The first time they see each other after the break up is a little over a month later, with thanksgiving. They’re in Burt and Carole’s living room, at a party Sam and Artie initiated. Kurt hates that, that he calls it Burt and Carole’s living room now, instead of his own.

Home is where the heart is. Kurt almost laughs at that expression. Home is where your own bed, mattress and pillow are is what it should be. His shoulders and back are killing him, the cheap mattress Burt bought for when Kurt comes over is a joke, and the pillow is too flat. The bed is too small and he’s been close to falling out of it more than he likes to admit.
He’s dying to go back to New York, to his own soft, big bed with the perfect pillow. But mostly he wants to go back to New York and home because that’s exactly where his heart is not.

His heart is sitting on the other end of the sofa, sipping beer and verging on the edge of drunk. His heart takes form in the boy named Blaine Anderson and Kurt can tell Blaine’s on the edge of drunk because he knows him too well. Blaine is running his hand through his hair and a sober Blaine Anderson would never do so. Even if he isn’t Kurt’s boyfriend anymore, he’s still Blaine with the ridiculous curls and the even greater ridiculous amount of gel to keep them under control. Blaine doesn’t notice Kurt staring at him, or pretends not to, as he laughs carelessly at whatever joke new best friend Brittany S. Pierce just told him.


He hates that he didn’t know about this best friend, that they are apparently the ‘sunshine twins’, with Sugar Motta hanging with them and trying to belong. The entirety of New Directions, both graduated and new members, are sitting in the living room and none of them seem to notice Kurt. Mercedes and Sam are tucked away in a corner, listening to something on Mercedes’s Ipod (and seriously, how can they hear it with how loud this music is?) and Puckerman (no, it's Noah, there are two Puckermans now) is sitting with the other Puckerman, both gulping beer a lot less elegantly than Blaine does, bonding over ‘how this beer is so much better than their father’s’.
Finn and Rachel are staring at each other, Rachel next to Kurt and Finn on the other end of the room, as far away as he can get. He knows they want each other and he knows they can’t because Rachel’s with Brody now and (dear god he’s not allowed to think this because Finn is his brother), Brody is so much better for her. So they keep staring at each other and not taking in any of their surroundings.
Santana is laughing along with Sugar and Blaine to whatever story Brittany is telling and Kurt can’t honestly care less about where the rest of the people are or what they are doing, because Blaine’s cheeks are flushed and his hand keeps running through his hair where the curls come loose.

So Kurt, who allows himself alcohol now he has a job and lives away from his parents, drinks from the weird mix of vodka and something fruity drink Artie has made him. Really, that’s all he does. Well, that and staring at Blaine, trying too hard to not remember how those pretty pink lips look wrapped around his cock. Yet, the harder he tries not to remember, the harder he does (and the harder he gets, despite the alcohol).

It’s stupid, it’s not like he’s still completely heartbroken over Blaine. Really, he is not. He even kissed a guy at a NYADA party Rachel took him to last week. And it wasn’t entirely unpleasant. It wasn’t on Blaine level of awesome, but it was a cute guy who kissed him with tongue and told him he was hot. Still, now he sits here with Blaine so close he could reach out and touch and it really is all he wants to do. Touch. And feel.

He closes his eyes, thinking things like Rachel in pajamas, Finn’s porn collection, Sue Sylvester in a cheerios uniform, Sebastian Smythe in a tutu. But somehow these thoughts become Rachel in pajamas walking in on us, Sue Sylvester giving Blaine a cheerios uniform, Blaine jerking off to Finn’s porn collection and a threesome with Sebastian Smythe. Fuck, Kurt never knew alcohol made him so horny he could mix Sue Sylvester in a fantasy. He’s also not sure how long he’s closed his eyes and tried to cool down for, because when he opens them the entire room has changed.

Santana and Brittany are making out on the coffee table (and Kurt’s so glad his dad and Carole are in DC for the night), Sam and Mercedes are now next to him on the couch and Quinn and Teen Jesus are kissing goodbye at the door, Teen Jesus still having a curfew and not allowed to spend a night away from home.

