July 21, 2012, 12:41 p.m.
I did
Trigger Warnings: Self harm, Suicide and a tiny bit of starving if you squint. Spoilers: 'On my way' not much though.
T - Words: 553 - Last Updated: Jul 21, 2012 1,105 0 0 2 Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, Rachel Berry, Will Schuester, Tags: hurt/comfort,
“Mr. Schue,” Mercedes spoke up, “I know we’re a little dramatic, but I don’t think any of us would consider taking their own life.”
A few sighs were drawn out and heads dropped downwards around the circle of students, before someone started speaking.
“I did” It was Kurt.
Now those sighs turned into gasps, then those gasps turned into questions.
“When the bullying started, I thought it wasn’t going to last, a few bruises here and there, getting pushed into lockers, yeah it hurt at the start, it still does, but no one noticed, no one really cared” He huffed out, avoiding eye contact with everyone who was willing to look at him, he felt disqusting, worthless, stupid.
“Kurt you know that’s not true, we all care, we still do” that was Rachel, his bestfriend, who was hardly there when this bullying started, sure she was worried, yeah it was all the glee clubs idea plus her to ‘beat up’ karofsky.
“Tell me what I did wrong, tell me, tell me why I got hate-kissed, what about all the bruises, being shoved into lockers every 2 minutes, idiots ringing up my dad to call me a fag over the phone, I felt so ashamed, I got shoved so hard once I had a concussion, I got tossed into dumpsters, threatened to be killed, why did all this happen to me, go on, tell me” Kurt angered, actually it was more than anger, it was self-hate, after all this time he still hated himself, hates everything, except maybe one thing.
“Baby..” that was Blaine now, his boyfriend, his ‘one thing’, the boy he was so deeply and madly in love with, “Baby you didn’t do anything wrong”
Kurt just sniffed in return, forcing the tears to not fall, then Blaine was behind him, opening his legs and inviting Kurt in his embrace arms circling him around his tiny tiny waist, trying his best to make him feel loved, beautiful, safe.
“Death threats lead me to small self-harm but it was still self-harm, to starving myself, to eventually trying to kill myself” Blaine’s grip tightened around him, breathing becoming faster and more off beat.
“What happened?” Mercedes. His other bestfriend. The person he first came out to, she was the only one of the few people he trusted with his life.
“I had it ready, I had the blade, the one where I self harmed myself before, from my dads old razor, my dad just had a heart attack, he was in a coma, didn’t know when he was going to wake up,” the tears, there they were, streaming down his face, “I did it. It wasn’t deep enough, I got scared, so so so scared”
Soft sobs were heard from where Tina was sitting, a soft comforting hand rubbing over her back.
Blaine’s thumb was brushing over the cut on Kurt’s wrist, it was still there, healed up abit, not nearly enough.
“Alas, I was still scared, but, I tried it again, well.. was going to try it again, until something amazing happened, that I never thought would” He was smiling, finally, remembering everything that had accoured from then and now.
He took a deep breath, composing himself, “Blaine happened”
Smiles replacing the tears, “and I’m so glad I didn’t go through with it, because if I had I wouldn’t of transferred to Dalton, to Blaine”
“I love you, Kurt”
“I love you, Blaine”.