Kurt stood in front of the door to Finns room. His hand was on the doorknob, ready to go inside even though a voice kept telling him not to. He looked around to see if someone saw that one lost tear roll down his cheek.

No one.

The hall was completely empty, only the smiling faces on the family portraits looked at him lovingly. Hed expected his dad, Carole or Blaine to come after him to tell him that everything would be okay again and that theyd get through this together.

He had excused himself from the Hudmel family reunion downstairs to "go to the bathroom" as he had said it. But it was just an excuse to go to Finns room, where everything was still the same as before Finn died.

He wiped the tear away, took a deep breath, opened the door and let it fall shut the moment he was inside.

It was weird to be here. The room looked as if Finn had gotten up too late again and had moved around the room like a tornado: his empty, unmade bed, his messy desk and the McKinley High Football-jacket that Finn gave a special spot in his room even after he graduated.

Kurt walked towards the bed and took the jacket off the hanger on the wall. It still smelled like Finn. Kurt couldnt contain the sudden tears and started sobbing loudly while he took the jacket from his lap and put it next to him so that his salty tears wouldnt ruin the soft, red polyester.

He looked up and wondered aloud if Finn could see him from up there. ‘A-are you up t-there with my m-mom, Finn? he sniffed.

He brushed the hair out of his face and his fingers lingered on the small scar on his forehead, right under his hairline. He was in that car with Finn when another car crashed into them. They couldnt save Finn anymore but Kurt only had a few bruises. Its so unfair.

There was a soft knock on the door and then: ‘Kurt? Are you in here?. Blaines voice sounded quieter but still as lovely as ever through the door.

‘Y-yeah, Kurt answered, barely louder than a whisper but Blaine came in anyway. He crouched down in front of Kurt and grabbed both of his hands.

‘Are you okay, baby? Blaine asked and thumbed Kurts knuckles.

‘N-no talk, Kurt said, J-just be here f-for me.

‘Okay, Blaine said and got up to sit down next to his fiancé. Kurt rested his head on Blaines shoulder and used the sleeve of his own sweater to wipe the tears away.

Kurt didnt care the tears were ruining his cashmere sweater, as long as they didnt ruin Finns jacket it was okay.

The corners of his mouth twitched up in a tiny smile when Blaine kissed the top of his head. He pulled back to look Blaine in the eyes. ‘I cant believe hes gone, he whispered.

Blaine grabbed Finns jacket and turned it over and over in a way that would, on other days, drive Kurt crazy. But not today. Today he cared about nothing. He stared at the jacket before Blaines quiet sobbing pulled him out of the trance he was in.

‘God, I miss him so much, Blaine said between sobs. He had been staying strong for Kurt all day and he had even told Kurt to stay strong for his dad and Carole. But now, Blaine had to let go. ‘I miss him so so much, he repeated himself while looking into his fiancés tear-filled but loving eyes.

Kurt couldnt stand to see Blaine cry and so he slipped his arms around him, letting him cry into his shoulder. ‘Oh honey, he said and kissed the spot under Blaines ear, ‘I miss him too, we all do.

‘But he hated me, Kurt, Blaine murmured against Kurts shoulder, ‘he hated me because I cheated on you. He never gave me the chance to apologize to him and now I never will. The last part were more whispers and sobs than real words but Kurt understood. He himself still had so many things to say to Finn and now it was too late.

‘Shh, its okay, Kurt cooed, ‘Im sure he forgives you wherever he is right now.

Blaine pulled back to look at Kurt and whispered: ‘I love you before reaching up to place a soft kiss on Kurts lips.

‘I love you too, Kurt said and pulled Blaine a little closer to him.

They just stayed there for God knows how long, saying nothing but a few whispered "its okay, honey, Im here with you"s until their sobs died down and there werent any more tears to be cried.

‘Do you want to go to my room? Kurt asked after Blaine snuggled into his side some more.

‘Yeah, Blaine whispered, ‘I miss Finn but this place is starting to give me the creeps.

‘Me too, Kurt said and stood up, causing Blaine to pull away. He extended his hand for Blaine to grab and together they went downstairs to Kurts room. They sat down on the bed and scooted towards the headboard until their backs rested against it.

It didnt take long before Blaines head was back on Kurts chest and he was snuggled up close again into Kurts side. ‘Everything okay, sweetheart? Kurt asked when Blaine let out a deep sigh.

‘Im so glad youre still here, Blaine said. He sat up a bit to trace the scar on Kurts face and then moved his hand down to cup his cheek. He thumbed Kurts lips as he melted into his touch.

‘Its so unfair, Kurt said, looking at Blaine with a guilty look on his face, ‘Finns dead and all I have is a eenie-meenie tiny scar! God couldve split the damage but no, Finn got the shit end of the bargain.

Blaine look at Kurt like his heart had just been shattered into pieces. ‘Are you saying that you shouldve been the one who died?

Kurt cupped Blaines face in both hands. ‘Oh no, no, honey I just... He took a deep breath, ‘some equality wouldve been nice. He basically sacrificed himself for me, Blaine, I feel so guilty.

‘Finn sacrificed himself? Kurt, what are you talking about? It was an accident, Blaine said, shaking his head.

Kurt sighed. ‘Finn insisted on giving me a ride home while he was supposed to go over to Rachels place, since she was in town too. I told him multiple times that Id get a cab but he didnt want that and... He stared at where his hands were clasped together in his lap but looked up when Blaines hands unclasped and held them.

‘And you couldnt stop him, Blaine said and continued when Kurt nodded shakily, ‘Thats why youre feeling so guilty. He placed a kiss on both of Kurts hands and said: ‘Honey, you did all you could. Finn was just being stubborn and even I know that you cant change Finn Hudsons mind when hes stubborn. There is nothing you can be blamed for.