The new girl that looks a little like Rachel in sophomore year and the new Puckerman are singing a duet in the kitchen and Kurt can’t find Blaine until he looks right down in front of him. Blaine has settle his back against the couch, between Kurt’s legs and Kurt wonders when he even spread them so wide Blaine would fit there. Without thinking Kurt tangles his fingers in Blaine’s now completely loose curls, massaging Blaine’s scalp the way he knows Blaine likes. Somewhere in his fogged mind he hears the words ‘don’t’ and ‘bad idea’ pop up, but the way Blaine immediately and shamelessly moans to his touch have him forget all about right and wrong or good and bad, instead he focusses on those noises and how they would sound even better upstairs in the horrible bed.

He lets his hands move from Blaine’s head to his shoulders and kneads at them firm and secure, fingers lingering a bit longer than necessary on the perfect curve of neck-turns-to-collarbone and then all the pretense of this being a friendly neck rub is gone and he ducks forward to suck on that particular spot.

Blaine’s moans come even louder now, so loud that people stop and turn to see what they are doing. Kurt wants to tell them something, but Blaine beats him too it.

“Let’s go to your room,” he says, “we need to talk.”

So Kurt follows him up the stairs and into his room. He closes the door behind him and sees Blaine looking around a little lost.

“This is not your room anymore,” he says.

“Yeah it is.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Blaine…,” Kurt all but whines, because what else can he say, or do?

“There’s no pictures of us.”

“You broke up with me.”

Maybe it’s too accurate, or too painful, maybe Blaine doesn’t want to deal with this but a tiny bit of Kurt hopes it is actual regret what makes Blaine surge forward and attack Kurt’s lips the way he does.

It’s so familiar and perfect, yet unfamiliar and broken at the same time. Blaine tastes the same, he feels the same and he sounds the same, but he doesn’t move the same. He moves more frantically, desperately, as he clings to Kurt’s clothes. And that’s when Kurt realizes why Sam had been so persistent in asking both him and Finn if they were okay with doing this at their house. He’d offered more than once to have the party at Artie’s, but Finn and Kurt had argued that would be stupid, since Artie’s parents would be home and Burt and Carole would be gone.

But Sam had thought further ahead than either of them, they have beds here, places to go with their exes. Places they shouldn’t be going and yet Kurt is here, going exactly there.

Blaine is still clutching at Kurt’s t-shirt as they fall to the mattress that is too hard to fall on like this, but he doesn’t care, he has Blaine on top of him. He knows Blaine said they should talk, but talk can come later. Right now he needs to get Blaine’s stupid bow tie undone and his shirt off, and then he pops the button on Blaine’s jeans and he hears the zipper make a protesting sound as he squeezes his hand in Blaine’s briefs without unzipping it.

Blaine isn’t as hard as Kurt expected him to be, but wriggles himself out of his jeans all the more eagerly. Kurt wraps a firm hand around Blaine’s half-hard cock and pumps it gently to completely hard, all the while kissing Blaine’s lips, his neck, his collarbone, lips again, neck, collarbone. He jerks Blaine off and it feels completely too dry and too rough, but he didn’t really expect to have Blaine here and in his bed so there’s no lube and so he uses just his dry hand. Blaine doesn’t complain, though, Blaine whines and mumbles incoherent things, moans softly and slowly rolls his hips to fuck himself in the tight circle of Kurt’s hand. All the while Kurt rubs himself on Blaine’s leg, erection straining painfully against the zipper of his skinny jeans.

He’s not really aware of how long he keeps stroking Blaine, or if he’s even doing a particularly good job of it, because he’s too distracted keeping his lips attached to every part of Blaine, too busy trying to focus on anything and everything through the fog in his brain. So when Blaine’s back arches of the bed and a string of curse words comes out of his mouth, Kurt is surprised to say the least. Even more so surprised when the white streaks end up over his hand and on the shirt Kurt’s still wearing.

“Fuck,” Blaine mumbles, “sorry.”

Kurt wants to protest, say it doesn’t matter but Blaine doesn’t give him the chance. Instead, he pulls it off Kurt and then flips them around so he’s on top. He opens the button and zipper on Kurt’s jeans and pulls them down together with his boxers.

“Can I..”

“Please,” Kurt begs, not even giving Blaine the chance to finish and then without any build up or teasing, Blaine’s mouth is on his hard dick and sucking eagerly. It’s a little bit over-sensitive at first, but Kurt doesn’t have the heart to ask Blaine to go slow. It’s been too long since he’s felt Blaine’s mouth and it’s too perfect to care about sloppiness or sensitivity.

