to the city about a month and a half ago during the summer break. Found this place about three weeks ago and I’ve come here almost every single day since.”

“Ah, that’s why I haven’t seen you. I’m only in the city once a month for a week and come here every day while I’m here. Have been for about two years now. I’m getting a refill, did you want something?”

I didn’t feel right about this guy I just met buying me coffee but after looking into his eyes I couldn’t help but say yes.

I gave him my coffee order and he stood up and went over to the counter. I watched him turn around and walk and couldn’t help but stare at how fitting his jeans were. They showed off his ass so well and when he turned back around to face me he caught me obviously staring and hung his head down with that same embarrassed smile from before.

He came and sat back down across from me as we waited for our coffees to turn up.

“So you said you just moved here, where from?”

“A little town called Lima in Ohio, I couldn’t be any happier to get out it’s such a-“

“Seriously? You’re from Lima? I live in Westerville!”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This amazingly cute guy had been living just two hours from me this entire time and it had taken until now for us to meet.

“I go to Dalton Academy, maybe you’ve heard of it?

“Uh yeah, my glee club beat them last year at our regional competitions.”

“Wait. Don’t tell me you were in the New Directions?”

Blaine was looking at me with the widest smile on his face, realising the same thing I was. We possibly saw each other at both sectionals and regionals, watched each other perform, but never actually met until now.

“You’re a Warbler aren’t you?”

We looked at each other incredulously with wide smiles almost ripping our faces in two before we both burst out laughing. The waitress came over and gave us our coffees with an amused smile on her face before walking away again.

Our laughter finally died down and we looked at each other, not really believing what we were hearing.

“This is crazy, that we lived so close but are meeting in a hidden café in New York of all places. It’s kind of surreal.” I said after too long a silence.

“I know what you mean.” He replied in a small voice and slight smile.

It was silent for a minute as we both focused on the drinks in front of us, adding sugar where needed, stirring our coffees and making sure they weren’t hot enough to burn. I broke the silence after not too long, not wanting things to get awkward at all.

“So you said you’re only in the city once a month, why’s that if you don’t mind me asking?”

“My Mum grew up in New York and her Mum still lives here, alone now. She’s sick though, so we come here once a month to visit because we’re not sure how much longer she’s got. My school’s okay with it as long as I get homework and assignments in on time and do any makeup tests on weekends.”

“Oh Blaine,” I reached out with even thinking and grabbed for his hand across the table. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I was never too close with her but my Mum is. It can get tough being there sometimes and when I found this place I started coming the days that I’m here, just to get away from everything.”

We looked at each other and smiled. I squeezed his hand and let go, grabbing for my coffee because I needed something else to do with my hands.

We spoke for the next hour until I had to leave, knowing that Rachel and Santana would be wondering where I was and I wasn’t about to share this with them. We parted with a promise of same time, same table tomorrow and I left with a wave, just like the day before, except this time it wasn’t really goodbye.

We spent the rest of the week meeting up in our café. We talked about anything and everything. There was never a dull moment. Even though we never ran out of things to talk about that didn’t mean we had to spend our time filling in the silence. It was comfortable between us. We often spent time with me sketching and him writing in his notebook. Songs, he told me. It was a book filled with songs he’s written over the years, some of the best being written in this very coffee shop.

On his last day here we finally exchanged numbers and parted with a hug that lasted too long to be called friendly. We said until next time but never said goodbye. No, we promised that we’d never say goodbye.

Monday 15th October 2012

I walked down the same alleyway that I’ve become so familiar with. I’m on a first name basis with the workers at the café and it was starting to feel like a second home. I was also excited because Blaine was coming back next week. We text or called almost every single day and he was rapidly becoming one of my closest friends. It hurt sometimes, knowing that we had been so close our whole lives but never met. We talked about how much easier things would have been if we’d met earlier, having another gay friend would have helped so much in high school but there was no point in dwelling on the past. We met, and now we’re friends, and I couldn’t be any happier.

I walked inside and took off my coat. I loved how this shop was never too hot or too cold, but always the exact right temperature no matter what the weather outside is. I said hi to Katie, the barista working today, when I placed my order for a soy chai latte. She gave me a sly grin and I had no idea what it was about till I heard from behind me “And a medium drip thanks.”

