April 2017 (I’m Scared)

Blaine sat criss-cross at the dinner table sketching at one of the many vases Kurt set up around the house that he filled with pink and white lilies. He had his glasses on; his hair was getting a bit long tickling his forehead every time he would look up or raise his eye brows. Savanna waddled into the dining room and sat next to Blaine silently as she watched him concentrate on the shadowing at the lily's peddle. He looked up at her and smiled, the annoying curls scratching at his for head.
“I didn’t know you were an artist.” She commented looking at Blaine's charcoal sketch. His vase was finished as well as about 4 of the 9 lilies in the vase. Most the lilies weren't shaded but they were drawn, the right side of his paper was the most done but overall the art looked lovely.
“Hardly, this is 3 years of high school art classes. I was watching some art show on PBS. You know how easy they made everything look.” Blaine said setting the paper down looking at his surrogate.
She was 8 month, and looked like she would pop any second."What are you not good at?" she asked reaching over, grabbing the sketch book to look closer at the picture.
Blaine sighed, "I could name a few things." Savanna shook her head then returned the sketch book to its place in front of Blaine.
“Kurt called, he is on his way home and bringing Chinese,” Savanna commented before wincing and rubbing her round belly. “Promise me you will put her in soccer, she has been kicking me all day,” Savanna joked getting a low chuckle out of Blaine.
Kurt walked through the door with a box of food balanced in one hand he pulled the key out then took the box with his left hand before it fell. He kicked the door shut and walked right into the kitchen, the smell of Orange chicken and Sweet and Sour pork wafting though the house. He set the food on the counter and returned to the dining room, giving Blaine a soft kiss and smiled wide at Savanna. “How are my two favorite people in the world doing?” Kurt asked putting his hands on Blaine's shoulder's absently rubbing them.
“We’re hungry,” Savanna joked rubbing her baby bump, Kurt let out a loud laughter. He sure loved Savanna. She was so funny, and most the time her jokes were ironies and puns but that’s all he needed to laugh.
“Excuse me, my 3 favorite people,” Kurt looking down at Blaine. “I’m great. Sit down, I'll make our plates.” Blaine stands and allows Kurt to take his seat. Blaine washes the black charcoal from his hands. He studies the cabinet before picking the yellow square plates from the cabinet for dinner. He looked at the box and mumbled with a frown, “Where are the egg rolls?” Shaking his head, he put rice on the top plate and proceeded to add sweet and sour pork to Savanna's plate.
“When did you start sketching again?” Kurt asked looking at the sketch book.
“I was watching PBS they had some art show on. That’s trash really,” Blaine said bringing one plate over to Savanna who thanked him warmly.
“I like it, you should finish is for me,” Kurt said setting it off to the side so no food would get spilt on it. Blaine did the same for Kurt's place only adding orange chicken over his rice. Then he made his own plate piling both chicken and pork around the rice.
“If you really want it I'll finish it tonight for you.” Blaine said setting a plate in front of Kurt. “What do you want to drink?” Blaine asked setting his own plate on the mat to Kurt's left.
“Belle and I want ice tea,” Savanna said loving that the boys finally pick a name.
“Wait,” Kurt said, “Is Belle going to be her nickname or Ana because I like Ana.”
“And I like Belle. But that’s why we named her Anabelle.” Blaine said bringing three cups for tea placing them on each table mat. He joined the table sitting next to Kurt. Something about Chinese food just sends Blaine back to his impromptu trips to visit Kurt and Rachel in New York. It seemed like that all they ever ate when they did have a chance to eat.
“True,” Kurt laughed. “We will just have to let her pick.” Forks were clinking on plates for a moment, everyone enjoying their meal.
“How was the workshop?” Blaine asked Kurt. Kurt was the newest member of the Interior Design Society who had workshops, conferences and meeting all the time. Today, there was a workshop in Ohio, something that rarely occurs, were Kurt attended talking to college students and some other mid-west chapter members. He went into detail about his attends along with everyone else who came, a few familiar faces and names. Savanna got up for more tea when she stopped in the middle of the kitchen. Kurt stopped talking and focused his attention to her.
“Are you ok?” Kurt asked the same time Blaine said, “More kicking?”
“No, that felt like a contraction.” Savanna grimaced. Kurt stood up and got her by the arm to help hold her up. She put her free arm around her belly. “You, my lady, are not allowed to come early.” She joked.
“I agree, we aren’t done putting your crib together." Kurt said in the same playful tone as Savanna.