And because it’s been so long, and possibly because he’s actually completely drunk, he gets lost in the feeling of Blaine’s mouth, thrusts his hips up the way he never did when they were still together. Blaine lets him fuck his mouth, moans even when he does so. The fact that he is actually fucking Blaine’s mouth, together with the vibrations that Blaine’s moaning cause, he is right there on the edge too fucking soon for someone with this amount of alcohol in their blood. Also, because of the alcohol and the absolute bliss of being here in an uncomfortable bed with Blaine, he forgets to warn him and comes right in Blaine’s mouth.

“Shit, sorry,” Kurt mumbles and this time it’s Blaine who says it doesn’t matter, right as he uses Kurt’s bed sheet to wipe a streak of cum from the corner of his mouth.

Blaine crawls up the bed, takes the duvet that was pushed down with him and kisses Kurt once on the mouth before he curls himself up to Kurt’s side.

A little voice somewhere deep inside Kurt’s head says they should talk, but Blaine’s chest is already rising and falling evenly and so Kurt decides talking is overrated for now, talking can come after sleep. He closes his eyes and lets pleasant dreams claim him.

Talk never comes, because when Kurt wakes up with a pounding head, Blaine is gone. His clothes are gone and the only proof Kurt has of that this actually happened is the cum stain on his shirt. He doesn’t wash the shirt, instead he tucks it away in the suitcase he’ll soon take home to New York.

And he goes back to his life in New York. He tries to call Blaine about five times, but then gives up. It was a mistake, obviously, a drunken recapture of what could have been. That’s all there was to it and Kurt gets over it surprisingly easily.

He falls back into his life in New York as if he never saw Blaine, let alone came in his mouth. He groans at Rachel’s inability to cook and takes the batteries out of the fire alarm because their ventilation sucks and it blasts every time they do so much as boil an egg. Kurt enjoys his internship with his wonderful boss Isabelle about as much as he enjoys the perks of living above a Starbucks. He feels important when he gets his coffee and takes the subway to work, like he is exactly where he belongs.

Every other day he skypes with his father and Carole, tells them he misses them even if it’s starting to become less and less true every time he says it. He belongs in New York, he is home.

On every Saturday night Rachel drags Kurt along to either a party thrown by a NYADA student or a bar in which they are always the oldest to be there, despite not being 21 yet. He kisses boys at the parties, he’s kissed five boys now that aren’t Blaine. Not that he’s keeping count, or anything.

And then it’s Christmas.

He’s back in Ohio and at the family dinner table on Christmas day when Finn announces Blaine is holding a ‘reunion’ for the glee club on boxing day. Kurt’s not sure what to think of it and wants to be hurt that he’s not invited, but then Finn says that Blaine asked him to ask Kurt.

That hurts even worse, the fact that Blaine can’t do so much as to add him to an event on Facebook. He still goes to the ‘reunion’ though, because the promise of seeing Mercedes and Santana and Quinn is more important than avoiding Blaine who just left him after really bad and awkward drunken sex.

The party is even more awkward than Kurt had expected. Blaine’s parents came home unexpectedly and so now they’re just sitting there, talking and trying to catch up without Blaine’s parents catching on to the fact that they’re sexually active and just want to know who’s banging who at the moment.

Secretly Kurt is grateful that they’re not talking about that, because he doesn’t want to tell them in front of Blaine that he’s kissed a few guys and wasn’t appalled by it. He doesn’t want Blaine to know he’s figured out that college parties are a great place for meeting guys, if they are musical theatre colleges at least. Everyone heads home at a decent time, but Finn and Sam keep hanging around. Partly because Sam is now Blaine’s best friend and Kurt wants to ask ‘what happened to the sunshine twins?’, but he doesn’t. It’s not his place anymore. Mostly they hang around because Kurt knows Finn is hoping Rachel will show up. He’s told Finn a hundred times that she isn’t, she’s in Iowa to visit her grandmother, but Finn refuses to accept that Kurt knows more about her life now than he does.

When finally Finn accepts Rachel is not coming, he beckons for Sam and Kurt to follow him home.