I quickly turned on my heel to find Blaine standing right behind me. His usual goofy grin planted on his face and eyes sparkling with mischief. Before either of us could say anything I launched myself into his arms that quickly wrapped themselves around me. We held on so tightly to one another that I’m sure neither of us could breathe though I’m pretty sure neither of us really cared.

“Blaine what are you doing here? I thought you weren’t getting here till next week?”

We walked over to our table and took seats from across one another as we spoke.

“Well I wanted to surprise you and you kept asking me when I was coming back so I told you it’d be next week. This way I could see the excitement on your face when you saw me.” He told me with his grin faulting even once. I still couldn’t get over how amazing this man was.

We talked and drank coffee for the next two hours. I didn’t care that Rachel and Santana would be asking where I was. They already know that something’s going on since I’m practically glued to my phone these days.

I watched Blaine as he talked. He threw his hands around wildly as he made gestures to go along with everything he would say. His smile never faltered and his eyes, my God those eyes, they said more than any words ever would. I was surprised that I was able to read him as well as I could after only knowing each other for a month. I could tell that even though he said he didn’t really mind that his Dad couldn’t make it to New York with them this month because of work, his eyes told a different story. They showed the sadness he was really feeling towards the man. But then watching them brighten up again when he talked about how the Warblers and being head of the council this year was almost entrancing.

Once again, we parted with a hug and promise of tomorrow and I went home to face the music. Rachel and Santana were both in the kitchen bickering about something. I tried to sneak into my room without them noticing but I knew I was wishing for too much.

“Kurt Hummel,” Rachel came bounding over and grabbed my arm, dragging her into the kitchen to join them. “Sit”

I sat down at the table and looked up at my two roommates. They knew I was hiding something. Santana had come up with everything she could think of. Drug dealing, prostitution, you name it. Rachel was sure I had a boyfriend that I was keeping from the both of them though and it seemed that now was the time they were looking for answers.

So I told them about Blaine. That we met and became friends. I told them that he isn’t here often and that’s why technology is my new best friend. Obviously I didn’t tell them about The Rabbit Hole. That was our secret. I told them we met at Starbucks instead. They had no reason not to believe me. I was doing well until I told them about how amazing and beautiful and talented and beautiful and gorgeous and breathtakingly beautiful he is. Yeah I really screwed that one up.

Tuesday 16th October 2012

“We have a problem.”

Blaine looked up at the sound of my voice, a smile slowly creeping onto his face.

“Hello to you too, Kurt”

“Yeah, hi, whatever. We have a problem.”

Blaine did that little chuckle that he did every time that Kurt said or did something that amused him, though he didn’t really know what was so amusing at the moment.

“Okay… so what is this problem?”

“My friends want to meet you.”

I looked at Blaine and held my breath while I waited for his response. When he gave me a confused look I breathed out and realised he wasn’t understanding the situation.

“I think I need a little more information here.”

“Rachel and Santana, my two crazy roommates, want to meet you.”

“Still not seeing the problem.”

I groaned and put my head into my hands as two coffees came over to our table. Huh, Blaine must’ve already ordered for us before I got here.

“Okay,” I lifted my head up off the table, took a drink of my still scalding grande non-fat mocha, and faced my friend. “I told them about you last night and now they’re convinced we’re together or something and they’re gonna act completely crazy and up till now I’ve somehow convinced you that I’m not completely crazy but I’m sure they’re gonna go ahead and change all of that for you and then you’ll go running to the hills, never looking back and-“

“Kurt,” Blaine pried my hands away from my coffee mug and held them both in his own. “I don’t know what you’re freaking out about. I’d love to meet your friends.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” There’s that chuckle again.

Saturday 20th October 2012

“Kurt, stop fidgeting. It’s going to be fine. I can handle a couple of crazy girls.”

We were just around the corner from my apartment where Rachel and Santana were waiting for us and I couldn’t be any more nervous.

“Okay, look at me.” Blaine grabbed my shoulders and stood right in front of me, searching my eyes for something. “Kurt why are you so nervous?”

I knew that this would be the perfect time to tell him that I see him as more than a friend, that I want to be more, but it would never work. Rachel and Santana knew I liked him the moment I started talking about him, I didn’t even have to tell them, but telling Blaine? That was a big no. We didn’t get to see each other often enough and it would never work anyway. So instead I told him the other reason why I was so nervous.