‘But Blaine- He was shushed by Blaines finger on his lips.

‘Kurt, Im sure Finn forgave you just as he forgave me, Blaine said and pulled his finger away.

Kurts breath hitched in his throat. ‘Blaine, I-

‘Youre not guil-, Blaine was silenced by Kurts lips on his. He froze for a second but then kissed back. ‘What was that about? he asked breathlessly after Kurt stopped kissing him.

‘It was the only way to keep you from interrupting me, Kurt smiled and brushed some of Blaines curls behind his ear, ‘I was going to say that I wouldnt know what to do without you keeping me from going insane.

‘And I dont know what Id do if you died too. Youre my life, Kurtie, Blaine leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Kurt, ‘Youre my everything.

‘And youre everything I couldve wished for, Kurt whispered and turned his head to kiss Blaines temple. His hands were splayed out on Blaines back, keeping him close to him.

‘I love you so so much, Blaine murmured against the skin of Kurts neck, making Kurt shiver.

‘Oh sweetie, Kurts hand traveled up Blaines spine, ‘I love you too.

*****

‘Tell me, why didnt we move this bed to our place in New York? Blaine asked, plopping down on Kurts bed after a royal family dinner with the Hudmels.

‘Because, smartass, you cant take a bed on a plane and tying it to a car to drive it to New York isnt an option too, Kurt said and laid down next to his fiancé, tracing circles on Blaines chest, ‘Plus, Sam would probably yell "pivot, pivot, pivot!" the whole way on the stairs up to the apartment.

‘True, Blaine laughed and brushed some strands of hair out of Kurts beautiful face, ‘Feeling better than this afternoon?

‘Mhmm, yeah, Kurt hummed, ‘It was an accident, its not my fault.

‘Thats right, Blaine smiled, ‘And now I want to spend this evening with you and not think about today, okay? Just you and me. Right here, right now.

‘Sounds good to me, Kurt said and pressed a kiss to Blaines clothed chest.

‘Come up here, Blaine spread out his arms, inviting Kurt in for a hug. He moaned when Kurt cuddled up with him, throwing one leg over Blaine to keep him close while one arm was slung over Blaines chest. ‘Mmm, better.

They talked, laughed, kissed and they even watched In Time before they fell asleep a few hours later, Kurt wrapped up in Blaines arms with the blanket half-covering them.

*****

Images of the accident were still haunting Kurt day and night. It happened almost two months ago but the way he yelled "Finn, watch out!" was still clearly ringing in his ears. The images of Finns face etched into his memory for the rest of his life; his cold, dead eyes looking right at Kurts, the blood trickling down from his hairline. Sometimes he could still see the way Finns lifeless body was being held up by the seatbelt he wore in the nightmares he had.

But the nightmares were never like this.

Blaine woke up when he found out he could barely move. He opened his eyes and let them adjust to the lack of light before searching for what was holding him down. He heard a whimper and then a ‘no! coming from Kurt who normally looked so peaceful while he was asleep but now his eyebrows were furrowed and Blaine couldve sworn he saw a tear on Kurts cheek. And it were also Kurts arms that were almost painfully tight around Blaines chest that were holding him down.

‘Baby, he whispered, not wanting to wake Kurt rudely, ‘Kurtie, sweetie, its okay. He turned in Kurts arms as best as he could and brushed some sweat-damp hair out of Kurts face.

‘No! Kurt kept saying while holding onto Blaine like he was a lifeline. He stirred when Blaine grabbed his hand and kissed it.

‘Kurt, everythings okay honey, Blaine said when Kurt finally opened his ocean blue eyes.

‘B-Blaine? Kurt asked with a shaky voice.

‘Its me, baby, its me, Blaine assured, ‘You just had a nightmare.

‘I was so scared, Kurt whispered.

‘Shh, youre okay now. Im here with you, Blaine rubbed over Kurts back soothingly.

Kurt pressed a kiss to Blaines chest. ‘I thought I had lost you, he murmured against Blaines skin, ‘You were so close and I couldnt save you.

Blaine pulled back a little, trying to figure out what Kurt meant with that. ‘Can you tell me what happened? he eventually asked.

Kurt shook his head and moved even closer to Blaine. ‘No, its too hard.

‘Can I... Blaine started, ‘Can I guess then?

This time Kurt nodded. ‘Okay.

‘Did it have something to do with today? Blaine asked.

‘Yes, Kurt croaked out, feeling tears prickle in his eyes.

Blaine continued: ‘Was it about the accident?

A heartwrenching sob escaped Kurts throat. That was all Blaine needed for an answer. ‘Y-yes, Kurt cried and quickly told Blaine the story, ‘I-instead of F-Finn, y-you were in t-the car w-with me. Y-you smiled at m-me right b-before we crashed a-and the n-next t-thing I know y-you w-were... Kurt shook his head as if he could shake the image of a dead Blaine staring at him away.

‘Oh, Blaine said and kissed the top of Kurts head, ‘Baby, look at me.

Kurt looked up at Blaine while a tear rolled down his cheek. Blaine was alive. There was no blood, the concerned look in his eyes was focused on him instead of something far away in the distance and Blaines heart was beating. He was all Kurt ever wanted him to be. Alive. ‘Y-yeah?

‘Were okay, Blaine said and cupped Kurts cheek, ‘Im never leaving you, I cant leave you.

‘W-were okay, Kurt repeated, ‘I-it was j-just a dream.

‘Exactly, Blaine agreed, ‘No ones going to tear us apart. Im gonna stay with you forever.

‘P-promise? Kurt asked.

‘Promise, Blaine smiled and pecked Kurts forehead before moving to kiss him on the lips.