“You’re not staying, Kurt?” Mrs. Anderson asks in a surprised voice that has Kurt spinning around so hard he gets black spots in front of his eyes.

“I didn’t know he was allowed to stay,” Blaine says as if that’s honestly the reason Kurt’s walking out.

“I told you last year honey, that Kurt was allowed to stay over the moment you turned eighteen.”

And it’s true, she did. Kurt has a feeling she knows Kurt stayed over often before, since both Mr. and Mrs. Anderson and his father and Carole are out of town a lot, but she had pressed she didn’t want that ‘stuff’ happening with her in the house until Blaine was of age.

Kurt wants to protest, wants to say it’s really inappropriate but Mrs. Anderson won’t let him. She insists Kurt stays the night, insists Blaine has something for him to wear and that they have plenty extra toothbrushes he can borrow. Sam claps Kurt on the shoulder and winks, tells him he and Finn will inform Burt and god Kurt just wants to disappear into the ground.

Instead he finds himself in Blaine’s room, dressed in a pair of Blaine’s sweatpants and an oversized Dalton t-shirt.

“Why didn’t you tell them?” He asks Blaine.

“You know them, the second I say we broke up they’ll think I’m straight and it was a phase and they won’t accept me.”

“Well, for someone who’s so unaccepting, your mom was really convincing in insisting me to stay the night.”

“I’m sorry,” Blaine says, “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

Kurt doesn’t argue, he’ll let Blaine sleep on the floor even if they should be able to sleep in a bed together. He’s pissed and feels like Blaine deserves to sleep on the floor. He knows how scared Blaine is that his father will go back to not accepting him, but he also feels like it’s exaggerated and that even if that was the case, it’s not Kurt’s business anymore. It stopped being Kurt’s business when Blaine broke up with him.

Blaine broke up with him and yet he’s here, in Blaine’s bed, in Blaine’s clothes, dealing with Blaine’s inability of telling his parent’s the truth.

He hears Blaine shiver on the cold floor next to the bed and takes a deep breath before telling him it’s okay to come into the bed. Maybe in September he’d let Blaine sleep on the floor, but it’s the dead of winter and the room is cold.

Blaine still shivers as he lies on the edge of the bed, rubbing his legs and hands together, desperately trying to get warm. It annoys Kurt and so he does the wrong thing and extends his arms.

“Come here,” he says, “this shivering won’t help you get to sleep. I’ll warm you up.”

Blaine moves into his arms with only a hint of hesitation.

“This is a bad idea,” he says as he pillows his head on Kurt’s chest.

Kurt immediately starts rubbing his arm up and down, pulling Blaine as close as possible. Blaine’s always been easily cold and Kurt’s done this a million times before.

“Horrible,” he whispers.

They lay like that for what feels like hours, staring ahead and saying over and over again that they shouldn’t, it’s a bad idea, it’s a horrible idea even.

But then, and neither knows who started it and why it even happens, they’re kissing and their clothes are gone and hands are everywhere.

It’s different than last time, where things were frantic and awkward and clumsily drunk. This time they’re sober, they know what they’re doing and they know what they want. Kurt wants it to last this time, wants it be memorable. The last time should always be memorable. This is goodbye.

He works Blaine open slowly, carefully, with too much lube and not enough time. He makes sure Blaine won’t be in pain, since it’s been a long time. He uses his finger, his tongue and all his patience to make this good for Blaine, to make this last.

And then it’s his turn, Blaine helps him get the condom on and spreads his legs.

“Please,” he begs the same way Kurt did last time, and Kurt can only grant him his wish so he enters in one, long smooth stroke.

He thrusts softly, slowly, like the first time and it’s almost as if they make love. He lowers his body over Blaine’s and lays down so that his chest is laying on top of Blaine’s. He tangles his hands in Blaine’s hair and starts thrusting harder. Blaine’s dick is caught between the two of them and starts to get hard again. Kurt pauses shortly to lube it up, making it easier to fuck Blaine and stimulate his cock at the same time.

“You feel so good, Blaine,” he whispers, “so perfectly tight for me.”

He thrusts a few more times and that’s it, he comes before Blaine has the chance to. It’s sudden and not as intense as he’d hoped his last time with Blaine to be, but it’s inside Blaine and that’s really all that counts. He rides out his orgasm and pulls out.