“It’s just, you’re my escape, I guess. That’s what we are to each other, an escape. An escape from the rest of the world. Our friendship is simple and I just don’t want you to mix with the rest of my life and then for us in turn to become complicated. I like us how we are and I’m scared for that to change.”

Whenever Blaine looked at me it always seemed as though he was looking right through me, like he could see right into my soul. Now was no exception.

“Kurt. Meeting your friends is not going to change us. I’m excited to meet them because they’re important to you. I get what you mean about us being each other’s escape from the rest of the world but that doesn’t mean we have to hide each other from the rest of the world. It just means that we’ll be able to understand one another better when we need to vent or get away or whatever. If you really don’t want me to meet them then I won’t, but I’d really like to.”

I calmed instantly at Blaine’s words and without saying another thing I grabbed his hand and led him to my apartment for my three best friends to meet one another.

Saturday 24th November 2012

I had met Blaine in New York last week when he and his Mum had visited his Grandmother. They had planned to spend thanksgiving in New York but sectionals was on thanksgiving this year (unfortunately they didn’t win) and Cooper had already paid for tickets to get him to Ohio, not New York.

His Mum was pretty upset they couldn’t spend it with his Grandmother but we were both happy that we got the chance to see each other in New York and in Ohio this month.

If I thought I was nervous about Blaine meeting Rachel and Santana, that was nothing compared to knowing that in just under an hour, Blaine would be arriving at my house and meeting my Dad, Carole and Finn. I couldn’t stop pacing the lounge room. I felt like I was introducing my Dad to a boyfriend or something, not a guy that I was just friends with.

Meeting Rachel and Santana had gone down a lot better than I’d imagined. Rachel talked about herself, Santana made crude jokes and Blaine smiled and charmed the socks off them both. It went kind of perfectly. That was till Blaine left for the day. Ever since then they were always asking about Blaine. Wanting to know when we were going to get together and if we’d kissed yet and why was I hiding him from them for so long. But right now I think I’d take that then what I’m about to face.

All too soon the doorbell rang and I quickly raced to the door and opened it to a grinning Blaine.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

And then it was gone. A single look into those hazel eyes and any fear I had was lost.

Blaine stepped forward and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. He grabbed my hand as he pulled away and planted a bouquet of flowers into my fist. Red and yellow roses. I didn’t want to read too much into the what they meant so instead I grinned and thanked him and led him inside.

I don’t know what I was so worried about. Blaine also had a bunch of flowers for Carole, making her fall in love with him instantly. Blaine mentioned something about sports and just like that, he and Finn were friends. As for Dad, well of course he was going to size Blaine up a little but once they’d talked they’d gotten along just fine. It was such a perfect day and I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

Monday 21st January 2013

I haven’t seen Blaine since thanksgiving. We would have seen each other over Christmas break but I was back in Ohio and he was in New York with his parents and Grandmother.

Things had gone great the last time we saw each other and even now we still talk every day but I’ve realised that I can’t just wait around hoping that maybe he might feel something for me, and even if he did what could we do about it? We see each other for one week a month and we don’t know where Blaine will be going to college next year. Yes, he’s applied at a few New York schools but he’s also applied at other colleges across the country. So I really didn’t see any point in waiting for something that was never going to happen. That’s when I met Adam.

He’s in his Junior year at NYADA and he took an interest in me straight away. Since living in New York I’ve had guys interested in me but I’ve never really felt anything back. Adam was different though. We really got along and at first it was just one date and that turned into a second and then a third and before I knew it he was meeting Rachel and Santana at the loft. I thought I’d be more nervous about him meeting them like I was when Blaine met them but I really wasn’t. I couldn’t explain it but at least they all get along.

Now today, Blaine is back in New York and I asked him to meet me at the Starbucks around the corner from where we usually meet. He couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to meet at The Rabbit Hole but I wasn’t taking Adam there. I’ve mentioned Adam to Blaine but he doesn’t know that today they were actually going to meet. Now I’m sitting here, waiting for my best friend, coffee in hand, and again, I won’t stop fidgeting.

“Kurt!”

As always my face was taken over by a grin I didn’t know I could even achieve. He just has that effect on people.

“Hey Blaine.”

I stood up and hugged him, tighter than I ever have before. We didn’t say anything while we embraced, just revelled in the feeling of home we often found in one another. I had my face buried in his shoulder and as I looked up that’s when Adam walked through the door.

I let go of Blaine and walked over to Adam, who was watching us a little too intently.