Blaine sat there wide eyed and frozen. He wasn’t ready. He sucked a low breath in and tried to wrap his mind around the fact that Savanna can have the baby any day. It scared the life out of him. His heart felt like it was pounding in his throat while the Chinese food didn’t seem so appetizing anymore. He swallowed back the saliva that filled his mouth and tried to smile but it looked more like a grimace.
“Blaine?” Savanna pulled Blaine out of his trance as he took a deep breath. “I’m not having her yet; you still have time to baby proof the house.” She smiled but it quickly faded as pain shot through her again. “I think I’m going to go lay down.” Kurt placed a helping hand on her back as he walked her back to her room.
Blaine rose from the table to go to his room; he glanced in Savanna’s room and saw Kurt talking to her belly whilst she lay on her side. He walked into his room and sat on the bed, running his hands through his hair not able to fight the thoughts of his own father failures.
The man worked 70-hour weeks in office, and when he was home; he spent the rest of the time locked up in his personal office or out with Blaine’s mother, who worked just as long. Blaine heard Kurt return to the kitchen cleaning up dinner, he thought about how Kurt has lots of workshops being in such a high in work society and a teacher is a demanding job, what if their child grows in an empty home like he did. What happened then? He need more time to figure this whole thing out. How can he be a good father? He has heard it a million times from everyone but how do they know. Blaine’s dad put him in Fencing as a kid telling him it would make him stronger; he even had him play polo for a few years before the Sadie Hawkins extravaganza. Not once coming to watch his meets or see his shows. He sent him away to Dalton hoping to keep safe but never when to his Warblers performances. He stopped talking to Blaine after he switched to McKinley to be with Kurt. His parents marriage ended with Blaine graduation, no one came for. Blaine hasn’t heard from his grandparent since he was 10, they live in Columbus and he has never thought about them till now. Would they even want to be in his life?
Blaine didn’t even notice Kurt come in, so trapped in the horror show that played in his mind. “We can call Finn to help with the baby proofing. Make sure everything work.” Kurt joked taking of his cardigan, when he got no response from Blaine he turned around to look at Blaine. Blaine sat with his head in his hands. Kurt's face softened when he took two long strides to sit beside Blaine and put a hand on his back giving him a comforting rub. “Blaine, what’s the matter?” Kurt said softly peaking down to see Blaine’s face.
Blaine removed his hands from his face and looked up teary eye to Kurt, “I’m scared.” Blaine said in a hush voice. This was the first time Blaine told Kurt. Santana knew he was nervous, but he never really told anyone that he was not ready to be a father. On paper everything sounded perfect; Meet my husband and our little girl. Checking off one child when he does his taxes every year, it was suppose to be totally awesome not extremely terrifying.
“Oh Blaine,” Kurt said in a soothing voice pulling him into a tight hug. “You are going to be a great father.”
“How do you know? My parents were awful. They were never around, made me do things I didn’t want to. What if I’m like them?” Blaine said the tears that were sitting at the brim of his eye fell trickling down his face.
“You won’t make your parents mistakes, Blaine.” Kurt said in a sure voice releasing the hug to look at Blaine, make sure he understood every word getting ready to leave his mouth. “You are so much better than your father, Blaine I mean that. I love you so much. You’re not going to turn into Craig.”
“How do you know?” Blaine asked Kurt who whipped his tear away.
“I know because you have so much love in you, more love then either your mother or father bothered to show. I know you’re going to be a great dad. And so does Savanna and Anabelle will too.” Kurt kissed Blaine forehead. “I’m going to be here every step of the way.” He held him again Blaine letting his words run though him.
Kurt was right, not only did the small things about having a daughter make Blaine happy but things like going to her soccer games, or ballet recitals would be exciting. And watching her grow, being there every step of the way, Kurt had tons of money from Broadway neither had to work hard. Teaching gave Blaine summers off. All of his past thoughts were gone, he was going to be a good father, and all he has to do is the opposite of his own.
"Thank you," Blaine said softly, pulling away from their embrace.
"I’ll make you a deal, you can be the fun parent," Kurt said giving Blaine a soft smile, Blaine just tilted his head in confusion. "Yes, you can let them stay up the extra hour, give them cookies for breakfast."
"You know you’re saying them right." Blaine said smiling at Kurt’s choice words.
"Maybe it should be them, we both grew up as an only child, and I always wanted a little brother or sister to pick on."
"Yeah, I always wanted an older brother or sister to talk to," Blaine looked away to think, "let's not get carried away, the first one hasn’t come around yet."