He takes off the condom and ties it up, before throwing it in the direction of the trash can.

Without asking Blaine if it’s okay, he ducks and takes Blaine into his mouth completely, sucking eagerly and so soon Blaine comes inside of Kurt. It’s the perfect goodbye, finally getting to know what Blaine tastes like when he comes.

Again, they fall asleep without talking and when Kurt wakes up at five in the morning he silently gets dressed and leaves. The only proof Blaine will have of that it really happened is the condom on the floor next to the trash can. Just like Kurt still has his come stained shirt in the back of his closet.

New York seems even more real when he gets back this time, and he spends the first two days catching up on sleep in his own and perfect bed. He hasn’t heard from Blaine since he snuck out and he isn’t even waiting on it either.

Instead, he lives his life the way he planned it. He grabs coffee in the morning, goes to work to have an awesome time with his mentor, he has lunch with the receptionist in a cute caf� down the street, goes back to work and goes grocery shopping after work. He cooks most of the days, waits for Rachel to come home and they eat together.

During the weekends they pretend to both be students as Brody takes them to the ‘cool places’. Brody knows a lot about New York and a few of Brody’s classmates become their friends.

When two of Brody’s friends insist they hit a gay club, Kurt really doesn’t protest and when they get there he’s pleasantly surprised. If he thought scandals wasn’t scandalous, he’d obviously never been in here. It’s a cocktail bar, the music isn’t too loud and the people are all classy. The furniture is gorgeous and trendy and just the way Kurt likes it.

Brody’s friend orders him a cosmopolitan and Kurt drinks it as if it’s lemonade. And another one, and another one. The buzz is nice, it’s welcome and he is honestly enjoying this night with Brody’s friend whose name he can’t remember.

And then he’s kissing the boy whose name he can’t remember, they’re just sitting in a booth with cocktails in their hands and kissing. It’s a nice kiss, an intoxicating one even and Kurt lets it happen. He’s kissed other boys that weren’t Blaine before, but never boys he’d already known. Never boys he’d see again. Now this boy he’ll definitely see again.

Brody’s other friends say goodbye and take the subway back to NYADA dorm rooms, but Kevin (Kurt thanks Brody’s other friends for using his name when they said goodbye), Brody, Rachel and Kurt head to the apartment. They get into bed and when Kevin reaches for Kurt’s pants Kurt can’t help but stop him. He feels stupid, since he’s the one who invited Kevin over, but Kevin says it’s okay if they just cuddle and sleep, and so they do.

They meet again the next week and the next and the next and eventually Kurt is ready and they do more, they go further. Kurt let’s Kevin touch him and he falls apart underneath him. Kevin knows what he is doing, knows how to touch and how to feel and how to make a boy come completely undone, and so eventually Kurt has to break up with him because his skill level freaks him out.

Kevin isn’t heartbroken, per se, but he still looks sad and Kurt can’t help but feel guilty.

Kurt goes out more after that, now that he’s broken the boundary of just Blaine who’s touched him there, it’s easier to kiss guys he doesn’t know, let them touch him and make him fall apart. Alcohol really does make him horny and makes his boundaries disappear and so he gets to know a quickie in a bathroom and a passionate one night stand. None of them are Blaine, but they satisfy his needs now and that’s really all he cares about.

He has a sex life, and a work life and a social life. Kevin turns out to be a great friend now they’re not busy kissing and cuddling and fucking, and Brody and Rachel are a really cute couple to hang out with. Isabelle is an amazing mentor and an even better friend. She laughs at Kurt’s stories and lives through his concurs. She tells him to enjoy it, and how much she wishes she was still young and unattached.

He doesn’t say he wishes he was her age and attached, with kids and a dog and waking up to adorable black curls in the morning. Because even if he thinks about it daily, it isn’t want he wants anymore. It can’t be.

So with all this excitement going on in New York, April comes too fast and Kurt and Rachel are on a plane to Ohio, happy to attend Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury’s wedding.

Ms. Pillsbury is wearing a god-awful dress and Kurt’s just happy Isabelle isn’t here, because they’d be laughing at the dress too much to pay attention to the actual wedding going on.