“Blaine, this is Adam. Adam, Blaine”

They shook hands and instantly I realised how bad of an idea it was to not tell Blaine they were meeting today. He looked at me with an unreadable expression and sat across from me while Adam sat next to me. Great, that’s going to be fun when Adam leaves.

It was awkward, to say the least. I’d laugh with Blaine about something and Adam would then get protective and jealous and start to hold my hand or link his arm through mine. He even tried kissing me at one point which just made it even worse because I’ve told him how uncomfortable I am with PDA.

And then every time Adam would latch himself onto me that little bit more, Blaine would give him this look that even made me scared of him. Yeah, this was definitely a bad idea.

“So that was Adam.”

“That was Adam.”

We were together for an hour before Adam had to leave. Now it was just Blaine and I and for the first time when it has just been us, I was nervous.

“Kurt, why didn’t you tell me I’d be meeting him today?”

I sighed, not really knowing what to say. I don’t want to get Blaine mad at me at all but then I remembered who I was talking about. I can tell him anything. He won’t judge me.

“I’m sorry Blaine, I guess I was just worried that maybe you wouldn’t want to meet him? You’re my best friend and I want the person I’m dating to know you and every time I bring him up you always get weird and try to avoid the topic. I guessed I just panicked.”

Blaine sighed and reached for my hands across the table, a welcome and comfortable gesture that is becoming all too familiar.

“Kurt, of course I want to meet whoever you’re dating, but I haven’t seen you since thanksgiving and I was just wanting to spend some time to catch up with my best friend. I missed you.”

I’d missed him too. I just didn’t know how to tell him just how much I’d missed him without feeling like I was betraying Adam. So he continued to hold my hand as we finished our second coffees and parted knowing that tomorrow would be a better day.

The rest of his visit was spent with hours at a time at The Rabbit Hole, drinking coffee, talking and just being together. Adam wasn’t seen for the rest of the week, nor was he mentioned.

Friday 15th February 2013

Blaine has been here all week but I didn’t see him yesterday. It was Valentine’s Day and Adam and I wanted to spend it together. I was so excited to spend the day with my first boyfriend. He had been my first kiss, apart from Karofsky and Brittany but I don’t really count them anyway. So last night we went out for dinner, walked through Central Park and then went back to his place. We’d fooled around before but we’d never gone all the way, until last night anyway. I had always wanted my first time to be special and it was, he did everything I could of ever asked for. It was special and romantic but just as I was about to come, gelled hair, triangular eyebrows and hazel orbs entered my mind. I came harder than I ever had before. Then I did one of the worst things I’ve ever done. I told Adam, as nicely as I could, that it was over, and left.

Okay I know how horrible of a thing it was for me to do. Dick move I know but what was I supposed to do? Stay the night and cuddle while I thought about Blaine? No, I don’t think so. So now I’m sitting here at The Rabbit Hole waiting for my best friend to arrive… with butterflies in my stomach.

“Hey, you okay?”

I looked up and found Blaine staring down at me, taking his jacket off he sat down and continued looking at me in concern.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Why?”

“Oh you just looked a little out of it was all.” He said as he waved his hand in the air dismissively. “So how was your date last night?”

“It was fine.” I sighed. “We broke up though.”

“What? Oh my God Kurt, are you okay?” He reached over to take my hand in his and although I didn’t need comforting I wasn’t going to pass on an opportunity to be closer. “You wanted it to be romantic and it was your first Valentine’s Day with a guy and you ended up…” Kurt could see the genuine concern in Blaine’s eyes and couldn’t help the soft smile to form on his face.

“I’m fine, seriously. I’m the one who broke it off. I realised it wasn’t working and didn’t want to drag it out any longer.”

“O-okay.”

Blaine didn’t let go of my hand, something I was thankful for because suddenly I was the one worried about him and squeezing his hand. He looked like he was questioning something, or that maybe there was something he wanted to ask me but wasn’t sure what.

“I know this is private, but uh, did you guys… you know? Because I know you’d spoken about wanting to but, uhm…”

I wanted to lie to Blaine. I really, really did, but I couldn’t. I could never let myself lie to this man, no matter how much I wanted.

“Yes, we did. Last n-night actually.”

“Oh.”

And that was it. We never spoke of Adam again.

