"Ughhh!" Kurt moaned as Adam slammed into his ass. Why was he doing this? He didn't even like Adam. He actually thought he was rather annoying in a sense. Yet, here he was, having sex with him in his apartment. Kurt didn't plan for it to be like this. They had simply went to see a movie after Adam had asked him if he still had feeling for Blaine. Of course, he lied and said he didn't. They saw the newest Twilight movie, much to Kurt's liking, but the whole time Adam was all over Kurt. He was kissing up and down his neck, and was whispering dirty things into his ear. Kurt just felt disgusted with himself. Kurt didn't lead him on, but he also didn't stop what was happening. One thing led to another, and somehow they ended up in Kurt's bed.

It's not like Kurt wasn't enjoying what was happening. He actually loved it. It had been at least a month since he had gotten laid, but it didn't feel right. He had only ever had sex with Blaine. Adam was different, A lot smaller and not as loving as Blaine was. But it was a distraction, and Kurt needed as many of those as he could get.

"So hot." Adam moaned into Kurt's neck. Adam picked up the speed of his hips, and they were both close. A few more thrusts from Adam, and they were coming, When they came down from their highs, Kurt felt disgusting. He felt useless. He felt like he had just made the biggest mistake of his life. Kurt had never felt more guilty in his life. He felt like a cheater, even though him and Blaine were over. He felt horrible for using Adam like he was. It wasn't right, he could feel it.

Adam kissed his forehead, and headed to the bathroom to get a washcloth. While he was gone, Kurt sat in his messed up bed, and stared at the white walls of his apartment. He couldn't stop thinking about the first time him and Blaine made love. The way Blaine had kissed him, and promised he would be gentle. The way Blaine looked into his eyes while he was on top of him. It took everything Kurt had in him not to cry.

I'm a crumbled up piece of paper lying here because I remember it all too well.

Kurt was shook out of his daydream when his cellphone rang on the bedside table next to him. He looked over to find that Blaine was calling him.

You call me up again just to break me like a promise.

He wanted to answer so badly. Blaine had been calling him at least 10 times a day after the wedding, but he couldn't answer. If he answered, he would take Blaine back, and he couldn't do that. He couldn't forgive Blaine for what he did to him. He needed to rediscover who he was, and have some time to think about things. But with Vogue, Adam, and NYADA, Kurt rarely got a moment to sleep, let alone think.

"Is it him?" Adam asked as he walked out of the bathroom, still naked, and made his way back over to the bed.

"Yeah, but I am not going to answer it. I am done with him." Kurt mumbled. "I-I hate him."

"Now, I know that's a lie." Adam stated. "I know you still care about him. But you said so yourself, you don't want him back, right?"

"I don't." Kurt whispered. Adam just looked at him with a worried look on his adorable face.

"Kurt," Adam started."I know you said you don't want him back, but I can see it in your eyes that you still care about him, and if I weren't here, you would pick up that phone and talk to him. Am I right?"

Kurt was caught. Why did he have to screw up everything? Adam was a good distraction from everything, and now he had gone and fucked it up.

"Yes." Kurt mumbled. He didn't dare look Adam in the eyes. He had really messed this up. He could feel it.

"Kurt, I am going to head out. It is getting pretty late." Adam said as he started to put back on his clothes.

"Please stay." Kurt said, voice shaky and tears in his pretty blue eyes. "I-I need you, Adam."

"For sex? You told me I wasn't a rebound, you told me you were serious about this." Adam yelled. "I have to go." He grabbed his gray shirt, pulled it over his head, and made his way to the door. Before he left, he turned around, and said "When you are really over Blaine, call me, because I will probably still have feelings for you."

Once Adam left, Kurt was a wreck. He cried for what seemed like hours. He had really messed up this time. This wasn't like him. He had never wanted to hurt Adam. Adam was such a sweetheart, and treated him so well. Now, Adam probably hated him. Kurt just wanted his old self back. The one that didn't intentionally hurt people. The one who was stronger than this.

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it. I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it.