It’s just that the bow on her head is too big for her and there’s too much lace and not enough form-fitting. Kurt hates that working in the fashion world has made him even more critical about clothing than he already was, but he pushes that and all other thoughts aside when he catches Blaine staring at him.

For some reason he’s mad, angry, enraged even. How does Blaine dare to sit here and attend his teacher’s wedding. Stupid Blaine who changed schools for him and made Kurt’s life their life and now Blaine’s life. It seemed like such a good idea when they were together and now it’s just a terrible mistake.

If Blaine had stayed at Dalton he wouldn’t have been here. Or at the thanksgiving party. He would’ve never thrown a reunion party that had Kurt forced to stay the night.

Hell, if Blaine had stayed at Dalton they would have been used to long-distance and they would’ve fucking made it. If Blaine had stayed at Dalton they wouldn’t have been so spoiled with seeing each other every day, so they would’ve been okay with Kurt’s moving to New York. If Blaine would have stayed at Dalton he would have been at the thanksgiving party, and the reunion, and this wedding. But as his boyfriend, rather than his ex.

Kurt is angry and upset and on the verge of crying, still staring at Blaine as he slips out of the bench and finally he takes his eyes off Blaine to run to the back of the church, finding a small room next to the entrance where he lets the sobs release.

Behind him the door slams and when he turns around he sees Blaine, eyes alight with fire and passion and they don’t even have to say anything as they rush forward and cling to each other.

Things go fast from there, Blaine backs Kurt up and pushes him down on the table standing in the corner of the room, and hovers over him. Kurt shoves himself up so he’s lying completely and Blaine tries to climb over him but fails. They kiss, hard and painful. Blaine’s teeth knock hard against Kurt’s mouth and he wouldn’t be surprised if he bleeds.

Blaine rids both of them from their clothes, ungracefully so, but Kurt can’t even care that his buttons go flying everywhere. All he needs is more and now and god please.

Blaine jerks him off roughly, too dry without lube but still completely perfect.

“Let me suck you,” Blaine whispers and Kurt wants to say yes, yes, yes, but he doesn’t.

“We can’t,” he says instead, as he takes Blaine’s dick in his hand and matches the rhythm of Blaine’s strokes, “just hands today.”

Blaine looks confused for a second, but keeps pumping and doesn’t attempt more.

It’s Blaine who comes first this time, as he still awkwardly has one knee on the table from when he tried to climb over Kurt, and as he shoots over Kurt he keeps pumping Kurt. It takes about five more minutes for Kurt to come and he’s embarrassed, they’ve never come this long apart.

“You’ve been with others,” Blaine says and it’s not an accusation or a question. Just a statement.

“Yes.”

Blaine puts on his pants without his boxers, and pulls his shirt over his head. He storms out before Kurt can warn him about his sex hair.

When Kurt walks back out into the church he realizes what they’ve just done and he starts giggling. It’s probably the wrong reaction to hate sex. Or anger sex, or whatever it was. But he’s just had gay anger sex with his ex before marriage in a church in Ohio and no matter how serious the situation is, he laughs because if he thought about what weird things he’d do in his life, this would’ve never been an option.

They don’t look at each other the rest of the day and they don’t talk to each other on facebook or skype or whatever.

Kurt stops sleeping around with so many boys, because the fact that he couldn’t just do with a person he trusted (because yes, he trusted Blaine even if he was angry), scared him. He gets himself tested and it turns out he’s safe.

He talks to Kevin about what he’s done in the past few months and Kevin tells him it’s okay to explore and to want to be a little more experienced and educated. Kevin kisses him again, but it’s different this time. It’s as if he wants to say he’s okay either way.

That’s eventually what they become, good friends who occasionally kiss and something more. Friends with benefits, Rachel calls it. Kurt’s surprised she’s not freaked out about it, but thinks he really shouldn’t be. She’s changed a lot since she started college.

Isabelle warns him not to get too attached, tells him friends with benefits always turn out to be a disaster. One always falls in love, she says, but Kurt makes sure it’s not him. He doesn’t even know if he really can love anymore.

Kevin is amazing, he’s good in bed and satisfies Kurt’s needs, but he’s also very rational and knows when Kurt just needs to vent about his life, about what he’s left behind in Ohio and what he’s getting over.