Monday 25th March 2013

Blaine was so excited on the phone. He said he had a surprise for me but I had no idea what it was. I don’t know why he couldn’t just tell me over the phone but apparently he had to torture me and make me wait all day to find out what his news was.

Suddenly he came bounding into The Rabbit Hole and with a rushed sloppy kiss on the cheek from him he shoved an envelope into my hand.

“What’s this Blaine?”

“Kurt just open it!”

“Okay, okay.”

I nervously opened the envelope with a smile on my face at my best friend’s antics. I unfolded the piece of paper and started reading.

Oh my God

“Blaine?”

I looked up at him to find the biggest grin on his face that I had ever seen. He was bouncing up and down on his feet and he looked like a complete lunatic but at this moment I’m pretty sure I look the same.

“Please tell me this isn’t a joke.”

“It’s not, I promise it’s not.”

“So you’re-“

“I’m going to be in New York for college Kurt!”

“Oh my God!”

I lunged myself at him and in the middle of The Rabbit Hole we held onto each other tighter than we ever have before spinning around and laughing because we didn’t know what else to do.

We stopped spinning and he we looked at each other, smiles covering our faces, still holding onto one another.

“Congratulations Mr NYU.”

We spent that week talking of everything we were going to do together once he moves here. We spoke about whether he wanted to live in the dorms or if he should live elsewhere. He told me he couldn’t wait till he was no longer in New York as a tourist but as a local instead. We spoke about where he should look for jobs and how he should try some open mic nights.

We spent the week completely absorbed in no one else but each other and it wasn’t till the end of the week that I realised what it could mean. I could finally tell him how I feel.

It’s such a scary thought but it’s also kind of thrilling at the same time. I’ve hated feeling so much for so long without being able to express it in any way at all and now I finally can. Well maybe not straight away. I want to wait till the summer until I know that he’s here and here to stay.

Tuesday 30th April 2013

We couldn’t have been any luckier that Blaine’s birthday landed on a week he was in New York. At first I thought he'd be upset because he wouldn't be able to spend it with any of his other friends at Dalton but when he assured me about one hundred times that he'd rather spend the day with me than any of his other friends I knew there'd be no arguing him. We spent the morning at The Rabbit Hole for coffee and pastries and then we walked around the city aimlessly, picking out different cafés and restaurants that we decided we'd come back to and try them all one day.

We passed a little market and decided to get some food to have a picnic in Central Park. That's how we found ourselves sitting in the sun simply enjoying each other’s company.

Ever since we had found out that Blaine will be in New York for college, things have changed. Blaine has become touchier, a hand hold here, a kiss on the cheek there. He's started to flirt more now as well. For the past few months I keep worrying that I'd made it all up in my head and that maybe Blaine doesn't share the same feelings that I do but I don't really worry so much about that anymore. Even now, just sitting here, he's got his head rested in my lap, feeding himself grapes while talking about, well whatever it is he's talking about. Every now and then he grabs a grape and reaches out to me, blindly feeding me one too. I can't help but picture a future like this for us. Lazy Sunday picnics while Blaine talks all about a performance from the previous night and I tell him about a new idea for a suit or dress that I have. Then I'd lean down and kiss him just because I could and things wouldn't be perfect because nothing ever is but it would be pretty damn close.

Wednesday 29th May 2013

"It's three o'clock in the fucking morning. I swear Rachel if you've forgotten your damn keys again I am never-"

But it wasn't Rachel pounding on the door. Although now I wish it was. 

Blaine stood there, tear stained face, bag over his shoulder and looking smaller than I've ever seen him. I didn't bother asking what happened. I didn't bother with words at all. I grabbed my friend and slowly pulled him into my arms like I have countless times before. He dropped his bag next to our feet and almost fell against my body. With his head in the crook of my shoulders his whole body wracked with sobs. I had no idea what had happened. I'd seen him earlier that day and everything had been fine. Wouldn't he have told me if something wasn't? I dragged us into my bedroom and laid us both down on my bed. It was new territory for us but that didn't matter one bit. I pulled the covers over us both and hugged him as close to my chest as I could manage. He cried for almost an hour until finally the tears stopped running and his breathing evened out. I continued to run my fingers through his now completely curly hair and tried to sleep myself, although apparently that wasn't working for me tonight. I couldn't sleep knowing he was in pain. Blaine, my Blaine, was hurting and I couldn't just sleep and forget about it, even if I wanted to. So instead I hugged him closer and wished that everything would be okay. I watched over him until the sun came up and I had both Santana and Rachel both visit my room to see what all the fuss was about. I decided to skip out on classes that day, knowing that Blaine was more important. I watched as he slowly woke, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheek bones before he opened his eyes. How he stretched his arms above both our heads and stretched his legs out till his feet poked out at the end of the bed and then tangled themselves back into mine. When he finally realised that he had been sleeping curled up into my side, a small smile graced his face as he greeted me with a simple "Good morning."

