I think-- I think when it's over, it just comes back in flashes, you know? It's like a kaleidoscope of memories. It just all comes back, but he never does. I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen. It's not really anything he said, or anything he did. It was the feeling that came along with it. And the crazy thing is, I don't know if I'm ever gonna feel that way again.

"I was with someone" That sentence still haunted Kurt's every thought. It kept him awake at night, and now it was the reason he was holding the knife up to his throat.

Rachel was at Callbacks with Santana and Brody, and Kurt faked being sick so he could stay home. He didn't plan this. He didn't even consider any of this when they left to go sing karaoke. It just came to him while he was crying in his bed. He couldn't stand it anymore. It had been a month Blaine told him. He thought Blaine loved him. He thought they were soul mates. How could Blaine cheat on him after all they had been through?

Kurt climbed out of his bed once he got the idea, and he opened the drawer of knives in their New York City apartment. Kurt didn't plan for his life to be like this. He planned on moving to New York, and all his problems would disappear. But it only caused more. He didn't make it into NYADA, and Blaine cheated on him. The one person he trusted with his heart, broke it into a million pieces, and it could never be fixed. He stared at all the knives, silently begging himself not to pick one up. He didn't want to do this, but the voices his head kept telling him it was the only way the pain would go away.

After minutes of conflict with himself, he eventually grabbed the biggest knife in the drawer. He made his way to the bathroom, and turned on the dim light. He stared at his reflection in the foggy mirror.

"Pathetic" He mumbled to himself. He hated what he was seeing. He hated the broken boy that stared back at him in the mirror. He slowly brought the knife up to his neck, and imagined himself slitting his throat.

"Do it." Kurt said to himself as he held the knife close to his neck. "Stop being a wimp. That is probably why Blaine cheated on you. Because you are fucking worthless, and a fucking wimp" Kurt went to do it, but instead he dropped the knife into the sink, and collapsed onto the ground crying.

Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground.

He cried for an hour. Kurt felt like he couldn't breathe. He felt like somebody kicked him in the lungs, or somebody had taken all the oxygen out of his apartment. He felt defeated. Kurt felt like it was all his fault. He sobbed, and screamed, and cursed Blaine's name.

Eventually, he couldn't cry anymore, and he got up off the ground, and left the bathroom. He stood in the living room, looking around, trying to figure out what to do. He sat down on the coach, and just stared at the ceiling. He was so confused. He didn't understand why Blaine cheated. They were doing just fine. He felt worthless. He felt like it was his fault. Eventually, he felt so guilty, and so responsible for all of it, that he went into Rachel's room, and stole a random bottle of pills. He took the bottle into his bedroom, and he sat on his blue blanket, his mind screaming at him to just take the pills.

"Take them. It is all your fault. You are such a fuck up" Kurt said to himself. And that's what he did. He grabbed a bottle of water, and swallowed every last pill.

"I'm sorry, Blaine" Kurt said.

Kurt died 6 minutes later. He had so much going for him. Now, he could never reapply NYADA. He could never inspire people to be themselves. He could never be a Broadway star. He could never finish what he started in life. He could never to marry Blaine Anderson, the love of his life.

It was all over.

I don't know if you know who you are, until you lose who you are.