Sam calls late May to invite Kurt and Rachel to graduation and they go. Rachel’s going home for the summer, but Kurt can only get a week off from work. Kevin and Brody come with them to the airport, and as Brody and Rachel share a heartfelt goodbye, Kevin talks to Kurt.

“Try not to have sex with your ex this time,” he says and Kurt smiles an untrue smile.

“Why?”

“It’s not good for your health if you keep stressing yourself out like that.”

Kevin takes Kurt’s hand.

“Do you love me?” Kurt asks.

“What?”

“Are you in love with me?”

Kevin hesitates.

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt says, “I can’t promise I won’t sleep with Blaine. We agreed this was a friends with benefits thing. I really like you, Kevin, but that’s all. You’re amazing, you deserve someone who likes you as much as you like them.”

“I just want you.”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt says again, and Rachel is at his side and tugging on his arm, which means he really has to go. There’s no way Rachel would leave Brody a second before she absolutely had to.

On the plane Kurt thinks about what he’s just done. Kevin’s amazing, he’s sweet and caring and absolutely perfect boyfriend material. And he’s in love with Kurt.

Yet, Kurt turned him down. And why? Because he couldn’t promise not to sleep with Blaine. Because he wants to sleep with Blaine.

He got himself tested, stopped sleeping around and always used protection since the last time he and Blaine couldn’t do anything because of his sleeping around.

Blaine’s graduated, and Finn told him Blaine’s accepted at NYU. Blaine’s coming to New York.

Kurt sits in the auditorium next to Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, who look confused. Apparently Blaine finally told them about the break up.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t work things out,” Mrs. Anderson says to him, “must be hard to break up at a wedding.”

Kurt just thanks her, isn’t even surprised when he finds out how long Blaine kept up the pretense, instead he waits for graduation to be over. It takes all too long.

Finally, he follows Mr. and Mrs. Anderson to where Blaine is talking to Sugar and Brittany, and watches Blaine’s parents be proud of him and congratulate him. They’ll think it’s a phase, they won’t accept me anymore, my ass.

Then Blaine spots Kurt and apologizes to his friends and parents (his friends, not theirs anymore) and beckons Kurt to follow him to an empty classroom.

“Let’s just get this over with,” he says as he starts taking off his graduation gown.

“What?”

“You know, let’s have sex so you can go back to New York and I can continue my life.”

Kurt looks appalled.

“Is that really what you think I’m coming here for?”

“Well, that’s what we’ve been doing every time you were in Ohio, haven’t we?”

Blaine has a point, he really does, but Kurt has a speech and that speech is far more important than Blaine’s point.

“I’m sorry I slept around,” Kurt starts, “but really I’m not. You’re the one who broke up with me, so I had a right to do whatever I pleased. The thing is, I didn’t really want to sleep around. I wanted you to be in New York but you weren’t. I wanted you to be my boyfriend but you weren’t, so I decided to not have a boyfriend at all and just get my fix any other way. It was stupid. I realized that when you stormed out last time, after we jerked off together in a church.”

Blaine laughs a little when he says it and as Kurt sees Blaine laugh, he can’t help but laugh too. And then they laugh a little louder, and even louder. They laugh until they clutch their sides and then they’re serious again, not even talking about what’s so funny.

“After you stormed out I felt so stupid, because I didn’t know whether or not I was safe and that’s not who I am. I’m a control freak and somehow I lost that. The second I got to New York I had myself tested and I promise Blaine, it was just blow jobs and hand jobs and never more than that, but still I didn’t know I was safe until I did. We still weren’t talking and I met this amazing guy named Kevin, but he asked me not to sleep with you before I left and I couldn’t promise him that.”

“You’re telling me you want to cheat on your new boyfriend with me?” Blaine asks.

“No, I’m telling you I couldn’t promise him I wouldn’t sleep with you, because I don’t want to promise him that. I want to promise you that I won’t sleep with him or anyone. I want to promise you that it’s you and only you. Because it is, Blaine, it’s only you.”

“Kurt.”

“I know it’s all wrong. I know you were the one to break up with me and that you should be asking for me back, but I’m telling you that you’ve made a horrible mistake. You broke up with me because you couldn’t handle the distance, but now you’re coming to New York and I still love you and I hope you still love me, because in that case we can work it out.”

“I still love you.”