"Good morning yourself. Sleep well?"

"Mmm, best sleep in a long time."

"Not wanting to break the moment but do I get to find out why I found you on my doorstep in tears at three in the morning?"

Blaine frowned and turned over so he was next to me on his back and I couldn't help but miss the warmth of his body next to mine.

"I’m so sorry about that Kurt. I didn’t know where else to go and I needed to get out I just-"

"Hey, hey. Look at me Blaine, look at me." I grabbed his face with the palm of my hand and turned it to the side so he was facing me. "Don't apologise. I'm glad you came here when you were that upset. I just worried about you and wanted to make sure you're okay."

"My Dad and I got into a fight. It started over what we were having for dinner but escalated pretty fucking quickly. He told me how much of a waste of space I am and that he would have been so much better off without me."

"Oh Blaine." Kurt grabbed his best friend and hugged him back to his side again. He continued to brush his fingers through his hair and peppered kisses to the top of his head.

"I hope you know how untrue that is. I have never met anyone like you before. Your smile alone brightens my whole day, did you know? I love living in New York but it’s nowhere near as much fun when you’re not around to enjoy it with me. You are so full of life and that is such a rare thing to come by in a person that sometimes I have to sit back and wonder how it is that I got so lucky to be able to call you my best friend. You are one of the most honest and sincere people I have ever met. You’re charming and nice to everyone you meet even if you don’t really like them. You go out of your way to help someone else even if it’s an inconvenience to yourself just because you know how much it’ll mean to them. I love it when you leave little notes on napkins at a restaurant or cafe for the next person who sits there simply because it might make their day a little better. And if all that isn’t enough then don’t forget that you write incredible music that warms people’s hearts when they listen to it. Blaine Anderson, no matter what your father says, you are not a waste of space. He is a selfish asshole who doesn’t know what’s good for him. And me? I cannot imagine my life without you in it and it scares me to even think about it."

After a moment of silence Blaine finally looked up with tears in his eyes but a smile on his face. Our eyes locked and I was again overwhelmed by his beauty just like I am every time I see his face. He leant down and softly kissed my lips but before I even knew what was happening he was pulling away again. My lips tingled and I was stuck frozen for a moment. Blaine seemed to realise this as he looked at me with fear in his eyes like maybe he’d gone too far so I smiled reassuringly at him as he settled down back into bed and hugging my side. It wasn’t a big defining moment for us. We hadn’t just confessed our dying love for one another through a romantic kiss. No. It was a thank you kiss between friends, but it was also a promise. A promise of not yet, but we’ll get there.

Wednesday 26th June 2013

Since the night Blaine fought with his father I’ve only seen him one other time. We spent most of the week at The Rabbit Hole just simply being together in our own little corner of the world. We talked, drank coffee, Blaine wrote songs and I drew sketches. It was normal, it was comfortable, it was us.

Now things are different. Things are changing. Blaine is moving to New York today.

I really wanted to be there to help Blaine and his friend Nick move into their new apartment but instead I had to work. We found an open mic night at a bar down the street from their place and signed Blaine up for it. He was so excited about finally getting the chance to sing some of his own music in front of an audience and I can’t wait to watch him.

The day drags by so slowly but eventually I find myself at The Laughing Giraffe where Blaine is playing tonight. I walk inside and find it already fairly packed with an average at best girl singing “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”. I walk around and look for Blaine and find him and his friend Nick sitting at a table in the middle of the room. I stand back just to take him in. The bowtie he’s wearing is the one I made him last time he was here.

I watched from afar as some tall, lanky guy that I didn’t recognise as any of Blaine’s friends sat on the stool right up next to. I watched as this guy would whisper into Blaine’s ear and rubbed his hand up and down his back. I watched as Blaine didn’t pull away from his touch and how he laughed when the meerkat looking guy would say something to him.