It’s all Blaine says and it’s perfect. Finn is driving Sam’s stuff back to Kentucky with Sam, Carole and Burt are in DC and so they return to the comfort of –not so much- Kurt’s room.

“I don’t have lube or condoms,” Kurt says, but Blaine has a mischievous grin and pulls a few packets of travel-sized lube and two condoms from his jeans.

“I sort of expected us to do something,” he says all shy and blushing, but Kurt can’t honestly care because they can actually do this.

“When we do this, it will be real, right?” He asks, “we’ll be back together and keep talking and I won’t wake up to an empty bed tomorrow?”

Blaine looks up again, cheeks still flushed but eyes now alight with hope and love.

“I promise.”

It’s all Kurt needs to close the gap between them. They kiss softly, sweetly and oh so familiar. It’s needy and passionate at the same time, and they keep kissing for a long time, just kissing. There’s no rush, not this time.

They undress each other tenderly and caringly. Blaine even goes as far as folding Kurt’s clothes for him, even when Kurt promises him it isn’t necessary.

“I broke your shirt last time,” Blaine whispers, “let me feel as if I’m making up for that.”

So even if it takes time in which Kurt rather would be holding Blaine and kissing him, he lets him fold his shirt and his pants and in turn he kisses Blaine deeply and whispers a thousand thank you’s.

There is a bit of an argument as to who’ll do what (I want to feel you tomorrow – but I want to feel you), but it doesn’t take longer than thirty seconds to decide they’ll take turns.

Kurt laughs under his breath at the amount of lube Blaine has brought, but as he works his fingers inside of Blaine he’s actually grateful. He knows Blaine wants to feel him tomorrow, but he can’t honestly bear to hurt him. So he doesn’t.

Blaine straddles Kurt’s lap and lowers himself onto Kurt’s cock, rocks softly up and down and fucks him like there’s no tomorrow. They hold each other close and whisper I love you, I love you, please don’t stop, don’t ever let me go again and maybe it’s too sappy, but it’s perfect.

Blaine pulls off Kurt before he or Kurt get the chance to come, and beckons Kurt to lay down on his back. Kurt does what Blaine tells him to without hesitation, trusts him like he is the only person in the world he could ever trusts. Maybe because he is.

Blaine situates himself between Kurt’s legs and licks a long stripe over his hole, he works him open with his tongue and two, then three, lubed fingers. He puts a condom on with struggle, his tongue never leaving Kurt as he does so.

And then he’s hovering over Kurt, saying I love you, I love you, I promise.

He pushes in slowly, holds still until Kurt begs him to move already and he fucks Kurt. Fucks him hard, as if that’s what he wanted to do all year long.

And he probably did.

He fucks Kurt so hard Kurt knows he’ll feel it tomorrow and fuck if that isn’t exactly what he wanted and asked for. He claws at Blaine’s back and digs his nails into the flesh, marks him with scratches and bites hard on that collarbone, makes sure Blaine will feel him too, though in a different way.

Blaine fucks him just right, exactly the way Blaine knows Kurt likes it and it’s also the precise point where Kurt wants to start begging that Blaine reaches down between them and takes Kurt’s cock in his hand. He pumps fast, in time with his thrusts and before Kurt can begin to phantom what is happening, he is rock hard and right there on the edge with Blaine.

“You’re perfect,” Blaine whispers and then tips over, slamming once, twice more and staying deep inside Kurt as his body shocks out the intensity of his orgasm.

His fist clenches tight around Kurt’s cock and the way his body shocks makes his softening dick hit that exact right spot inside of Kurt. That combined with the sounds Blaine is erupting right next to his ear, make Kurt come harder than he ever has before.

It takes them a few minutes to catch their breath and Kurt winces visibly the second Blaine pulls out, immediately left feeling empty.

Blaine’s body never truly leaves his, though, as soon as he’s tied off and thrown the condom in the direction of the trashcan, he collapses fully on top of Kurt. It’s almost as if everything between them is as perfect as the sex they just had. Kurt knows it’s not, he knows there’s a lot to talk about a lot to work on, but he’s ready. He just hopes Blaine is too.

“Kurt?” Blaine asks.

“Yeah?”

“If I ever leave you again, will you please either smack me or just come with me?”

“I promise.”