I was such an idiot. Blaine is beautiful and moving to New York. Of course guys are going to be all over him and why shouldn’t he be able to have some fun? That’s what most guys who come from places like Ohio want when they reach the big cities. Blaine’s only ever had a few kisses from guys at Dalton, of course he’d want to have some fun and see what’s out there.

I started to back away from their table when I hear the unmistakable voice from my best friend.

“Kurt, over here!”

I took a deep breath and turned to face Blaine. I walked over and introduced myself to Nick and ignored the other guy that was practically drooling over Blaine. I needed to get out of here.

“Just in time. I’m on after this girl.”

“Blaine…” I sighed. I didn’t even bother trying to smile, knowing he’d see right through it if I did anyway. “I’m sorry, I can’t stay. I have to go.”

I turned and walked as quickly as I could through the bodies of people but it wasn’t quick enough. I felt Blaine’s hand on my elbow and as much as I tried to get away he turned me around to face him.

“Kurt, what’s wrong? Why are you leaving?”

I could barely look Blaine in the eye seeing how much fear and hurt there was in them. I know I shouldn’t be running out on his night but I couldn’t stay either.

“Blaine I can’t-“ I looked right into those and I knew, just like I always do, that it’s now or never.

“I can’t stay here and watch you flirt with some guy. I wanna watch you sing but I can’t be around you while you’re with some other guy. I’m sorry.”

“Kurt,” I watch him as a small smile played at his lips and I couldn’t believe that he thought anyone this was funny. “Stay for one song, please. That’s all I’m asking.”

And he knows, he knows I can’t say no to him when he pouts and gives me puppy dog eyes. So I cave, and agree to stay for one song.

I sit down next to his friend Nick, who now has meerkat guy all over him instead, and watch as Blaine sets up his guitar.

“Hi everyone, my name’s Blaine Anderson and I’d like to play you something I starting writing a few months ago and am now just playing in front of someone for the first time tonight. Kurt, this is for you.”

I hold my breath as Blaine starts playing in anticipation but as he starts singing I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you
Yes, there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you
I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down, I wanna come too
I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

No one understands me quite like you do
Through all of the shadowy corners of me

Tears pool in the corners of my eyes as this beautiful boy sings. I laugh at myself for being such an idiot and trying to leave when everything I’ve ever wanted but never thought I’d get has just presented itself and serenaded me in front of a room full of strangers.

I never knew just what it was
About this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew

I never knew just what it was
About this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew

The tears finally started to run down my face but I just smiled even more. For the first time since he started, Blaine looked down at me. He grinned and didn’t take his eyes off me for the rest of the song.

When he finished his next two songs he practically ran down the stage to get to me. Just like always I threw myself into his arms without saying a word. I pulled away and grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the bar. We walked back to my place, hand in hand, in complete silence, tension between us rising. As much as I wanted to, no needed to kiss him I couldn’t, not until we were alone. I couldn’t explain it really but knowing that it would be just me and him in our own little world made so much more sense since that is how we’ve spent so much of our time together.

We finally got to the loft and I couldn’t be any more thankful that both Rachel and Santana were doing the overnight shift at the diner tonight. I opened the door and dragged Blaine inside. I closed it back slowly and turned around to find him standing there staring at me, small smile ghosting his face.

I walk over to him and we wrapped our arms around one another on instinct.

“I love you too, Blaine Anderson.”

Then finally, finally, we kissed. It was slow and sensual, just the simple press of lips at first. We walked together, never breaking apart, to my room and fell onto the bed. Clothes were removed and for the first time I was able to feel his naked skin pressed up against my own. We rocked together, our bodies moving easier the sweatier we got. With fingers covered in lube, I stretched him open until he was thrashing, writhing and begging beneath me. God he’s beautiful. Before I knew it, his legs were over my shoulders, wrapping around my neck and I was pushing deep inside him. We made love to one another slowly, without ever breaking eye contact. Too soon we were coming, one after the other, with each other’s names on our lips.

We cleaned up and cuddled one another under the covers, kissing lazily and whispering ‘I love you’ until we fell asleep.

I was in love with a man with the most amazing golden eyes who grinned like a five year old and apparently snored in his sleep. I don’t know how long we’ll last for, how many fight’s we’ll have or how many time’s we’ll swear we hate one another. But I wouldn’t have it any other way if it means I get to fall asleep in his arms every night, because this, this is home.